I rejected him but I can't stop thinking about him! Is this normal?

Question

I rejected a really nice shyer guy the other week, he said e wanted to remain friends and so did I and we talked through text for a few days. He asked to hang out a couple of times and I wanted to but can't as am seeing this other guy and also I am going to college soon. I have started ignoring his texts so as not to encourage him but I literally can't stop thinking about him! He sent me a text yesterday and apologised if he did something to upset me. Is this situation normal and what should I do.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It sounds like at this point you need to measure your options and maybe take a break from it all. Spend some time really thinking about what it is you truly want in your life.

Are you happy with your commitment? Do you see this commitment keeping you happy for years to come? Do you see a future together, not only financially but emotionally?

Now ask yourself.. Why do I keep on thinking about this guy?

What is it that keeps you thinking about him?
Do you see something in him that might be lacking in your current relationship?

Obviously there's something you see in him if he's been on your mind that often. But if you're committed like you say.. This guy might just be helping you discover things about yourself that you didn't even know that your current boyfriend hasn't.

This happened to me when I was just getting into college, I was getting over a relationship and this guy I was friends with in high school still had a crush on me and I would always tell him we were just friends and that would never change. But he was like the most interesting /attractive/smartest/nice guy that had ever liked me and to this day I still wonder what it would be like if I had at least given him a chance. I was just young and stuck on my emotional attachments towards my ex I had at the time.

It's just really a matter of you figuring out what your mind and heart can agree on!

I say if you're thinking about him that much, give him a chance just to satisfy your doubts and see what happens from there. Since you already basically dissed him, he's probably not going to suggest anything so you'll have to figure out how to maybe arrange some way for you two to talk. (Text maybe?)

I wish you luck and hope for the best!

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

Do you miss the guy or miss the attention? I think he's not the one for you if you really didn't feel the interest and began to tell him about another guy and then ignored him. You sound like you're grieving the loss of having someone there who you knew was there all along and now there's an empty space. Don't even worry about it, it's sort of like breaking up. I did the same thing with a guy friend years ago and missed him each time, but when we struck up our friendship again each time he irritated me and reminded me why I always blew him off. I doubt he's the one who got away when you really didn't feel enough to snap him up and hold on to him when you had the chance. Best he's gone and you're moving on with your life anyway. Good luck! :)

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

It Could Very well be, being you had to 'Do what you needed to do,' you're just feeling a bit----Guilt ridden, is all.
And with you agreeing to 'Remain friends' as you say, with his incessant pushing his buttons on his end with 'Endless Energy' and 'I'm sorry's,' is Only making matters worse And------You can't get on with your Own life. That's all. Nothing more to think about.
You need to explain to him, maybe in a push of your own button, that you Now think it's best if you both Don't send any more messages, that you see it is creating a problem with your Other half, and there is Nothing More to be said, you're very sorry...
End the madness before it becomes a Problem in your-------Great future plans.
Good luck. xx

crazyincalifornia · Accepted Answer

if I took all the guys serious that hit on me I would go crazy. I just am totally upfront with them that friends is cool and that's it, nothing else... ever. Most guys take the hint and drop out. I definitely don't like pushy guys, or pushy girls for that matter.

GamerArtNerd · Accepted Answer

It's behavior like yours that made me sign up for this site in the first place. Girls are just so hard to read! Honestly you should just go with your heart. Girls seem to think there is this social etiquette that they must follow when it comes to dating. They never initiate or ask out guys, they have to "give it" to the guy rather than the other way around. I think the problem is that these social norms cloud the mind and make girls do things self consciously despite how they truly feel in the back of their mind. Often times they will randomly realize these things after the fact and regret it. I can't tell you how many times I've heard of girls having sex only to regret it afterwords... feeling guilty and dirty. I say again, just go with your heart, who cares what society thinks.

GenCoupeTT · Accepted Answer

He was the type of guy you start to grow feelings for you aren't just outright attracted to him.. Now you are a douche for ignoring him when a girl doesn't respond to your text it hurts like hell we hate it!!! Also the poor boy was probably thinking uh oh I upset my friend I'll send her a message saying sorry and you ignore that to? You probably can't imagine how long he thought before he sent that text. I bet he's sleeping holding on to his phone waiting for your reply. You as his FRIEND need to not ignore you're FRIEND. How would you feel if the person you liked ignored you?

syd48 · Answer

It is unfortunate that you have not yet learnt that these shy sensitive guys are the ones to be nurtured and not treated badly. It would not have been difficult to explain you situation to him. Instead you simply blew him off in a bad way and then ignored texts. Communication is the secret of all relationships , both those you want to preserve and those you wish to end. It is always best to say why so the others do not get confused about your intentions. You should send this guy a text and say you have a boyfriend and you dont feel you handled contact with him very well.
sorry is easy to say and makes the world of difference to your character.

