I had this exact scenario. I got the feeling he wasn’t completely unattached so I looked at his social media for clues (because I was going to ask him out), but now, in retrospect, I wish I would have just said something. If he were taken, he could have just said so. If he chose to lie, I would have eventually found out. But, I will never know now and I wish I would have stopped looking for clues and the right moment in attempts to not be “disrespectful”. I should have just went for it and beeen honest with my feelings and it would be up to him to be honest with his-and be honest about his situation.
I would not confess to someone that if I do not know them and is certain that I know everything I need to know about them. Never go by feelings, it's fickle and causes problems. Be rational with your decisions about WHY you like this person. You may come to find out your infatuated and this person was not for you.
I like him because I feel comfortable around him, he's a genuinely nice person and he is funny/witty too.
I have no idea if he feels the same though, he appears more friendly than flirty. I wonder if I should first try to chabge that dynamic before taking any serious steps.
You need to now more about him. You need to know his values principals and what his beliefs are. You don't know what he is looking for and you don't want to get attached to somebody who has opposing beliefs, desires and wants. It brings heartache and prevent you from being with other suitable partners.
Yes.
If you wait someone else can swoop in.
Take the chance and risk rejection. Girls dig that. It shows you know what you want, and that you’ll go for it.
Sometimes confessing your love doesn’t give you desires result.
Don’t assume they have to love you back.
It’s okay to carry on, with them knowing your feelings, and not returning them. That can change.
It helps to know where each of you stand.
I learned this from Xena: warrior princess.
Yes I know what you’re thinking, and it blew my mind.
I can’t find the clip, but it’s surprisingly insightful.
Girls may dig guys taking a risk, but I am asling from a girls perspective. Dp guys 'dig' it too? :P
I think you have to use judgement as to the situation and what is appropriate. for a guy, I think it is good to convey our intent and interest, but in a safe and secure way so she feels safe. for women, you can go too fast and he can run, so I'd do the same. going to fast can seem "needy or desperate", which is no good.
Thanks, seeming too forward is indeed a concern I had
Opinion
52Opinion
It is usually better to flirt a little and see if they like you back. The exception being someone you probably won't see again on a regular basis.
It really depends on the circumstances and you have to use your best judgement with what is almost always less-than-perfect information.
I don't sway either way. first off, the "right moment" is just a fairy tale trope. There will never be that one perfect moment where you can just gush all over him or her and tell them your affections. That only happens in media.
However, you definitely shouldn't tell them right away either. You should wait and do your best to learn about them first. Then, after knowing a decent amount about them, you can make an informed decision on whether or not you like them in that way.
This stops you from rushing a decision and getting into a sorrowly bad relationship,
while also allowing you to act before there's no mystery left in the relationship.
I would love it if life had those perfect little moments where you can just say your affections, but thats just not how reality functions. Even if you do get that perfect moment, what you'll realize is the "perfect moment" isn't even what it should be.
So i guess, depending on what you mean by "perfect moment" it could go that way...
and now im argueing myself... sorry!
Man... There aren't rules for it, but... Here is my experience by situation:
1. Stupid checkmate: she is there all horny and wishing for man to that night, in fact, any man is useful. Don't confess, just kiss and go, tomorrow she will reject everything of that night, but she will be satisfied and you will have a smile on the face.
2. You have been dating sometimes and it's to talk about it: talk and be sincere about it in a no needy way, and be honest with that of you don't need to.
3. This is your first date and she is in love with you : you can go on fire.
4. This is your first date and she is knowing to you:
Be honest with your feelings if she asks but not to declare just don't feel ashamed by your feelings.
5. You love her, but she doesn't:
Here it depends of your hability to love, if you know to love, you can tell her and make the "friends test" because you know how to love her in that way. If you don't know to love and you need to be with her as boyfriends, then it's better to forget about her or even ghost her (not good but better that pretending being her friend)
Those are the cases which by
First, figure out why you like them. If you like them because they're physically attractive, you should wait and get to know them and then confess. If you like their personality, you should get to know them a little more and then confess. Second, be straightforward with your confession. Third, be realistic but optimistic and prepare for the results of your confession. Dont expect someone out of your league to want to be bothered with you but hope that they're willing to give you a chance. Dont get mad, insecure, sad, etc if they reject you, just move on.
