Have you ever asked yourself: "Why do people hate me?"

Taking responsibility

Hey GaG community! A few months ago I posted a take while I was very angry. I was anonymous because I knew I was going to get hate for it. Looking back at it now and from all the things that have happened last year, I realized exactly what I was doing.

I was generalizing everyone and pointing a finger at everyone else but me. So today I’ve come to talk to anyone who is bitter or angry. I just want to share my experience and hope you can relate.

I also have a few steps in the headers for you to ask yourself.

self reflection
self reflection

What happened to you?

So like many of you who have hated school, I was left out in elementary school. My “best friend” got a new best friend who hated me and constantly left me out of social situations. Many people called me embarrassing and I always tried to be kind to everyone because I was so happy at the chance of getting to other to like me, only to be cut off abruptly from everyone.

So as a result, I used to hate people. I pointed a finger at my ex-best friend and her best friend. I grew bitter at every comment every oblivious kid said behind my back and only focused on my pain. I thought there was this hierarchy and I wasn’t in it because people are shit. I thought the only way to be a part of the group was to follow whatever the group said so that everyone would like me. As a kid I was known as sensitive and too emotional. But I'm not here to complain, in that story I left out many important details.

what happened?
what happened?

What did you do?

In every situation, I like to believe things are the way they are because of both people (aside from things such as rape or murder). I feel that most of us can agree with that, even though we may fail and point a finger at someone.

See what I left out was that:

- i was sensitive because i was always wondering why people hated me

- Never listened to people

- Complained all the time about popular kids

- Was mean to other people and agreed with whatever a popular person said. This made me not really have an identity

- Was a very paranoid girl because I thought everyone was going to betray me

- I invested too much time into people without getting to know them

And reading these things again, do you think you would have been this person’s friend if you were another person?

I wouldn’t have.

you can fix this if you want to
you can fix this if you want to

So what happens now?

So what happens now, is that you have a choice. Do you want to change those things? Or do you want to keep going and never know what’s wrong with you?

I’ve decided to change, I’m not bitter at those girls any more, we all didn’t know better. Now, I’ve gained my own identity instead of just responding out of pain to everything. I’m working on learning how to trust people, learning who my friends are, and listening. – and I’m grateful I made this decision

whats your choice?
whats your choice?


Disclaimer: i'm not any better than you guys, I won't judge you if you decide not to change, im still learning myself, i'm just hoping to help those of you who do feel lost who have ever asked yourselves “why does everyone hate me”

Good luck guys! -tonga✌


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Most Helpful Guys

  • 7d

    Excellent! Yes, you were really hurt with rejection, that is feeling of shame and disconnect. wouldn't be shocked if that impacted you physically. So glad to hear you found way to healing.

    What you described is the core problem to neediness. Someone who is needy feels like poison because they don't have a self and are agreeble to whatever is the right answer to get love. That's just not healthy.

    Well done! I'm following ya now..

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    • 7d

      thankyou :), this take was also intended to clarify a take i recently posted a few months ago... it was called "dear guys, why?" where i got very angry at all guys because i believed they owed me something when they didn't, i was hoping to talk to the people generalizing everyone or blaming everyone

  • 6d

    Have you ever heard the phrase "Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean the world isn't out to get you?" Well that's been my life experience. I genuinely thought that there was something I could do differently to get people to like me, so I tried doing different things. It was only later on that I realized that the world actually was out to get me... I don't know why people are so resistant to this idea, but you have to realize that sometimes, the problem REALLY IS EVERYBODY ELSE.

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    • 5d

      Ok I should have worded it better, what would u do rob like yourself more? Such as if u acted like a dick do u think if u were a stranger to yourself would u like that?

    • 5d

      To like yourself* not rob

    • 5d

      Being a more agreeable person will go a long way, but some people see having manners as being a pushover. I would respond well to it, though.

