Is it ok to fall in love with an inlaw?

[Pikapocket]

I've always been kinda shy, which leads to basically no luck with women. It usually matters very little how good you make yourself look. But, I digress. One day, I was carpooling & going to the Renaissance Festival with an older sister, her kids, her (older) fiance and his kids. His daughter was sitting next to me in the middle row. She starts showing me all kinds of things on her tablet, talking to me, and playing games with me on her tablet - the whole way to the festival, which is about an hour & a half. Same thing on the way back, but with a movie in the van. While at the festival, it rained and we went into a store where she cuddled up next to me for warmth. And later, in the van, to my (& probably everyone's) slight surprise, she says, "Well, J****, it looks like we've made some good progress today. At least we're talking now." *cue awkward smile & nervous "yeah."

A week later, we all went to the zoo and she was touchy & flirty with me. While sitting, waiting for fam to get food, she came over and pointed out her earrings, and I put one in my hand and (half looking at her) said that's really pretty... She visibly blushed & smiled. And since then, we've connected on multiple levels (we don't have everything in common, but a good amount), we hug goodbye, and we've kinda flirted and she's poked me to look me in the eyes for about a minute... Mind you, she has the most beautiful eyes in the world, these big amber eyes. I know it might be kinda wrong, but things like this never happen to me and she's not like blood family at all...

I also notice I feel jealous when she gives my nephew attention &/or hugs...

I can't help it. I really feel like I'm in love with her... And I feel like she has some feelings for me.. But, I'm not always sure. I'm not even sure what to do about this.

[RavVid]

Hmmh. In my locale it is not incest (unless a step parent) and and niece-in-law would be fair game but check your local legislation first. It is possible it is proscribed in some places.

You don't mention her age and that is of some importance here. If she is less than the age gap with your sister & BIL than it would see to be more viable. The simple fact is that the rest of your family might not appreciate a romance between you two and I think the younger she is the more disapproval there would be.

I sort of incline, in these circumstances, you need to establish two things

1/ If she can see you as more than a uncle-in-law. You could say you think she is very attractive and ask that exact question. If you get a -ve you can respond you are pleased to have such a cute niece.

2/ Family permission if she says she doesn't see you as an uncle. Maybe say to your sister you are quite taken with her.

I do think you should do something about this as it is not that common to have this level of attraction.

Best Luck.

[Pikapocket]

Thanks for the mature & level-headed response. More than others here... On the 1st establishment; what is the - If I get a -ve? What is that supposed to be? And how am I supposed to ask this in a natural way? If we even get any time alone.
And thank you for the support & wishing me luck!! 🍀 👍

[RavVid]

If she sees you as an uncle, it is -ve as opposed to a man she can be interested. Somehow you do need know if she sees you as extended family or as a guy of interest. So some how you have to.

Asking if she views you as an uncle is quite reasonable. You are going to have plan some more family stuff.

[Pikapocket]

Oh. Right. Sorry, I've just never seen that expression: -ve. But, yeah, I agree. Including more stuff I didn't list here, some things much more provocative, evidence strongly suggests that she sees me as more. 😊 but, I suppose there's a chance I could be misreading things & she's just a shameless flirt... However, she has been kinda innappropriate with both her dad and my nephew, and I just don't wanna lose her to my nephew... No way. I'll find a time to figure it out when the time is right & if & when we're alone. We're all moving in together next February for financial reasons.

[RavVid]

It could be she is a shameless flirt.

[Pikapocket]

Ok... I sincerely hope not. We've had several moments, it seems and feels like more, and she's the most beautiful girl in the world and I'm really in love with her.

[RavVid]

Good luck then.

[Pikapocket]

Thank you. 👍 🍀

[Avicenna]

That's usually a bad idea

[HollyK21]

Maybe you can’t help the fact that you fell for her but you can help what you do about it, which should be nothing. If she’s an extroverted and talkative person, plus you’re meant to be treated as extended family, her actions look like nothing other than her trying to get close with a a shy, quiet family member. You are the one who’s interpreting it as flirtatious because you have both so little experience with women and so little one on one interactions with women. Therefore you aren’t good at differentiating, which isn’t meant to be a snub at you but a nod to your lack of experience. My advice is to wipe away the idea of her being an option — she is not. Distance yourself from her or do what you must so you can let go of your crush.

