He calls me his girlfriend but never asked me out??

[Anonymous]

Sometimes he will say that I'm his girlfriend when he refers to me when we're talking alone. We've been together for a few months but he says we're dating and he wants to see where it goes. Why does he call me this then?

Updates

+1 y

So is there a good chance that he is just keeping me around until he finds something better?

[littlemisspetite]

I'm in the same boat as you are. When me and my "boyfriend" ( of a little over two months now) first met I didn't really know what he was looking for since we met online. I didn't really know what I was looking for either since I was very in the career mode and in the midst of mapping my life out (and still am). He seemed really into me and excited about us though which was a good sign. We both agreed that we wanted to "see where things go," but I think in the back of both our minds we wanted to eventually get into a relationship which he even stated. He came on a little too strong at first and it did make me question him a little but I thought about it more and decided that he is a great guy, has a lot to offer and that I needed to just let my guard down with him. We've had a lot fun together, but now I'm at a stage where I'm comfortable taking it to the next level. He's introduced me to his close friends, I met his parents once so far, and we have a few pics of us on Facebook from a friends going away party but we haven't officially called ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. We've gotten into a few fights and I often questioned the longevity of our relationship because of it, but somehow he seems to always want to still be with me. Just the other day, I noticed that we never really go out anywhere. We both work a lot so most of the time we just hang out at his pad and he cooks me dinner and we watch a movie. But now I'm at the stage where I want more from him. Thinking that he was on-board I asked him what we were, since just a few weeks ago he asked that I would and I quote "go on the pill since we are kind of serious." So I assumed that we are basically in a relationship when he said that. So I asked him the famous "what are we" question and he replied that he tells his friends that I'm "his chick" but he didn't say girlfriend or his girl. I told him that I've been telling people that he's my boyfriend and he seemed a little surprised but was like "ok." And I asked what he thought about changing our statuses on Facebook. I know it sounds silly but I wanted to just see his reaction since he does go on there a lot and does network a lot because of his job. He said that he thinks Facebook statuses are stupid and asked if we could wait a little because he doesn't feel ready to explain to all his FB friends and family that he's in a relationship now. He said that I could change my status if I want but asked kind of nervously if I was going to add his name at the end. I said no and he said "ok." And that kind of made me question what he really wants from me? I thought about breaking up with him because of this as a sign that he isn't ready, but I really want this to continue but I'm not sure where he is now with us? And if possibly he may not see us together long term then how come he always talks me out of leaving when we get into fights and I doubt the relationship?

[Tamikaze]

Since you two are sexually active and it sounds like he calls you his girlfriend in private but not in public, I would say he is trying to look good in front of you while keeping his options open.

He could be playing house with you, testing out the idea of a relationship in private while enjoying single status in reality. Yes, he could be only seeing you but until a guy says he is in a relationship with you and calls you girlfriend to all, well he can throw that back in your face if he starts chatting up another girl and you try and call him out on that.

Personally, sex before relationship is putting the cart before the horse, and this is an example of why. He is now sitting on the fence, able to enjoy both worlds while you wonder what is going to happen. As enjoyable as sex is, it doesn't make a relationship and it doesn't get a guy to consider one either. We all have dry spells without sex and it doesn't kill anyone to go without, so it is much better to put that to the side while we develop the connection it takes to want to be in a relationship. Now you are stuck actually having to say something about it if you really want this stalemate to end. Otherwise, endure it for as long as you can. Good luck!

[Asker]

Hmm you have a good point. He's introduced me to many people in his life and says he doesn't do that with just random girls. Maybe sadly he doesn't want the title to keep his options open but I'd like to think it's many other factors going on in our lives that keep us in this position. He says over and over that he doesn't want to date other girls, he just wants to get settled in his new career and house. I need to stop the sex though and see what happens. I told him it makes me uncomfortab

[Asker]

le that we have sex so much and we aren't official so the past few times I saw him he stopped being so aggressive and said "does this make you feel more comfortable with me backing off?" a lot of the time we do end up having it but on my terms. I htink he doesn't want a girlfriend not because he pick up other girls (he's really not that type) but so he can have the freedom to enjoy the new city he moved to with his friends. This behavior is already fading and he is acting more like he wants to rela

[littlemisspetite]

yeah all you can do is take things as they come and see how he acts. That's kind of what I'm doing right now. Overall my relationship with this guy has been great and its one of the most open and honest relationships I've had ever. He seems to want to talk things out with me which most guys don't want to do. If you feel you're guy isn't dating other girls and he says he's focusing on getting a house and getting settled in trust him for now with that. Also try not to bring it up anymore until he does.

[Tamikaze]

Well, once you start having sex with someone, it usually creates more problems to stop having it, though it sounds like you guys have a way of managing it that is working. If you were to stop altogether, that would just make him think you are no longer in to him or don't care for sex. Worse, it could look like a power play to get him to do what you want. So, do what works for you, but once sex has begun, its begun.

[Eiffelgirl21]

Because...he seems confused..and just needs more time to make sure you are good for him.

He might have gotten hurt in the past...BUT, I have been there in your shoes...

Trust me, don't constantly bug him about being official or anything...When he is ready he will

tell you. Mine finally told me after 6months of dating...but, even then, I do not think he was ready :/

I learned my lesson and next time a guy doesn't want to be my Boyfriend officially, then we are NOT acting like it sexually.

ANyway, best wishess xxxxxxx

[Asker]

I'm in the same boat. I try not to bug him about it but it's confusing for me to make sense of how he views me when he says 2 different things. I feel like he shouldn't get all the perks of being with someone (like you said) if we're not officially together. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how he really feels.

