How do I approach a girl obsessed with her phone and Starbucks?

[Anonymous]

i meet this girl in my home area and like her but she is seriously fixated on her cell phone , even at the gym she's on it and can't seem to put it away ( i don't even bring mine in the gym ) although it depends what machine or exercise she is doing.

she also appears like many younger women very into starbucks , i never go there but seen her car near our local starbucks and that seems to be another thing she's really into

some wondered if the cell thing was an avoidance technique but i'm not so sure as she always seems to notice me at the gym and didn't seem bothered if i was around

Updates

3 mo

she wasn't at the gym last week at all which was odd and i never go to starbucks so didn't even see her once so will see if she reappears this week , otherwise don't know where i would see her again

Updates

1 mo

talked to her today for first time finally , very brief intro , she told me her name but it was hard to make out ( as her voice not what i was expecting and hard to hear ) and not sure i got it correctly , she seemed fine but surprised that i talked to her. note have not seen her social media yet , the account i found and though was her is another very similar girl from our town who i oddly meet too as she started a new job at our pub but not girl from gym. she also likes starbucks too.

[ManOnFire]

Apart from the Starbucks thing I do sort of lean towards her being on her phone as an avoidance thing only because you see her doing that a lot at the gym. Some chicks act like they've got so much going on on their phone while they're working out because they pretentiously think it'll stop guys from trying to talk to them, when in reality the vast majority of men at the gym do not even approach women like that anymore in light of today's sensitive social climate and airheaded TikTok gym rats.

Now, outside of the gym, I have no idea how much she's on her phone, and we don't know if you see her doing that a lot at other places. If she does, then she is just your usual phone addict, and that's even worse than her just trying to deter guys at the gym.

But to answer your last part "some wondered if the cell thing was an avoidance technique but i'm not so sure as she always seems to notice me at the gym and didn't seem bothered if i was around" - although that might be the case, it may not necessarily mean she likes you in the way you might like her. She could just feel comfortable around you. Maybe you make her feel safe the most of anyone there. But if you can find some way to start a chat one day and you've got an opening, try to suggest going for coffee some time.

[Asker]

i find girls often put ear buds in so it looks like there listening to music if they want to appear busy or more difficult to approach. i can't recall seeing her with ear buds in when she's on her phone.

i don't actually go in our local starbucks , just noticed her car there or nearby , she has a fairly distinctive car ( colour /design ) so started to notice it around here

do want to talk to her somehow , felt like maybe she was annoyed i didn't approach sooner as i seemed to notice her

[ManOnFire]

It's okay, there will be another opportunity for you especially if she goes there regularly.

I'm in sort of a similar situation. I do indoor rock climbing and about a month ago I met an attractive older woman there and even had a few words with her. At one point I thought I was getting on her nerves so just kind of kept to myself. When I was done and heading to the showers I saw her standing near that area pretending to read some flyer, but I knew she was standing there because she already passed me and was probably hoping I would stop and talk to her again. But I didn't and just kept going because I didn't want to seem annoying or obsessive or anything.

Since then I keep hoping to see her again and get another chance, but haven't. Really bugs me.

[Asker]

she goes there fairly regularly so should get another chance , she's not a one time visitor to the gym

[Asker]

kind of weird update , didn't see her at gym for a couple weeks but she reappeared today with her girlfriend and was working out. but once again the cell phone thing started to get out of hand , like at one point both her and her girlfriend were on cell phone at same time when they were doing hand weights

they when she was on another machine i got close enough to her to see what she was looking at ( she actually seems fairly comfortable with me being nearby ) we didn't talk but i saw the screen and it appeared she was scrolling through random posts on a social media app but not sure which one maybe tik tok or instagram , she wasn't even messaging people or doing anything important like actually looking at random posts on that app , i'm not even joking

i don't even know where to go from here , sometimes she's there by herself so would be easier to talk maybe but she hasn't been coming in as much lately

[ManOnFire]

Sounds like me she might have a serious case of "social media addiction." To be on your phone that much while you're at the gym is pretty bad. She might be a nice girl, but dating her might get frustrating with that habit.

[Asker]

i feel like a lot of younger women are addicted to there cell phones , feel like its something you have to put up with if you want to date someone in that age range and even older women can have same habits too.

it seems like she is the kind of girl a lot of guys would only put up with if she was really hot ( which she is ) and really good in bed ( have to assume as she works out a lot and has a hot body she is really good in bed ) otherwise why put up with this?

[ManOnFire]

Nobody has to put up with that. I don't care if she's good looking or not, that's not cool to me. I don't want a chick so bad that I have to tolerate that. I dated a woman once who was always on her phone and I hated it.