[Pikapocket]

Family gives us enough distance. It's not easy only seeing her once or twice a month... Knowing she's probably hanging out with my stupid nephew every week. And I respectfully disagree about the experience & flirting thing... You haven't been there all the times.. And I may not be a man hoe, but I wasn't born yesterday. There has definitely been some flirting!

[HollyK21]

If you disagree about the flirting it is simply to validate your own feelings towards her. I know about being overly nice or making certain comments that may come off in a way that it isn’t intended to. You shouldn’t argue with me or anyone else about this because you should welcome the comments that do NOT validate your romantic feelings. You don’t need hope and positive feedback about maintaining a crush on someone you can’t have. If you don’t have luck with women then how much experience would you say you genuinely have at your age?

[Pikapocket]

Would you grow up though? You can't just ASSUME she's not ever flirting with me! When you're not even there! I obviously didn't even write everything. Come on. I mean, really? Super presumptuous and just trying to be rude.

[HollyK21]

You’re deeply in your feelings dude, not a single thing said warrants the name calling and outbursts. No, I don’t think she’s being flirtatious, would you prefer I disrespect her character and say she was? Simply because she blushed and giggled as any woman may do when a guy makes flirtatious comments or is outward with his affections?

[Pikapocket]

Bro, there's been cuddling, hand holding, even innuendos of a more sexual nature, on top of tge hugs and attention and her wanting to be on a team with me to play the Harry Potter TCG. You literally don't know what you're talking about, you're 100% assuming and geing rude. I literally judt said I obviously didn't write everything! 😂 read/listen and open your mind. The slight "name calling" was Absolutely warranted when you're being this presumptuous and rude! And garassing me while I'm at work. Bye.

[HollyK21]

And where did you mention all that in your original post? As if we are not supposed to form our opinions off the CONTEXT GIVEN. If you wanted us to take all that into consideration, you should’ve wrote that.

Based off what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like flirting, and neither to the examples you provided because you know what? I’m going to assume she’s a good woman who’s just being cool with her in-law. That’s what any decent person would do and only trifling losers like yourself would encourage anything else. If you want to try destroying a marriage and your relationships with your family you go right on ahead. But you are a snake and I absolutely hope you get the balls to confess your love so she can properly reject you. Be sure to come back in a few months and let us know how that goes lol. You are not a god fearing man. If you were you’d trust that what was made for you would be FOR YOU, not ripped out of the hands of someone you are supposed to love. What a conniving and sad man you are, I hope everything falls apart. That is the karma you deserve. Bye.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’re not in love with her, you have some noticeable chemistry and you’re projecting an entire false personality onto her. If you pursue this not only is it going to be extremely weird and disappointing for you but fucking even a non-blood relation can destroy your reputation. Especially if there’s a noticeable age gap.

[Pikapocket]

How am I projecting an entirely false personality onto her? You haven't been there, and yet you're a Lot of assuming! There's not one thing I could agree with about your reply, except the possibility of it destroying my reputation, because people are so closed-minded and judgmental!

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’d be surprised how many men “fall in love” with someone they don’t actually know.

[Pikapocket]

I know her very well by know, I've known her for about 8 months. You'd be surprised at how slow women take to fall in love and when you give your heart to most women and stop bullshitting or playing games they rip your heart right out! Please don't comment if it's borderline ignorant and you don't know what you're talking about, and not helpful.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

This person’s experience should help clear things up since their situation is very similar to yours: www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/bBC4ZLRsd9

[HollyK21]

Okay, reading these comments plus his response to mine only shows he does NOT want help. Cupcake you have offered perfectly valid and logical responses that be very clearly doesn’t want. It’s so ridiculous for him to get on here and fight every comment that isn’t encouraging him. It’s fucking stupid and counterproductive.

