I'm 21 years old, and I'm a Junior in College. Most of you know what I look like, while most of you might not. I will include a recent picture of myself image the end of this MyTake.
On campus, my co workers and friends would describe me as this pretty girl, with impeccable style, who's smart, funny, confident, thoughtful, yet shy and reserved. I can be outgoing at times, but at the same I stay to myself. Although I have other friends on campus/at my workplace, there's one person in particular, who I vibe with more and who I talk with more. I will call him Ken.
Ken isn't what some would call the pretty boy or this very attractive guy. Yes, he has a nice face, but in my opinion, I never found him to be attractive, physically. Ken is about 5 '8'. He has fair skin, blue grayish looking eyes French eyes, an aquiline nose, light brown short hair and although he isn't fat in any way, he has this rectangle, endomorph like body type. That's how I would describe him.
Personality wise, he's very kind, sweet, generous, funny, smart, understanding... and he's an easy target. What I mean by easy target is that I can just pick on him (playfully) on just about anything 😆
Our relationship (budding friendship) started over the summer. Although I told him what I first thought about him, my first impression of him was that he was quite annoying 😬 He even felt that I was annoyed by him too. I would describe him as this geek, whose obsessed with anime and star wars. He's also a gamer. But getting to know him a little more, I began to like him, in a friendly way and I began to enjoy his company.
He started working with the department that I work for over a month ago. So I began to see him a little more than before. Throughout this time, I think I began to develop some type of feelings for him, but I didn't because I began to have a crush on another boy on campus. This other boy was over 6 feet tall. He was of Middle Eastern descent, has an olive complexion, brown eyes, long dark hair that he keeps in a bun. Ken calls him "Bun Boy". But since things didn't quite work out the way I planned, I soon afterwards got over him.
During this duration, there were times when me and Ken would talk, just the two of us. Once on my way walking back to the office, I came across Ken. We ended up talking for over 30 minutes outside, although we had things to do. Around this time, my feelings for him started to come back slowly and gradually, despite me not being attracted to him physically.
This past Tuesday, he asked me for my number and since Tuesday, we've been texting each other. Like how he just texted me now. But later that night, hw told me that he has a crush on this girl, whom we both know. He wants to date her and I'm trying to be supportive and help him out to try and land the girl. But this past Tuesday, he came into our office around 10 am, talking about how he's hungry. He then asks me to ride with him to Waffle House. At first I was hesitant, since I never ridden in a car with a boy, alone. But it didn't take long for me to agree. He ended up paying for my meal, which I countlessley thanked him for.
The next day, on Thurdsay, this girl who I'll call Gina, came into the office. Initially, I started not to like her, since she started following Ken around the week before when we were setting up for an event. Yes, I liked her, but then I became jealous when she and him started hanging. But once he told me how he didn't like her and felt uncomfortable, I knew that even if she didn't have a boyfriend that they wouldn't work out. But Gina and I connected in less than an hour and we became friends! So no longer did I see her as a threat. Even though Ken was gonna just take me to Chick-fil-A, I invited Gina to come along. Another one of our friends came along, as well. When we came back, he asked me why I'd invited her? He told me how uncomfortable he was the whole ride through. Once I told him she had a boyfriend, he was relieved.
Later on that day, Me, Ken, Gina and her other friend began to play Apples to Apples. About 5 minutes within the game, my other friend/coworker, who I'll call Jacob, comes up the stairs, along with Zoe, Ken's crush. The whole game time, I was just full of energy and jokes. I was dropping hints the whole game, while making fun of Ken. I knew I went a bit too far, but I couldn't help myself! As I'm making fun of Ken, while dropping hints at the same time, Zoe begins to pick up on something. She asks, sitting next to Ken, "Am I missing something?" Basically asking what's going on. I and Gina told her that it was just an inside joke between us, as to not give Ken away.
That same day, I went over to chat with Jacob, I told him to promise me to not tell Zoe that Ken had a crush on her. He promised he wouldn't tell and I'm pretty sure he didn't. But after telling him, he began to ask me, "Are you jealous?" I replied with "What?" "Are you jealous?" He asked again. I told him no and why would I be? And that I only see him as a friend. I also told him if I liked him, why would I try to help him get the girl he likes? He then begin to imply that I like Ken, despite me telling him that I don't. We both took Psychology, so I know that he can read body language well, like me. I tried to not show him that I feel something for him, although I do care for Ken. But that didn't stop him from asking.
Even before I left, I told Jacob that I only saw him as a friend. He then repeatedly said, "Keep telling yourself that". But for the past couple of days, Ken and I have been texting each other just about our days and what we're doing, on and off. We've also been texting each other til the late late night, although he says he does this with his friends all the time. He also told me how after I left, one of the guys got his crushes number 😳 I mentioned that this guy, who I'll call Devon, had gotten this look from her and how he looked at her and how he just went up to her and got her number. He mentioned to me how pissed he was and that's understandable. So for the past couple of days, we've been talking about Grace, although I really don't want to. I just want to be there for him and supportive, like how he was with me, regarding Bun Boy. Although I do hope that things work out for him, I just have a feeling that he's gonna get hurt in the end 😞
Even during this time, I began to question how I felt about Ken. Despite me not being physically attracted to him, there's something about him that I can't put my finger on. So not only can I not stop thinking about us, I also enjoy texting with him back and forth. I don't know what's going on, but I know it isn't love, right? I have some kind of feelings for him, but it just gets me that I'm not attracted to him. I enjoy being around him and when it's just the two of us, but I also want him to get the girl he likes, although I know that he's gonna end up heartbroken 💔 But at the same time, I hope things don't work out so that he'll notice me!
Anyone who's been in my position before and understands, please help me and relate 🙏🏽 I am so confused! My emotions are not on track. Thank you for your time, patience and response!