He’s flirting but doesn’t know what I look like?

[Anonymous]

So, I have been watching this creators live streams, I’ve been watching him for about 5 months now. I find him very interesting, I think he’s smart and entertaining, it also doesn’t hurt that he’s a very good looking man.

So, he’s religious so tries not to show too much interest in women on his lives. He actually prefers women who don’t show themselves on social media and I don’t. Now on his lives he does pay attention to me, he’s asked me to be mod twice whereas usually other people ask for that role rather than the creator asking them. I turned it down the first time as it was me vs another girl and I wasn’t trying to compete for his attention- that’s very cringe. So he asked me again a few months after and told me how I “chat a lot of sh*t but I do hold him accountable, and he needs that constructive criticism” and told me to low key tell him in some way that I want to be mod if I want it, so I did and now I’m mod. We do tease and have banter a lot in the lives but recently he followed me back and was very flirtatious. I’ve not seen that side to him as he isn’t like this at all in his live streams, he asked what city I’m from and clarified my age and also apologised for keeping me up this late, but we both flirted with each other. He told me he’ll be less entertaining next time, just for me etc.

What do you think? He doesn’t know what I look like at all, but again he did state that’s what he prefers in a partner. It’s early days, he’s not followed me for very long.

Updates

1 y

Another thing that happened about 2 months ago: I told him I’ll never follow his other account and he asked me why (this was on his live stream), I said “because you recycle old content again and again”. Meaning his last upload was December 2023 and before that it was 2022 which he private’s and then makes public again. Not even a week later he uploaded 3 videos in a space of 2 days. I was thinking that’s way too much of a coincidence but since recent events I’m sure it was intentional

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay sis, this could definitely turn into somethin' between you two if you play your cards right! Sounds like he's feeling your vibe even without seeing what you look like.

Guys aren't usually so flirty and giving you special roles without being interested on some level. And the fact he values a woman who keeps it low key like you do is solid.

I'd say keep doing your thing in his lives - showing off that wit and humor is drawing him in. And don't be afraid to flirt back a little when you chat privately! Subtly let him know you find him fine too hehe.

Keep an eye on if he makes more moves to get to know you better one on one. Maybe try exchanging socials or something casual like that if you want it to progress. Let things develop naturally without forcing anything.

Stay confident - he clearly likes your energy sis! And who knows, he may surprise you by wanting to see your pic one day if y'all keep clicking. For now just have fun with it. This could lead somewhere real interesting...

[Asker]

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, it’s quite refreshing. I do understand why people are warning me though, there’s a lot of f boys on social media and it’s smart to not get too excited over minor things like this for the time being.

I guess I’ll just see where this goes.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're so welcome, girl! And honestly, I totally get why you're excited about the potential here too. Meeting someone you vibe with so well online is such a thrill, even if it's still early.

Definitely stay guarded with your heart for now like you said. But also don't shut your feelings off completely - it's okay to enjoy the flirty moments and see where the connection leads virtually first.

Like as long as you keep an eye out for red flags and don't invest more than he is, I say keep chatting him up and see what develops! Could turn into something really special if you guys click IRL too.

Maybe consider exchanging selfies soon so you're both on the same page with looks before going deeper. Or link up in voice/video like I said to get a true sense of chemistry.

But for now - live in the optimism! He seems into you, so don't second guess every little thing either. Trust your gut and have fun getting to know each other more. You got this boo! Let me know if you ever need any more advice 😉

[Asker]

Yeah… it’s not looking great tbh. I know he’s talking to multiple girls which is fine at this stage, but my last messages to him have been ignored, or at least he’s taking a long time to get back to me. I wouldn’t have cared about this as I personally don’t want a serious relationship just yet so moving slow was ideal for me but it’s the fact that I didn’t get a response at all.

