Is getting a girlfriend a numbers game?

[Anonymous]

I've asked out 5 girls in my life. One of them outright rejected me. Two others gave me a run around and never said no outright. And the other 2 said yes, though they both didn't give me answers right away, which probably indicated their true interest. Nothing came out of those dates and one of them didn't even take it seriously.

I'm pretty discouraged, especially since I thought one of them was really into me and would say yes right away. She gave all the classic flirting signs.

Maybe I haven't asked enough girls out yet?

[Belgie]

In the beginning it's best to treat it like a numbers game, until you know what you're doing.

5 ask outs in a life, is a shockingly low number, given how often even the most successful guys out there get rejected.

In my opinion, you should be asking out 5 girls a week.

Asking out 5 girls in a lifetime suggests to me, that you're trying to only date the girls that you've already made up your mind about - you know you like them.

And that's the wrong way to go about dating. You should date girls to see if you like them. The less you know about them, the better frankly. That way, you don't find it odd to ask out 5 girls a week because most of them will be virtual strangers anyway. People you meet in random encounters day to day just by being sociable.

Some of those girls will go for coffee with you, or go to lunch or whatever. That's when you get to know them a little bit, and thet get to know you, and you see if you want to progress it to dinner some evening, or maybe just after work drinks.

If you limit yourself only to girls you think you've already made some foundation with, you're doing two really bad things - first, you're limiting your potential dating pool down to just a handful of girls. Two, you're setting yourself up for a rougher rejection because you're already feeling some emotional connection to the girl, and perhaps already thinking you *like* her. And a rejection from someone we *like* is much harder than a stranger and yourself realising over coffee that you've just got nothing in common so, have a good life and good bye.

[Asker]

You're right. The girl who rejected me outright I had barely talked to before. So I didn't care. Eventually we became friends. The two girls who hesitated for a while before sayying yes I had already invested months in. So I hurt from those.

The only problem with the drinks/lunch thing is I don't want a girl to think I just want to be friends. Those seem like friends activities

[Asker]

Anither problem is I don't meet many girls outside of my class because I'm so busy. Of course thhis makes reejctions worse since I see them everyday and they eventually move on to date other people

[martyfellow]

You're most likely asking out the really 'cool girls, and these girls get a lot of requests, and are pretty disdainful of most guys.

They expect to date the richest guys around them, and won't take anyone else seriously they may accept a date if there's a hole in their schedule, but they'll make it clear that your are just there to entertain them, as you have found out already!

Try asking out girls outside of the 'cool' set. Maybe they won't be as pretty, but they'll treat you much better and not play games with your head like this. Try getting to know minority culture girls instead of Trumpettes.

[Asker]

Well, the girl who didn't seem to take me seriously is one of those girls you're talking about. She's not one of the "cool" set. She's not all that pretty. She has a nice face, but is a little chubby. But I think she's one of those girls who are drawn to high-energy, party situations, which is where she derives most of her enjoyment. Kind of like one of those who want to/think they're part of the cool crowd, but they're kind of not.

[Asker]

only one girl gave me a straight answer (the one who rejected me outright) and she's one of those "outside the cool set" girls you're talking about. She straight up told me that she was seeing another guy and she wanted to get serious with him. Ironically, I eventually became friends with her because she was cool.

The others...I'm kind of disappointed with the way they handled things with me.

[martyfellow]

Meh, yes, the 'wannabe' cool girls are often even worse than the genuine 'cool' girls!

[Anonymous]

It's not really a numbers game as much as it's a luck game - you have to sometimes weigh your chances with certain women and hope that the person you've found is as into you as you are into her. So I mean with that comes the work of fine-tuning your intuition, so you can hopefully tell if they like you as well.

[Asker]

Well, I thought for sure the last girl was into me. Displayed all classic flirting signs. But she didn't seem too keen/excited when I asked her

[kheserthorpe]

Its a numbers game because it requires luck.

