Is it normal for a guy to be super clingy after knowing you for a few days?

[Anonymous]

Alright, this is another "too fast too serious" type of situation. I'm 24 and looking for serious anyways but I feel like he is pushing too much. We met about a week ago and he asked if we could hang out and I said yes. But the next day he came over unexpected and brought me dinner. From there it went to cuddling and kissing and constantly asking me how I feel about him or if I think he's a good kisser/cuddler and if I miss him as much as he misses me. It's been one week and he told me he loved me last night. It's like we skipped dating and went straight to serious and I don't feel that he's given me enough time to even figure out if I feel for him the way he feels for me because he never leaves me alone! I told him he was smothering me and that maybe we shouldn't date because it's too much too fast but he said that if we really like each other then we will work trough this because we make each other happy and we can get through this. It's like he thinks we've been dating for a year instead of a month. Is this normal for a guy that really likes a girl? every time I tell him to back off he says he's trying but then the next moment he's asking if he can spend the night! Is it bad that I'm freaking out or an I overreacting. It's been one week.

Updates

+1 y

I guess another question I should ask from the guys on here is, how long do you wait before getting into stuff like this in a relationship? I'm looking for what IS normal to judge against the stuff that he's doing.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for all the help guys! I really appreciate if. The other day he started hinting about what it would be like if we were to marry and some other things so I decided to break it off. I just felt like he was being way to pushy And I realized that I don't have feelings for him more than friends so it wasn't right for me to lead him on. I feel bad but I think it's the right thing to do.

[timez]

I used to be guilty of this myself.

It means he really really likes you - and just wants to know how you feel.

Your way of doing that is taking a little time to date to know how you feel.

His way is - being with you all the time (subconsciously).

I don't think this is doomed though (I think you should meet somewhere in the middle)...

Maybe try this...

Tell him you understand his need to know you are not going to disappear all of a sudden but at the rate its going that is exactly what will happen. (don't say it as blunt as I did though haha)

Also tell him its OK to not be together all the time it doesn't mean anything good or bad - but you both need to take a step back and come to some sort of compromise where you can both feel ok.

at this point he is going to think your not interested - so make sure you tell him you are.

ask him this...

What would he rather?

You spend all your time together now - and it probably won't last long because neither of you are sure yet of the other person - and one of you ends up getting annoyed.

or

We just enjoy what we have without all the constant visits until it develops into something much better where you *both* want to spend the same amount of time together.

As you are both still young it is hard to sometimes see the bigger picture (although tbh I think you are already there - I didn't start thinking like you did until I am the age I am now 30 - yes that means if it had been last year I would still be like that - and was lol)

I mean if you want to - by all means let him stay over when you feel like you want that sometimes.

I know that seemed a bit mish mash - but the only way I can really explain it is...

You both ultimately want the same things - but coming at it from different angles. You both need to change your angle to one you are both happy with.

the alternative is: you may be setting up a pattern where you keep letting him have it his way - and you drift further and further away - which isn't something anyone wants.

So is it normal? - yes and no - but this may well be normal for him - and that's what really matters here.

I would avoid using words like clingy and smothering to him though - that will only make him worse in all likelihood.

because it has only been one week - you can still turn this around.

just be kind and understanding about it - but if you just give in - I fear this won't last long before you feel so smothered you escape.

Say it however you need to but that's the message you need to get into him.

Tell him its not just his needs but yours too - and if he cared about you as much as he says he did he will let you have some time for yourself as well as with him.

I listened to the girl when it was me - it lasted 3 years! - I doubt it would have lasted 3 weeks otherwise.

[timez]

If he cannot see this from your side as well as his own (like you are trying to) Then whatever you do it's going to end (either from him getting annoyed - or you feeling trapped) - So I think have this talk with him like I said - and if that doesn't work then your going to be banging your head agaisnt a brick wall (also the girl I said about was my next door neighbor)

[backspace]

I know that sometimes I can fall in love or maybe the correct expression would be get infatuated with a woman so much that I'd want to spend all the possible time with her because she would seem so great that I would want to get to know everything. Obviously I'd smother her this way because she would not have the time to think about it. But I think I would feel smothered too if the roles were reversed.

What you need to know is that this guy probably really likes you a lot and is a really good guy if I judge him by myself. He would probably put you in staid of himself 9 out of 10 times. So if there's even a slight hint of something there think really hard before pushing him away. He'll grow out of the infatuation phase and you'll have a really great guy if you want him.

The same happens to women sometimes. I know it could be really obnoxious but it happens to everybody sometimes.

Hope that you find a way that both of you can be happy.

[Toffeepea]

ALARM BELLS!

This guy is insecure and will suffocate you! He's not for you sweetie tell him you want a weekend to yourself and with your family.

I can just see this guy becoming violent in the long term xx This is how Domestic violence relationships start TOO much love at the begining x that's how you end up trapped x

Listen to your body and mind?

What do you feel?

What do YOU want from a relationship?

You don't owe him anything so don't feel like you have to please him and put up with his behavior .

Good luck sugar x

[Asker]

I agree with what you're saying. The problem is I've already tried to break it off and he keeps putting words in my mouth that if I really like him then ill try to work through it. Another major problem is that he lives down stairs from me. I'm comfortable with him and I like him and I told him that I need space. But he just won't get the hint!

[Toffeepea]

Depends what you are like as a person.

Do you talk about yourself all night? Because girls do get bored of guys like that.

Are you overtly loud? Because that would piss girls off.

Plus if you forget names?!?!?! Then she probally thinks your not into her!

[Toffeepea]

opps wrong thread LOL Sorry! LOL

[blackkid2]

There is no "normal". It is highly dependent on factors such long-standing interest, chemistry, personality, and timing/external stress. It is inconsistent for every person unless they specifically try and set up a clock for it.

[bDizzie]

He sounds like someone who doesn't date that much. You tried to get him to back off. Now you should dump him.

[bDizzie]

@ your update, if he would have toned things down, I bet you would have liked him a lot more.

[blackkid2]

It is not abnormal. It is problematic. Tell him to stay in reality.

[Anonymous]

It's quite true if you still focus on giving him signs of interest.

[Anonymous]

it's normal for serial killers.