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36Opinion
Looks matter first but personality matters most. But the thing is with me it's not weather just got or not I judge everything from weather I think they would b intelligent or not in the first 30 seconds. Buddy not weathering a shirt-douche yellow teeth-dirty tattoos and piercings- non-conformist there is a thousand and one things that play through my mind personality when I say looks matter. It's not just weather someone is hot or not but how they choose to portray themselves to the world. So in my opinion the first time you meet looks matter but maybe not for the reasons people think
i agree with you
Looks are important of course i must first be attracted to someone in some way, but looks are not everything, what's the use in having the looks without anything upstairs (Mind) or no personality, it's an empty vessel. I am not that shallow and look for much more in a man, this guy who believes all women are superficial, the same can be applied to men but that would be a sweeping statement, no one is completely the same male or female, and this is full of flaws and half truths, not all women are the same.
I personally think every girl is different. Personally any guy who can make me laugh and can have a good conversation is a winner to me. I do know girls who are like that though... one of my best friends is like that and her personality isn't the best, the guy she has been dating for a year she says "isn't even that attractive"... but for me I usually fall in love with personality. But that also means that it takes me some time to actually go on a actual date with someone because I want to get to know them as people first... and that guy seems too cocky to make his opinion legitimate lol
isn't this subjective though?
Some people care far more about looks than others and its the same with both genders. Some people couldnt give a shit about looks and they will always go for personality. Just by reading gag you realise that everyone is different unless someone lives in a different world. Everyone has different preferences in what they go for when it comes to dating.
I think its somewhere down the middle.
Some men can be shallow, some women can be shallow
Some men aren't that shallow and some women aren't that shallow.
Plus, if you base dating/relationships totally on looks then to put it bluntly you're screwed.
Weird. I often see guys who date girls way out of their league (and they weren't rich, so you couldn't explain it with "oh, she's just with him because of his wealth"). I've seen lots of gorgeous girls who dated guys who were overweight, short, not attractive, etc, but I'm yet to meet a handsome guy with a below average girl.
I don't know if it's just me, but I can decide whether I like a guy in the first 5-15 minutes of talking to him. Sometimes he may be good-looking and have a great personality, but I still won't be attracted to him. I need to get some sort of vibe that will tell me that we're compatible. These girls may just have the same issue. As for looks vs personality part, I can overlook some physical flaws if a guy makes up for them in his personality, but not the other way around.
So women are superficial, but this guy dates 4/10 and says "they will do". He isn't any less superficial. He obviously doesn't find these girls hot.
These "findings" are lacking, biased and not trustworthy. You can't base whole female population's dating style to these few examples.
Take a look at my username that should be proof some guys aren't meant to get laid or have GF's. If a woman is 5'5 and weighs 300lbs she's still guaranteed a date but reverse the gender and you can bet no woman will give the guy a chance. I'm 5'11 and 275 and women find me ugly.
Hmmm. I'm not in the 200 or 300 lb range, but I have been single with no dates for the last 5 1/2 years and people tell me that I am pretty, am a really good person and any guy would be lucky to have me. Sooooo?
Golly Gee Willikers only 5 1/2 yrs? Try being single your whole life. The truth is women will always have a guy waiting for them you may have to wait a little longer but you will still get a date before I or other guys will.
That's just the way it is mate. Women have an advantage over men in the dating game. But men aren't really disadvantaged vs women in any other area of life right?
@doireallyneedone Yeah men kind of are.
You want to know why it's only been 5 1/2 years? Because I was in a steady relationship with one guy from the age of 16 on. 1 person in my entire 34 years. Fortunately for me, I don't allow that to make me cynical. Maybe I will find someone else. Maybe I won't. In the meantime, I don't go around saying stuff like "girls like me aren't meant to get laid or have a boyfriend or husband". Attitudes like that are a huge turn-off. NNobody likes a negative person.
Like @1GuyOpinion said "if you got a shitty personality you're still fucked".
@crystal still you managed to find someone to spend their time with you even if it was that one person. Women never look at me they never smile at me or say hello etc. And a lot of men will put up with a shitty/bitchy attitude if it meant getting sex and having a girlfriend.
What areas of life outside of dating do women have a clear advantage over men?
