What do women hope to achieve when they play hot and cold?

[CypherV]

Girls when you play hot and cold with a guy, why do you do it? What do you hope to achieve by doing it? Is it your way of telling a guy to go away, you're not interested or is it your way of trying to get him to chase after you and show that he's real committed to you?

Also why would a girl continue to blow hot and cold when the guy she is blowing hot and cold isn't responding to her behavior?

A girl who rejected me was always warm to be prior despite being shy, but ever since she rejected me, it's always hot and cold behavior from here and the funny part is I'm pay her no attention at all. If I see her I say hello and that's it, I don't even give her attention, so what's her game? She's not interested and I've accepted it.

[Kinstrome]

It's less conscious than you think.

Playing hard to get has value in luring people to things that appear valuable because they are in high demand. They won't settle for just anybody. Thus women get the valuable men who are confident enough not to be deterred by it.

Men sometimes do a similar thing, although it has more to do with explicitly displaying self-confidence and less to do with simply implying that they aren't interested and don't want to be tied down to just anybody.

[CypherV]

So if I pursue her, I'm a highly value male with confidence, if I don 't pursue her, I'm a low value male with no confidence, despite the fact I approached her in person and asked her out?

[Kinstrome]

No, it isn't that rigid.

[CypherV]

I don't understand.

[Kinstrome]

If she plays hard to get, that doesn't always mean being confident will get her.

If exercise is correlated with a better mood, there are still people who will exercise and not feel better. But that doesn't mean exercise isn't correlated with a better mood.

[CypherV]

I see, well it doesn't matter now as I'm ignoring her and having no part to play in silly games.

[Sex_Panther]

The idea is based on the principle that people actually become more intensely interested in things they cannot directly have but have to work for causing something of an "appreciation".

[CypherV]

Well she's clearly met an exception to the rule and I think her time and effort would be better spent focusing on a guy she is interested in rather than focusing on someone she isn't interested in for attention purposes. Idiot of a girl.

[Sex_Panther]

It is hard to find players these days...

[CypherV]

I thought they were quite common.

[Sex_Panther]

No. H&C is an older social game. It waned with the influx of hook-up culture.

[CypherV]

Oh I didn't realize that, I thought it was very much the in thing as I have seen quite a few topics about hot and cold since I've joined GAG.

[fearful]

Some guys do that too but I don't think anyone achieves anything, just creates a whole load of unnecessary confusion

[CypherV]

I know guys do it, but I'm not interested in guys, so my question focuses on women, though I agree with you.

[misscocobutter]

I've had the exact same experience with men. I don't roll that way so it mystifies me too

[CypherV]

If I was still pursuing her I could understand why she'd do it, not that I'd agree with her doing it, but if I'm stupid enough not to take no for an answer then I suppose I'm asking for being taken for a ride, but I am not paying her any attention whatsoever, I don't approach her to speak to her, I don't smile at her anymore, I am not interested in her all that much, so I don't understand what she is hoping to achieve her. Even her friend who I thought was a decent guy is getting in on the act by saying her name loudly when he's with her and they are in my presence as a way to get me to stop what I'm doing and give her the time of day and I think it's pathetic behavior, so I just ignore them both.

[misscocobutter]

I think you are doing the right thing in ignoring her. She will only mind fuck you

[CypherV]

The thing is, she should realize now that I'm not interested in playing her game, she must have known this from the beginning yet she is still determined to play this game. If I was biting onto her bait, I could understand her doing it, but I'm not biting, so she really should just admit that she made a mistake rejecting me and that she's missed her chance with me and she should move on and find someone else, she's missed the boat and that's her loss.

[misscocobutter]

Yes but you can't control her reactions, only yours. Just ignore and hold your head high. You dodged a bullet

[CypherV]

I know, I just want to know why she's doing it because it seems like a lot of effort to go through for someone you're not interested in and it's not as though I showered her with loads of attention to begin with.

[misscocobutter]

I have no idea, men constantly play mind games with me too.

[CypherV]

It sucks, it's good job that you don't tolerate such behavior.

[misscocobutter]

When I was younger and less jaded I did - and it really messed me up

[pinky100]

Its a push pull tactic.. like guys do use same on with us... she wants you to chase her!