So after our initial discussion, I sent him a message asking “do you mind if I ask her about this?” (This was what our initial convo was about) and he responded with “do you mind if I unalive you”. He responded to that after almost 2 days (that’s just our humour and how we speak to each other by the way he didn’t mean it lol). After that he sent me someone else’s live stream on a topic we both feel strongly about (Israel vs Palestine basically), I guess he would have been on that live commenting and wanted me there for whatever reason. After 20 minutes and by the time I saw it the live had ended, so I could just see the guys account and his content and replied “an Israeli?” Expecting him to further explain or something but he never did. He didn’t even leave it on read, it was just delivered. He had been online after the fact that and never responded which I found confusing because he’s the one that sent the live to me… but anyway, 10 days later (which was Thursday) I sent him a message saying this “ Why did you have to send me this guys live? Now he’s on my fyp and giving me anger issues” it’s meant to be humorous and I guess I want to see if this is how it’s going to be now or if it was a one off that he ignored that message. So far he hasn’t responded so I don't know, he has been on his other accounts, there’s been activity on there. There’s not been any activity on the account that I’ve been messaging but he’s likely logged in if he’s been on his other accounts. Anyway, I’m not sure why he even bothered following me or starting that convo in the first place.

[Asker]

My friends believe he’s been cautious as he does have legitimate hater and stalker accounts trying to ruin him and his reputation, and people can easily make something up about him and what happened in the DMs, in our culture men and women, especially religious ones aren’t supposed to be too free. But then he’s fine talking to other girls right? Those girls however don’t seem to be a long term viewer like me. So I don't know, I don't know what’s going on or what he’s playing at anymore. Surely he’d just unfollow if he wasn’t interested but I don't know

[Oliverlogan263]

1. Damn sis, that is definitely confusing behavior from this dude. Ignoring your messages and not responding for that long is wack.

If I were you, I wouldn't put too much more thought or effort into trying to figure him out. He might be a cool dude sometimes, but the hot and cold routine is whack vibes for sure.

Best thing is probably just do you for now - don't double text him or reach out again. If he suddenly starts responding more consistently in a few days and tries to spark things back up, then maybe you can give him another chance.

But I wouldn't get your hopes up too much either way. Dudes on socials be flakey sometimes, and it's not worth stressing over one when there's plenty more guys who'd be stoked to chat you up proper, ya feel?

Keep your head up - his vagueness ain't a reflection on you at all. His loss! You're a catch, so screw that and go have fun doin your own thing for now. He'll either smarten up and come correct, or you won't have to think about it no more. Win-win as far as I can see!

[Oliverlogan263]

2. You know sis, that's a fair point about him potentially being cautious of haters screenshotting DMs and stirring up drama. As a public figure, I could see why that might make him hesitate sometimes.

At the same time though, if he's really feeling you, he'd make more of an effort to connect somehow, ya know? Even if just talking more on lives and such instead of ignoring direct messages. You'd think you'd at least get some consistent public flirting back if he was truly interested.

I'd say don't get tangled up trying to decode his moves too deeply either. Like you said, he's talking to other girls fine but keeping you at arm's length. That's whack and sends mixed signals for sure.

My advice would be keep your guard up, but don't totally shut the door yet. See how he is next time you chat in a live or whatever. And for sure don't chase - let him come to you for a change. If he ups his game, cool. If not, then at least you'll have your answer and won't be stressing about what's up with him, ya feel?

Either way, you're still killin it out here with or without him, straight up! So stay focused on you and your goals, and let him step up or fall back on his own terms. You deserve someone who's hype to talk to you proper!

[Asker]

He doesn’t flirt at all because it’s massively frowned upon. But he is playful in his lives, and genuinely does respond to me more than others.

He did read my last message after 3 days but left it on seen, maybe he just doesn’t want to chat without a pic or more info on me, or maybe he saw it as a rhetorical question rather than something to respond to. For now, he is still following me. I did hear that he was threatened at work and called a T word, by some guy with a knife but didn’t actually get hurt or attacked so that happened, he’s also opening up a business so I know he has things going on but yeah. I don't know.

