Is it a better idea to just disappear from a girl's life, or is it better to say how you feel before cutting ties?

[Anonymous]

i'm asking about when you are not in an official relationship, but there are feelings involved.

[Anonymous]

From having gone through this recently, I think that the let's be friends, or let's go straight back to being friends (if you were friends before things got physical) is unrealistic. I think that there is undue pressure on people to be cool with being "just friends" straight after physical and emotional involvement with someone - for fear of looking immature and or/bitter if they don't want to stay in touch.

From the other side, the dumper/person who "didn't want anything serious right now" (insert standard "I'm just not that into you" type excuse) will offer the friend card as they feel it's the right thing to do and they don't want to be an arsehole. What they don't realise, is that their continued contact is preventing the other person from moving on.

If there are feelings involved, and one party wanted more, the best thing is to cut ties. This doesn't need to be forever, but it needs to be for 6 months to a year, if there is going to be a chance of salvaging a friendship from it.

I got involved with a male friend of several years recently - he only wanted sex/casual, but I realised that I had feelings, so put an end to it. I felt pressure to stay Facebook friends with him afterwards, so I re-added him after a month. That was too soon though and I've unfriended him again. I was worried that it might make me seem weird, but it was doing me no good all to still have online connections with him.

I've explained the situation to him and told him that I hope he understands and I hope re-establish contact with him in 6 months to a year, when I have had long enough to put what happened between us behind me.

Basically, I can be his friend again once I no longer give a sh*t and that is going to happen far more quickly if I cut ties with him, than if we were still chatting online all the time.

[tasten_honey]

You're awesome

[Asker]

the thing is we are not friends, we are barely acquantances and dont have any connection to each other besides the simple fact that we see each other on the street many times a week and chat. I like her but i feel like lately she has been kind of mean at times.. Hot and cold

[Opinion Owner]

I'd say don't listen to the people suggesting that you spill your guts to this girl and explain why you're cutting ties. I sort of had to give a vague indication of feelings on my part, to my guy friend, before cutting contact, but only in order to explain why I was cutting him off. I didn't say "I really like you" or anything pathetic like that. My explanation was as follows "even though I thought I could handle causal, it seems I am having trouble being emotionally detached about the sex. Since that's not an outcome either of us wanted, and past experience tells me that the best way to remedy that is time, I am going to need to unfriend you for a while. I hope you understand why and I'll re add you as soon as I no longer feel weird about it".
In your case though, this girl wasn't even a friend so there is no real need to explain anything to her, that's just pointlessly humiliating yourself- in my book. You should cut contact with her though, and focus your attention on someone else.

[Anonymous]

NO
Be upfront and honest first
Get it all off your chest and then disappear

No matter how complicated it is
I've been in very complicated situations myself
Friend love triangles, culture, religious differences, cheating you name it
I really find no excuses

Also, "if the other person seems upset at you, and aren't in a very talkative mood"

That's a result of unresolved tension,
Maybe they sense B. S. or already have suspected things about you of why it may not or isn't working but the fact that you can't own up to it, admit it or talk about it is annoying.

So it's basically like saying "man up or get out of my face"

At least if you guts to tell the truth in the unfortunate case scenario where you two have to deal with each other later in life "maybe same city, work or random bump in" at least that person may find someway to respect you later down the line. No left over anger or spite

You keep your dignity this way..
We all have to face these situations and conversations sometimes
It's part of being an adult "mature one at least"
So just go for it and walk away with clean hand and an empty conscious

[Asker]

Man up or get outa my face... In my past experience, its hard to communicate with someone who is not in the mood to communicate, and when they act that way it usually means get out of my face

[Opinion Owner]

What about any of my other reasons
It's still a good idea

Girls are complicated..
At best if she doesn't want to talk leave a not I'll guarantee she'll read it

Just go for it

[Anonymous]

Never ever just disappear. One of my ex-boyfriends did that and it's extremely confusing and cruel. If you feel like you can't talk to her, write your feelings and thoughts down in a letter/email and send it to her. But don't just cut ties without any form of explanation or at least telling her that you're not going to remain in touch from now on.

[Asker]

the thing is we are not friends, we are barely acquantances and dont have any connection to each other besides the simple fact that we see each other on the street many times a week and chat. I like her but i feel like lately she has been kind of mean at times.. Hot and cold

[SonicRiver]

If you do like her and you just aren't happy with her mood maybe you guys just need to talk? Maybe she is upset with you about something. If that's the case find out what is wrong and tell her to be more upfront next time.

[Asker]

I asked one time if something i did bothered her and got no response, just a smile... at the floor

[meaggyboo]

Well, how would you feel if a woman completely cut ties with you and left without saying a word?

It's better to be honest and upfront about your feelings and go your separate ways.
I'm sure she'd appreciate that, even if it hurts. I would.

[SonicRiver]

If you have been seeing her regularly for a month or more just let her know. She might not like it but at least she won't be wondering.

[Anonymous]

You should definity get it out of your chest. Otherwise you will always be wondering what might could have happened...

[KaitlynSG]

If you really think about it. Just disappearing from a persons life without any explanation is kind of mean.. even if you aren't trying to be. It would definitely be better to be straight up with her if there are feelings involved.

[Destinee7]

Definitely tell her why its not gonna work.

[Asker]

it's kind of complicated

[Destinee7]

still let her know.

[Asker]

the thing is we are not friends, we are barely acquantances and dont have any connection to each other besides the simple fact that we see each other on the street many times a week and chat. I like her but i feel like lately she has been kind of mean at times.. Hot and cold

[Destinee7]

I say just let her be then. You dont owe her anything.

[Anonymous]

Make everything clear no loose ends.

[Asker]

what if the other person seems upset at you, and aren't in a very talkative mood... isn't that implying 'go away'?