[CypherV]

Well she'll be in for some major disappointment then because I am not chasing her, rather I have turned my attention to another girl.

[pinky100]

Well.. than she if she changes if she sees you chasing other girl...

[CypherV]

I don't really want her anymore to be honest with you. It's amazing how quickly a rejection and immature games can kill off the attraction.

[CypherV]

Why do women want men to chase them?

[pinky100]

This is how we know you do care about us.. the right man won't give up... man is a hunter.. girls are the prize. Maybe she wants to see if you worth her!

[CypherV]

You see this is total nonsense. I consider myself a prize too and lots of guys do too which is why we don't chase. No woman is worth jumping through hoops for. If girls want that then they're immature and if guys pursue these girls then they need their heads examined.

[pinky100]

You guys are lazy... you are not putting any effort... well I consider myself a prize and never in my life chase a guy! If you fall in love and like someone a lot.. believe me you will jump more than hoops to get that girl!

[CypherV]

I asked her out is that not enough for me to confirm my interest? Say if I saw you, we made eye contact, we gave each other a smile, I approached you, we had a pleasant conversation and I asked you out would that not be enough for you?

[pinky100]

Yes it would be.. maybe she doesn't! Like you that way, scared or not sure.. if we respond to you looking and making eye contact etc. That doesn't necessarily mean we want to go out... only if e are interested in that guy think girl would say yes.

[CypherV]

Right, so she's not interested and that's fine, what I can't understand is why she is now blowing hot and cold with me? Why she is wasting her time with a guy she's not interested in and who isn't giving her attention? Is she mentally ill? What's her game. Would you behave this way?

[pinky100]

Ha, she is not mentally Ill... its annoying isn't it? The same you do to us girls. Now you see how it sucks! Think you answered one of my posts when I had same problem with a guy... think you told me not get obsessed. Both men and women do it and it seems to be you guys taking it as a big surprise... exactly.. why would you waste a time on a girl you not interested.. . I popped that question already!

[CypherV]

I'm not wasting my time on her, I just want to understand why she is behaving as she is and no I don't play these games, I'm not an immature idiot. Also I am not obsessed, I've asked one question in regards to this girl, you've made more about the guy you're having problems with.

Also you cannot compare me to the guy you like because I made my interest known and he hasn't. I didn't spend months winking and smiling at this girl, I asked her out, so our situations are not comparable.

[pinky100]

yes our situation is not comparable.. but similar in some what way.. she either doesn't like you, not interested or there is something else... i know you not obsessed.. but come on.. you guys do it to us! why you surprised

[pinky100]

i am just like you can't understand you man doing this to us.. like we doing it to you.. simple!

[CypherV]

She's not interested, so even more reason not to blow hot and cold, what is she trying to achieve? She's a beautiful girl who can have a lot of guys, so why not focus on those guys?

[pinky100]

in would just ask her.. just say hey, is there is something going on.. she should answer you,, then it hopefully sorts the matter... well i don't know.. i can't comment... just ask her and you will know...

[CypherV]

How's the situation with the guy you like?

[pinky100]

i haven't seen him to be honest today.. maybe coz i had different breaks at work. i think next time ill see him ill slightly ignore hi.. he can still look if i please his eyes.. i won't say no if he likes spying and staring at me..

[CypherV]

Good luck with that.

[pinky100]

i will try.. i see how he acts.. silly boy!

[CypherV]

Do you not think you're wasting your time?

[pinky100]

with him.. yes! therefore he will be ignored that's all i told you!

[CypherV]

Fair enough. :)

[rayx911]

if she is playing games like being hot n cold and giving out mixed signals then all she wants from you is attention to string you along making you feel like she likes you and brainwash you into thinking you are doing things wrongly which causes her to pull back etc. Dont ever fall for it, she might even come back to you showing affection, she does it to make herself feel happy and validated if u fall for her again.

[Anonymous]

They do it because the guy was probably playing games to begin with

[CypherV]

That might be true of some guys, but not of me, I knew I was interested in her, so I asked her out, what's the issue here? Most women say they want the direct route, so that's how I roll.

[cookiebomb]

For me personally it's because i'm just not that into him. I like him enough to keep him on the back burner but definitely not enough to make him a priority.

[scooogy]

That's actually a bit cute... 😂