The Twelve Types of Women

This one is recycled from Reddit and I wrote it two years ago. This is part 1 of 2; there's a male version, as well. Don't take it too seriously!

https://old.reddit.com/r/randomshit/comments/9uiyt4/random_shit_312_the_twelve_types_of_women_and_men/

1) The Urbanite / City Chick

A moderately successful career woman, very fashionable and high maintenance, loves living downtown, a social butterfly, a party girl that likes to go clubbing and out to parties on the weekend, is probably compensating for severe insecurities in life. Probably works in an office, doing OA (office administration), HR (human resources), PR (public relations), or BJ.

The Twelve Types of Women

2) The Hipster

In her 20's or at least thinks she still is, constantly worried about her reputation, very likely has ugly tattoos and body and/or facial piercings, IQ equal to that of a brick, extremely unoriginal. Thinks she is helping the world with every Tweet and FB post, but is really just an upper middle class brat from a privileged household. Probably works in retail.

The Twelve Types of Women

3) The Hippie / Vegan

Into yoga, veganism, new age music, and cucking men ("ethical non-monogamy"). Hygiene optional. Very likely to have bad tattoos. Probably has a four year degree, but would never admit it. 50% chance of being a feminist, but likely doesn't have the rage, psychological issues, or general incompetence to fully commit to it. Probably works as a yogi, teacher, professor, or something else in education.

The Twelve Types of Women

4) The Professional / Alpha Female

A career businesswoman, owns a Masters or PhD, all about that job and money, 33% chance of being a playette that just uses men for free dinners and/or casual sex, doesn't want to have kids, doesn't have time for your fucking shit so you better shut the fuck up and not waste her fucking time! Probably works as a supervisor, manager, lawyer, real estate agent, small business owner, or CEO.

The Twelve Types of Women

5) The Escort / Slut

A "slut" if she's under 30 and an "escort" if she's 30 and older. Loves sex and sexuality and thinks it's empowering for women, is probably a Make-believe Lesbian ("bi-sexual"), is willing to sleep with any guy, as long as they can afford her, 50% likely to cuck a man (aka, "into open relationships") without warning. Probably has dabbled with or thought about working in the sex industry if she already doesn't; otherwise, could work any job.

The Twelve Types of Women

6) The Trad-con / Housewife

Is a modern woman but doesn't always want to work for a living, very likely to be from the South or Midwest, very romantic and has classical ideals of love and relationships, is a ride-or-die bitch and knows how to treat her man, can cook (and even clean!), 50% chance of being married before turning 21, 85% chance of having children before 25, willing to fuck ANY military man, no questions asked. Likely doesn't have a job at all, or works something near minimum wage, such as a fast food worker, but not always.

The Twelve Types of Women
The Twelve Types of Women

7) The Bitch

Has all of the ambition of the Professional woman but none of the intelligence, motivation, or talent, is extremely entitled and thinks she can have it all; be Mother of the Year and CEO of a multinational corporation all before reaching 30, is perpetually always angry, moody, or irritated, hates/envies literally all men and 80% of all women (the normal, sometimes pleasant ones), offers nothing useful or beneficial to society, whatsoever, yet thinks they're the most important being in the universe and that the sun revolves around her. Probably works as a writer or editor for an online company like Buzzfeed, Huff Post, Jezebel, Salon, or the Mary Sue.

The Twelve Types of Women

8 ) The Tomboy

Casual attitude, very honest and blunt, is into watching football and other sports, 40% chance she was an athlete in school, likes dirty jokes and probably knows quite a few of 'em, probably knows how to repair things, not into wearing makeup, heels, or girly clothing (but may endure them for special occasions), is into casual sex/friends with benefits but NOT a slut, bra and/or panties optional, 66% chance of having Hottie potential if she just looked less like a dude. Could work any job, but likely does police work, military work, athletic-based, repair, or something else labor-intensive and masculine.

The Twelve Types of Women

9) The Wallflower / Nerd

Is shy and claims she doesn't know the 'right way' to be a girl, likely grew up with absentee parents, likely has a four-year degree but nothing beyond that, is either extra tall (5'10" and above) or extra short (5'2" and under), is likely to be a gamer, likely grew up as an Ugly Duckling who got hot after high school and never realized it, 50% chance she has big and/or incredible breasts and is completely oblivious about it or how to use them, 66% chance of her being hotter if she just bathed and shaved a bit more, 50% chance of experience in having attempted to act slutty in order to compensate for her low self-esteem and to find validation from others, 20% chance to be a stalker and crazy ex-girlfriend so proceed with caution. Probably works something higher than minimum wage but still not lucrative and ironically customer service oriented, like a waitress, barista, concierge, saleswoman, or IT.

The Twelve Types of Women
The Twelve Types of Women

10) The Scientist / Genius

Is intelligent as hell and smart as fuck, is brutally honest, is pragmatic and very likely to not be a feminist, religious, or into ideologies for insecure people (still probably insecure, however), likely has a Masters or PhD, hates being girly or feminine but unlike the Tomboy is probably willing to pretend to be for the social benefits, probably has bad social skills and is bad at socializing, probably has a lucrative job but hates working it, is probably the least picky of all women besides the Wallflower in that she hates 'sticking to one type of guy', probably has a defensive wall to avoid being hurt emotionally, but is the one searching for love the most. Likely works a STEM career or the medical field.

The Twelve Types of Women
The Twelve Types of Women

11) The Hood Rat

IQ is low enough to literally be retarded, most likely grew up poor and with a bad mother/parents, has no class or shame whatsoever, thinks she's tougher than she is and can fight but would probably get her ass kicked easily, is extremely selfish and rude, 50% chance of being a feminist but without the ambition for career success, 80% chance of having kids before she's 23. Likely works a minimum wage job.

The Twelve Types of Women

12) The Chameleon

Doesn't fit into any one category, is probably mentally ill and unstable, loves getting attention from others, but any means necessary, was probably part of an unpopular clique in high school (the goths, the fat girls, the teen moms, etc), can be any one of the other types of girls, but even she doesn't know what her true personality is. Could work in any job or career field.

The Twelve Types of Women
The Twelve Types of Women
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