Why is my boyfriend’s close friend acting so weird and distant with me?

[Anonymous]

One of my boyfriend’s friends has been acting weird around me for some reason. We have history together so I’ll keep it short because there’s sooo much to say and it’s gonna turn into a very long paragraph lol. But I always catch him staring at me at events, and when we’re alone he’ll get really quiet and awkward. There was a time where he helped us move some furniture in our new apartment. I take it my boyfriend didn’t tell him about me being there (I was cleaning up and making space for the furniture) because he looked surprised to see me and was quickly ready to leave. He’s never rude to me, in fact he initiates most of the conversations even if they’re small. Anyway, I have pretty much all of my boyfriend’s friends added on social media and they all follow me as well…except him. I added him recently bc it popped up on my people you may know list and he hasn’t responded to it in over 2 weeks. Usually I wouldn’t care if he was a complete stranger or we only talked once or twice, but we see each other occasionally and he’s close to my boyfriend. & he follows all of the other guy’s girlfriends so I don’t know what makes me different? It probably isn’t a big deal and you might say “well maybe he hasn’t seen it”, this guy is on social media daily and he mainly texts my boyfriend on it so. What’s going on?

[HollyK21]

Why does it matter? Who gives a damn lol the only man you should care about is your own. No it’s not weird or questionable, it’s his own choice and his feelings aren’t your problem. Move on.

[Asker]

lol damn okay. my bad for asking 🤣

[HollyK21]

It’s better that way. All we can do here is put thoughts into your head that you don’t need or don’t matter. Like what if you get several people here saying he has a crush and trying to avoid you or something? What else is that gonna do except potentially create drama for the whole group? Focus on the man that matters, not this one you once had something with (even messier by the way). This road only leads to trouble.

[Asker]

i didn’t have anything with him, sorry if you mistook it that way! i just meant there’s a lot of “moments” we had even though im not attracted to him. im just simply wondering if there was something i did wrong because all of my boyfriend’s other friends get along with me that’s why lol

[HollyK21]

Getting along with your man’s friend is just a plus, not a destination and not a necessity. If I spent any time wondering or worrying about having each friend of my fiancé’s added on my social media except for one, that would be a problem. It looks weird, because you shouldn’t care about those guys like that. It’s just better to leave it alone.

[Rorroto]

There's a 99% chance he thinks you're attractive or maybe even has a crush on you and is sensibly trying to hide it because you're his friend's girlfriend. I think that's just the sort of thing many guys deal with all the time. It probably doesn't mean he wants to date you. He's probably just dealing with irritating hormonal impulses he's in the process of shoving down and getting rid of.

Something tells me women don't seem to have to deal with that as often... but I could be wrong. Women don't seem to just sort of get attracted to every single thing of the opposite sex the way some guys do.

[Asker]

yeah he told my boyfriend he has a date today. i’m just more confused why he treats me differently. because i just see him as a friend and find it weird that he seems to be purposefully ignoring my friend request. i guess i could ask but i don’t want to start unnecessary drama or make him uncomfortable.

[Rorroto]

I think not asking sounds like a good idea.

If it's bothering you, you could say something like: "Hey, (insert name here) I've noticed you've seemed sort of distant. I was just wondering if everything was okay." That could make him feel more like you'd like a more relaxed, friendly relationship. I wouldn't try to figure out or ask why he's been distant though.

[Chayce]

Combination of history + unresolved feelings + dating his homie = where we're at now.