[Opinion Owner]

There's a difference

[Anonymous]

Not a game. If a girl likes you she will give it to you. if you doesn't like you she wont. its simple

[Lommelun]

Or mabye you're asking the wrong girls.

Fine-tuning your receptors skills so that you only bother to put in energy with the girls that are receptive to you and your advances is something that comes with age - and lots and lots of practice.

So, yes, it is a numbers game. A numbers games since you need practice to be good at it and practice comes with numbers.

[Asker]

to be honest I didn't like any of the girls that much and the one I thought was the coolest I eventually became friends with.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, girls have totally shot themselves in the foot with being flirty with all guys. I'm pretty sure this girl you mention, that displayed all the classic flirting signs, has sent them off to a number of different guys. I don't know why some girls do it, but I highly suspect that it is unconscious behavior. And because of this, is why I don't approach

Oh, and yeah. It's a numbers game in the daytime. Getting laid in the night, out clubbing, is so much more easier

[Asker]

Yeah, she moved on from me, stopped flirting, and started flirting with someone like me

[kheserthorpe]

You haven't.

Its partially a numbers game. Not entirely. But partially.

[Asker]

Why partially?

Also, what's a good goal of asking girls out in a week or month period?

[kheserthorpe]

Well, I'll give you an example ... I read a blog saying on the dating site okCupid, around 1/4 first contacts from men get any kind of response from women. I have no clue, but lets imagine 1/8 of those lead to a first date, so for every 32 women you contact, one first date. Half of all first dates lead to a second, half of all second dates lead to 'dating' - not necessarily for more than a few weeks. (everything beyond first is a guess). So if you contact 10 new women a night, you'd expect .

[kheserthorpe]

a couple first dates/week and maybe the second week you have two new first dates plus a second, the third week maybe a third date, a second date, a few more firsts, etc.

So that's a lot of numbers before you actually get a relationship ... which may last a month and then you're back at it.

In that sense its a numbers game.

If you send 100 messages and get 3 responses, your technique and approach are really hampering things.

Its a combination of decent approach + numbers.

[Asker]

Do you think it gets easier when I have a job? In a couple years I'll have finished school and I'll be a doctor. Also, I haven't tried online yet, so far everyone I've asked out has been in my med class

[kheserthorpe]

For the most part no, because you'll meet even fewer women, other then patients, who you aren't allowed to date.

There will be the slight advantage that a small subset of women stalk doctors, so you could simply allow one of them to bag you.

[Asker]

So do you think I'll get better results doing online dating when I'm practicing medicine since that way I'll meet more women?

[kheserthorpe]

Maybe. But you don't want a girl to just date you because you're a doctor. You want a girl who finds you fun and cute and wants to fool around with you and then goes 'holy crap you're a doctor?!?'

Work on dating skills now. If you can't get any interest, you're doing something wrong. It's easier I figure out while satig casually then in a relationship with a woman who settled for you.

[Asker]

well, when I think about trying to show myself as "fun", then I end up trying too hard. The problem is that I'm introverted, so when I try to be extroverted, I...just can't do it. However, that's not to say I don't have social skills...I've had people come up to me and tell me I'm the funniest person they know. I can converse decently and I can go in front of a crowd of people (like in a presentation or speech) and be entertaining. But it's just harder for me to "shine" when socializing in

[Asker]

larger groups. I'm more comfortable when it's one-on-one or 3 people and I'm not trying to make the other person like me.

I just hope that I don't have to be extroverted to have someone think I'm fun and cute.

[kheserthorpe]

You don't.

Many women would love to be with you. Funny, loyal, doctor. Yeah that's a nightmare.

All you need to do is meet women and find out if they like you and you like them. If not, one less wan to waste time on. Don't try to be someone else. Who cares if they like someone else? You want a woman who likes YOU. So be as much YOU as possible and if she doesn't like you the sooner you find that out the better.

[MikeK]

YES. and numbers suck.