Most Helpful Girl

  • 7d

    I don't know really why people hate me, that is their "problem", I just try as hard as I can to be loving towards God and others.

    there's this situation that happened last summer that I play over and over in my head and it summarizes how I feel about others:

    My son had a marshmallow that he put in the bonfire a little too much into the black soot. He cried when I threw it away.

    A lady said a hateful comment and went on and on how evil I was to do that and throw his marshmallow away, and how I must be dumb to do that ofcourse it was ok for my son to eat it. That's her opinion and she is entitled to her opinion but it was not mine. If I would have let my son eat it and he would have gotten sick and possibly could have died... then they would hate me anymore.

    The bottom line is haters are going to hate. No matter what, you do you. You do what YOU think is the most loving, kind and caring things that you can do at the moment. Haters going to say what they want to say, because they just hate and that's what they do.

    Read a book called the four agreements and learn that nothing is to be taken personally.

    Read a book called 7 habits of highly effective people and learn NOT to please people and build your life around how to make people not hate you but instead live your life around principles.

    I hope this helps you.

    If you are a Christian than remember that no matter what, God loves you even if people hate you to the point where they are always planning to take you down and always accusing you of false things... you are loved.

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What Guys Said 15

  • 7d

    - its cause one is not used to seeing someone else thats different, they dont know how to react. much like a girl who been chasing bad boys all her life, she might think those traits apply to him too but she can't grasp how different he is from the bad boy, thus she will act dismissive. this leading good guy thinking he is the blame for why people hate him.

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  • 7d

    I disagree with your reasoning. When a wrong is committed by someone, it is not necessarily the fault of the victim upon whom the wrong was perpetrated. Arguing that a murder victim provoked his own murder or "brought it on himself" missed the larger point that murder is an absolute wrong. Your friend who pushed you aside for someone else wronged you by acting in a passive-aggressive manner. She did not address her issues with your behaviors directly or grant you the opportunity to improve them, as a true friend would have certainly done. So yes, you behaved in a manner that pushed her away, but she is the one who severed ties. Ultimately her actions were so egregious that they obscured whatever wrongdoing you perpetrated against her. The same can be said for the husband who strikes his wife after she berated him for 10 minutes. Yes, his wife wronged him, but his actions were such that they obscured any wrongdoing she may have committed. There is no equivalency.

    In my experience, worrying over why people dislike you is one of the least productive uses of life, right below alcohol abuse and video gaming. The reality is that anyone can find a reason to dislike you--parents included. Everyone is messed up in this life, some worse than others. Apologizing for your foibles will neither endear you to others nor raise your own self-esteem, so it's pointless to do it.

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  • 5d

    Your first assessments were probably closest to being correct and you are probably just finding new methods to cope. But at least now this coping mantra allows you to be less abrasive to those you have to please.

    People suck by the way. Thats the game.

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  • 5d

    I am stubborn and have an anger problem.

    Recently, after reading red pill material I’ve gotten red pill rage and have started becoming a misogynist.

    I don’t like traditional masculinity and I don’t like the way women treat average men. I find it offensive and then I become very angry.

    I try to blow steam at the gym but whenever I am out in public and I see women I immediately am skeptical about her character and wonder how she treated the last 20 guys that approached her. I suspect that she was very judgmental and dismissive towards them and I start hating the idea of her.

    I can’t shake this so easily. I have become MGTOW at just the age of 25 after becoming disgusted with female psychology in general.

    In spite of this I have high testosterone, am physically fit and am decently smart and college educated. I feel that my awareness is a curse because I can’t unsee what I have seen. I am heterosexual and want to exercise my genitalia but every time I get honey I become very conflicted as I am reminded of how women treat average men like trash and how I can’t respect people like that.

    This is my problem right now. I am unsure how to handle it.

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  • 7d

    Most people hate me.

    But i am a person who is pretty deadset on my thoughts. So if you don't like me go away.

    And if you like me, i like you too.
    Cause to like me you probably gotta be messed up like me.