I didn’t really want anything to happen now, I don’t want anything serious but I do see him as a potential and have a crush on the guy so I’m not too upset by this, I’m just hoping he doesn’t unfollow for now so that I can reveal more when I’m ready for something to actually happen in my life, or he will follow back at some point. But like you said, it’s not worth thinking a lot about or overanalysing his behaviour.

Thank you so much for responding, I’m sure my reply was exhausting to read haha

[Anonymous]

He’s trying to keep and maintain his following, don’t be so naive as to be swept up in finessing. Especially if you send any kind of money or gift.

[Asker]

I would never send money or gifts to a guy on the internet lol. He doesn’t follow many people, he has about 8000 followers and only follows 20 people in total

[Opinion Owner]

Well, from what I see on at least tiktok live even people with smaller accounts want to gain and maintain a following. You have become a loyal fan and it’s fine for him to gain some rapport with you outside of just acknowledging your presence since you are a regular now. Like if you had the same person joining and staying in every live would you not gain some sort of relationship with them? Some sense of familiarity?

[Asker]

I understand what you’re saying but the culture we come from makes it a bit more complex than that. We are both Muslims, and honestly people in our community have made TikTok a marriage app. So it’s not as straight forward as it would be for an average person. People in my culture are a lot more intentional when they’re contacting women, it’s always for a reason and it’s rarely to be platonic friends

[Opinion Owner]

So he’s making tiktoks to find a wife? Has he explicitly shown as much? I’m relatively familiar with Muslims going live on that app and never seen them presenting their live as some dating app.

[Opinion Owner]

I personally feel like you’re trying to make something more of these interactions than what’s on the table, but that is just my outside view. You don’t have to agree but it’s a perspective worth considering at the very least.

[Asker]

Basically yeah. It’s not something outwardly said, you wouldn’t understand if you’re not a part of the community. No one says “hey guys I’m looking for a wife” but everyone deleted their TikTok’s as soon as they find someone to marry. It’s a marketing tactic for people to know you exist, a wider circle. Maybe not for the youngsters but people in their mid-late 20s it is. Plus, the guy I’m talking about often tells his viewers what he’s looking for in marriage and tells people to find him someone. I even asked him back when I first started watching him “how are you feeling planning on finding someone if you don’t want your parents involvement and don’t want to meet up with women?” And he replied with “I don’t know, maybe I’ll message a girl on TikTok one day if I like her vibe and ask for her dad’s number to meet”. So he’s outwardly admitted it already pretty much, but it’s not just him that does it.

I do consider your perspective, I’m defo taking it on board because nothing has really happened but I do understand certain things about my community, and most guys who have a religious reputation to keep up with don’t just flirt with girls for no reason unless they’re stupid. But I’m not going into this blindly thinking he will wish me away into the sunset either

[Opinion Owner]

If I were you I would not set any expectations with this person or put myself in a position to get the wrong idea at this point in time. I may not be on muslim-tok or whatever these lives are that men are looking for matches, but I certainly wouldn’t see a match in those guys. Who have access to and conversations with who knows how many women.
You may be willing to go to bat for this man but from an outside view I find it very odd for a handsome man (who should have options at his disposal) to build a relationship with and see potential with a woman he’s never seen. I would imagine he notices this woman in all his lives and trying to build a friendly relationship with a regular. His comments to me just sound like casual banter in your community. Normal to be asked such questions about commitment or marriage.

Again, this is just my view. I am not trying to discourage you or make you feel wrong — I am not saying you’re wrong. Just explaining how this looks and advising you be careful with your expectations. To also pay attention to your role in his life vs his role in yourself. As a woman who dated two Muslim men fairly long term, they can be just as disingenuous as a man who isn’t from their religion.