Yes, looks are important, but they fade. What you're left with is a partner with grey hair, wrinkles and, hopefully, a great personality. Obviously women want good-looking men who take care of themselves, and I'll admit we definitely downplay the extent to which we appreciate a fit, "masculine" body. However, I do think we look for, and notice, personality first. From what I've seen and heard and experienced, guys notice looks first. While that's to be expected, many women have a problem with that because we feel pressure to always look desirable for them.
Essentially, I think evolution has conditioned women to look for smart, reliable men and conditioned men to look for physically attractive, intelligent-yet-sexy-yet-maternal women. While that may make men seem more superficial, it can also make women seem pickier and impossible to please. So it's kind of a double-edged sword.
There are many problems here, one of which being that that's from bodybuilding. com. Totally discredited from the beginning. Another problem though is that this is the experience of one guy. (I barely skimmed the first part but I get the jist.)
The majority of girls, won't date a guy with a personality they don't like, even if he's attractive. The end. That's it.
Whenever i hear a guy casually talk about their ladies.. it's always boobs and a hot ass that appeals to them first. Personality later.
Yeah but we admit it, and the threshold to which a man will immediately find a women sexually attractive is far lower than in the reverse.
fuuuark is right we at least admit to liking those things and don't pretend to hide it. Unlike women who say one thing and mean the opposite.
I don't know why you are trying to rationalize to yourself in every way possible that women only care about looks, but i think you have some personal issues with this. Women care about looks way less than men, it's status you have to worry about. Confidence, hygiene and a happy smile on your face are attractive and they are all about your personality. They are all about appearance but under your own control to change and therefore they are about personality. Except for height and a few other things it's mostly up to you.
This is sexist, if you want to get into science well biologically women are supposed to go after status (so that the children will be raised well) and men usually go after looks (body wise/to pass on good genetics, that's why its considerd a good thing for having wide hips because of child birth) but (putting biological science behind) in the modern world both men and women go for looks and personality. You can't just have one, you need both, that's human nature
tl;dr
BUT! I don't think either sex is more superficial than the other. However, I think there's a difference when we find someone we fall in love with. Women see the man they love as the only man in the world. Men still look at every low cut top that walks past.
Yeah, because we are actually sexually attracted to women. In tests
"straight" women have shown to be more aroused by the female body than the male body. www.indiana.edu/.../...ers_Seto_Blanchard_2007.pdf
I agree with both @ABoredPerson AND @fuuuark. Personally, I just don't find the male physique to be overly desirable. There are a select few men that I will check out. When I do, it's because I see something in his face/eyes that I like. I find many women to be much more appealing to the eye than men. I'm a straight woman and have no desire to be with women. When in a relationship with a man, I really don't notice other men. I only have eyes for the guy that I am with. I'm ruled by chemistry and become blind to those around me.
Women aren't straight, the reasons you have no desire to sleep with other women are for reasons other than not being sexually attracted to women (at least not for not having the situational ability to be sexually attracted to another women). If you are only (able to be) sexually attracted to the man you are in a relationship with, you are demisexual (a branch of asexuality) as you are sexually attracted to a man and not to men. Think about that, if women arouse you more than men you aren't in a relationship with, you are closer to being homosexual than straight. Anthropologists say women don't have a sexual orientation (although pan-sexual would probably describe it well) and are attracted to themselves more than anything else (i invite you to do as much research on the subject as possible). @crystalt70
@fuuuark You misunderstand. I didn't say that i become aroused by women. I said that the female form is more aesthetically pleasing than the male form. I also didn't say that i only find the man i am in a relationship with as desirable. I said when i am in a relationship, i am so invested in the relationship that i don't desire others. That has nothing to do with how i view men as a single woman. Now, if you knew me, there is no way on earth that you would consider me to be aesexual or even close to it. It's a joke among my friends that i am the horniest and freakiest one among us. There's a lot that turns me off towards women. One of the biggest would be that i desire a certain part of the male anatomy that a woman could never give. I don't feel fulfilled without it. And, nothing compares to the real thing. I have had women approach me, have been to strip clubs, etc and have felt absolutely nothing for them. I can admit when a woman is beautiful or hot without being aroused by them.
Thought you agreed with my initial comment that women are more aroused by female bodies than male bodies,www.indiana.edu/.../...ers_Seto_Blanchard_2007.pdf for a lot of women that is true (reason bisexuality fueled by sexual narcissism). If you have to be in a relationship with a guy (as in have an emotional and romantic connection to the person) to be sexually attracted and aroused by him, you are demisexual which is a branch of asexuality as normally non sexual non gender specific traits attract you ultimately as you would be sexually attracted to a large amount of men if you where physically attracted to men (you said you don't really desire the male body, and your attraction to penis is utilitarian i am sure).
