The very simple psychology of women’s attraction, in a nutshell!

[Anonymous]

This might be a lot shorter than you expected, but it’s true for most women.

Sometimes, or rather, a lot of the time, women tend to fall for the cute guys. But usually, their infatuation with cute guys or hot guys will run dry really quickly. Some gold diggers will stick with them for the sake of it, but believe me when I say it’s genuinely not how we fall in love.

A very wise person once said that men fall in love with what they see, that’s why women wear makeup. However, women fall in love with men and that’s why men lie. This also extends to how men act - a girl is more likely to like you if you’re nice, cultured, mannered and hygienic. It might not happen very quickly, but it will.

I’ll give you three examples.

1. My friend - she told me not more than a week ago that she once crushed on a guy even though she didn’t find him attractive at all just because he was nice to her. That’s it. It could happen to anyone : any day, any one of friends might start liking you just for who you are! You don’t have to be 8/10 or 9/10 or 6’2. Just be a good person and treat women with respect.

2. Me - once liked a guy (kind of, it’s complicated) because he was very helpful in a class. It helps that he’s not bad to look at, but if he had been a dickhead, I guarantee that I wouldn’t have. It doesn’t matter how hot you are, just how good you are. She’ll be interested in you for months at a time even if you don’t know she likes you, heck, even if you had no clue she likes you, as long as you can prove to her that you are capable of being a functioning member of society.

3. Me (again) - this might sound cliche, but it’s the guy (or rather, character) who made me realise that I would definitely fall in love with you for your sense of humour, empathy and intellect, then “realise” : “Oh my god, you’re so hot. I can’t bear it, I need a ton ice, like asap.” Good looking is irrelevant, guys. It’s possible for girls who are maybe 7s or 8s to like guys who are 4s or 5s because they’re really sweet. You’re 10000% more likely to be desirable if you show the world your good side.

The bad boy trope is incredibly fictitious and doesn’t hold true for most women. Sure, they’re attractive, but like, obvious,y it won’t result in something that lasts. I personally like to think that the friends-to-lovers are the most likely to stay together because they were friends from the start and they’ll stay friends throughout! Besides, knowing everything about the other, sharing and smiling is the foundation for any perfect relationship.

So, there you have it. I hope this inspires you to be (not just you, guys) better people and better friends. Who knows, maybe someday down the line, you’ll find the One through a happy accident of… being nice…? It’s been known to happen, lads.

[invalid1]

Amazing take

[Whatever2929292]

Excuse me you just accused every man out there for only caring about looks... Look most men are the same way... Girls love cute guys at first but it can fade... Even if he has a 6 or even a 12 pack...

The same with us or at least me. More infatuation. Alright? If I get to know a woman who is beautiful or even good looking and when you get to know her you're like ehhhh no.

It's the same thing.

You also forget the fact that not all men and not all women are the same.

The minute I find out a woman is a entitled bitch or is a gold digger or whatever the case may be or she just demands the universe and gives nothing in return... I am done with them pretty fast. It goes both ways.

Most women who go for bad boys are women who don't have many morals themselves they deserve each other. But a lot of men only try and meet women at clubs and stuff and not that there are not good women there but you get my point the kind of women who go there just so men buy them drinks and stuff and just looking for easy sex.

Other men and other women as well don't have morals but want a partner that does and then wonders why they can't find the "good ones"... Then they get bitter with the other sex and they run away faster the real good ones.

I agree with either friends to lovers or really just building something and making a GOOD bond with someone and not just having sex.

But you do understand this is both ways... Right? Yea many men get with some good looking women but those women are trash on the inside...

Now many really amazing beautiful knock out gorgeous women who are amazing amazing human beings but I am speaking for argument sake.

Those relationships hardly last. They never are able to hold down a relationship and pretty soon they are 40 years old and never had a relationship that lasts and her beauty starts to fade.

There are plenty of good men who ended up marrying average, less then average, and even ugly women since they had good hearts.