I personally think that their is rarely ever a perfect moment. I realize that not everyone is as brave as i am. But i always choose to tell someone that i like them. at the very least i would never deny it like a school girl. But especially if its someone I've spent time with whether its hanging out in a group or one on one... it dont matter to me. I always end up telling people very straight forwardly how i feel. I personally dont pick up on hints or clues so i choose to be blunt about my feelings so that they can do so as well and their is no confusion
Well ok I’ll give three 😊✨
# 1 say you did like a guy for a long Time. He has ashes you oit but you were not ready at the time to date ( you may be a person who is never not ready so pretend if you must) year or so later you decide you wouid like to try dating him if he’s still interested and he dies seem to act interested but you are not sure.
#2 you like a guy you’ve been kind of friends with for several months. You are sure you like him as more. You’re not sure how he feels but he seems to be attracted to you.
#3 you’ve been into a guy for a while have no idea how he feels.
I always express my interest in someone as soon as I acknowledge it.
I don't ask them out or expect them to reciprocate, I just make it clear that I'm interested in them and leave the ball in their field.
So that they can develop / not develop interest at their own pace.
How does that usually work out?
Haha, what do you mean by that?
What I mean is that you only get rejected if you set yourself up for rejection.
If you tell someone you like that "I like you, wanna go out sometime?", you are putting them in a situation where they have to give you a definitive answer, and that answer can be "no".
There is no need to do that.
You can always just express your interest in someone without being oppressive about it.
You can look them in the eye, and go like "huh, I kinda like you" with enough nonchalance that you seem both serious but not making the situation awkward.
Someone who likes you will cling to that event as the proof that you like them back, someone who is unsure can gain confidence in becoming more interested in you now that they know that you are also interested in them as well as confident and not desperate for their attention, and someone who does not like you at all can just downplay it and not reciprocate at all which saves you from a painful rejection and potential damage to your relationship.
Is giving a quite forward excuse to have alone-time a good way to go? Like: 'you haven't seen that movie yet? But it's a classic, you should definitely see it! Let's go watch it together sometime'
I don’t think that’s the same at all bc it puts them in a position of having to make a decision in the spot
It’s not that you can’t do that it’s just not what he was saying
He literally says tell them very literally you are interested. Not find excuses to imply it... it is a technique that works excellently for people not trying to make an informed decision
But if you want to know as us do they want anything... your version is better
But if you want to do it in a way where they have time to consider ahd adjust and you never ever have to hear no- his version is better
Both have pros and cons- really depends upon time like you’re working within in my opinion 😊
As VIVANT said, your suggestion is not quite what I had on mind.
I advocate making your intentions blatantly clear, but without pressuring the other person to express their stance.
Honestly, if you have a crush on someone and really just want to know whether it is reciprocated, asking them out is probably the fastest way to get your answers, but as you said, it is the "hope for the best" scenario.
This is why I said I express my interest as soon as I acknowledge that I'm interested in someone.
Because my approach works the best when your stakes are low, if the person does not seem to reciprocate anything after I express my interest initially, I don't develop my crush any further.
And if they do, I deepen my interest in the person along with them, which gives you more of an equal footing, instead of making you look desperate as the person who has long been crushing on them.
I feel like you don't want to rush it, but you also shouldn't wait too long, since they may find somebody, or there may be a situation in which you may never see them again. Who knows, maybe they are harboring secret feelings for you! If not, it was worth a try and you can try to find another person and know that you haven't made a mistake. It shouldn't be too awkward, almost everybody knows what it's like to be in love and be unlucky.
The issue with waiting:
1) someone else might scoop him up--> you regret not being more up front
The issues with telling him right away:
1) he may be taken/ not interested --> then you need to keep working with him and it will be awkward
Why don't you flirt with him? Most guys are oblivious, but generally open to flirting. Tease him, bump his arm, test the waters. If he flirts back, then ask him to hang out low key (join me for lunch!). You can then ask directly there.
