Am I safe? what to do?

[Anonymous]

Even though he acts like he is not jealous, my partner actually is. Anyhow, I made friends with a guy I had never met before, and we used to chat amicably for hours as I assisted him with work-related tasks. We once spoke on the phone.

After a while, he began acting strangely and romantically, which prompted me to inform him that I would no longer respond because it was inappropriate... At which point, he began to threaten me. Even though I didn't want to continue replying to him for a variety of reasons as I became increasingly terrified, I did so anyway. I blocked him after he texted me once more and threatened that "it will be such a catastrophe if you will not answer."

Although my partner and I discussed it and he is okay with it, I still believe that I erred greatly by keeping that information from him. Can I fix this problem?

Update: This guy I became friends with is a bit psycho and has been acting very strangely. He sent me a screenshot of my boyfriend's profile and asked me who that was, adding, "If this motherfucker is a man, tell him to text me." What does that mean? and always said, "If you don't want to meet, I can find you," Should I be concerned?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

It's understandable to feel worried and concerned about the situation with the person you were chatting with. Their behavior, including romantic overtures and threats, is not acceptable and you have every right to protect yourself and block them from contacting you.

It's also understandable to feel guilty about not telling your partner about the friendship earlier, but it's important to remember that you did the right thing by ending the friendship when it became inappropriate and threatening. Moving forward, it may be helpful to have open and honest communication with your partner about your friendships and to establish clear boundaries for what is and isn't acceptable.

As for the situation with the other person, it's important to take their threats seriously and to consider taking steps to ensure your safety. This may include blocking them on all forms of communication, documenting any threatening messages or behavior, and potentially involving law enforcement if the situation escalates.

It's important to prioritize your safety and take any necessary steps to protect yourself. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for the mention, @lightbulb27 . You should defnitely report his threats to your local law enforcement and ask them about options for obtaining a restraining order. Since he is a coworker, a restraining order could cause problems at work, so you should also discuss this with your HR department. However, if the guy blames you for any consequences that befall him, a restraining order is unlikely to stop him from seeking revenge. I would advise you to purchase a handgun that is small enough for you to comfortably carry, get lessons on how to use the gun safely, obtain a concealed weapon permit, and then carry the handgun with you until the storm passes.

[Asker]

Thank you for your responses! They help me a lot! Do you think that if a month passed, he forgot? I mean... since I blocked him he didn't say anything anymore. Looking forward to reading your response

[OlderAndWiser]

There is a strong possibility he has mentally moved on, but we can't be certain just because of the amout of tim that has passed. Better to be careful.

[Asker]

you are so right. I read that you, Mr are a lawyer. May I ask you something? If a man is threatening you, does it mean that he is mentally unstable? Thank you!

[OlderAndWiser]

No, threatening behavior is sometimes a sign of psychotic behavior, but sometimes it is simply done to control or manipulate you.

[lightbulb27]

Yes, those are worthy of police report.

He's at a minimum "butt hurt" thinking he had a girlfriend or whatever, and he was instantly cut off and in terrible pain. He may be even worse than that, like have you hear of Jeffrey Dahmer... he couldn't handle separation. This guy needs to cry his eyes out and a therapist, but that's a long ways off.

I don't know how to fix it... Pray about it, possibly force. My approach is usually soft ball. take resposnibility for not being up front and hurting him, tell him there's someone better for him, but you and he not reality. tell him he will find his love, no more contact.

the other approach is threats and fear..

that's how I'd structure it. but I'd talk to police and I'd be armed with minimum mace.

[Asker]

Do you think that maybe he didn't understand that i want to be only friends?

[lightbulb27]

yes, but it's hard to say what he understood.
The problem is when a person opens up their heart/vulnerability to connect, they have this whole fantasy in their minds and what truth is, love shall we say. Then someone just ghosts/cuts off/drops the "bomb shell on them" that crushes their fantasy they didn't expect, it's like having a limb cut off. The emotional pain is strong.

his reaction is really bad... he won't give up. I went through the above with a "fantasy girl" which is how I relate to what he's feeling, but I backed off immediately and sufferred and learned. He is fighting and threatening... he isn't letting go.. because the pain of letting go is so bad. Like... maybe he suffered other losses, doesn't feel worthy, etc.. sounds dangerous. He's not healthy... yet.

I'm really not sure how to handle him. Lots of good communication with your boyfriend and family, talk to police... like does this guy have a record, weapons, should he/can he be blocked from getting them? I can't tell who is going to back off in a puddle of tears and heal or go nuts and do something stupid.

Police may have ideas, he already threatened you... put a legal hold on him? maybe there's other ideas on internet. Calling him w/ boyfriend on the phone... of course that can go really bad too. Calling him with father?
Just letting him cus you out in front of others might help... get the emotion out.

these are the messes we get into when we don't use good communication, boundaries, etc..
there's a lawyer out here on gag @OlderAndWiser
maybe he's seen these messes and can offer thoughts.

[Asker]

well, he threatened me before I blocked him. I blocked him because of his threatenings... I did this a month ago

[lightbulb27]

What's your gut tell you?
If in doubt, can unblock and see what's coming your way, you don't have to respond, or you can and that tells you if you are safe.

[Asker]

I talked to my mom and she told me that 100% he wanted a simple hook up and he forgot about me. I tend to think the same, as he is 8 years older than me and he always told me that a lot of ladies text him to sleep with him, so... I really hope from the bottom of my heart that he forgot about me. I blocked him a year ago as well and he created a fake account and friend requested me but this time it seems like he doesn't care

[lightbulb27]

It's possible, but his last reaction is... desperate, acting like he is possessive and not many options.
Let's hope he has other distractions. I'd be tempted to report what you experienced to authorities because he's F'd up male dangerous to others until corrected.

I wish you well.

[Asker]

he is... he created a bunch of accounts and this is weird... his behavior is weird.

anyhow, thank you for your time!

[Asker]

facebook accounts*

[b-river]

If you have gotten to a point where he is fully blocked, and not close to you, then you should be okay. If you feel it could go further, I would lightly and cooly talk to people who it may effect that he may look or try to talk to them through their profiles, and just to slide it off.

If there is a physical aspect, where he is within a proximity, go through the same steps you would be to be safer, be with people, get some mace, inform the policy or go for a restraining order if you need.

Not to make a complicated thing simple, but if this situation goes any further, there are steps you can do to protect yourself. Keep your mind on, and focused, and you can handle whatever comes your way. Update please when the situation is changed!

[Legendarylegacy13]

Why the f*** is this a question you should call the police. You just didn't see the girl on the news who died like that.

[Asker]

I don't think that he can find my that easy, also

[WanderingLoveWizard]

If I was your boyfriend, I'd be meeting up with this guy to have a little "talk"

[FunkyMonkee]

Sounds to me like you should be concerned!! If I were you, I'd at LEAST be THINKING about reporting this to the police!