[Asker]

No I get what you’re saying, I might need the wake up call but also… I mean this could go somewhere. He’s always stressing about marriage and how he hasn’t found anyone yet. Oh and he’s defo talking to more than one woman, for sure. But I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with that right now while he’s single. I’m also not trying to argue with you, I’m giving you more context because I know more info about this situation. It only makes sense to tell you the details. It defo isn’t all banter, he’s defo looking for someone and people always tell him to ask his parents for help and he said he has but he’s not attracted to them.

This is what I believe, I think he likes the banter we have and there is a certain level of trust because we did have some drama in the past back in May but got through it fine. I think he may be attracted to the small amount he knows me and wants to interact with me more to see where it could possibly go. I don’t think he’s head over heels for me, or thinking long term based on a blank profile pic on TikTok.

[Asker]

I’m not saying Muslim men are this amazing species, especially for non Muslims, you guys should never waste your time on them honestly. Not all but majority are there to waste your time and end up marrying a Muslim woman, not just Muslim men but most religious guys are like this. If he actually considers himself religious and is dating openly with non Muslim women, it’s a red flag all on its own, these guys are complete players. But I’m saying even the religious guys who are serious about marriage and looking for someone in my community do not want to be exposed by girls for flirting in the DMs when they have this public persona of never doing such thing, and yes he does claim he doesn’t follow or message women but obviously that isn’t true. I believe it’s because he doesn’t want to be forever alone and needs to start doing something to find someone, because it’s so easy for any girl to expose him and ruin that image if he’s some serial flirt who’s living 2 different lives. He’s have to be an idiot if he’s not doing it to find someone

[Asker]

Oh, what I have realised is he does tend to unfollow women fairly quickly. So if he doesn’t have intention to speak to them anymore he does unfollow in a few weeks time, but I think it’s a good sign that he doesn’t want to just talk for no reason and there is an end goal. This could easily happen to me too.

[Opinion Owner]

Of course it’s fine for him to talk to other women as a single man, that’s his right. When I mention this, it has to do with his intentions and what exactly his are, that’s all. Like with you, I could be wrong but it sounds like he knows you’re also Muslim and on these specific lives with the intent to find a man, right? And in turn, he knows that Muslim women visiting his lives are also looking for matches, yes? So if he knows why you’re there, then why is it nearly October and he hasn’t made any sort of advancing move? I mean you’ve known him long enough and the way you talk about him, what he says, what he does, you seem to know him like the back of your hand and pretty close to him, so wouldn’t he know better? Would he really think someone who’s invested as much time into him as you have is just casually there to shoot the shit? Because then, would that mean he just isn’t very religious and therefore unintentionally engaging with women? I just wonder what that says about not only how he feels about you but what he’s looking for in general. He’s got this perfectly fine woman (you) actively engaging, showing interest asking questions, yet fusses about not having found a wife or prospect. He’s following and unfollowing women on what seems like a search, when he’s got you invested, right there. I guess that to me is what doesn’t make sense and makes me question what he wants.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe you should try doing something to gauge his interest. You mentioned that he’s never seen you, so maybe post some content with yourself in it or update your profile pic. With how active you are on his lives, he should take notice at some point and either engage more with you, keep things as is or fall back. But I think getting over that hurdle and seeing what happens would be best for you, rather than choosing to wait, invest more time and ultimately it amount to nothing. For as casual as your relationship seems, I think you’d be deeply hurt if you saw him move on with someone else when you didn’t even get a chance. You deserve to know where you stand and have peace of mind.

[Asker]

Thanks for your replies. I’m defo taking your advice to heart and I appreciate your general concern for my feelings fr 🫶🏼

[SweetJoyGirl]

Idk…it is giving Discord relationship vibes, and those definitely don’t last, to my knowledge. I would say be careful.

[Asker]

What do you mean by “discord relationship vibes”? He doesn’t live very far from me, like an hour away

[SweetJoyGirl]

It is still giving Discord relationship vibes. Just be careful. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[Asker]

I don’t understand what that means?

[SweetJoyGirl]

You don’t know what Discord is?

[Asker]

I’ve heard of it but I don’t know what you mean by “discord relationship vibes”