[Pikapocket]

Like I said, I've known her for about 8 months, not a few weeks, and trust me, I'm not love bombing her. In fact, I hold back a lot because I know women are kinda egotistical & get bored when they know they have you! They equate longing to love... Which often not rational. Anyway, if you have a cold heart please don't project that on me and assume I'm not in love. Dont tell me how to feel. If I was just infactuated, I wouldn't keep thinking about her every day... I know what I feel, even if she's not quite on the same page yet, and I'm in love with her.

[HollyK21]

Please, with everything that you’re saying you will think anyone who doesn’t encourage you to pursue your nephews wife is cold hearted. You think telling you not to pursue those feelings is mean. Good luck destroying all those family ties, because that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Enjoy crushing your nephew whom I’m sure idolizes and loves you very much.

[HollyK21]

And no one told you how to feel, simply that those aren’t feelings to encourage because that woman is not available.

[Pikapocket]

@HollyK21 how would I be crushing my nephew? Isn't that kinda weird/hypocritical to say? And your reply is so ridiculous and short sighted. She was literally telling me how to feel and saying that men fall in love too fast! Before even knowing someone. I've known her for about 8 months. The woman replying is cold hearted. Get real.

[HollyK21]

Yes, I think it would crush your nephew that you as his uncle is trying to break apart his marriage because you want his wife for yourself. Please explain what is cold, evil and mean about saying you should not pursue a woman who’s married to your relative? And do it without the emotional outbursts, no one is attacking you. These feelings are not something to be proud of, sorry if you can’t be made to feel otherwise.

[Pikapocket]

@HollyK21 it's not my nephew's marriage. 😂 lol what? It's my older sister's older finance's daughter. Pay attention. She'd be my niece in law. It shouldn't do anything negative to my nephew. And yeah, I'm literally being attacked here for falling in love with someone who's not even a blood relation, so grow up.

[Pikapocket]

@HollyK21 you really need to grow up! My god. Someone can't just make all these assumptions and say that men fall in love too quickly, all sexist n shit, have not even been there (to know what they're talking about or TELL ME how to feel? How you gonna tell someone how to feel? Lol. And there's obviously more I didn't write about, in 8 months), and again I've not love bombed her, I've known her for 8 months, and your 2 responses are ridiculous. There's opposing viewpoints and then there's this... Just assumptions, self-righteous judgements and hypocrisy, acting like your shit don't stink. And all of that is supposed to be okay? Ha. Gtfoh.

[Pikapocket]

@HollyK21 bro! She literally wrote "You're not in love. You two have some noticeable chemistry." Blah, blah, blah... That's literally Tellig someone how to feel! 🤦‍♂️ learn proper reading and comprehension. And y'all need to not just think that men are always wrong, at fault, dumb, etc.

[Pikapocket]

by the way, HollyK21 is a fucking lunatic! Lol. You should see some of the shit she wrote. And then she blocked me! She's a fucking coward and an arrogant moron tbh. She thinks I'm trying to break up my nephew's marriage... Lol. Comprehension or rationality are not her strong suits.
Not that you were helping, no offense. I will say one last time, you can't tell someone how to feel. And you shouldn't assume, especially when you weren't there, ever. And I've known her for like 8 months & have never love bombed her... But, I know how I feel, whether it's right or wrong (& wrong can add some spice)... She's the most beautiful girl in the world, she's smart, talented, sweet, funny, kind, and she loves cat and singing & the Harry Potter TCG, like I do. I'm in love with her.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You have never and will never truly understand a woman if you see all of this and still think you’re in the right

[Pikapocket]

You're an idiot. Lol! Wow! You're so full of shit & arrogant, too. It's like you just didn't read anything I wrote, know there's know, haven't been there, and you just wanna make shit up and make Very broad statements full of ypursrld and bullshit, like the one you just said. I don't think you'll ever understand men, even though we're so much less complicated, or what love is. I never said it's "right" per say, but you two can't assume so much.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

All of this defense to feel validated fucking your first cousin once removed

[Pikapocket]