[Eiffelgirl21]

have you done everything with him yet, sexually? If not, then don't until he FULLY commits as your boyfriend. I know..I am sure your hurt and so confused...But, some guys just need time..How long have you been dating? 3months? He should know by now what he wants..but, if you keep asking him like every week or so..then he will feel rushed and not know how he feels. I think in his heart he sees you as something, but, he is scared. Don't mention it anymore..and things should change in a month or so.

[Eiffelgirl21]

However, if you are not happy and DO NOT think he is worth it..or think you do not deserve this..then don't stay with him. Or back off and see how he reacts. Good luck girl. I know how hard it is. Truth though, it hurt so bad, I'd NEVER go through that again..

[Asker]

Yes, I sleep with him so maybe this is why he's not really interested in taking it further since he already gets what he wants. I won't bring it up, I just don't want to waste my time since I want a relationship and I've heard from others he just wants to date people now.

[Eiffelgirl21]

well..it's up to you..but, make sure he is ONLY dating you. But, if you think you will only get heart broken..then don't stay with him...That is what I did wrong..I stayed with him...a year and half later..he breaks it for the LAST time. He cheated..and did a lot of horrible things to me..I thought I could show him...love is good with the right girl...but, it didn't work. Best wishes girl.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear taht, he's not really like that to me at all and he always tells me I'm the only girl he's dating and shows me off to his friends. I don't think I'll stick around much longer if this is all it's going to be because I need more.

[Eiffelgirl21]

its all good. you live and learn and everything happens for a reason. Good luck. I know you will make the right choices.

[Eiffelgirl21]

@update: Yes..there is. But, you can never be too sure that he is only keeping you around for that. I would suggest not having sex with him...Tell him that you do not want to do it anymore unless you are officially a couple...And, IF you are not sure you are a couple..then tell him that your friends asked about you and him and you didn't know whether to say that you are a couple or not..Good luck. xx

[themastaplan]

...sometimes by calling your his girlfriend is another way of saying..."hey if you call me your boyfriend we'll be official"...

he obviously cares about you,which is good...maybe you should start to notice what he does for you, if its like boyfriendy type stuff...if he does do that then hey just go with it...then maybe in a couple weeks ask what you two are? if he says nothing more than friends ask what his motives are with you since your confused

[Asker]

Hmm funny you said this, I don't think I've ever said anything about wanting him to be my boyfriend. Maybe he's fishing around for me to hint at something, even though I've told him that I want to be in a relationship. He says we're dating and to see where things go when I asked.

[themastaplan]

but that makes it SO confusing..."he says we're dating and to see where things go" I don't understand...its not like your like, lets get married! then I can see him saying OK lets slow down and see where things go...i mean I guess "dating" would be taking you out, hanging out and being exclusing...but that also means both of you can leave your options open, right? because you aren't "official" ... being in a relationship is something secure and not keeping options open

[supervixxen]

well, if you want to be in a relationship, call him your boyfriend. maybe that's why he's so wishy washy about the relationship thing cos he doesn't necessarily feel sure you want him that much?

[Asker]

He's told me he likes dating me and where things are going but he's not ready for a full on relationship and to chill out and not get so crazy (whatever that means, he never explains). I don't think I pressured him but lately I said that he's not giving me enough attention even as just someone I'm dating so I'm going to keep my options open since he doesn't seem so interested.

[DocClassic]

ive never understood why girls are so intrigued by terminology. I've seen a million girls ask questions like this, but not one single guy. they are just words (non-offensive words at that) so why should it really matter at all?

[Asker]

Because I worry that I'm jsut a good time to him and that he doesn't' eventually want a relationship. I'm in my late 20s and ready to settle down and don't want to waste my good years dating someone who has no interest in a relationship now or for a long time. I think that's a normal reason to wonder what's going on with us...

[DocClassic]

well that's something you should talk to him about, not use the words he chooses to take a blind stab at what he means. this is clearly a fairly serious matter (it could be the rest of your life after all) and terminology is a very poor indicator. Think about what I said about a million girls and not one guy, have you seen guys ask that? we clearly aren't wasting our time to carefully choose our words cause quite frankly they are just words

[Asker]

I've tried to talk to him about it, he says he doesn't see himself acting and living this way for much longer, he mentions being done with that lifestyle in the next year so maybe he feels he needs at least a good part of the year to figure things out with himself. I'm sure he could care less about it, I just notice that things aren't progressing in a normal pattern and worried if I'm just going to get hurt and have to walk away.

[DocClassic]

so everyone's hand is out on the table, you just have to decide if you want to keep playing...

[Anonymous]

I obviously don't know much about your relationship, but because you say you've been together for a few months it seems to me like you're on the road to a relationship and that you're close to each other. So, why not just call him out? Next time he calls you his girlfriend just say something like, "You consider me your girlfriend?" If that's what you want, obviously let him know. But if he keeps saying he wants to see where it goes but he's calling you his girl it seems like he already knows where it's going.

[Asker]

You probably make the most sense here and recognize what is going on without me really saying anything haha. I never once called him out on it but when I'm mad at him and he calls me baby or his girl I yell at him and say I'm not your anything. He did let it slip under his breath one night that he was all woried that we're going to fall in love and it's going to be crazy, he thought I didn't really hear him when he was drunk but I was like huh? and he just dropped it.

[Anonymous]

Some guys are basically cowards and want to do an endrun around the whole asking out thing.

[Asker]

Ok... so does that mean he sort of considers me his girlfriend but is too afraid to take the next step? What do I do?

[Opinion Owner]

You could tell him you're not his girlfriend. That he never asked you out. Force him to man up. That's assuming you're not okay with the status quo.

[AmberChick]

Because he wants to have you along for the ride but is not willing to commit to you.

[Anonymous]

because BOYS ARE TOTALL JERKS AND LOVE IT WHEN THEY LEAD ON GIRLS !

[DocClassic]

lmao jaded?