So my girlfriend seems to always invite her friends to join in on OUR time?

[Anonymous]

My gf always talks to her friends and it's not that I don't like them, because I do. However, she never asks or includes me in any of the plans while she is on the phone making them. It's as though she just assumes which seems a bit disrespectful and self centered. I've expressed my feelings about this more than once so I'm not exactly sure how to deal with it. I feel almost taken advantage of and not respected in the relationship.

[Rcjh1987]

Maybe make it more specific like say hey babe this Saturday night I'm taking you to dinner and around the lake or wherever and just be like it'll just be the 2 of us and how excited you are to spend one on one time with her!! Also make sure you tell her that you like her friends if she asks about bringing them. It's just you want the. 2of you

[lglee114]

She probably doesn't feel that comfortable around you. It may feel awkward for her to be around you when you guys are alone but probably only because she's nervous around you and doesn't want to mess anything up. But it is a great idea to tell her how you feel and maybe ask her if she feels that way when she's with you.

[Amygreen]

Well if you've expressed how you felt more than nice and she's not respecting that then maybe you should do the same to her and she how she likes that. Maybe she'll realize how you feel..

[1cubby1]

Why is she making all the plans? Just tell her I want to go on a date you and me. If she makes an excuse or changes it to add people you know there is something def wrong

[yaddayaddayadda02]

She does it because you tolerate it.

[Asker]

so if she's knows it makes me mad and still does it... how would you deal with it?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You have to gauge how important being included is to you and the relationship.

[Asker]

yeah... it's not so much that I mind her friends linking up with us as it just seems disrespectful that she makes the assumption that she can plan shit without ever including me in plans and such.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

That's all part of the relationship negotiation. How do you normally react to her when she does this?

[Asker]

usually I'll get quiet and not say much, because I've voiced my thoughts already and just feel like she doesn't care. Honestly, I'm getting tired of it and just wondering if the whole relationship is built around what she wants and to hell with mine wants. jus me I guess

[yaddayaddayadda02]

So she does this: You say "hey, want to go out to dinner Friday night?" and she says "Oh, sure - I'm invitng mark and sally and suzie to go with us"

or is it

She says "I'm going out Friday with Mark, suzie, and sally"? with the implied that you aren't invited?

or both?

[Asker]

It's more like she's on the phone with Sally and says yeah we're going to dinner Friday night... you or you and Mark can go with us if you want. Then later it's oh Mark and Sally are going to go to dinner with us. Never I hope that is okay or do you mind.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Ok, so before you set the next date say "I want to take you to dinner Friday, JUST the two of us". And if she gets on the phone and then says "Sally, and mark come with us Friday" - when she gets off the phone say to her..."I thought I mentioned I wanted it to be the two of us. You can either call Sally back and tell her it's just the two of us, or I'm going to stay home. Call me when you want you and me to do something as a couple"