Is strong physical attraction needed in a relationship?

[neveryoumind]

I asked a question on here saying whether it was egotistical/insecure of me for needing my boyfriend to have a strong attraction towards me on a physical level.

I would find it offensive if he said "you're okay to look at but your personality makes you beautiful."

Don't get me wrong I need my partner to love my personality equally. That is very important and is one of the main ingredients for a strong relationship. However I am just focusing on looks for this question.

So to everyone that are in a relationship or have ever been in one, how important is physical attraction in a relationship?

Did it work out If your partner didn't think you were so attractive but liked your personality?

Updates

+1 y

Come on guys you need to say something lol

[bobair]

As a continuation of what I said in you other post... it's important to learn to distance yourself from the opinions of others.

And in the same vein it's important to NOT take things personally.

It's our ego's that make us think that everything that everyone says has something to do with us. We read into everything as an attempt to understand the invisible communication... the sub communication.

But doing this... reading into what other says, is dangerous. It's a slippery slope that leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

So when you get upset with anything your boyfriend says about you that's YOU being egotistical. That's you trying to make yourself important so that you can use your hurt feelings to gain power over him. "How dare he!? That's such an insult! Right everyone?"

Obviously I'm exaggerating slightly, but I'm trying to make a point.

Life can be about discoveries and excitement and possibilities, when you allow it to be.

Or it can be about drama and hurt feelings and social gossip and power struggles and endless suffering.

Obviously you can NEVER really know your boyfriends inner thoughts and feelings and motivations. You didn't live his entire life in his shoes, with his personal struggles and pains and scars.

This is why you are not in any position to really judge him for anything he says. Maybe his heart was hurt when his mom said something when he was5 years old and he's spent a life time trying to make women love him, and he mistakenly tried to compliment your personality, which gave you room to misinterpret his meaning, etc, etc, etc.

You'd be amazed at how free'ing it feels to be no longer take anything personally. Plus it'll help shrink your inner ego and it's terrible need to be right, while making everyone else wrong. Kill that inner monster we call an ego and you'll find you no longer suffer.

I hope this helps?

:D

~ Robby

[neveryoumind]

You're right about everything and I appreciate your input. I will take everything on board! Thank you soooooooo much! :D

[bobair]

Any time! :D

[WoIIie]

No, because relationships are built on more than just physical looks. There are several facets to attraction and they include physical, emotional, intellectual, sexual, social, and physiological fullfillment.

Since most people are different, they prioritize their needs based on what they "feel in their heart".

Some people (like gold diggers) are very materialistic but may lack the ability to sustain their material lifestyle on their own, so their priority is to find a man capable of satisfying their social and physiological needs. Looks don't really have much bearing on her attraction for the guy so long as her main needs are met. Don't get me wrong, looks matter but only to a degree of "yes or no", not "kinda no, maybe no, heck yes, maybe yes, etc.

Every person is capable of satisfying some needs on their own accord. For the needs that aren't met, they are ideally offset by a partner that naturally suffices those needs. You can call it chemistry, the perfect fit, whatever.

For me, emotional and sexual needs are what I prioritize since they have always been laggards relative to other facets. Emotional being first. Not all guys are like me. So when I meet a girl and her physical appearance warrants a "yes" (not giving Chewbacca a chance, sorry), it comes down to personality, and whether or not she can satisfy my emotional and sexual needs. If she can do that, she's got the advantage over a super pretty girl who doesn't appeal to my emotions.

[neveryoumind]

Okay say you met a girl and she was okay looking and had the personality too you and you were super happy. Then a few years later you meet another girl who had the looks that you wanted and also had the personality to go with it wouldn't you be tempted to want to go there?

[WoIIie]

Temptation will always be there no matter how physically beautiful you are. The other girl doesn't even have to be more beautiful for there to be temptation. Arnold Schwarzenegger banged his maid.