Niece in Law. Lol. First cousin once removed? Wtf? Exactly my point. You guys are fucking idiots.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yes, your niece’s daughter. You said it was the daughter of your niece’s fiance, right? That’s your first cousin once removed

[Pikapocket]

🤦‍♂️ omfg... Lol. No. Y'all need to learn how to read. I said it was my older sister's older fiance's daughter.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

So just your niece then. You want to fuck your niece

[Pikapocket]

In law. Huge difference. Are you really that stupid? Or 5 years old? Grow up.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

In-law or not, that’s still your niece and you want validation for wanting to fuck your niece

[Pikapocket]

Well, you should see her, and how sweet & nice she is to me. And actually puts in an effort. Which is hard to find in this world for men. (In many ways it has even felt like fate.) I also want our society to not be so easily/stupidly brainwashed & conformist & judgmental. Someone else's marriage shouldn't affect me so much in a way to demonize me. If they got divorced we'd just be two people. It's honestly silly to make it such a big deal. And some people get pretty dark and hateful about it, lol, like that hypocrite "Christian" Holly. Js. Some people just blow things way out of proportion.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

“You want to fuck a family member”

“She’s super hot and really nice and I am justified in being attracted to her because it’s not a direct blood relation!”

This is your argument

[Pikapocket]

Again, blowing it way out of proportion. 😂 reductio add absurdum is your whole argument, which is for children. 🙄 peace out.

[Pikapocket]

It's not even a family member, retard.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Not until your sister marries her dad

[Pikapocket]

Still would smash.. Lol. That's only a technicality, really. Now I have things to do with my day. Have a good day.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, I wouldn’t expect less from a man with incest fantasies

[Pikapocket]

I wouldn't expect any more from some idiot that calls this incest.

[Link0111]

Well I should or maybe i shouldn't comment on this. Yet i am not a fan of tabu related questions bot to be discussed.
I think its very important to talk about this subject matter. Also similar things.
It's often shamed and judged way to fast by many people.
It's definitely not incest even technically. Even if it was its not a legal matter firstly. Its a natural thing for close family not to be sexualy related. Because its the bloodline and dna is to similar to each other. Possibility of having children with damaged dna is quite big because of that.
Im not a scientist but google it!
Love is stronger than laws and if you and her find a close relationship with each other im rooting for you both!

Yet it honestly sounds like how i feel sometimes. Im easily taken by the feeling and the passion.
And i have realised that a relationship is not based on romantic feelings only. Honestly it's not a good way to get into any relationships. That's my personal opinion and i hope you find the best way for not only yourself but also having her best future i mind.
Stay grounded but give it some time and then probably you will know more certainly..

Regards M

[Pikapocket]

Thank you. 💖🍀 I know I could make her happy. I've never cheated on or hurt anyone. I'm not a doormat, but I know when to be sweet and when to back off (& we get plenty of space naturally). I may not be a hoe, but I know some things. There's been some sexually charged moments that suggest that she wants to know. (But I wouldn't rush it til the time is right). My Christmas present was her favorite one. 😅 a big Mew plushie lol. We both love Pokemon, Harry Potter (& play the card game on a team), demon slayer, cats, singing, the color blue, cheese, afraid of heights.. She's also the most beautiful girl in the world, is sweet, nice, smart, talented, funny, and genuinely awesome. It might be tricky to navigate being with her with actual family.. But, I honestly really wanna be with her.

[alice55]

You can if you want but it always end up bad, you think someone that don't care for the laws is going to care about someone else feeling and gonna be faithful? Those people do whatever they want no matter the consequence of their act.

[Pikapocket]

I hear you, but you're also assuming that (just because of some law that's honestly kind of ridiculous) that one or both of these people are horrible people with no morals.

[alice55]

Because they're, laws are there to be respected if you don't respect it it mean you have no respect.

[Pikapocket]

You have "No" respect because of an arbitrary law?1 that hardly makes sense? That's stupid. Look who's talking, hypocrite.

[DepthsofMe]

Um no that's weird

[In_Trance]

Tldr