Phantom-menace · Answer

If your seeing another guy, just tell him straight I can't see you anymore, and it is awkward for me do. I am sorry to say this to you, but stop playing with his feelings and be straight with him, relationship wise or friendship. Just make decision and stick with it, not fair on him.

Just tell him, I can't see you, because I am with another guy. yes he will be hurt, but its better than messing him about. You can't just keep him around, because now all of sudden, you can't stop thinking about him.

stubbsy · Answer

The thing is, regardless of you seeing this other guy. I have to be honest, because if any guy makes an impression on you where you have them in your thoughts more than your current B/F then this speaks volumes about the current relationship you have, because if your current B/F is not occupying a large % of your thoughts, then really, YOUR in the wrong relationship, and your natural instincts are telling you that you have more for this other guy than you do for your current guy, and whether you choose to act on that is up to you, but you should take note that some one else has filled a void your current fella failed to do, good luck, x

beauch11 · Answer

It depends. What are you thinking about when you are thinking about him? Are you picturing dating him, or picturing him as your friend? I had a similar, actually almost identical situation happen to me a few months ago and I can tell you with absolute certainty you should tell him if you are still thinking about him. Plus, since you are thinking about him and you are with someone else, you obviously have feelings for him, so why would you suppress those feelings? I've never been able to understand why women do this. The girl in my case continued and continues to text me all the time, and all it does is confuse the heck out of me. It would be so refreshing if you were just honest and open about it. It's actually not fair to either guy or yourself for that matter if you don't. in my opinion

Add1ct3d2U · Answer

If you both agree to remain friends, I think there is no problem hanging out, if the other guy over reacted after you explain things over he is not the one to waste time. Also girl by ignoring the nice guy your saying your creating a future duchebag emotion, broken hearth even from a friend can be a human changer and there he goes pop! Treat him nice, communicate and be honest, if you think he still pursue you and you don't like it because you don't want to give him false hope at least give him a couple of warning he might eventually realise that the feeling is not mutual.

Prilee1992 · Answer

If you like him back, PLEASE REPLY HIS TEXTs! Cause looks like this guy is desperately continuosly reaching out for you by sending multiple texts.
In this way, he should know your indication and invite you out for dates. Let's see how things go from there!

RandomStudent · Answer

Since you are constantly thinking about him, you mine as well give him one change and hang out with him. the worst that could happen is you realize you dislike him, and move on. Unless the guy you are currently seeing and you are in a serious relationship, then of course you should just try to block this new guy out.

nosweat2012 · Answer

All I'm gonna say is- whether u like this guy or not, u must, must, MUST reply to him. Be straight with him and just tell him everything u have told us. It's not fair on him if u don't. Both of u will feel so much better once u do. Do it sooner rather than later! Let us know what happens

JustinCaseUDontKnow · Answer

I think you like him but one point your rejecting him
cause you don't know what you want in life yet i
think college is on your mind so you don't want
get close to the guy cause your afraid the
relationship and college may not mix right
you got your heart set on this other guy besides
him so it will be hard to say what will happen
i think you really need to be friends with all guys
until your heart tells you what to do

IceChipLaid · Answer

It's definitely normal, because your going to wonder what the relationship would have been like and where it would have gone. You'll also feel bad about keeping him in the friend zone because that's definitely not a place to be in, you may think that your being mean for rejecting him but it's normal.

Hans222 · Answer

When you continue to think about him, either you're trying to convince yourself of the opposite but you have feelings, or you just feel sorry for him.
I think a good chat will do the job here. Rejected or not, some mutual understanding can solve many problems.

Texug0 · Answer

How long have you been in this relationship?
Think outside the bubble, if you knew he started to like someone else would you feel jealous? If so maybe you can't stop thinking about him because he gave you attention & ect. I was in a situation like this once and I noticed that after I rejected him and so on I couldn't stop thinking about him because I liked the attention he gave me but I didn't like him more than a friend.

bellahastings · Answer

You're not being unnecessarily cruel. I would reply and just be totally straight up with him. Just explain what you've said to us, that you're going to college/seeing someone/super busy. Tell him that he's a really nice guy and that it's not personal.

