Married man flirting with me when drunk?

[Anonymous]

Do you think people's true intentions come out when drunk? I am married and we have married friends that come over and the one male friend was flirting openly with me that night even to the point of rubbing my foot in front of his wife and seemed to be somewhat staring blanatly too. I have had a suspicion before this of him possibly liking me more than a friend but this behavior makes me think even more. So was he just playing around or is there some meaning behind it that he is showing when drunk? And for the record no I wasn't egging him on or anything to make him act like that.

[HandsomeRaj]

The idea of 'people when drunk show their true intentions / colors' is a myth :) However, when drunk people become less inhibited and more stupid with less control on themselves for sure. In short they at times can't control their will and actions and THAT is what exactly occurred here

Incidentally a few months ago one of my friends (woman) faced the same situation with one of her friend's husbands where he blatantly touched her ass and felt her up in full view of everyone. Ofcourse everyone played it down later. NOW this guy has always known to be a very decent cultured gentleman who is well educated, courteous, loves his daughters to bits (THAT I will vouch for) and is the CEO of an organization. BUT this happened.

Hence, after getting intoxicated control on one's senses is very limited even for those who can hold their drink (or whatever).

Now this friend who he touched inappropriately is quite a looker, free and open minded person, wears good and fashionable clothes (shows a bit of skin too most times) and is seen as flirtatious by nature though I'm positive she doesn't mean it that way.

On a normal given day everyone is what they are but when intoxicated what happened stands a good chance of happening and it did :)

In your case however, the possibilities may be

1. They (ur friend and his wife) may be 'behind the curtain' swingers

2. They may have discussed having a MFF with you in mind earlier and he was just trying his luck out then

3. The most likely possibility however is he lost control of himself after a couple of drinks (or more) and he couldn't control what he was upto (as it happened to my friend)

Apologies, this may have been too long to read :)

P.S. 'rubbing your foot' is a mild way to see how you react cause if you create a scene or discuss it, this can be downplayed as a 'playful' antic

[Asker]

That's a good answer. So your saying he was testing the waters to see if I would be open to it? So I take it this is a guy that might be into a side fling with me then if I allowed it or came into him? Ha as much fun as that would be and yes we all do entertain that idea I couldn't do it. Too much repercussions for everyone for a night of hot sex which I am sure he would like lol but it's fun to flirt but I just thought that went a little far especially to do it in front of everyone

[Asker]

Side note: I actually asked him about the footsie thing and he claims he doesn't remember but that his wife would have been OK with it I told him I figured he was just playing around but I didn't argue with him that his wife did indeed get mad at him. Why would he say he would have been OK with it when I know well that she wasn't? He says he doesn't remember a lot of the night cause he was drunk

[HandsomeRaj]

lol like I said most guys (even gals) actually use the 'intoxication' situation to pass off everything they do as 'I was drunk so I don't remember' which is exactly what he's doing. Probability is that he well knew what he was upto but just covered it up later saying 'I was drunk'

His wife was sure angry at him but he obviously is playing it down stating she isn't - expected again :)

Even if both of them are confronted they would probably not only cover it up but if you persist they may well .

[HandsomeRaj]

land the blame on you - good possibility though not a compulsion :)

[no_bs]

Yes, it looks as though he was flirting with you. People lose their inhibitions after drinking because alcohol changes brain chemistry. We tend to feel like we can get away with more risky behavior, like the kind you saw in this married man.

Everyone there is having a good time, drinking, partying, and things tend to pass unnoticed by the group. Since the guests are married, there are things they can do that make you go, "There's no way that actually happened; he's married, and I'm imagining things. Or am I?"

I'd say there's meaning behind his behavior, and it's up to you whether you want to explore it. If you and your husband have ever considered swinging... that's definitely an opportunity knocking on your door.

How exactly was he rubbing your foot? Did you notice his wife's reactions? What about his behavior towards you have you noticed before?

