I passed gas on mistake in front of my immediate family and brothers fiance and her mom...please read details?

[Ildskf]

I'm not trying to be immature about this and I'd appreciate serious answers..to me it wasn't a big deal...it was small and high pitched. I was siting and..it just happened...I've had a history of bowel issues...but this has never happened before. I just kept going on like nothing happened. My sister however, heard it and started laughing...I think everyone heard.

My dad is someone I don't get along with at all. He is extremely judgmental and critical, especially of me. So after everyone left, a couple hours later...he tells me to sit down and asks if it was me. I denied it..especially because I was taken aback by why he would even ask this. My dad never talks to me, except when he wants to point out something I've done wrong. He was worried what the guests would think and how it looked in front of them.

First of all, would I really have done this on purpose? No.

It made me feel very hurt that he continues to ignore me unless it is to correct me, especially in front of my brothers fiance and her mom.

My sister that is 13 years younger than me even gave me her two cents and said how disgusted she was by me and asked me if I have any morals.

Is it just me, or is this being blown out of proportion? Its really more than about this incident...I'm completely tired of being criticized and under a microscope. All of my faults and mistakes are very quick to be pointed out by my family, but not my accomplishments. For example, after getting my job last year that took two interviews and effort to get...there was no recognition at all from my father. He doesn't know what I do, and doesn't seem to care at all...all he knows is it's not what he wanted me to do.

And then I walked passed my father again to my room...and passed gas again...again...a high pitched short one...he must have heard because he was closer...I didn't do it on purpose...I didn't have control over it...but it's just that shame I feel...and being judged.

How would you handle this situation? I don't feel like I did anything wrong, especially since it wasn't on purpose or something I felt like I could control...but the thing that affects me the most is how my dad treats me. And I live at home, so there is no getting away from it. And what also bothers me is my fathers hypocrisy...he passes gas ON PURPOSE in front of my immediate family all the time.. Thanks...I could use any help.

[dan_i_am]

I am so sorry this happened to you! Good Lord, this happens to everyone, even the Queen of England and Princess Kate (although her gas is reportedly sunshine and rainbows and smells like perfume).

Umm... yes this was blown way out of proportion. You were clearly embarrassed, so there was no need for your dad to call it to your attention. Sweet Jesus, it's not like you did it on purpose.

Here is my advice with your dad. The next time he does it on purpose, but it has to be with an audience and not just you, is to say: "Dad, I'm sort of confused, when we were together on (such and such occasion) you called me out for this. Now, you seem to do it on purpose, and even take pride. Can you explain the difference? Then, don't say anything - maintain eye contact and wait for an answer. If the answer is lame, continue eye contact, and say something like: really, that's your answer? You humiliated me.

Next, YOU handled it well - just ignore it. Anyone who laughs is the rude person.

Further: morals? Whomever said THAT needs to get a dictionary! It is a natural physical issue!

Your thirteen year old sister? Sadly, you can't bitch slap her across the face. I think you should have a private conversation with her to tell her how she hurt your feelings and embarrassed you. Sorry to drone on, I'm just outraged at your situation. Dan

[Ildskf]

Thanks, I really appreciate your advice. Yes, it is an embarrassing situation...I was just really hurt that my father had to sit me down and probe..it's not this isolated incident that bothers me, it's just that he mostly only talks to me when he points out something that I've done "wrong." I feel like I'm a robot or something...and seeing how differently he treats my future sister in law, like an adult (I'm 6 years older than her) hurts my feelings and its most difficult to be in that situation

[Ildskf]

& I wouldn't even dream of saying that to my dad...if I did I would put myself in a lot of hot water...he would consider that disrespectful

[dan_i_am]

I'm not surprised that you were hurt - I would be hurt too.

I don't intend to be mean, but since your dad is always so critical and can not find something nice to say. Coupled with the fact that you can't have a candid conversation with him AND his future sister in law is treated like a princess seems to be emblematic of a much bigger problem.

Can you see a counselor? Not that YOU have a problem - with all due respect, it is your dad. Dan

[palek]

I'm so sorry to hear you messed yourself at an intimate gathering of immediate family and potential inlaws. If I were you, I'd try and take comfort in the fact that it wasn't a highly odiferous wet fart or an explosive case of the squirts. Either of these would be hard to recover from, and might have soiled the furniture. I can't think of anything worse than knowing that every time I visited my mother-in-law, I'd have to face the indelible brown stain on her wing chair. Anyway, don't let it get you down. A couple of years ago Nancy Grace let rip a great clamorous tuba fart while talking to the host on Dancing With The Stars.