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  • 3d

    Matthew 10:22
    And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved

    not really hard to figure out
    I had a hard time accepting it as a teen
    now I do not care

    most people just look like retards to me now
    im one of the smartest men on the earth because of GOD
    and I love it

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAcp3BFBYw4&t=4s

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  • 7d

    I already know why. My opinions.

    1. I'm an outspoken advocate of small government.
    2. I question other people, including on here, who presume to speak for "men" "all men" "white men" etc.
    3. I challenge the MGTOW idea that "all women are like that."
    4. I consider transgenderism to be little more than a mental illness.

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  • 7d

    People hate me because I'm ugly, stupid, boring and socially awkward. The responsibility for such a thing often come from the one who's hated, but he refuses to admit it. I refused it too, at first. Which made me hate the whole world because I thought people were against me and I didn't know why, or at least I didn't want to know why.
    Then I accepted it. And once you've accepted the reality, you stop hating everyone, because they're right, and what they say, or do, just reflect what it is.

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    • 7d

      Well you have used more punctuation is this one post then half of the self proclaimed "G@G geniuses" have used in the last 20 posts, so you can't be that stupid 😁

  • 7d

    No, plenty of people don't like me because I am quite sarcastic, very little bothers me (people hate that for some reason) and I talk a lot; I came to terms with this many years ago 🙂

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  • 6d

    I sit alone day in day out and have zero friends. I could walk into a crowd of a million people and everyone would leave. So to answer this question. Yes I ask myself this question every single day.

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  • 7d

    I know why people hate me. Most time...😝
    Its hard to live with.
    But its possible.
    As I don't have to live for them.
    Also i know who i shld hate and why.

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  • 6d

    Ew boy...16 and you already think you know everything. FAIL
    And the answer to your questions is... IDGAF.

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  • 7d

    Never asked that question. Spent most of my life alone so there just isn't a pool of people out there to even consider hating me.

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  • 7d

    yes i have, except, unlike you i didn't do anything aside from being a black not catholic kid at a catholic school where i was on of 4 black kids and one of the 4 was my brother. so i got hammered with racism and religious jokes from all the guys in class for the 2 years i was there.

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  • 7d

    It is fun to be the villain I get a huge rush from it so keep doing it it is fine

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What Girls Said 7

  • 7d

    a lot of people hate me. I don't give them any reason to. I used to think i did. i asked myself why no one wanted to be my friend. i tried to stop talking so much, i tried to dumb myself down. i stopped talking about myself in conversations and let it be all about them. i don't know. nothing changed. they still hate me. they still glare at me and give me nasty looks. you know why? envy. it is a real phenomenon. i noticed i got the nastiest looks when my "friends" find out i got a better score on my exams than they did. at this point and time, i don't care if people like me or not. my goal in life is not to please every single person i cross paths with. if you dislike me, i frankly do not care. I do my best to be myself, i am not egotistical or boisterous, all i do is maintain a 3.7 GPA, win scholarships, dress nicely, and look good, and this rubs some folks the wrong way. i don't even boast about my achievements. they ask me for it. they ask me, "hey, what mark did you get on that test?" when i tell them i got a 94, their hopeful smile turns upside down. i have a hard time meeting genuine people. in my entire 19 years, i think i've met only about 10 or so people whom i could truly call genuine and whom i truly loved and respected as human beings.

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  • 7d

    No one really hates me except for a few people here on this site and honestly I couldn’t care less about them 😏

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  • 7d

    No, I haven't. If I do something to make someone hate me, which is rare, I know exactly what I did and I don't regret it.

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  • 7d

    Energy vampires know who to approach to take shit on.

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  • 5d

    Nice

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  • 6d

    No, I always ask myself: "Why do people love me?"

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    • 5d

      Who asked?

    • Show All
    • 5d

      I was joking. And by the way, if I thought I was so "glamorous" I wouldn't joke about questioning why people love me. Go have a hissy fit somewhere else.

    • 5d

      Whatever.

  • 1d

    People hate me because I'm an obnoxious twat

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