[Asker]

He actually played footsie with me is what I should have said. His wife's foot bumped mine and us being silly we laughed and rubbed our feet together for a sec and once she took her feet off mine he reached over and rubbed his barefoot with mine. His wife mortified called his name and I am pretty sure she apologized for him but he didn't look sorry in the least. I would love to give him a night in bed with me but I know our spouses wouldn't go for it and I don't want to cheat

[Asker]

His behavior toward me before is that I always feel he is looking at me so when I look it seems as though he looks away( when he's sober) when we was drunk and I looked he just sat there and stared) and he's always really nice to me and he teases me especially when we are texting( yes we text the odd time,never sexual though) and we always make eye contact when talking to each other like constant eye contact once in While if its just the two of us he tries to avoid looking in my eyes (nervous)?

[no_bs]

Yeah, he's DTF and so are you. What you choose to do with that knowledge is up to you.

[Asker]

Well in another world we would most definitely hook up but it's not something I can chance but it's fun to flirt so we can just leave it at that. Now if my husband or his wife ever thought of swinging then I would hop in the sack with him. But now that I have some knowledge from you men that he is indeed DTF then I need to be careful and make sure things don't ever get out of control.

[no_bs]

Don't you mean "my husband *and* his wife" ? ;-) Hypothetical question: If you had a way of being certain that no one would find out (magic, time warp, whatever), would you have sex outside your marriage?

This is why I think monamory is a clever fiction we spin for ourselves so that we don't hurt each others' feelings, at the same time repressing basic desires that make us human...

[Asker]

If I was certain no one would find out it sure would be tempting. We are a lot alike and we have chemistry I think I can feel it sometimes you know how someone just feels like you know them and you get along great? I am talking opposite sex here. And the first few years of knowing him I only saw him as a friend but now we flirt a little and I see more its hard because I love my husband and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt him. But ya it would be nice to screw his brains out one night

[Asker]

Sometimes I just want to ask my husband and this guys wife if we can just have each other or a night and get it over with because I don't think this attraction or sexual tension I feel with him will go away anytime soon. He is getting more touchy feely too he showed me something on his phone the other day and I went to grab it and he kept his hand there on mine as I looked at it. He didn't back away and neither did I. I guess I am showing him I like him too by letting him do that to me

[Asker]

Well an update. Things have gone farther. A lot farther than I thought. No physical cheating but we have been secretly texting (deleting texts afterward and making a deduction together to keep it all to ourselves) at first it was just me venting to him and asking advice on something. Yes I did go to my husband first. The guy and I texted and told each other more than we should have( not sexual) just certain things he does that his wife doesn't know about and vice versa and he told me I can

[Asker]

Text him whenever I need to about anything. Another time I texted him and told him I had a dream about him and well we got a bit sexual we were going to try dirty texting but he halted it and said he didn't want to get into trouble which I completely understand but I could send him some I laughed and said I don't play by myself. Anyways I guess you were right and its safe to assume he is sexually attracted to me too but he is too afraid to do anything about it.

[no_bs]

The plot thickens...

[Asker]

We talked a bit about it and we have decided to just be friends. I can still talk to him anytime I need to but we will leave the sexual stuff out. Is this possible for us to go back to the way it wa before all this? I really like him as a friend and it is obvious he seems to like me as a friend too or else he wouldn't talk to me

[no_bs]

You will always have sexual tension between you; there's no going back because it's already "out there." When you say that it's obvious he likes you as a friend or else he wouldn't talk to you, you're ignoring the possibility that he's talking to you so that you both end up hopping in the sack. Be aware that any further contact with this man without your husband's knowledge will lead you down a dark, dirty, fun, dangerous, and exciting path. Would you be O.K. with your husband doing the same?

[HughR]

First, he was probably just horny - maybe his wife isn't taking care of things at home :)

Second, you let him rub your foot right in front of your husband and his wife. That's egging him on !

I get the idea that you were enjoying the flirtation - maybe even "thought about it" later that night. And other times when you were in bed or in the bath?

[Asker]

But I wasn't egging him on! When he played footsie with me I looked down to my foot right away and then his wife yelled at him and he stopped I didn't even know what to do it happened so fast. What would you do? It's not like he is ugly and ya it is kinda flattering to get flirted with who wouldn't like it? I just wanted to know if he means more by it bye is flirty by nature and outgoing but I wanted to know difference if he actually had a thing for me or just playing around

[HughR]

I think that you enjoyed the play. Too bad, I love flirting with married women and teasing them. I'm not sure that I'd start playing with them physically while their husband watches but I don't have a wife so nobody to stop me :)

If you mean, would he want to have sex with you - I'd say it's pretty likely. If you mean, does he want to run away with you for the rest of your lives ... that's less likely and why would you want to spend a lot of your life with a guy who gets bored and wanders.

