How far sexually can you go without losing respect after a few dates?

Question

I'm 30+ now dating guys,but I am having a difficult time. I am looking for a relationship, but I'm meeting guys who want to go to bed fast. I sometimes ask them to stay & cuddle but no sex until we get to know each other better. They all say no problem, but when we start kissing they whine for more. I sometimes get myself into an awkward situation when we are both in bed & I don't want to be consider a tease; but I don't want to do too much except kiss & hold one another. Sometimes I want to make out some & I want to satisfy each other through touching or mutual masturbation, but I do not want to have sex or oral until I have feelings for someone. When guys realize that I was serious with what I said; then I rarely will hear from them. What's wrong with waiting for someone you care for before you ride them? ..I rather make love than screw some stranger & feel bad about later or worried about my health. There's nothing wrong with waiting; but how to wait for sex without scaring the guy off is where the problem arises. Does anyone else have this problem? I like to hear girl/guy opinions. Thanks.

ggazelles · Accepted Answer

Okay, here's the thing. When you go on these dates with different men, and you take them to your room, they are expecting some action. You're not ready to give them action, so you ask them to stay and cuddle, however what you need to realize, is that at this point, they're not emotionally at the point where they're ready to snuggle with you. You can't expect a guy who you've been on one date with to want to "hold you" or spent the night being loving with you, when they aren't even sure yet if they want to go on a second date. This is the equivalent to them expecting you to sleep with them on the first or second date.

Here's what you need to do:

After Date #1 - If you want to see them again, have them walk/drive you home and give them a kiss. It can be a long hot make-out if you'd like, but DO NOT invite them inside. If you don't want to see them again, then give them a hug and send them on their way.

After Date #2 - If things have gone well again and you feel comfortable giving them a blowjob/having them go down on you at this point, invite them inside. If you're not ready for this, then repeat what you did after date #1, but make it longer and hotter.

After Date #3 - You should probably be ready to do something sexual with these guys at this point since date #3 is traditionally the sex date. If you go through with it and sleep with them, THEN you can expect them to stick around for a little bit of snuggling, but not too much or they'll begin to think you're clingy.

Sorry if this all sounds harsh, but guys are going to see you as being needy and dependent if you continue to expect them to "hold you" without putting out, which is not a turn on.

missnicole · Accepted Answer

ggazelles is spot on...when a man makes it into bed with you, he's thinking one thing...doesnt matter what you say...actions speak louder than words! And yeah, they will feel let down and rejected when you push them away from that when they are laying there next to you...

Personally..I don't even let a guy into my home, or enter his, unless I know I'm ready for it to get to that level. My boyfriend was relentless...he invited me to come up to his apartment after every single date...to see the view from his balcony, to watch that movie we were talking about, to have a drink, to talk...I swear...he thought of everything he possibly could to get me up there.

To this day he swears he had the most innocent intentions... hah! But having to wait to be intimate with me in any way made him have to get to know me better, and once we did get intimate, he already knew he would have seen me again regardless...

And think of it this way...just like how these guys want to have sex as soon as possible, you want to cuddle as soon as possible...both of you are going to have to stick it out and not get what you want for awhile till you get to know each other. Its worth it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You need to wake up, if you want to just cuddle get a puppy. The reason you don't hear from the is cause they think your being a tease. Just hold off for a few dates and don't invite them back or go back to theirs.

BTW - all men want sex, its how they are built but by not giving it too them straight away is how you build up your mystery, their intruige in you. If a boy got given a car would he look after it as much as he would the car he worked every saturday for and saved up his money for to buy himself. That car he cherishes. When handed on a plate it just doesn't mean as much.

Get book called Why men like Bitches, not like it sounds its full of useful dating information for ladies about how to act and not make mistakes like you have mentioned above.

mav0502 · Accepted Answer

I would suggest to keep everything out of the bedroom until you are sure its what you want. mutual play is fine if its outside the bedroom as it can be controlled easier and when you go to bed together people have an expectation which can be false. so I would say, start with the mutual play or just watch each other play and you can learn from that. I always like to watch a woman play as I can learn from what she likes so when its my turn, I can do it better. and she can learn from what I like. then when you are both at the point of being together then move the mutual play into the bedroom and let it move on from there.

EasyEC · Accepted Answer

Here's the dilemma:

You think of sex as a means of building on an emotional bond, something you're only willing to do after that intial bond is established.

Guys tend to think of sex (a physical bond) that must first be established before they'll even consider having an emotional bond.

If you're not willing to have sex with the men you date, don't allow the situation to come up where you're in the same bed. They will interpret it as you finding them sexually unattractive. Frankly, I think you should take into consideration how guys view sex and also embrace your sexuality.

acchussainm · Answer

look shorty there ain't nothin wrong waiting...but can't help but call you a slut if you go to bed with random guys but not willing to spread ur legs...coz of girls like u,we disrespect all girls and call 'em bitches and hoes...try online marriage sites or something...make up ur mind before kissing and rubbing someone's dick...or burn in hell

GNIGHT73 · Answer

okay, good synopsis...

I don't think you should really be alone with a guy for too long of a time unless you are planning on playing the sex field...orally for both you or with your hands/fingers...once that started, I think it would be and should be difficult for both you to prevent copulation...

Geeeeeeeeeeeeezeeeeeeeeeeee

l-hedoniste · Answer

You have exactly the right idea, and you're doing exactly the right things; you do not have a problem--your guys have problems.  Don't get discouraged. Patience, persistence. You'll be fine.

GIntrovert · Answer

You don't take a man to your bed, then reject him, he will instantly think you no longer like him, no matter what you say. For me, and I think most men, actions speak louder then words.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, nothing wrong with waiting, but you are being a bit of a tease. You probably shouldn't be getting in bed with guys you don't intend to have sex with.

How far sexually can you go without losing respect after a few dates?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How far sexually can you go without losing respect after a few dates?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.