Billlewis · Answer

I hope this doesn't sound too strange, but he may very well be open to being a kind of wingman for you in the course of your relationships with your male lovers. You'd be surprised by how many guys enjoy this kind of arrangement, so I'd consider staying in touch with him.

MothMonsterMan · Answer

You're on your way to being a typical woman. Always complaining there aren't enough good guys, then when you find one you reject him. Your boyfriend will find out and dump you. Then you and your girlfriends will have a whining session and complain that are "All Men are pigs, where are the nice ones". You'll have no one to blame but yourself!

MattSX · Answer

depends on what are ya thinking ' bout him. If it is like love thoughts, or ya just regretting what ya did, the way ya did. I mean, if ya like him, why did ya do that anyways? girl, I believe the best ya should do to leave this thinkings is to talk with him and solve that problem ya have with him.

peace :D

InquisitiveMale · Answer

This is normal for a lot of women. They like attention and it boosts their self confidence. You should do nothing but if you want to do something, text the guy back and tell him you don't really want to be friends, this way he stops texting and reminding you of him.

Marinepilot · Answer

If I was that guy I'd turn my back and run from you so fast, Usain Bolt would look slow ! This guy
obviously likes you and you had someone and you told him. But now you're second guessing your actions. If he's any kind of man he will blow you off and he should. The woman who did this to me
never heard from me ever. I hope he tells you were to get off.

Bambree · Answer

im not a reader but reading the title was enough. thiers probably somthing thier i you feel missing with out him. Dont let go somthing good TRUST ME. Or somthing bad will have room to come in. Im learning it the hard way

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know what advice to give you, but I'm going through that same situation right now (as the guy in your description) and it just sucks.. I'm just working on getting over it and moving on. The hardest part is that I have to see this girl everyday at work and it's kind of torturing. I'm trying to remain friends but sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I guess you just have to live with it and move on. It's a sad part of life.

If you can't stop thinking about him you might need to think twice about it. But if you're comfortable with letting him go, watch him slip through your fingers. Just don't get upset if you see him with another woman anytime soon when you had your chance to claim him, because that would be totally unfair.

Anonymous · Answer

If you keep thinking about him you like him. . maybe he caught you off guard and you didn't know what to say at that moment but now that you have given yourself time you are questioning it.. make a move.. be his friend again and you might discover you like him even more

Angelic_Girl · Answer

Normal but i suggest you to reconsider your decision i feel if you truly not interested in him then you won't feel like this and if he is nice, caring then you should give him a chance try to go out with him

coop5 · Answer

If you can't stop thinking about him, I would think that says something

Anonymous · Answer

He is starting to grow on you.. sometimes you don't like someone right away, but then you slowly start to like them. I've started to think about and have feelings for guys after initially not liking them, however, sometimes all it is, is me liking the fact that they have a big crush on me. So I think it's important to try to figure out your feelings towards him.

jbones3213 · Answer

If you are still thinking of him give it a little more thought and ask yourself would he be the one for u. You said he is nice and shy a kinda rare combo. Usally girls dont notice them as any more than friends (experinced myself as I am a really nice and shy guy) and clearly y'all both have feelings for each other. Why not give it a shot and see if it works out. You never know until you try

CUDDLE-YOU-SO-HARD · Answer

You might have made a big mistake just because someone is shy don't mean anything more than likely the older guy just wants sex and you realize the thought of being with the other guy just feels beter the way you can't stop thinking about him is your instincts coming in to play ignoring him will probably do more damage than you realize try just telling him the truth or go with your heart

RegreterForLife · Answer

Well maybe u still like him. I know exactly how u feel. A guy asked me out too and i said no. He kept asking and asking until he got tired of getting rejected by me. That was more than a year ago but i have this weird feelingin my gut whenever i see him besides the fact that i like him now. I feel like he still likes me?

kraftyblonde00 · Answer

You honestly sound like you like him a little. And there's nothing wrong with being really good friends with guys if you're currently dating someone else as long as they are ok with it. The one thing I wouldn't do is ignore him but maybe wait a day or two to answer his texts showing that you aren't that Interested.

Ambrosini · Answer

you feel guilty for rejecting him, its natural, it wouldn't have been a big deal if you didn't keep on chatting to him, if you dont see yourself being in a relationship with him try not to communicate with him that much, he will understand after a while he is a guy afterall he'll get the picture and he'll move on

WCM78 · Answer

Sounds like a small bit of irrational guilt. You had your reasons for rejecting hin, and while ignoring him is a little harsh, your reasoning for that is understandable. He'll get over it, like guys do. And so will you. Onward, girl.

