This guy (30M) and I (30F) have been texting nonstop for 3 weeks straight. Last week we went on 2 dates, 5+ hours each, lots of hand holding, laughing, good conversation, joking about our “future houses/holidays/pets” etc plus we didn’t want the dates to end. He went out of his way to drop me home both times (and also said he would always do this for me). He’s been consistent (daily texts, check ins, good mornings etc) and shown a lot of interest in me.
Our last date was on Sunday and he started a new intense job on Monday. I told him I would treat him this time and reciprocate my interest by planning date 3, to which he said he was looking forward. However when I asked him to tell me a night he was free, he only replied “I shall do” rather than a concrete answer - I put it down to him being focused on work than any disinterest. He checked in on my day afterwards despite being his first work day, but when I asked him back (and flirted a bit), he didn’t reply all day/night.
He finally messaged next morning with “promise to reply later” to which I jokingly replied “sorry I’ve lost all interest” (he knows my roasting when comfortable sense of humour) and then an hour later I texted to clarify it was of course a joke (We have an inside joke about the both of us being cut throat about things, so I was playing on this). I also realized tone can be misconstrued especially here, so again reassured him no way I have had a change of heart so quickly and have date 3 planned out for us.
I now noticed he unfollowed me on Instagram but didn’t remove me from his followers. he most likely did this before I clarified things - which I understand as my dumb joke could have come off as serious over text. I’ve also again messaged him an apology for my stupid joke and taken accountability.
I still haven’t received any response. The guilt is eating me up for messing up something potentially good due to my stupid humour have I blown it?
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Well, surely your humor was too confident, you claim you had your inner jokes but after only 2 dates plus in a moment where you could be actually concerned, it was definitely a very risky move. And he is probably not believing you were joking but that you overreacted then changed your mind in seeing he didn't respond... Because that -was- a situation where some girls could actually go passive aggressive to test the boundaries, and he maybe even experienced that already, most likely at his age. He probably thought you are emotionally unstable and he escaped far away from these signals.
On the other side, if he is not capable to give you a chance and believe you were joking for real, didn't bother verifying and having a talk with you, didn't bother setting his boundaries but rather ghosting and escaping, well... That also shows how badly he would handle conflicts and that is not a good sign either, for you. Or just, he wasn't interested anymore already and got the first occasion to quit it. Either way, he owes you an answer. You tested how far you can go with emotional instability, answer: nowhere; he can now test how far he can go with silent treatment if he wants to go abusive, answer: quite far. So since you are now the one in disadvantage he actually owes you a response, and you should take the lack of it like a big red flag rather than a way to measure how bad you are.
Do not go desperate with walls of text because it's repulsive, your last message may be to say that you were by no means trying to quit a good bond that was developing and that it would be very weird to quit it over a silly misunderstanding. But then, you should leave it as is, in silence. If he doesn't reach out for an entire week, I would say to take it like a "no", and to move on.
Lol, I understand why you might be freaking out but I don't think it's really that big of a deal. If you followed it up with texts, explaining then I'm sure he understands. Sure might have not been that great of a text to send, but I think you are fine there... If he actually liked you.
The thing is, I don't think this guy likes you as much as you like him.
Maybe it started that way, but my guess is if he is still out there dating other women, he found one he is more interested in than you.
I've been this guy before in my life. I was in my early 30s, and finally had some money, and a bit of confidence and the women followed. A lot of the stuff you said he is doing, texts and dropping you off / picking you up. Is not that difficult to do. To multiple women even. It can be a very fun and entertaining ego boost.
And it's stuff if you don't do, most women our age won't be interested in very long or won't want to have sex with you / consider you if you were interested. So you keep it up until you find someone you are more interested in. Then slowly fade away or end things. If he hadn't done that stuff you probably would have moved on.
I'm starting a new job that is too hectic for me to text you, sounds like the start of a fade away. If he really liked you he would find some time to hang out with you, even if it was just at someone's house.
So long story short, this guy doesn't like you that much, and you are trying too hard. If he didn't give you a day and isn't replying then I would act as if you aren't going to see this man anymore. Don't say anything and move on.
If he comes back, ask for an explanation, if it's good then you can see him again. If it sounds weird then trust it and move on.
A good thing to keep in mind for future texting though. If you feel you have to explain the inside joke, then it hasn't reached that status yet. It's too soon to rely on that to communicate that you are in fact joking.
You say that you have these inside jokes that he should understand, but it hasn't been that long and at the same time you are over-explaining it, and making it weird. Sounds like you just trying to justify it in your head.
You should always include an emoji or something to make it very clear you are joking if that is what you are trying to do. If he liked you he would let it slide, if he doesn't it's an excuse to end things or make it into an issue that will end things.
Well there's two possible answers to this conundrum. Either your sense or humor was too sensitive (which I hope not for the sake of men) or you were a fling before this intensive job. The latter seems as you poured it on with 3 dates planned..