Girls, which is most attractive, a guy who plays it cool and aloof vs. one who is overwhelmed with desire?

Question

I always hear guys say "if you like a girl, don't even look at her," but fish aren't gonna catch themselves. You gotta put some bait in the water. There's obviously some truth to it; most girls want a challenge. How do you play "cool and aloof" to draw them in, and which types of girls does it work on?

What about a guy wants a girl, she feels like he is overwhelmed by her? Are girls most attracted to a guy who gives her that feeling?

Or is it best to have a mix of the two: he's cool and aloof, but he's also losing his control and becoming overwhelmed by the girl? Will the mix of the two create frustration and excitement and inflame a girl's desire? Or is "cool and aloof/ignoring" overrated?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Play it cool and aloof...but somehow "accidentally" leave hints that you're burning up with desire for her. This could be asking your friends to spread the rumor (but in a way that sounds like you had no knowledge of their actions) to her girlfriends about how you're completely into her, but in person - when you talk to her, just act casual and friendly. But woahh that would be a lot of work :P Don't do that.

A better way to do it, more fun and fewer people = eye flirt with her on a consistent basis. People, especially girls, gather a lot from how you use your eyes. If you are in the same room with her for an extended period of time (lunch room, dance, or meeting), start a game with her. Catch her eye, and smile softly like you know a secret. Casually glance back to whomever you're talking to and laugh, but look back to her like you can't keep your eyes off her. It should be casual enough that she isn't sure you're actually looking at her at first, but keep "drinking her up with your eyes" in a playful mischievous way. See if she keeps looking and smiling back. People notice people noticing them. If she noticed you but is now avoiding your gaze, make sure you're smiling and look like you're having fun with whomever you're talking to. Become very animated in your expressions, so she instinctively tries to figure out what you guys are saying that seems to be so interesting.

This kind of eye flirting is a HUGE turn-on for girls. Seriously - girls get all crazy endorphin hormones rushing around when guys do this correctly. Do this a few times, and she'll associate those exciting playful feelings with you, and instinctively start to desire you and your attention. By doing this, you are conveying the message that you are overwhelmed with desire for her...in a way that still poses some doubt, so you seem cool aloof. It's a perfect combination that makes her want more and more to see if you really do like her, and how much. Presto, she desires you ;)

This eye flirting method is much better than using words (to start out), because it gives her imagination free reign. Her mind will fill in the gaps of what she knows about you - in a way that is flattering and better than any impression you could make yourself. By the time she realizes the difference between the real you and what she has created/imagined as her future boyfriend (with your face), she will like you enough to adapt her imagination to fit the reality.

dunfriendme · Accepted Answer

The one who is brave, direct, dominant and deems himself superior to me.

This means a guy who plays it completely "cool" and aloof is also completely unwanted. (he only has the superiority aura around him)

A guy who focuses on me excessively and chases me by overdoing it and by exaggerating, seems like a silly puppy/someone who considers himself inferior to me. (he only has the directness)

This means you need to show interest APPROPRIATELY (not put people in awkward situations by putting on a fake, rehearsed show to show interest) and

HONESTLY (not bulsh*t me and not give me attention you don't really want to give me/need to give me, just because you think it's a way to get me),

UNAPOLOGETICALLY (a guy who does not hang his sense of self worth on what I tell him and who does not require my incentive and permission/lead to interact with me) and

DIRECTLY (a guy who does not waste my time and energy and who does not allow me to waste his).

This has nothing to do with excitement, but it has everything to do with me seeing you as a man VS me seeing you as a scared and confused little boy.

pr3ttybr0wn · Accepted Answer

there's a difference between playing it cool and being cold.  if a guy is friendly and calm about his attraction to me, but I can still tell he's attracted then that could just be his personality. I don't like thirsty ass niggas who overwhelm you and make you feel uncomfortable.  but I also like flirty guys who make you feel wanted. it just depends on that particular guys personality and how attracted I am to him.  but I don't like guys who just ignore me. that just makes me think they aren't interested so I just don't pay them any attention. I'm not gonna jump and do cartwheels to gain the attention of a man I believe isn't attracted to me.

sumanrai · Accepted Answer

Sometimes, it's easy to believe that Jerks have some type of magical power that allows them to sucker women into liking them and somehow have them hang around while they treat them like dirt. This happens SO MUCH, that some guys believe that they actually have to BECOME Jerks to get women attracted to them. But make no mistake about it - nobody likes a jerk. Not even the women who date them! So if that's the case, why is it obvious that they get so many girls to go for them? Well, remember that Jerks tend to go through lots of women quickly. Most girls will only put up with Jerk behavior for so long before they get sick of it. And those who stick around have such low self esteem as it is, that they've formed some type of strange attachment to the emotional abuse Jerks doll out. That said, there are a number of things Jerks do to attract women that make them effective seducers and pick up artists...