PianoChopinCharmaine · Answer

This happened to me too,... :( But I guess it's pretty normal to think "What if I had said yes?" or "I hope I didn't hurt his feelings" or "I hope I wasn't too harsh on him" that kind of stuff...

whatsername · Answer

I've only had one guy like me in my life (this was a little over a year ago) and I rejected him. I still wonder to myself if it would've worked out. This is normal.

islandinhabitant · Answer

I really think you're being un necessarily cruel to this guy. He will never feel comfortable dating a girl again after this, it will break him

Anonymous · Answer

Sigh. Another nice guy flushed down the drain for not being an overbearing jerk. At least you have the decency to feel something about it, even if you're not sure what.

luna33 · Answer

Its normal, just because you rejected him doesn't you stop caring about him. All you can do is to not reply his messages. Find something else to keep you distract.

Roarke · Answer

You should continue your shallow fucking well into college and leave this poor bastard alone so he can find someone who truly deserves him.

Hmullahb · Answer

Once rejected, a self-respecting man should completely withdraw. He is supposed to know that your rejection means you don't like him. He should walk away from you no matter how much it tears his heart not to be seen as a worthy match for you. You're not attracted to him. You're attracted to the idea that a man is infatuated with you. Let the guy go through his pain to mature and seek other romantic prospects instead of wasting his time with you.

wonder444 · Answer

Maybe you are feeling guilty for ignoring him, he deserves a response even if its I've made a mistake I can't just be friends with you.

xXiTacoXx · Answer

Give him a try by going on a few dates to see if things will work out. If they don't then break up in a gentle manner and be friends again. o3o

rocelot · Answer

So you're dating this new guy but can't stop thinking about the old guy. Maybe you still have a thing for the old guy.

Anonymous · Answer

Same thing happened to me he stopped texting me and I had gotten used to it now I miss his text to talk and stuff tho I specified I don't got feelings for him , the weird thing is his sister friend requested me on ig/fb weird

cajun · Answer

This mixed feeling can go anywhere.. Now u feel sorry for him , its normal to feel that way for someone who had great feelings for you..

decemberxblue · Answer

I was in a similar situation recently. Save him the heartache. Stick to your decision as it's not fair to him.

Matrix_Neo · Answer

Reply to his fucking texts. Tell him you're not comfortable as friends. "Stop fucking texting me i don't want to be friends with you" is better but Don't just ignore him. Swear half of the douchbag guys are that way because of girls.

loda1994 · Answer

just tell him the full truth. he probably wants to hear what you just did

jacquesvol · Answer

Many years later, I still think about the girls I rejected during my teens. Less about those I rejected later.

yesmylove · Answer

Seems to me as if u miss the attention he gave you not actually him, since u didn't even like him.

CellLuddite · Answer

Can you elaborate? What do you mean when you stay "you can't stop thinking about him"?

Nuns_in_Heat · Answer

Didn't you both say you wanted to remain friends, answer him.

Kshppatel · Answer

You feel guilty because he is a nice guy and you probably hurt his feelings.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like your mind is trying (and failing) to tell you that you've made a poor choice. You committed to a guy you shouldn't be with but don't have the guys to stop because it's easier not to.

youngjames1 · Answer

Don't ignore him. Eventually he'll get the picture. You might just have to be straight up with him if he keeps texting you.

Anonymous · Answer

Having your cake and eating it too. It's not fair to him

Anonymous · Answer

If You're Still Thinking About Him, There Is A Reason, Chances Are Your Heart Will Not Let Him Go, Don't Lose Him, He Just May Be The One.

inkedaddy28 · Answer

You can't stop thinking about him and you rejected him. But what made you reject him? Did you give him a chance or did you reject him, because he is a nice guy?

Anonymous · Answer

I don't normally think about guys I reject.. then again there aren't many.. XD

nonamesally · Answer

I think it's normal cause sometimes you think did I make the right choice. Maybe there's something about him that keeps him in your mind.

ZeeZee97 · Answer

don't just ignore someone like that... that break man heart... :(

WhaChaChaKing · Answer

You may just feel guilty for rejecting him and then not replying to his texts.

Anonymous · Answer

we are girls we always over think about everything so it's normal

I rejected him but I can't stop thinking about him! Is this normal?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is this weird I keep thinking about him?

I rejected him but I can't stop thinking about him! Is this normal?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is this weird I keep thinking about him?

We're glad to see you liked this post.