[coolbreeze]

Well he probably thinks that your hot and he likes what he sees. I agree I think he likes you more then a friend.He was really flirting with you.When he did this in front of his wife rubbing your feet how did she looked?And act? Sometimes drinking brings out people's inner inhibitions.sometimes it makes peopel be loose and feel free.So how did the rubbing of you feet happen?Did he just grab them randomly and started massaging them?I think he really likes you.

[Asker]

Well when I said he rubbed my feet I should have actually said he rubbed my feet with his as in footsie. We were sitting at the table and his wife's foot touched mine so we rubbed feet silly together and he saw and when his wife's foot moved away from mine he reached over with his foot and rubbed it with mine. Bare feet on bare feet. She called his name mortified and apologized for his behavior I think. I was a little drunk as well

[coolbreeze]

Well since he has been playing footsies with you then he was really flirting with you. Maybe he thought you wouldn' tell the difference since his wife moved her foot and he put his foot in her place. I think the drinking could had been a part of his behavior.and sometimes peopel tel lthe truth when they drink or do things they wanted to do when they drink.It's like an extra courage boost. But I think another part could mean that maybe he might have a secret crush on you.

[Anemone978]

I don't know if it is true feelings just he doesn't care to control himself.
Like take my dad for instance he cheated on my mom almost every time he drank, was it cuz he liked these ladies? No, he might of thought they were attractive but many he didn't even like, he slept with women because he could but he would never do it sober.

[humanbeing]

it all depends what kind of vibe a woman gives a man. may be you haven't given anything like that and he just felt that you give such vibes. may be you are too open to him than rest of your married male friends. may be he knows something about u, past or present even if that wasn't true. or you are simply beautiful than his wife.

[Anonymous]

Sound snore like he was trying to have a couples swap! His wife might or might not like it.

Was his wife talking more with your husband?

We couples swap but we are open about it not hidding it with tease flirts or guessing games.

Those hurt a relationship! Bring out secrets and jealousy! It's more just sex and fun for both sides!

[blackeagle007]

Being drunk is not an excuse. Sure alchole makes you intoxicated and judgment poor however one still has control of actions regardless. You didn't do anything wrong, he was just a d-bag to say the least. At my dad and step-moms wedding my uncle (not anymore) when he was married to my aunt, he flirted with a member of my step-moms side. Years later they split. Yea for a reason too.

[WhitneySnow]

He probably does like you sexually but don’t encourage him. He’s married and he probably doesn’t like you for real.

[lv4lv]

Not their true intentions. Other intentions. Ones they didn't have before. Their inhibitions leave them - they don't 'gain' anything but intoxication.

[RasmusAiken]

What comes out when a male is drunk? True intentions . . . (I'm afraid not.) it's true stupidity.

[Luopio27]

Since I never met him, I can only assume. If people are drunk, they say and do a lot of stupid sh*t. Why don't you just ask one of your mutual friend if he/she could find out what's going on?

[slatyb]

Maybe they have an open marriage and they both want you.

[ginger_snap]

Seems he is flirting so must have some internal interest in you. But that sounds tame and that he kept it under control.

[chalobole]

Yu sure he was drunk? Did his wife notice what he was doing? And what was your reaction?

[Asker]

Yes his wife noticed she got mad at him. And my reaction was I looked down to see who was playing footsie with me and as soon as I noticed it was him his wife was already yelling at him

[hannibal214]

his wife has probably stopped performing oral sex, and he's hoping you will. happens all the time

[boobliker]

yes and no it duch courage talking, of what they mit want or do

[Anonymous]

I think drunken words are sober thoughts.

[BLP11520]

That’s been happening since booze was invented

[Anonymous]

I would say its like somewhat true intentions.

[Anonymous]

get away from him

[BigDog1989]

Are you swingers?

[Anonymous]

That's crazy