My guy friend has been acting so distant suddenly?

[Anonymous]

i had known this guy in college through friends but we had never talked fast-forward to after we were done with college all of us friends met he was also there he had just gotten out of a toxic relationship with his girlfriend, whenever we would meet he would pull my leg keep on irritating me and i would completely ignore his nonsense, i had a huge crush on his best friend and he was giving me complete mixed signals and so i needed his help to know if he was into me and so i talked to him and he told me was just a Playboy and it's okay i should move on i cried my eyes out in front of his telling him how much i liked his friend and a while later i was so comfortable around him and we became friends, i would be my weirdest self in front of me we would get drunk together (had other friends around to) and have the best times he would call me everyday to ask me to hangout with all of them and he told me that i was a person who'd always be high without even needing alcohol we were such good friends now and in a while he was leaving for his studies abroad also his ex girlfriend was in the same college he was in, i never asked him about her because i didn't want to cross boundaries and one night he called me telling about how toxic his relationship was with her i listened and told him it's okay he's out now after a while he went abroad and months later a mutual friend told me he was living in with his ex there it was shocking but i never asked because obviously boundaries, he stopped communication and would just send memes and one day on vedio call i asked him about his girlfriend and he got angry and cut the phone he came back we were still talking. We both love dogs so when he was there his oldest dog had passed away and a while later his grand dad, nobody told him he got to know when he came back i talked to him tried to console after a while met him and but dude to other friends being around couldn't have a chat,

Updates

1 y

but i asked about his girlfriend he said it is nothing and he's still open to dating and mentioned a couple of girls he liked, the problem is he's been so distant since i asked him to meet he said he was busy we had such an amazing bond i can't describe every detail but i am pissed

Updates

1 y

Also the last time i met him he bought that guy friend of his that i had a crush on and he was absolutely flirting with me the whole time and so we could talk at all

[Anonymous]

Why do you struggle with being direct? When you had a crush on the friend, instead of talking to him you confided in this guy and ultimately robbed yourself of the chance to see what sort of person your crush could be. Now you’re having all of these weird feelings about your friends behavior, and post it here rather than speak with him. My point is, you do yourself no favors by trying to skirt your way around telling a person how you feel about them or when something is troubling you.

[Asker]

Because i had the fear of getting rejected and humiliating myself, and with my friend what if he tells me i am just overthinking and he doesn't give care about what i feel

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly girl, if that was your friends’ response then he is no friend, because a true one isn’t going to disregard your feelings and gaslight you in the process. It would actually be better to see that negativity so you can drop him, but I would hope that wouldn’t be his response even for the sake of having some common decency and compassion. As for your fear of rejection, trust me I get it. Of course this won’t relay through our conversation but I’ve always been the shy, quiet sort of girl. I never spoke my mind because of the fears you had. But eventually I realized rejection would hurt but it won’t kill me, and at least I had the courage to try which is very reassuring. I also learned to speak my mind rather than fear confrontation or backlash because people will genuinely walk all over you when they feel certain you won’t say anything. You can be as nice as you want but don’t be anyone’s doormat or punching bag. No one will advocate or stand up for you better than yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

That was a bit of a Pep talk but sometimes we need it. I hope you find the courage to speak up for yourself going forward, it’s less scary than you think once you decide to stop stifling your feelings.

[Asker]

Hwy thanks for the pep talk, i mean i am absolutely worst with confrontation most of my relationships with friends have suffered but what about i stop talking and they don't even ask why.

[Opinion Owner]

Like if you stop talking to them in general? If they don’t care about that then those aren’t your friends. You’ve got to put some value on your presence in someone’s life, because your mindset should be that you don’t lose them, they lose you. Being shy and afraid of confrontation is one thing, but staying silent because you feel like you need or want their friendship so badly is you chopping away at your sense of self worth. Don’t devalue what you bring to the table, and if you feel that you aren’t a good friend in whatever aspect (s) then that’s a sign to work on being the sort of friend to someone that you’d want for yourself.

[Asker]

Thank you you don't know how much i needed this

[Opinion Owner]

No worries girly! I’m not the wisest person ever but I know that someone who puts as much value on their friendships as you do deserves to have that energy matched.