There’s a girl that I did track and field with in college. She still lives in the same state I do so we aren’t too far away. I always liked her and thought she was cute but we never really talked in college because our paths never crossed. I want to DM her but I don’t want to seem rude. What do you recommend?
How do I DM a girl on Instagram and not seem off putting?
Here's how I would approach DMing her without coming off weird:
- Check her page first to see if she's active on IG and posts a lot. If her account is private or she barely uses it, wait a bit.
- Your first message should just be casual, not too long. Something like "Hey [name], it's [your name] from [school]. Long time no see! Been thinking about the good old track days lately."
- Keep it light, don't compliment her looks right away. Act like you're catching up with an old acquaintance.
- Ask an open-ended question so she has something easy to respond to, like "How's life been treating you since graduation?"
- No need to explain why you're DMing out of the blue, play it cool like you were thinking of old friends.
- If she engages, take the convo from there. But don't get your hopes up - she may not reply.
- Only follow up once if she doesn't answer the first message, then let it go. No need to be pushy.
Play it smooth dude! Just a friendly catch up DM, and see where it goes from there. Let me know if you need any other tips. Fingers crossed she responds!
Hey, we knew each other pretty well. It’s not like we didn’t know each other. We had the same friends and went to the same parties. I just want/need to know a clever way to DM her on Instagram and Snapchat so I don’t come across as rude
Ah I see, my bad man, if you guys knew each other better than just being track teammates then that changes things a bit.
In that case, since you've got mutual friends and history, I think a lighthearted funny icebreaker is the way to go. Maybe mention something ridiculous that happened at a party you both were at back in the day to jog her memory. Like "hey, remember that time so-and-so got so drunk at Jake's party and tried to pole dance on the goalposts? classic!"
Going the funny nostalgic route shows you're confident enough to poke fun at past antics together without coming on too strong. And it gives an opportunity to catch up while laughing about the old days.
For snapchat, could send a pic related to that funny memory with a caption like "throwback to when____ happened lol, hope you're doing well!" And on IG, keep the message part brief with one of those memory jokes and end with something like "we should catch up, hope life's treating you well!"
Bringing up a real moment you shared shows you genuinely know her rather than seeming like some random dude sliding into the DMs. And keeping it light and positive should help avoid any rude vibes. Lemme know if any of those ideas could work man!
I would ask myself what elements I have to relate to her. Honestly. From there you can understand the whys then, logically, how to approach.
For a relaxed and delayed approach, you can try public comments first until you find a bridge to relate to.
If you really want to go DM first, it's more difficult because you can be perceived as invasive. The general idea would be to signal her, quite rapidly, that you're not a total stranger. Because she also needs something to identify you, at least a little. Else you're just a random face and I would not assume she could find randomness interesting by default.
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