@crystalt70
@fuuuark I do agree with you that many women are more sexually attracted to other women than men. The female form is more visually appealing to the eye because of the different shapes (boobs, hips, butt, etc). That does not mean that I am personally aroused by the female form. I can agree/understand that something can be true without it being true for myself. I have no hidden desires for women. I would say that I want to be with a woman if that were true. As far as my sexual attraction for men, I did not say that I HAD to be in a relationship to be sexually attracted to any man. I have been sexually attracted to many men in my life. I said that when I am IN a relationship, I have a sort of tunnel vision. I don't have desires to sleep with OTHER men. I don't enter relationships lightly. I don't date around. When I commit to any man, I am all in. I don't fantasize about other men or wish to have sex with them. I can still see other men as hot and he would be on my radar if I were single.
It has nothing to do with innate aesthetics, or being more visually appealing, women have a very narcissistic sexuality and are more attracted to themselves than anything else, they impose themselves on other women and are able to be aroused at the idea of being desired (that's what top anthropologists say, even the female ones). @crystalt70
@fuuuark that may be true for some women, but I do not know many that feel/behave in such a way. I can only think of three women like that and they are all sisters. You can't lump all people of a certain category in one box and say that they are all the same because so and so studied a few and their word is final and true for all. In a study, they may use 10, 50, 100 people in a single location. What other factors come into play? Age, height, race, weight, etc? What is the percentage of those people that determines the results. It might be 55% and they will say that studies show in favor of one thing. That study still doesn't represent EVERYONE. For instance, "4 out of 5 dentists recommend__________". I can guarantee you that not one dentist in my area was used for any of those studies. We have 6 dentist offices here. My cousin owns one of them. He has 3 dentists there. The other offices only have one at each. I know 4 of them. NONE have been "studied".
@fuuuark I don't know which studies you are using, but in real life, women are the most insecure creatures. They see the bad in themselves and dwell on it. There's an image on here of a man and a woman looking in separate mirrors. The woman is beautiful and in shape, yet she sees herself as ugly and fat. The man is not the hottest or most fit, but he sees muscles and a great face. Look at the man in this post for example. He thinks he's the sh*t. Yes, he is in shape, but he's not the god that he believes himself to be. Regardless, we still can't lump all men and all women into a single category each.
Your statement may be true for majority of people who can be considered "hot", but it is not true for the majority of average Joes or Janes. I can guarantee you that I am not attracted to myself or impose myself on others. Many women believe that men are always checking them out. I'm the opposite. I NEVER notice or think that men check me out. The same can be said for two of my five best friends. We have actually had this conversation. One of the ones that doesn't believe men check her out is clearly blind because I have noticed several men check her out. I know that she is sincere in her thoughts on the subject. She is a very humble woman and not very observant. Of the six of us, only two are confident enough to approach and speak to strangers, whether male or female. One of those two believes that men check her out and she likes her body. She HAS had a sexual encounter with another woman in her past (curiousity), but is not a lesbian/bi. She is married to a man and only wants a man.
www.psychologytoday.com/.../what-do-women-really-want, https://www.salon.com/2009/01/24/female_desire/, do your own research if you want, there is a lot more, this also fits in with the scientific evidence i posted earlier. It seems most women are bisexual, now there needs to be a reason for that attraction, for men it's simple obviously fertility markers and reproduction, but why are a lot of women aroused by the female body? it falls to narcissism. If you think you are ugly etc, you wish to be desired like the women like that, it's still sexual narcissism even of not strictly about your own appearance (lesbian porn is also the most popular genre of porn to the female demographic according to pornhub, that's millions of women) . If your friend was curious she doesn't have a specific heterosexual orientation, your friend is bi, as she situationally must be able to sexually attracted to women (heterosexual men never even think of experimenting). bi-curiosity is semantically useless and is by definition bisexual anyway.
@crystalt70 ...
The guy in the post might be narcissistic, but we are talking about sexual arousal, his narcissism isn't linked to sexuality, womens' are.