If it someone random (say a night club) go over introduce yourself and flirt, make your intentions clear, if the reciprocate great if not move on.
If it’s an work colleague the you have a little more time, flirt with them also, make you intentions clear if nothing comes from it (the attractions not reciprocated) then move on, DO NOT befriend someone you’re attracted too, if they don’t reciprocate then you’re only setting yourself up for heartbreak and pain, if you’re attracted to some and you have an emotional connection to them (you did befriend them) the feeling will only get stronger and because nothing happens early on you will now be in the so called friendzone.
It depends really. You should think of the possible outcomes since things may go the way you want, or not... so if you're willing to put up with the "not so nice" consequences, you should tell him.
He may be interested in having something, who knows. If you wait too long for the "perfect moment" you may lose your chance in case he gets with someone else.
I'd say use your better judgment, but for me, every time I confessed that I liked someone, its never worked out. Not saying most ended in total disaster (because I got better with experience), but they didn't just suddenly gain interest in me for confessing. And I think just flirting + asking someone out goes beyond merely "hinting" at someone and telling them you are interested without a verbal confession, which don't work how you imagine in the movies (it s a lot more embarrassing).
If you don't know if they like you back, I strongly advise against confessing to them, because it could go badly, and life isn't like the movies. If they didn't have some faint interest in you before, they won't magically like you after confessing to them. It's a bit risky.
Better to ask them out. It's above hinting and obvious enough to let people know someone is interested in them, and it won't be nearly as awkward to deal with for both parties
That depends on how could you feel better and less awkard.
Some may tell it as quick as possible so they can focus more with a future proyect where both are going to be. Others prefer to wait till the end, because they think they could feel awkard or rejected, which may put the current proyect under risk.
If you are a girl, tell them right away. If the guy has any interest in you at all, he'll be glad you made your feelings known. If he doesn't, unwelcome advances aren't seen as creepy coming from girls; it might just be awkward. Guys on the other hand have to be much more cautious.
I would advise to wait a long time before expressing your feelings. Things might change early on. And if it is a co worker, definitely think A LONG TIME before getting too involved. Things can go sour with relationships with co-workers.
This stuff only works in Hollywood. There is a difference between what women want and what women need. Women want a guy to confess his feelings, but guys who verbalize their feelings early on, end up shooting themselves on the foot. You show a woman you are interested by your actions. She is not stupid, She knows you like her within the first 2 minutes of meeting her. If a woman called you up, picked you up, planned the date, paid for the date, would you be confused if she likes you or not.
I am a woman thinking of confessing to a guy, I assume that chabges the dynamic a little?
It should be okay, as long as it's not something crazy like "I want to marry you and have your baby".
Depends if the feeling is I want to go on a date -there is no too soon. There is waiting too long.
If the feeling is I love you - best to wait until you are comfortable.
It's better to wait, just be friendly, and get to know the person. It is the best way to figure out if you are truly into this person. Most likely you are going to find out you just aren't THAT into this person. It's easy to be attracted to somebody, but that's purely physical, instinctive lust. Most people are notnas great as they first appear, and you will find at least one (if not many) of this persons "quirks" or habits that you really get turned off by.
Just tell them how u feel and get it out of the way. We live only once in this life so y waste it being afraid? If they don’t feel the same then just b platonic & carry on.
This is the same question one of my girl co workers asked me, so she likes a guy she only knew for a week and a half and I asked her have you guys been on a date and she said they been on four dates, she also told me he's bad though meaning he talks to other girls as well so I told her listen if you really like the guy you should wait for the right time maybe until he matures to continue a relationship with him and see how far he can wait that will determine whether he really likes you or not
There are gender differences here. In traditional movies you seem romantic guys being all forward and even aggressive. But in the real world this scares and creeps women out most of the time.
I basically do everything to show I’m interested without saying it. I also pull back some in the early stages.
Well first make sure he is not related to you since that's where you're heading anyways. Second, after you have realized that he is not related to you ask him. And third if after you ask him and he tells you marry him in the courts where your from and have a baby, God bless to you two couples!