The same as good women. I am not concerned with women who date bad boys

[Kiss_Me]

This post implies that if guys show their "good side" girls will be attracted to them. Unfortunately, this is only partially correct.
Girls respond to influences from two different spheres of behavior. The Lover and the Provider.

The Lover Sphere is usually taught by the Mothers or other influential females in a guy's life. The OP's entire post covers many of the concepts in the Lover Sphere. Kindness, respect, Helpfulness, Dress well, groom well, goal-oriented, etc.

The Lover Sphere is usually taught by Fathers or other influential males in a guy's life. It does *NOT* involve any sexual activities. It involves things like strength of character, morals, ethics, confidence, competence, humor, and how to deal with "Tests" from girls. Also includes handling all of the above without coming across as a total ass hole.

Guys that handle these two spheres well often have several interested girls despite how attractive they may be. As an example, I'm sure everyone knows of that one fat tubby guy in school that is always surrounded by girls.

Anyway, this is just my humble opinion. YMMV.

[JustAnj]

I agree to an extent and would add that our dominant female and male figures also provide this influence being that not everyone has a mother or father figure in thier life nor do they influence us the most. I am guessing for the father you mean father is the provider side of it.

[Kiss_Me]

@JustAnj Oh Shit... I just saw my mistake. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.

Lover sphere is taught by Fathers
Provider sphere is taught by Mothers

[Dawty]

There's so much to say about this, but it is far too late for me to say it all now. Some of the things you are saying are true, of course. A lot of things are not. Yes, we all like a good guy who is decent kind, et cetera, et cetera. But it does not matter if we're not attracted to him, does it?
I would never have dated an ugly guy, a guy I didn't find attractive, regardless of how nice he ever is or was. That's a fact. Personally, I don't give a crap about money, so I would never date a guy I didn't like because he's rich. I know a lot of girls would, but personally, I would never date a rich guy I didn't find attractive.
My husband is not rich, but I love him. My husband is attractive, at least in my eyes. He's good, he's kind, he's sweet, he's supportive, he is honest. These are all good qualities.
But all these qualities set aside, I would never have married him if I didn't find him attractive. There is a long list of what we want in a man. All these good qualities are not just exclusives.
We will not marry a man just because he's good or kind or decent. We will not marry a man just because he's tall. And most of us will not marry a man, just because he's rich.

It's a complicated combination of many things that combined, give us what we feel is an attractive and good deal.

[wowop99266]

You won't marry a man just for being tall, but the men you marry are in fact tall, at least 9 times out of 10. I've seen women's requisites.

[Dawty]

@wowop99266 never said, hight doesn't matter. However, it's not all that matters.

[wowop99266]

In the long run of course it doesn't matter but for first impression height is the single most important prerequisite, more than looks or clothes.

[DermalPunch]

I highly disagree with the friends to lovers route. I am also VERY wary of men who are still or try to be friends with exes. Or with me if the relatio still doesn't pan out. Makes me think they keep women in rotation.

In my experience, most woman are rather superficial and want a guy that will make other women jealous of them. Most men are too but less. Most people are actually.

I think the definition and understanding of a bad boy is very wrong. So-called "bad boys" are fine. They just have their boundaries and won't let women manipulate them with foolish drama and head games. So they drop you like a hot potato when you start acting up with that BS.

It's the attractive, immature grown boys that are the problem.

Number 2 is real and legitimate. This is very true. I am like this except I won't let an attraction fester for months.

I would also HIGHLY ADVISE men not to be nice men but kind men. Nice is a reaction kindness is a state of being. Anyone can be nice when it suits them but kindness comes from good character.

[litty]

Using yourself as an example is nice and all, but it's more complicated than just being yourself to attract someone. Many people subconsciously are attracted to their parents as that is how they learned how to show or express love.

If a guy had a controlling mom, then it's not a coincidence if he ends up with a very high maintenance partner that wants things done a certain way.