@fuuuark how can you say without a doubt that his narcissism isn't linked to sexuality? You don't know him personally. Your mind is closed off. You see one way and that is it. You believe that women are this and men are that with there being no differences between them just because of their sex. That's not how life and people work. Individuality is a real thing. No two people are exactly alike and there are variances in their internal thoughts/feelings/emotions. As far as my friend, she is not bi-sexual. She did it because she knew others doing it (college experimentation) and wanted to see what the big deal was. She decided that it wasn't for her. Regardless, people are more complex than you want to believe. We aren't this or that and nothing else and certainly not because we are male or female. As far as women being arousedssexually by other women, I'm sure there are different reasons for each of those women. I think it is a physical attraction for some, but an emotional attraction
for others. I know a few women who were once married with children and eventually turned to women. I asked a some of them why they did that. Almost all of them said it was because other women understand them and it's easier to get along. They don't have to fight so hard to be happy. It took a lot of pressure off of the relationship. Most of those women got with other women who really could pass for men in looks, dress, personality, voice, way of walking, etc. Subconsciously, these women want men, but emotionally can't handle men. So, it wasn't the female form that drew them in. It was the desire for appreciation, peace and understanding. As far as myself, I do not feel that I am ugly nor do I want to be desired by men in a sexual way. I constantly have men message me here to tell me the think I am this or that and many who want to sext because they find me attractive. That is actually annoying and stressful. I prefer that a guy gets to know and understand me as a person. Beauty fades.
We are talking about modes of arousal, why is lesbian porn the most popular genre of porn to the female demographic? https://www.pornhub.com/insights/what-women-want/ , why are supposedly straight women more aroused by the female body than the male body?(the scientific research i posted first, read it). Women are most aroused by female pleasure, men are also most aroused by female pleasure, this is why female sexuality is considered narcissistic. Men need women in content to be aroused, women are aroused by themselves. Your friend thought of the prospect of sex with a women all the way up to doing it, and she went through with it (i am assuming since you say she had a girl-girl experience), don't think that preference and orientation are the same thing, she may refer men, but she isn't straight. @crystalt70
Now those women who turned to women later (know straight men can't do this as they are actually straight, men have a fixed orientation). Anthropologists say women don't have a sexual orientation (they would semantically fall under bisexual though), sexual attraction takes a back seat to emotion, thus they don't actually know what they are truly sexually attracted to. Look up female sexual fluidity, professionals in the appropriate fields agree women don't have a fixed orientation and thus can't be heterosexual. I invite you to do as much research on the subject as you want. Female sexuality is an amorphous free for all, they merely have preference not orientation. @crystalt70
There is no way to generalize about this issue, but if you're talking the modern USA, I'd say, whatever faults the girls have, being superficial isn't one of them. They're actually more reflective and deeper thinking than guys.
Unfortuantely, that often means they are CALCULATING, cold, and relate mostly to how much money the guy spends on them.
But superficial, as in, dumb? Decidely not.
I'm glad you used the word "often" instead of most or all. And I am glad that someone can put their pride in the background in order to see with a clear mind that not all people of one gender are the same.
We had ambitions, goals and vould hold interesting conversations? AND SHE DROPPED HIM? Smh she's not looking for anything serious.
If he's attractive to me he's attractive. I see attactice guys all the time. What keeps me there is his personality.
this dude, and any other dude like him is actually a f@#$wit. like this is one of the stupidest things iv read in all my life.
i agree
But you read it. The thing is that he has a point, right or wrong. Yet again, it's another generalization.
of course.
people on this site will say otherwise just so they don't offend the losers. But in all honesty they know looks is the first priority, then money/materials then personality.
Females want sex as much or more than men do. females are way more freaky when it comes to sex compared to men.
I think either sex can be superficial and it's natural for human beings to want to be with people they find physically attractive instead of unattractive. Women are often more drawn to status I hear, while men are more drawn to looks. So either way, it's going to be superficial in some aspect. If there's no personality, neither set is going to work out well.
and men don't think about women's ass and boobs and face at all, just personality.
Such angels should go to heaven sooner and fuck Hooris.
I <3 you and your new profile picture :)
Thanks again for your advice lady.
@JackKerouac77 I love me too.
I'm glad :)
We admit it though, and our threshold to which a women is immediately sexually attractive is much easier to reach for most women.
Those are all good observations, and I would absolutely say that women are more superficial than men. BUT this doesn't account for all women. Everyone wants someone they are at least somewhat attracted to, and personality really does make men that much better looking. I'm personally not a shallow girl, despite people sometimes assuming so because I'm attractive. I will give any good guy a chance. There are men who are very superficial as well. It goes both ways, but women are more picky.