My boyfriend has a very weak personality

[Anonymous]

I love him alot, but sometimes I wish he was a little bit tougher or firmer, he does whatever I ask him to do with no disscusion, I'm the one who decides when and where to meet, if he knew I was at the club he'll come over even if I didn't ask him, he's always the one who calls, texts, even if we just had a fight

in the begining I found this cute/nice, now it's starting to annoy me, sometimes I want him to be tough ! I feel like, I'm the one wearing the pants in this

Updates

+1 y

I'm not a bitch, I just want someone to accompany me not copy and follow whatever I say ! sometimes you need somebody to tell you what to do and not to be leading it all the time and NO I'm not a male -.-

[babablacksheep]

I can totally relate!! It is not about being unappreciative at all. The women on here who assume so are probably jilted scorners who've been burned or have never been in a relationship with a male of this type. I have been with my man for almost 11 years. We're both 26 now. He loves a bunch of crap such as video games, his work and he's borderline OCD with his cleanliness and SPORTS MAD! All males envy him, his clothes his ease, everything. BUT!!- He's also extremely subservient and passive which does my head in to no end! He'll ask permission for everything, he won't buy anything unless it 'get's my approval' and he'll jump right to when I ask for something. He cooks he cleans & I know (quit whining & lap it up, right?) WRONG! I want a partner not a maid. It's been a point of contention for a long time now. I don't want him to feel that I don't appreciate what he does & I also don't want him to feel like a slave either. I don't know if i have groomed him to be this way but I am admittedly a dominant force. I love him with all my heart & breaking up is not an option :) but I do wish he was way more assertive. Being waited on is not what I'm about, he is my equal. I dote on him but it feels very inorganic & he'll change that dynamic quicker than I can bat a lash. He isn't a sissy either, he's a mans man but I think he's a big sap. (Except when we're sexing) The conclusion I've come to is to subtly change the dynamic of our relationship by making him take charge, be decisive & become a little more alpha, and then praise the shit out of him and feed his ego (and his tummy) when he makes assertive choices. Guys lap that shit up. maybe it could work for you :) P. s I'm a cross between a hippie, a hip hop lover & a tomboy who loves vintage boutiques, gardening & tending to my roses whilst wearing a tupac tshirt & I don't believe all the hype about never arguing = perfect fairy tale love (vomit) I'm a realist. Mum died when I was 11 so was just me, dad & baby sis.

[KristenMendoza88]

For what it's worth, I think it's a bit unfair that people are just assuming you're a male because they can't understand your problem. I can see what you are saying, and have been there before. I've dated guys who were really kind and caring and we had a great relationship, but ultimately it wasn't right for me because I never felt like I got to know the real him. He would literally change his opinions, likes and dislikes to match mine...he would ask permission constantly even after I would try to explain to him that it wasn't necessary...when I tried to tell him that I needed a bit of space he disappeared and I found him crying in the corner with a teddy bear at a party.

I don't think it makes you a b*tch or a bad person if you'd rather be with someone who can challenge you, share his real opinions with you even if they aren't similar to yours, and who can stand up for himself and for you when you need him to. That doesn't mean you want to be treated like sh*t. It just means you want an equal in your relationship, not a follower.

Good luck to you :)

[toulouse]

Why do you ask him to do things if you don't want him to do them.. are you serious?

i think you're a guy, trying to drum up hysteria about girls wearing the 'pants;.but in case you're not.

theres nothing wrong with your relationship, unless he's being dishonest.

if he's agreeing with you just because he thinks he has to, that's no good. but that's no good for anyone. its got nothing to do with roles.

Do you think _you_ should be agreeing to is every whim and bending over back wards to keep him cam. no. because its degrading.

you don't want him agreeing to things he's not OK with, because eventually hell resent you. And you don't actually get to know who you're with. its all lies.

BUT, if his behavior ia honest, then why guys are not compatible because apparently you want someone who plays games and refuses you just to prove a point.

tell him to answer and act on is behalf. if he continues as he is,then its just who he is ad you have to move on. because you don't appreciate him, and he deserves better.

[cazza3]

Well said toulouse

[pr3ttybr0wn]

This is GAG, home of the weak men and their sympathetic female supporters. They will now get defensive because they see themselves in him.

You may not be able to change his inherent personality trait, but it is worth talking to him about it.of course you don't want to insult him by calling him weak..say you'd like him to be firmer and voice his opinion more instead of just going along with whatever you suggest.

[KingsOfleon88]

And then women complain that there are no "good" or "nice guys" around, maybe some women need to be treated like dirt and some dudes need to date bitches so they realize what it means when they truly find someone worthwhile to be with.

[toulouse]

Anon male writing as anon female strikes again.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Actually I'm a girl.watch, I'll take myself off anon

[Anonymous]

You want him to be man, but he won't. So you've fallen into the man role in the relationship.

And you want to be the girl, obviously.

Here's what you need to do :- you need to sit him down, and explain the problem to him in terms that he can understand. No hints. No subtleties. And then you need to spell out very clearly the consequences that will happen if he doesn't change. (ie You will leave him, because you're not attracted to weak women who happen to own a penis)

Tell him he needs to start making the decisions in the relationship, taking the more aggressive more leadership role, the traditional male role, and if he doesn't... then it's over.

[heavymetalbrotha]

that sounds like a yes man , i guess have him talk to someone the exact opposite and hopefully it rubs off lol that does sound annoying tho.

[MaskofInsanity]

I see where you're coming from. I wouldn't want a partner who was submissive and unassertive either. I think it's completely normal to want someone who will stick up for themselves, rather than lay on their back and take what you give.

The question is what you can do about. Obviously you can just end the relationship and chalk it up to being incompatible. Otherwise you can talk to him about it - let him know you want him to tell you when he disagrees with you and not be afraid to say "no".

[KingsOfleon88]

Since when is it weak to care about someone you love? The poor S.O.B. is going out of his way to please to YOU, not himself.

[cazza3]

+1. Agreed. And then we wonder why guys think they have to be a**holes to get women

[Asker]

I'm not asking him to be an a**hole, I just want him to man up a little, I need to feel protected not protecting.

[KingsOfleon88]

How do you relate "feeling protected" with the fact that he calls you first or drives to pick you up when you go out or even that he is basically there for you. The examples you listed above are basically of someone who seems like he genuinely gives a sh*t about you, probably cares too much for someone who doesn't seem like she deserves it to be honest

[toulouse]

Personally, I don't think this is a woman. it sounds like the male anon above, opened up a female account. and asked this question, so he could answer and make his 'point'.

no one asks people to order them around, or to do things hoping theyll be contrary just to prove their 'strength. if you're strong you care about those you love. only cowards re a**holes.