Boyfriend doesn't make effort for my family events?

[Anonymous]

How can we compromise? My boyfriend's family always has big family events like twice a month. Generally I spend a lot of time with his family...

with my family my siblings are all "grown" with their own little families now. My parents work hard every day so it's rare we have a family get together. It will be once a month or two we will have one.

Usually my boyfriend family and my family plan events the same day. I go to mines and sometimes try to make it to his family's. he doesn't do the same and it makes me sad and look bad. Often they always ask where is he.

His stepdad is planning a vacation trip a weekends get away two hours away which is the same day as my sisters birthday...he will miss another family event. He snapped and was like "fine! I won't go to my step dads!"

I said I didn't tell him not to go but he should consider my feelings and he just said "ok" but I feel like this "talk" didn't make me feel better. I asked "do you understand me where I'm coming from though?" And he just said "yeah"

I wanted to talk more but I guess he felt our talk was done

Updates

+1 y

Don't get me wrong, on Christmas he made effort and left his family to visit mine with me, came on family vacation, but it's rare as I said that we have any events together as fam

[Darkfairie17]

You definitely need to talk to your boyfriend about this again. Let him know how it makes you feel that he doesn't make the effort to go to your family events.

This is something that a lot of couples struggle with when they get together. A lot of people end up going to 4-5 events in a day! Especially around Christmas. I know people who have to do several Christmas Dinners in one day. It's crazy.

Maybe you two should talk and plan out which events you are going to go to together and which ones you will have to go alone.

It's good to be close to your family, but sometimes you have to miss an event for another one. You can't go to every event. Plus he may not be able to make it to all of them. However, he should be making an effort to go to some of your families events.

Definitely let him know how you feel.

As for the people who keep asking where he is, tell them his family was also having a thing. They can't fault him for wanting to spend time with his family, and they can't get upset at you for not forcing him to come.

It's hard to balance different families events when they are happening at the same time. You aren't the only couple to have to deal with this. I know many couples who struggle to make those situations work. But you can't go to every event.

[Asker]

I know they can't fault him but to miss many events just says "I don't really care that much to make effort". His fam is always plannin stuff so I think it's only fair for him to try and make both or skip one because as I said we rarely have it. I just hate feeling like I bonded with them and he hasn't with mine...and I see his family almost every day but extended family 1-3x month

[Darkfairie17]

I would definitely tell him what you wrote here. This is exactly what he needs to know. If he doesn't start trying to get to know your family after this, well then he obviously isn't that serious about you then. I think if the guy loves you, he's going to want to make an effort to know your family.

[Anonymous]

i think you should jusst try to talk to him, make it clearer

[Anonymous]

Well you just need to go and talk to him

[Anonymous]

Well, it's time to find a new guy now.

[Anonymous]

i would just stop attending his family events