I'd only leave her if I felt that she changed from the person I fell in love with (that just means I didn't know her well enough apparently since the real person came out). If she is a normally very endearing and loving woman suddenly turns a cold shoulder without fix, I don't want that.

[neveryoumind]

Yes you are right it depends on the guy and if he has self control.

[Stark]

What you built over the few years together should give your current girlfriend a giant boost over the new temptation ^^^^

[jessica849]

It's extremely important. I've gone through phases of dating different types of guys - particularly, guys I wasn't physically attracted to but had really great personalities. When I was younger I thought, I should really give them a chance, I can grow to become attracted to them because they're so great.

However, that doesn't work longterm. As hard as you try, if you're not physically attracted to someone it's not going to last - and if it does, you're not going to be as happy as you could be (and who wants to settle...get it right the first time)

This applies doubly to men as they're so visual and about the physical (not saying personality doesn't matter to them because it does, but physical attraction cannot be overlooked for guys).

I recently - for the first time ever - gave up on those men and connected with a man that I am extremely physically attracted to (with a fabulous personality). There's really no comparison. Physical attraction is huge if you want to be as happy as possible, don't convince yourself otherwise. It makes a relationship so much better. And. You deserve it!

[neveryoumind]

I agree Hun!

[justbanANNAz]

look I wouldn't say its NEEDED, but id say it is definitely desired to the point where it becomes like a need… you know?

it is important, I mean lets not lie to ourselves, first impressions begin with looks, then everything falls into place from there, depending on the intentions of the guy and girl of course.

ugh well I don't know how to answer this without sounding up myself-.-…. I haven't had someone tell me before that I wasn't attractive, they might have thought it idk, but I have been recognised both for my looks and personality before. its a matter of preference. some men think looks is first then personality, others will swap the 2 and others will treat them equally.

in terms of my relationship now, id say the ratio of physical: personality attraction is a good 50:50 :)

[neveryoumind]

Have you been in relationship where you felt that your partner was less attractive than you? If you did what were your experience with that.

I am surprised guys haven't answered yet lol

[justbanANNAz]

lol well I had one boyfriend before my current boyfriend and yeh I wasn't that physically attracted. that didn't have anything to do with why it didn't work out tho, but I did realize that physicality is important to me. I don't know bout me being more attractive but I do know my current boyfriend is just amazing inside and out.

haha dw girl, they'll answer:)

[neveryoumind]

I feel that looks seem to be more important to guys more than girls...

[justbanANNAz]

told you they'd answer;)

hmm id say theyre just as important to both. while men indeed are the more visual gender, women still feel the need for that physical attraction but we just don't show it as much=]

[neveryoumind]

Hahah thanks hun!

Yep your right looks do matter to women but we don't show it as much.

[lovedcursed]

yes it is so important , specially nowadays where there are may temptations around , it makes one feel a little bit insecure , and I totally get you point of needing it to be equal , its likely because you have been cheated on or left for something includes looks , which is making you feel that way and it is normal , feeling that your partner is into your look , makes you feel more comfortable and safe

[neveryoumind]

Yep that's exactly how I feel.

[BossAMG]

Wow. Great question that I have been hung up on for some time. I married a woman who I really liked as a person, but who was just not my type, and subsequently my attraction to her was always weak. I read that the initial part of a relationship is where the lust takes place between the man and woman, and this is equivalent to the rocket fuel it takes to launch into orbit, and lasts 18 months or so. If the woman does not find the man "man enough" or the man does not find the woman attractive enough, the fuel is too low, and the rocket will come down to earth at some point.

If there is enough power in the lust phase, the relationship will hit orbit. At that time, physical attraction is not AS important, and will not crash if there are changes (weight gain, loss of ability to provide, etc ...).

For me, there was not enough fuel, and my wife never "closed the deal". As such, I have kept looking, never cheated, but if the right opportunity fell into my lap, I would jump on it. Pun intentional.