[AviatorTom]

You're better off not pursuing her, find another girl to follow.

But if you really want to try, go to Starbucks before she gets there and buy yourself and her a coffee. Sit down and offer to play an online game on your phones while drinking your coffee. She might learn that phones can be used for things other than talk and text.

You could also try the blunt approach. Ask her out, to a place where phones are not allowed, like a movie theater.

[Screenwriter]

These doubts are important, but why wouldn't you approach her for coffee at her favortie place and determine if she's interested at all. You have no idea about whether she's single or attached, or anything, right? Until you find out, it's not worth positing anything about whether she's interested or whether she ever puts down her phone at other times than when you've seen her. Try to approach.

[Asker]

i think she uses the drive through at star bucks , noticed her car in a parking lot beside it , almost like she went and got order than went there to drink or eat it , so not sure she even goes inside the outlet in person , so even if i went there i might not see her

[Screenwriter]

Approach at gym then. Find an opportunity. Otherwise the outcome is moot.

[siefert_S]

Taking that first step and suggesting a casual coffee is a great way to find out where things stand without overthinking the "what-ifs." I’ve always felt that having the mental clarity to just be direct and use radical honesty from the start saves so much time and energy. It helps you see pretty quickly if there's potential to build a grounded sanctuary with someone or if it's better to just keep moving forward.

[Screenwriter]

@siefert_S agree

[Abbycado]

It is easily considered and deterrent for people to leave her alone.

[Asker]

yeah but if she wanted to avoid me at gym why not just look the other way , use a different machine , not like she has to be on phone , honestly seems like she is deeply into that phone of hers

[Abbycado]

Why do you care what she does?

[Asker]

i don't care if she goes to starbucks , a lot of people make it part of there routine , some girls seem a little more obsessed than others

mostly independent at gym does her own thing , sometimes a girlfriend with her , whatever workout she is doing is working for her based on her body

[Abbycado]

Again, why are you concerned with what she does at the gym?

[Asker]

i didn't really care what she did at the gym , never suggested her work out ideas and never told her to not use phone but it is annoying

[Abbycado]

You say you don’t care but are annoyed that she does. That means you do care. Are you the same guy that stalks the bar? You got massive issues if you are. You shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near women.

[Screenwriter]

Again, no matter your doubts, you have to approach to find out details, whether she'll have coffee with you etc. If you don't, nothing will occur. A phone is a nice veil to keep people away. Only the interested will try to break through.

[Summeroflove]

It really depends just approach you never know unless you ask. However, if she goes on a date and spends more time on her phone forget it

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Complicated solution:
First, you need to buy or rent an IMSI-catcher, then you need to rent an operator to handle the device for you, it can be tricky to target one phone in particular but don't bother. Once your operator has built a database of thousands of phone numbers, just spam them all with a catchy SMS like "I'm staring at you at the gym". And don't forget to add a physical description of yourself so she can know you're her charming prince.

Simpler solution:
Leave that girl alone, she's just here to exercise.

[been_burned_b4]

She is seriously fixated on her cell phone and you seem to be seriously fixated on her. I don’t get it…. the United States population is about 342 million, yes million… assuming half are females, that leaves you with 171 million other choices and that is just the U. S. it’s a big world. With that said, I think you know what to do…. if you think of it logically.

[Asker]

i've seen other girls at that gym who seem fixated on cell phones so i wouldn't say its just her displaying this type of behaviour , it would appear that it you want to date a women under 40 you have to except the fact her phone is of great importance to her

[been_burned_b4]

Oops, that does not leave you with 171 million other choices… considering some females are in a relationship, married, under aged, etc…. to be conservative, 30% are single and available therefore, that still leaves 51 million to choose from (in the U. S.)… best of luck

[molonski2]

Phone obsession is like any other addiction and is a seriously mental issue , her entire life is NOT real , proceed with absolute extreme caution.

A massive red flag , she is and has a serious problem


Highly disturbing.