[blackwaterhattie]

You may have to go Total Asshole in the future. By that I mean, rub your belly and proclaim "Hell, there's more room out here, amirite?" and elbow the person next to you all chummy-like. The fact is that if you are alive, you are GOING to fart. Farts, like sh*t, happen. Ben Franklin wrote about it- no lie: link

If it's good enough for Ben Franklin, it's good enough for your dad.

[Robotic]

i just imagined spock doing it and making that face lol

[Ildskf]

Thanks so much for the link...this is great!

[Ildskf]

U helped make me feel better...thanks : )

[dan_i_am]

I read the other posts and see you are pre-med despite all that you have to put up with.

Now, in addition to checking out counseling, I really suggest moving out of the house. I agree it is toxic.

You are an intelligent woman with great potential and you frankly don't have to put up with this sh*t.

Given what you said about the respect your dad demands, and the control I know moving out will take a lot of courage, but please consider it. Dan

[Ildskf]

I've actually been in therapy for the past 3 years...I had to withdraw from medical school after being in and out over the course of 21/2 years...I had a high amount of anxiety...and for whatever reason...just couldn't do it ( I was tested by a psychologist in med school that told me I had the intellectual ability to do well)...I've been told to leave the house by all my therapists...but its not so easy in my culture...there would be huge consequences if I leave before I get married.

[Ildskf]

I struggled so much to get into medical school...but when I finally did...I got more respect from my family...but since I withdrew...it's back to where I was before...I suppose I am jealous of my brother that is getting married...he is 3 years younger than me and my parents are very proud of him...he's making over $200,000 a year...bought a new house/car...and is about to be married to a girl that is exactly what my parents want...and she's in medical school too...Sorry...just needed to vent..thx

[Ildskf]

Thanks so much for taking the time to write an answer and comment...I realized I've written way too much..I'm all done...

Just frustrated is all...sometimes I just can't even believe my family and feel like I'm in the twilight zone...guess that's how it is being the black sheep.

[notwithyou]

I'm so sorry about your situation. You know, I think "Dan I Am" totally nailed it, so I really don't have anything meaningful to add.

Except to sort of summarize that you have had a lot of advice to get out of your situation; and I'll leave it there.

Also, your brother et al. seem to measure success by income - don't fall for that. It is way better to be happy.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[RasmusAiken]

Their reaction seems way out of proportion for what I wouldn't even consider offensive. You're living in a toxic environment. I would make every effort to find somewhere else to live, a place I could look forward to coming home to.

[Ildskf]

I've tried to leave several times. I was 23 and wanted to move out for a month to have more space to tudy for the MCAT...I was going to pay for everything of course...he blew up...I also got a full payed scholarship to undergrad..part of that was living in the dorm...and he got pissed I even asked if I could move away...even though I'm 29...I still have to tell my mom where I am at all times..and If I'm out at midnight...I get phone calls and txts...so I just don't even bother.

[Stark]

Wow your family is really tense. If anyone farted in a meeting with my family we would all laugh and chug down more ale. Suck it up and get out of there asap I say :P

[Ildskf]

You mean get out of my house? Or just out of the room?

[Stark]

Out of the house, I personally wouldn't want to live somewhere that puts that much pressure on me (assuming you still live there).

[Ildskf]

Cause I'd sure love to get out of the house but can't in my situation. I feel like my dad is a hypocritical prick that wants to put out an image, and I'm just an appendage of his image; not my own person. Seeing how differently he and my mother treat my brothers fiance is incredibly hurtful and difficult...maybe that was just my body letting it out because it's gotten unbearable, lol. I'm def the black sheep of the family...if I won the lottery, I'd be out of there in 5 min never to return

[Ildskf]

Yeah...it's getting crazy. I worked all weekend on my future sister in laws wedding shower and spent time with her all weekend. My dad found out I was in my room for a bit...so he went outside and called me on my cell phone wanting to know what I was doing in my room and why I was still there. This has happened several times...and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

[Stark]

Hopefully they get off your back after the wedding ... Then you can escape Gulag :D

[Ildskf]

Actually, they have been off my back because they've been preoccupied with the wedding...they are usually on my case more...oh well