She's 15 years older, took my virginity... did she use me?

[Anonymous]

So i work with a non profit group, i met this girl through that. She seemed to be into me and i was told by a mutual friend that i should go after it. We eventually started hanging out and i could tell she really liked me. I kissed her one night and she was so excited by it. I did it right before she went out of town for 5 weeks to go to school. We sexted the whole time she was gone. When she came back home we started hanging out and making out all the time, she was all over me. I was a virgin and told her so, i wasn't sure if shed be okay with taking my virginity. She said it was very sweet and she saw it as an "Honor". We started having sex and everything was great. For a while. Im not sure if i got clingy or something else happened but all of a sudden she just wanted to be completely different and said we could only be friends for now. I was torn by this and acted super clingy then just left it alone for a while. We tried being friends with benefits. But then she didn't want to do that either... Another thing is she fell for the guy who runs the non profit we work with he didn't have feelings for her and she got out of it with him a few months prior to us getting to know each other... she broke it off with me a few days after he became single again. Its really tough on my now because i dont know what to do, i want to be with her and have sex with her, and dont want to get stuck in a "friend zone" situation. No contact is difficult because we basically work together and have so many mutual friends.

Was i just a rebound for an older woman? She said she really did have feelings for me, she even told her family about me (Which i thought was kinfdof weird with 15 years apart and all). But that she felt the pressure was too much. There is a lot going on in her life but its just so hard for me to figure out how someone turns off feeling like a light switch.

Should i try to stay in touch with her to see if things change?

How do i at least get her back in bed?

[Anonymous]

Many older women have been there done that and know exactly what they want no messing around llike younger people do. Most older women I know are strong in their decisions to, and once they finish with a guy they mean it, they don't run back and forth and have so called on-off relationships as much as younger girls do.
At 36, I'm guessing she's had time to get her head right and know what she wants, and you might not be that, which she would only know by getting to know you. It doesn't mean anything bad about you or the relationship, it's just that some work out but lots don't, it happens, and it's normal, like most people don't marry the first person they met, break ups are normal it doesn't mean anything bad.
All you can do if you really want to know is ask her.

[Asker]

We left it off as we are just what we are. She said she'd go on dates with me but I can tell she's lost attraction and i wish I could just build that again. But I understand I shouldn't take it personally, but it's so hard not to. She made me think what she wanted was a relationship when I wasn't sure what I wanted, then when I felt ready she pulled the rug from right underneath me and completely changed her attitude. I've never felt so disposable in my life.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly, don't try to do more dates or friends with benefits, it'll only hurt you much more later on and it'll only drag out the hurt you're feeling now.
Tbh, she sounds slutty anyway, jumping from a guy to you then back to him... decent women don't so this. I know it's hard because you gave her your virginity, but just take it as a lesson learned. Life's a bitch, but some women can be bigger bitches. I feel disgusted and pissed off that at her age she did that to a guy you're age though, and I really hope she doesn't cloud your view on women in future. Dating and sex can suck sometimes, because you gotta weed through the ass holes to find the right one.

[Asker]

she's not really jumping to him. Im not sure if she's just trying to make har self available or maybe she just felt like it was unfair to be with me if she still had some feeling for him. He will not be with her though, thats his choice. Despite what she did to me she's still really nice to me and stuff so its hard to just say "fuck it". But i know what you are saying is probably right.

[Opinion Owner]

Some people just keep smiling at somebody, just incase they ever need them again.
It could even be her just confused to be honest, it isn't necessarily her trying to use you. Your age could be making her feel guilty, or your age could leave her wondering if anything could really come of it.

[Asker]

But if i either dont care about being used or i do believe something can come of it. Should i go for it?

[Opinion Owner]

If you don't mind that, you can probably ask her for friends with benefits and tell her you won't let anybody find out.