Lolwhat xD no, not related in a genetic sense, we aren't even from the same country so I'm pretty sure
Oh, well it kind of feels that you two could be distant relatives don't you think that would make sense?
Better to flirt with and ask the person out on a date than confess one's feelings up front.
My experience in life is that if you wait for the right moment, you will either find that there is no right moment, or you will not realise when the right moment is until it has passed.
It is better to get things said/done sooner than later.
Better to wait if he/she like you they won't just stop there attension to you, and the more you get and more it goes on the more sure you can be they like you.
Same goes for them then it just depends on who has the guts to do so
Well wait until the right moment is just that
It could be right away or it could be later. But the right moment is the right moment regardless lol
So I mean everyone should be choosing the right moment
You shouldn't jump into it before at least having some inkling of their feelings. But when you have enough signals you should act as soon as possible.
From girls point of view go for it, I would like that would happen to me more often.
In case I do not like her, she would know straight away about my feelings and as long as she asking this question discreetly I would not have issues to work with her later and it would stay our secret.
From guys it is different story.
but everyone only ones to hear it from people they find attractive and see themselves dating.. Not from people they don't find attractive at all... right?
I would not mind to hear that somebody likes me.
Yes, if I like her back it is a bonus.
I do my best not to date colleagues or make it very discreet until one of us leaves that place.
With guys it doesn't really matter they either have feelings for you or they don't. Women on the other hand their feelings change with the breeze. Do it to early and You're a creep and are only interested in her body. Take too long and You're either not a man to her or you have minimal interest.
Anytime I had/have feelings for someone else, I'll test their reaction first so to speak, so as to preserve my dignity and not make things awkward. Don't just blurt out your feelings or mind.
I say go for it. That right moment may never come. This is coming from someone who is watching their first love start a family with someone else.
I just tell. Always had bad experiences. But now I am more tolerant. It is just first time that you get hurt most and you need a lot of courage. After few times it would be nothing. Maybe after few times we just become numb to love.
Get to know each other at least a bit casually before dating. I believe dating is the time to get to know each other at a more personal level.
rather than confess your love ask them on a date and give them the chance to fall for you first. so when you do confess it makes sense to them
Feelings are little complicated. Be gentle and kind of diplomatic. One wrong move and you will be hitting the pub everyday onwards.
B but don't wait too long with flirting. confess soon too when he responds positively to your flirting.
Since you are a girl, I feel like confessing to a guy won't be hard. Guys are always down. I confessed once and the guy admitted he liked me too.
My approach is to wait til you know them a little better, build up the suspense before you make the move.
Hasn't worked for me yet though.
There is not such a thing as the right timing, just do it when you want to and really mean it
Sooner the better, that way you know where you stand with them.
It depends on the situations, we can't just express out feeling to soon.
There's never going to be a right moment, so just tell them and hope for the best. You also are wasting your time by waiting if they don't feel the same (and risking getting hurt even more).
Don't wait too long or that person might get snatched away or you might miss your opportunity. Just go for it.
Patience is the key. So u wait for the right time. Y in a rush?
Whenever it feels right is the right time, you shouldn't feel pressured into waiting or revealing it too soon.
Soon. I waited and she thought I was ghosting so yh and then showed her real side and couldn’t admit she misjudged I dodged a bullet tbh.
Do it ASAP. You never know if it's too late. The "right moment" never comes.
Usually the right moment never comes, but doing it right away might not be a good idea either.
I think it better to let them know life to short who know what happen tomorrow.
Don't confess your feelings until you're deep into the relationship. "I love you" is not a good chat-up line.
when you sense an advantage from leaking some emotions
l would tell the girl how l felt about her on the first date we went on
There is never I right moment, you just have to do it. It's the way you go about it not when.
You could fb stalk them first to know what theyre upto. You know.
Lol good question!!!
I did the straight one and it didn't worked out well
It is important to Duty to demonstrate that one has a sense of their own Integrity.
Wait but not too long!
It is better to wait for the right moment.
The right moment never comes
Not bcoz of that... When you are waiting for it your mind postponeds the moment to make it more perfect it just goes forever... You know what i mean we all had it
Just tell the guy that you like him
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