If a girl likes guys and her father was the type of handy man who does everything or showed love through acts of service, then it's not a coincidence that the person she seeks is someone who fixes things or does things for her.

But if the person had a destructive or traumatic childhood growing up, maybe even daddy/mommy issues, then more often than not the partner they seek also has issues and even though they are toxic to each other, they stay together because chaos is comforting to them.

Compare the qualities of your past/present partners with your parents and see how close they match.

[JustAnj]

💯 accurate

[JustAnj]

This is actually why people recommend you go to therapy for past trauma and look for better influencers to learn tools you never obtained. This will allow room for a healthier partner to enter your life. ❤️

[BlackBeauty90]

I wish people would stop trying to post the whys' of sexes' behavior or generalizing the sex. We've got you. We've got that twit "lady's man" apope16 and a few others.

It's very simple.

There are loose easy women who'll fuck the "bad boy" image because they have little to no standards and any douchebag who throws them a bone is good enough.

Such women are why "bad boys" exist because these men have little to no standards and any women, including prostitutes, that'll give them the time of day is good enough.

.

The norm of either sex simply wants a respectable partner. Someone who will treat them with respect, won't cheat, contributes to the household.

It's not that fucking hard. We all don't have to be rocket scientists with five bachelor's degrees, three masters, and four PhDs to comprehend basic biology.

Well, how people go on a GAG maybe those who comprehend ARE rocket scientists.

[ohsheeT]

Life is an experience sometimes we walk into an experience and we don't quite understand it we think we want more but friendship Is Where It Starts there is a bond that cannot be broken if you are a true friend people get lost in the relationship aspect of it when you are a true friend a real friend it comes for your heart it's unconditional love it's unconditional respect it's unconditional communication only when you can see two sides of the story and not have a judgement on either side you just accept it that's when it's beautiful and it works forever

[Stoner710]

I wish this was true I’m not the riches guy in the world or best looking. My I. Q and intellect is higher then Steven Hawking I’m nice kind helpful fresh out of collage trying to get a job in the historical field or politics. It seems women go for jerks who treat them like crap rather then that nice guy you describe. Of course I have 3 rules when it comes to women I’m interested in dating

no liberals
no kids
no Christian’s (reason for no Christian’s is because I was extremely made fun of as a kid going to church I still share the values of Christian’s but I won’t date them because of my experience as a kid)

[Anonymous]

This is so true! I have a crush on this guy who works at a second hand store. He is an actor, and I have watched his performances before which was one year ago. But I didn't have a crush on him because I didn't know what his personality was like.
Anyway, just recently I caught feelings for him. The way he treats others and talk to his customers, the way he walks and the smile on his face makes me fall for him.
He's so energetic, talkative, kind, nice, positive and happy! We also both are homeschooled which is a turn on for me.
And let me tell you, he isn't unattractive but he isn't top tier in looks either. (But now in my eyes he is, he just wasn't at first) He's about 5'4 or 5'5, (I think he might be a little taller than me, but like 2-3 cm) and I am 5'4. But gosh I'm so in love with him. He makes me drawn to him, and it was not his looks but his charming personality, energy and vibe. ❤️

[KoolKita]

For me, I may see a guy and think "oh gosh, he ain't bad looking" (my way of saying he's hot), but EVERY time, I would feel way too intimidated to even consider having a relationship with him.
I would definitely prefer to fall for and be in a relationship with a guy who was just really nice, had a great personality, and good morals. If they happen to be "not bad looking," then that's a score too!

[KelleyNice]

I'm certain those examples are fabricated. Certainly, if other factors--looks and money are equal, women prefer the nice guy. However, only foolish men believe that being nice will win over a guy that is better looking or has more money. They may as well believe in the tooth fairy because that is not going to happen.

[BUTIMRIGHTTHO]

No offense but you're 13. You're going to be shocked at how much your awareness expands as you get older. I'm not saying you're wrong or right I just don't think your answer or such a topic is of much value yet at that age. But yes value wins over no value. However value is subjective and very diverse.