[Asker]

she has a real life , she goes to the gym , i do find some girls social media can be somewhat of a fantasy , they post stuff that perhaps isn't real life

[Asker]

update she reappeared at gym after a 2 week absense , actually got close enough to see what she is looking at on her phone , and its weirder than you'd think , she doesn't appear to be texting people and wasn't looking at posts from actual friends or herself

like it appeared she was just scrolling through posts like random posts on some social media app maybe tik tok or instagram but like totally random posts , so she isn't even looking or doing stuff that is important

she does have a real life , she seems to have a fairly interesting like for a girl her age , she has her own car , goes to the gym ,

[molonski2]

Well.. Asker , the positive is she goes to the gym , but if she is doing as you say ( and I'm sure she is ) serious nutjob , focus on working out

[Asker]

well yeah she goes to the gym a lot so she is pretty good looking , i'd describe her as a younger version of shania twain if you could picture what that kind of girl might look like at the gym and when she shows up at the gym she's in these tight blue jeans and belly revealing tops

i don't know what she's looking at on her phone all the time , i just glanced over when she was on that machine and near me and thats what i saw on her screen , she was scrolling through random posts on some app it didn't appear important at all

i didn't go to the gym today so might not see her again till next week but her gym schedule has been less predictable lately so who knows

[Anonymous]

Lol I'd not even bother 😅 many other fish out there.
Take it as godly signs "god says for your own benefit, look elsewhere, don't look here" flashing neon signs.

God bless. Don't get arrested now or in strife, so I'd move on man. I'd move the hell on. And swiftly 😌😅

[jshm2]

Yeah well, seems like you're into a girl who thinks you're third class after her phone and shitty coffee flavoured water.

Either you're this boring, or this girl is that nutty...

[DreamCrescent]

yikes, yeah. that part

i was going to say if she’s on her phone enough for you to take note then she’s either addicted which is a red flag or otherwise preoccupied which is a red flag or she’s looking at her phone to avoid contact with someone which is a red flag

sooooo

[Asker]

i don't think i'm that boring , we just haven't talked enough to get connected and know each other. girls usually like me more once we've done that

[Hunter-40m]

Try to approach her with the issues she is interesed in for example the exercises she does regularly or. her gym routines maybe some useful apps on the phone or etc

[Asker]

she just seemed to do her own thing and not really cared what anyone else was doing , also hasn't been in lately in her normal time slot so not sure when she is coming in , i noticed her car near starbucks the other day so she's still around

[Hunter-40m]

As far as I can understand from what you told she is cold and distant also indifferent actually I dont waste my time with these types because I am sure she won't be interesed in the steps I will take and if I I take the first step I wait for her to answer my move or else I dont insist on reaching her

[Nikki1989]

Phone addicts are weirdos. I don't even know where my phone is right now.

[Asker]

i can't understand why anyone would bring it into the gym and use it that much to begin with , especially if she's only there for an hour , she's spending so much time on phone not working out although she seems pretty good looking so it ain't hurting her at this point

[AngryCarl3]

Weirdo might be the norm now.

[Asker]

@AngryCarl3 i know feel like i've seen other girls exhibit this same behaviour so not sure its that odd either , some gyms don't allow phones during gym use

[cutieMommy]

😅 lol 😆 I like to giggle thanks Nikki

[thegreenyogi]

Easy. Approach her through her phone. Social media somehow.

[Asker]

i'm not entirely sure about that one , i came across a profile of a girl from our town that i though might be her but not able to 100 % say its the same girl but if i added her she might wonder how i found her and it might not be the same girl

[thegreenyogi]

Do you have any idea what her name is?,

[Asker]

possibly if that account is her than yes i would

[SaoirseS]

You aren’t going to change her, so don’t bother approaching her.

[Texaskid1]

Hard pass.

If she is fixated on her phone she is not interested in you and you would be chasing a shadow.

[Alex-Snow]

Do you really want to get to know someone like that? It would be a challenge to keep her attention.

[Asker]

but she goes to the gym a lot and is super hot , do i really care if she plays with her phone a bit and drinks starbucks drinks if i get that.

[RingOfFire]

First question I would ask myself is are you interested in someone who seems addicted to her phone? That would be a reach for me.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Wait until she's sans phone to approach her.

[cutieMommy]

Perhaps you at being invasive to her. After all, she is minding her own business.

[Anonymous]

She is a phone addict, that's not a good thing.

[In_Trance]

You're old enough to know the answer to this

[Anonymous]

you are over 35?

[msc545]

call her

[Asker]

i don't have her #

[msc545]

I understand. Okay, in that case maybe you make it a point to going to Starbucks at the same time. She's in there there and start talking to her and act. Surprised at you know her from the gym. Other than that, I'm not sure you do this at all. She sounds difficult to approach and probably doesn't want to be approach. And if you do, you are running the risk of her complaining. You're harassing her which is going to lead us to all sorts of trouble for you. Think carefully about what you want to do, how far away from her you want to stand and for how long. Minimize those things if you can because you're taking a big risk even talking to her or trying to. Also, if are you absolutely positive she's at least 18? Because if she isn't, this could turn very bad for you very quickly.

[Petermorgan343434]

You don’t.