Being the Bipolar Girl

[Anonymous]

I have been crazy since I can reemeber. Not the typical white girl crazy to where you're breaking peoples windows and all that jazz, but just my life on a daily roller coaster and my moods were inconsistant, to say the least.

My ex decided that I needed to get help for what was going on inside of my head. I was first diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety both GAD and Panic and OCD. I started taking medication for 6 months but I always felt like there was something missing. I went back for a second opinion after I was still having many of the same symptoms as I was when all of this first started. When the second opinion back back, it was still the same. It took until my doctor had seen both the good and bad side of me to figure out that I had Bipolar Disorder, more specifically rapid cycling.

Now, it is hard to deal with someone who escentially has split personalities, but once you get the right treatment and mix of medications, it makes living with this disorder so much easier, at lease I thought so.

My ex who decided to give me that push to go get help throught that the bipolar disorder was my diagnoses all along and thought I was not taking my medications. Once I did start to take the right combination of meds, I tried to explain to him that many of my actions and they way that I did certain things in my life had a lot to do with my bipolar disorder, he said blatanly "You're just using it as an excuse to get away with things and to use it to have people give you the easy way in life".

I'm not saying that having bipolar is the worst thing in the world, because it isn't, but the fact that there are some people who thing that we use disorders as an excuse baffles me.

Although my moods were A-wall for a very long time, I think Bipolar people (i can say so myself) made me such a loyal girlfriend and I never loved anyone more.

The hardest thing about living with Bipolar disorder that I still have not come to terms with is the fact that I will have this disorder for the rest of my life but I will also be on it for the rest of my life as well.

I think mental illness' are very exhausting when you are battling a battle that is not only in your head but it also creates so many other issues in other aspects of your life, some of which you can never un do.

During my Bipolar "highs", I was known to being sexually promiscious and now that I know what caused that, all of the men whom I have had sexual relationships are dumbfounded when I tell them the word "no". It is a great feeling of being able to say no instead of my mind tricking myself into thinking that it's fine and to get my high.

In all honesty, I would not take back any of the events in my life that have happened through this disorder before and after I was diagnosed. I can proudly say that I am on the right path to regaining control of my life and living one with a healthy mind.

If you know someone who is suffering from a mental illness, please support them because the hardest thing is to get help when you have no one behind you. If you have a partner who is anything but supportive, you have to be strong enough to walk away to fix yourself before you can try to fix anyone else.

Thank you so much for reading, please do not leave any hate comments. This was very difficult for me to open up about even though it is anon.

[Anonymous]

A few comments, out of my own experience:

- don't refer to yourself as crazy, it's self-deprecating and probably untrue
- ptsd/anxiety/panic/ocd when they appear are typically symptomatic of BP, so BP is sort of the root, it's best not to name all these to other people because it's confusing and makes your disorder sound more complex, for people who already struggle to understand what's going on with you
- is BP the culprit? or is it the excuse? this is a puzzle I think all of us, with BP, struggle with. I've found that personal accountability is helpful to me--there's always a choice, before you take an action there's always a voice somewhere inside you that tells you if it's the right thing or the wrong thing. I fail to listen to it often, but often I get it right.
- Meds--mood stabilizers--are your friend. Don't listen to anti-med people. They don't know what they're talking about. And see a psychiatrist for meds, not a regular GP. GP's really don't know what they're doing, it's complex stuff you need a specialist.

Hang in there.

- someone with Bipolar I

[Winesteed]

Hey there! I've got an active diagnosis of bipolar I. Getting it all worked out and getting control of your life is the hardest, and (for me) one of the strangest parts of getting treatment was finding what it felt like to be more regulated and then living with this fear that it was going to go back to the way it was and I would have the sleepless weeks and the months I couldn't do anything but cry in bed.

Like with any chronic illness (and yes, bipolar disorder is a chronic illness), it's hard to really come to grips with it being there. I may be taking medication for the rest of my life, and it is so hard for me to internalize that it is a mental disorder thing and not a character flaw.

Keep on keepin' on, I got your back.

[Anonymous]

Straight up woman. You are a ticking time bomb. and if you really can say no to cheating on people who are trusting you not to then I will give you $1,000. because there is no cure for bipolar and no matter how much meds your on, if your putting yourself in situations where cheating is even an option then your meds aren't working honey.

My sons wife was the love of my life. Then, my son was born. I was 27, she was 23. The pregnancy brought on the bipolar fever and onset her disorder to the max. After her disappearing, cheating without my knowledge, you name it, I left her not even knowing she cheated the way she did. Her behavior was unexcaptable even without that fact. Well after I leave her and take the kids due to her dangerous tendencies around our son, she had 13 attempted suicides, then ends up in the loony bin a bunch of times. Now, if/when i see her, she is a shell of a person on those meds and she still can't think responsibly. Her live is nothing but a genuine feather in the wind. She sits at home for months depressed still, usually blaming how she feels on the meds, then gets off the meds and you can't find her... then she crashes and suicide attempts all over again.. I shared this because you said Bipolar wasn't the worst thing in the world. Excuse me miss, but the love of my life died when my son was born... Now a demon called Bipolar, just like the zombie virus, is controlling her body and mind. She is only an empty shell of a person walking around making me cry despite not being with her anymore just because i wish i could take that bipolar from her and SHOOT IT A GADJILLIAN TIMES IN THE FACE, then flush it down the toilet just so i could have my loving beautiful wife back.. IT IS THE WORST GOD DAMN THING ON THE PLANET.. I wish she had cancer and died instead, because at least she would have stayed that loving and beautiful soul she once was before it onset in her.. God Damn this bipolar...

It may not sound like it but i am a huge advocate for mental disorders and fight in my local community to raise awareness and help extend programs to people withough means to get the help they need. So You are one strong person having the hope and faith you do.. but i know the truth of it so personally i might as well have had bipolar myself. Good luck to you and remember, Cheating on someone makes you an evil and narcisistic person. just because you have this disorder does not give you the right to treat people like shit. So WATCH IT!

[_tachyon_]

You are not helpful.

[SunDevil11]

I am glad you were able to finally open up about it and are on your way to regaining control of your life. I wish you the best on your journey and yes people should remember to be supportive of their significant others or anyone else in their life affected by a mental illness.