[H_edwards]

Sorry to tell you this but you are already in the friend zone. Even if she has a weak moment and sleeps with you again in the future, it's over between you two. And the chances of you getting to sleep with her again get slimmer every time you bug her. Move on, be thankful for the learning experience and find someone new. Don't put too much thought into her saying she had feelings for you at one point. She may or may not have "had feelings for you" but she is trying to be nice. Don't cross the line any further with her or she'll start avoiding you like the plague and things will become very awkward.

[Asker]

Ouch. Yeah. You might be right. But I doubt I'll follow the advice. I feel like there is still a chance for some reason. And I kind of believe it will just happen. Maybe false hope. Idk.

[H_edwards]

I'm sorry to be so blunt. :( I totally understand why you wouldn't follow my advice, but I will say if you don't be extremely careful, my prediction will come true and it won't be pretty.

[Anonymous]

Haha nah she's using you bro :/ I'm so sorry for laughing but ain't it obvious enough? Nah she didn't tell her parents about you either she's lying. No she doesn't have feelings for you. If she does she woulnt have done all this to you

[Asker]

You can laugh that's cool. Well I kind of know for a fact that her sister and dad know about me so, yeah, she didn't lie. But she still might have used me.

[MothMonsterMan]

Dude you had no strings attached sex AND lost your virginity with an older woman. That's awesome! I know guys who would kill to be in your shoes!

In all seriousness, you're going to have feelings for her because she's the first woman you had sex with, we almost all do. But 99% of people do not end up marrying the first person they had sex with.

Plus she's older and understands that more and easier than you do. She had a good time, you had a good time, now it's time to move on. Trust me, take that experience and learn from it, both good and bad.

[Asker]

But we are still "friends". See each other all the time. If in the future I see opportunity, should I go go it? And yes I know. No strings sounds great. I think I would've been okay with that if she had told me that from the start. But I mean she told her family about me and shit, isn't that wierd? If I'm just a fling?

[MothMonsterMan]

It sounds like it was just a fling. You may still be "Friends" right now, but what about later if she meets someone else? How are you going to feel knowing she's having sex with someone else? If you're cool with it, then that's fine. But most guys wouldn't be.

Honestly I don't see you tow hooking up again. She had her fun and now she's moving on. It's possible she may come back, but doubtful. You could always take the initiative and ask her again after a while just to see what happens. But, don't turn down other opportunities waiting on her either.

[Asker]

I don't know how I'd handle it to be honest.

[MothMonsterMan]

Eaxctly! So that's all the more reason you need to move on. Enjoy it for what it was though. :)

[BertMacklinFBI]

fuck i read "shes 15 years old" i was gonna say what the fuck?

15 is a big gap. can't say its impossible but not likely bruh. to get her back in bed, wait till she's horny and then become appealing and available. that's like the only way since she isn't the one initiating anything so you gotta put in effort for good timing.

[Asker]

Whst do i do diffrent to become appealing?

[BertMacklinFBI]

well I don't know you know better than I do because that appealing factor is all dependent on her and how well you know her.

[H2OMan]

What it sounds like is you probably got clingy or she realized that she was unintentionally using you as a rebound and had no feelings for you... Honestly, let her go. She's not worth it, let her go drooling over the other guy and you do you and things will work out. The only thing you can do is be her friend or a stranger. Get out, look around there are better women out there.

[Keyspirits]

Dood its juz like guys. We only want their body and once we get what we came for, u done. Ur good for nothing after sex. She alrdy got what she needed to experience so whats left? A solid relationship can't work without both physical and emotional attractions.

[VanillaCosmo]

I'd try to move on. There's tons of girls out there, and there's bound to be somebody who is like her. Cliche I know but true. I'm not close to 36 so I could be wrong but I assume you were just someone fun and exciting. She probably cared about you, but you aren't marriage material. At 36 that's probably what she wants. It's like a guy can be great but not who you would want to start a family with.

[Asker]

She says she doesn't want to have kids. She seems career driven. But you might be right.

[why_not_anonymous]

Difficult. Don't know that you can. But do stay in touch with her, if you want her back.

[MissWeird]

Throw that trash in the garbage and leave it there, enough said.

[PhiOmega]

Srry dude, that sucks, she used you