Dandeus · Accepted Answer

There's a difference between cool and cold.  I think most women probably want a cool guy in the sense of being cool under pressure and confident, not a guy that will brush them off.  Really I think they want a guy to be confident and honest about his interest without making a big deal out of it.  More of a "Hi, I'm so and so...can I take you out to dinner tomorrow?  Cool, when can I pick you up?"  and less of an "uhh, um, gosh you're pretty... I know you've probably got a boyfriend already, but would you please go out with me?  I swear I'm not a creep *pleasesayyespleasesayyes*".

Jerseystarlet · Answer

ovewhelmed with desire but not where they come off as easy to take advantage of even if that's not your intention. I hate sitting around thinking is he even interested is he playing the field when should I text him? how long should I wait to reply back? When you're so stressed trying to not turn the guy off you can't even be yourself so no I personally hate that. if you like her go for it stop playing these rules that you have to make her sweat.

Very few girls I know don't like that but personally once you have it and then meet an aloof guy after you're pissed that you ever complained for meeting a passionate one.

Mmt5149 · Answer

Honestly, I hate it when a guy sends me mixed messages. So don't do both, it will just confuse her. But when you first meet a girl who gets your eye play it cool, just try to get to know her. And if you still like her after that then go for it. We don't like being ignored, I'm having that problem right now and he is killing me. Just be yourself and get to know her.

sceneofthecrime · Answer

Well I don't know about any other girls, but if you act like you don't like me I'm going to think that you don't like me and I'm not going to try to pursue anything with him. I think you do need to show that you are interested, don't 'act' at all when you like a girl. I don't like that at all :)

tokioangel95 · Answer

I like a guy who makes his feelings clear, so if he likes a girl he will insist they should hang, I love it when guys are honestly curious about me. I find the best relationships often stem from friendship. If a guy can make me laugh, he's already half way there.

minionz · Answer

No don't play  too cool and all that because you would never get the girl since she is most likely waiting for you to make a move to assure her. Yet again don't be clingy and desperate because girls like me will easily get frightened haha. What will attract a girl is if you treat her in a more special way. Be polite to her and help her out if you see her carrying something heavy. Always hold the door for her and don't forget to compliment. Trust me it will brighten up a girl's day if you praise her for even the smallest of things. Don't ever play too hard to get or too easy since she will lose interest quite fast. Always smile at her and throw a joke once in a while. Girls adore it when a guy has a sense of humor (: Hope this will help!

Stacyzee · Answer

You show interest in a girl, with allowing them to show interest in you too.

A split even is what a girl likes.

She doesn't like someone who is crazy for her, texting her every 5 seconds, (he may come off as creepy, and obsessed).

Nor does she like a guy who will text her once every 2 weeks.

She likes a man that will show some effort and allow her to do the same.

harveykinkle · Answer

Neither. If you actually like someone (more for than sex) just go with the flow.

If your feelings are reciprocated she won't care unless you come on waaaaaaay too strong but you run the chance of her losing interest if you act like you're not interested.

Cascade · Answer

One word, innuendo, you don't talk to her so much to be annoying and when you do don't directly make comments regarding a sexual or relationship nature, you can however allude to such things and this tends to be much more effective since it leaves a certain air of desirable mystery.

Anonymous · Answer

You don't ask girls what approach to use, girls don't know what they want. How many times have you heard "where are all the good guys/nice guys?" from girls that reject said guys and like bad boys? Girls are told what they *should* want, but what they *do* want is often very different.

You go find some guys that know how to approach women, and ask THEM what works.

sketchy · Answer

Dickhead or a creeper - two very tempting choices, I'm sure...

soccerbuffster · Answer

you kind of have to play in the middle, text her / talk to her first bu tnot everyday at first.   as you guys get closer you can start showign more interest text more.   answer mine please!

Anonymous · Answer

"Cool and aloof" just irritates me. Like  if you want to talk to me tell me, how am I possibly supposed to know this if you just ignore me? and "overwhelmed with desire" is a little scary. Someplace between the two is good. But I think the aloof one is slightly worse.

LilKim · Answer

Not too Wolfy, But cool and aloof definitely is stupid and a waste of time.

chrisbigman · Answer

It's always best to be safer than sorry. But always remember, not everyone is bad.

Anonymous · Answer

Just take a shortcut to all this waste of time circus and be famous.

Anonymous · Answer

play it cool, rapey is not sexy. lol

RosaliaVanderbilt · Answer

Happy medium please.

Anonymous · Answer

Balance.

Girls, which is most attractive, a guy who plays it cool and aloof vs. one who is overwhelmed with desire?

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