Last night, I finally called my friend and told him that I had feelings for him, despite the fact that he likes another girl. Before I get into the conversation, let me start from when I first started to develop feelings for him...
So we've known each other since this summer and we pretty much became friends over the summer. Now despite me not being attracted to him physically really, over a month ago, I began to develop some type of feelings towards him. Then I met my crush and those feelings went away. But during the time I was talking to my crush, I had a one on one conversation with my friend. We were talking and talking without knowing that 30 minutes had passed. Although we had things to do and we came to know that we were talking away, we talked for a little bit more. I really enjoyed talking with him and being around him. This is when my feelings for him slowly started to come back.
So over 2 weeks ago, I became jealous of this one girl who seemed to gravitate toward the friend that I liked. But after having a real conversation with her last week, in less than an hour, we pretty much became instant friends. While setting up for a party, I instantly knew that she'll gravitate towards him. And I was right. At first I liked seeing him and her make acquaintances with each other. Then not long after that, I became jealous. I realized that I was becoming jealous when she was around him. I recognized that I started to feel possessive over him. I knew the way I was feeling was wrong and I was overreacting, but I couldn't help it.
After finding out that she has a boyfriend and that he doesn't like her in that way, I felt much better ☺ But after he got my number last Wednesday, he texted me telling me that he has a crush on a girl, who we both knew, and that he wanted to ask her out. I was shocked at first, but wa more than willing to help him get the girl. The next day while playing a game with my friend and others, his crush joins in on the fun. You can tell how nervous he was. I was poking fun at him and dropping hints throughout the game.
After talking to another friend about his crush, he began to question my feelings for him. I kept denying it and telling him that I only saw him as a friend. But he wasn't buying it.
So the weekend comes and everyday since, all I could really think about was my friend and how I felt about him. Although I've been supportive of him and helping him get to his crush, I was struggling with my feelings for him.
Getting into the conversation, he called me this past Saturday, after I texted him to get back to me, I told him that I had a friend who liked (had feelings for) her friend, but that her friend like someone else. And basically asking him what my friend should do in this situation. He knew I was being vague and had a hint. But he basically told me that my friend should tell her friend how they felt and that regardless if he said no, that it shouldn't change their friendship if they're mature.
So although I was planning on telling him this coming week, I'm during our texting conversation, I decided to call him. So I did. He picked up and I instantly told him that it was me. And knew that it was me, since I was referring to myself as a friend, obviously lol 😆 But I explained to him that I developed feelings for him about a month ago and that I didn't know how to tell him, since he likes another girl. I mentioned that I didn't find him attractive in that way, but that how he was just attracted me. I further went to explain how I originally didn't want to tell him, especially over the phone, because I know how he felt about the girl he likes and how I didn't want to complicate things. I told him that I wasn't asking him out, but that I was just telling him how I felt.
He then explained that he understood and knew that I felt that way, but that we just wouldn't work out as a couple. He further went to mention how our personalities just weren't compatible. I know how I am and I know how he is. Although I do feel a connection, I do feel like something is missing. But basically, he was saying that it just wouldn't work out. He also mentioned that it wouldn't affect our relationship, which I hope it doesn't in the long run.
Although it turned out the way that I knew it would, I didn't get my hopes up, which saved me from further heartache and disappointment. I'm hoping that I'll be able to accept my feelings and be able to deal with them, knowing that what could've possibly been would never be. But to continue on in our loving friendship ❤ I'm also hoping that the next person who I will be attracted to will be attracted to and give us a chance 🙏🏽
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