[MCheetah]

Honestly, I don't believe any of this or have any life experience with women of this being even remotely true, but the TL;DR of women's psychology in a nutshell is: "Men think with their brains and women think with their emotions. Talk to a woman's feelings, not her brain." (Thanks Kevin Samuels, RIP!)

[RandomGuy1030]

He was a great guy for sure. Sad he passed so soon.

[AssholeNumberOne]

Not true, sorry. It's actually pretty sexist

[MCheetah]

@AssholeNumberOne
You're proving him correct, right now, by calling it "sexist" for no reason.

[RandomGuy1030]

😂😂😂👏👏

[AssholeNumberOne]

Rude.

[MCheetah]

@AssholeNumberOne
The username is accurate, apparently.

[ManOnFire]

It's funny that you base all of this this on your "friend," "you," and "you again." Small world out there lol.

I know men in my real life who are handsome, keep themselves looking well, have a job, and are fairly decent guys to women, but they are still single. However you are right about the friendships-to-relationships part, yes.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

Sadly mist guys here will not believe you. Yet you are giving nothing, but the hard truth for them.

Do you know what that is? They refuse to accept that they don't have any luck because if their behavior. Because if their actions. Because of who they are!

It's a beautiful lie to think it's because they look bad, because they don't act like a bad boy or because they don't have money. Nah... Much more easy to accept than the problem being their personality.

[Anonymous]

It's nice story... not true of course. But a nice story. I'm sure in your head this is the way it appears though. And since I'm a guy it wouldn't matter how I told you were wrong even if I provided you with detailed proof. So I'll just smile, laugh and let you continue to believe this nonsense.

[EmyyWolf]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ngcg1yIYAGY

FEMALES ARE ATTRACTED TO THE ALPHA MASCULINE MACHO GUY

[WhiteBoyChill]

”a girl is more likely to like you if you’re nice, cultured, mannered and hygienic. It might not happen very quickly, but it will.”

This is the most untrue thing I’ve read all day. I’ve always been all those things, but it hasn’t gotten me, or plenty of other guys I know anywhere.

The harsh reality is, a small and elite hierarchy of men end up attracting a majority of women. And to pretend otherwise is just a flat faced lie

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Takecreator see?

[glennos89]

In my own experience being nice and respectful only leads to me being pushed in the friendzone with girls. Altough I do have to say not every time but most of times it will result in that in my experience

[Dangledoo]

This is complete and utter bullshit only other women believe in. Women don't give a shit about a man's personality or how well he treats her and other people. It's all about how good he looks, his height, his money, and status. A guy could be the biggest worst scumbag in the world, as long as he's 6"4, women will drip for him.

[shaysh87]

In my opinion, dating is easier for an unattractive man than it is for an unattractive woman.

[danny8325]

yeah an ugly friend of mine were dating some fine women. Female feels more secure when dating ugly guy, a perception that ugly guy won't cheat... and proceeded to get cheat lol

[shaysh87]

@danny8325

most people tend to date within their own league of attractiveness though.

[KelleyNice]

@shaysh87 You nailed it. Because men will date down for a one night stand, many women believe they can date above their league of attractiveness. However, by high school, boys learn that they cannot date above their league of attractiveness and usually they will stop trying. Of course, some men never learn and end up bitter and angry.

[shaysh87]

@KelleyNice

there's a lot of BS about how women have higher standards than men. This is really not true because when you only want to date women 12- 30 years younger , your standards aren't low. Young women tend to have plenty of options, they dont have to go for an old geezer. This is why men complain about getting rejected so much

[wowop99266]

@KelleyNice What is a 13 year old supposed to know about what grown men might or might not do in a one night stand? Nobody in your age group is supposed to be talking about this.

[KelleyNice]

@wowop99266 I'm old enough to learn about live and it doesn't require experience when there are lots of articles you can read if you Google.