[confusedmorethanever]

My boyfriend called me fat for one year and he encouraged me to exercise only because he wants me to be healthy. He said I dress like an old lady. My boobs are too small. The complaints goes on. Sure at first I was so mad that none of my ex had never called me fat. Why am I suddenly consider unattractive?

Now I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I've adopted a healthy life style that probably extended my life for 10 extra years. I have confidence I have never had before. I can walk on a beach in a bikini comfortably. I know I am constantly bettering myself because I have a boyfriend who will point out all my flaws truthfully because he cares.

[neveryoumind]

I see your point to a certain degree. When were talking about weight and living a healthy lifestyle I have no problems with that but when it comes to my face that is something I cannot change.

[confusedmorethanever]

Nothing is wrong with your face. If your boyfriend has a problem with your face without makeup get a new boyfriend. Don't ever feel the need to surgically change your face or need to wear makeup for a guy

[neveryoumind]

Thank you :). I don't have a boyfriend but I wanted to know if my s/o says this to me in the future would I be over reacting if I felt annoyed. I wanted guys opinions on this. I want my man to be into me if he isn't his eyes will always wonder cos I am not physically satisfying him.

[confusedmorethanever]

You can't stop a man from wondering even if he is physically satisfied by you. If he is not telling you he is checking out other girls then he is lying. The best thing you can do is let him wonder. Communicate and be self confident and trust him. As long as he looks and don't touch you should be fine with it.

[MaskofInsanity]

In my opinion, yes. Otherwise I think the chemistry may fizzle or dwindle.

I've never been in that position, but I've been in the opposite (i.e. I'm the person who finds their personality more attractive than their looks). It doesn't work, because in the times where they're being a jerk/whiny/whatever, the attraction isn't there. If that makes sense?

[neveryoumind]

Yep I agree with you 100%!

[kangaru]

physical attraction is needed at least both parties have to accept each other looks and not expect any alteration. as for strong, I don't see the need to.

the moment we enter a relationship we have pass the first stage that is physical attraction the most critical part will be personality that substain the whole relationship.

[neveryoumind]

Yep kangru I agree with you on that! Especially about the alteration part, I feel that needs to like me enough to not feel that he wished I had a certain feature on my face.

[kangaru]

yes that's right :). we all have our imperfections, embrace it and not alter it. the only form of alteration to me is appropriate is when one is deformed during an accident/upon birth

[neveryoumind]

I agree!

[gonyr]

I don't think you can have a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to. That's the person you have to look at, and the only person you can have sex with for the whole time your together (well, technically)

If your not attracted you me your going to feel like your lacking something, or missing out on something. In a relationship that isn't healthy and it won't work

[Anonymous]

I would say physical attraction in a relationship is important to a certain extent. I don't see how a guy could go about being together with a girl without having a slightest positive feeling of her. That said, other things like chemistry and a good personality will also have to be taken into consideration.

[neveryoumind]

See this what I am talking about, I am not talking about a "slight" positive feeling I am talking about having a strong attraction. "Slight positive" feelings tell me that she is bearable enough how can bearable enough be enough for a man since they are so visual?

[nvestan]

I would say yes, cause I had dated girls - 2 times, in the past, when I found them attractive inside, but not outside. And therefore it hasn't gone anywhere. There is an expression that the friendship and relationship differs by physical attraction.

[Casper286]

I'm not really that shallow but I have to be at least mildly physically attracted to someone in order to date them. But, I honestly am more into someone's personality and their mind than the physical parts of being in a relationship.

[bh6676r942]

It is needed a great deal it is for me anyway more than about half of it or maybe dead even is dependent upon sexual attraction for me

[neveryoumind]

That's what I thought for most men. Its believable When a girl says a guy is average but his personality makes him attractive. When a guys says this I think how can it be true when are so visual? As strange as it may seem girls can gradually fall in love or gradually become attracted to someone. With guys, the girl either has it or doesn't? Well that's what I know...

[BoobMan]

In a word: YES!