Why is it women don't approach even though their success rate of getting a yes is WAAAAYYYY higher than men?

[Anonymous]

The chances a guy would say yes to a woman/hand him her number and/or sleep with her is much higher than the other way around.

Why is it women just don't approach the men they like rather than fiddling their thumbs in the corner in hopes that he notices them?

[pnl86]

First of all, it's a little ambitious of you to be asking women such a sensitive question and expecting an honest or straightforward answer. This reminded me of a young lawyer fresh out of law school in his first deposition basically asking the party-witness to admit to some wrongdoing. What kind of response do you expect? "Yes, I was speeding when I crossed the red light, and it's all my fault, because if I wasn't texting I would have actually seen the other driver before I hit him." Never going to happen.

Instead, you're getting evasiveness, feigned ignorance or misunderstanding, vague and ambiguous answers, in some cases anger, deflection, reframing, etc. ... all defensive mechanisms to avoid expressing the truth.

See:

search.proquest.com/.../1

search.proquest.com/.../1

books.google.com/books

Skip the parts about "ornamentation" (i. e., how women don't just "dress for themselves," but are dressing for male attention).

I present to you a focus on "early" development of female sexuality, because as you know, that's where the "core childhood beliefs" are formed.. everything that follows is simply an "intermediate" or "reinforcing" belief. So, you need to understand the "core" belief in order to make sense of all of the "rationalization and justification" statements that women "think" they feel in adulthood.

Without belaboring this point, what is a core belief that little girls learn about men (and a woman's role in sex, a man's desire, and a man's sexual pleasure)?

Rule: A woman has to be a sexually attractive stimulus for a man.

This is so ingrained into a woman's sense of sexual identity that some women will engage in prostitution just to savor the feeling of feeling "desired and wanted," or see how many drinks or things they can get from a man or get a mad to do for them in order to "feel attractive." At a minimum, however, women want to feel like... "a sexually attractive/desirable stimulus... for a man." You can "rephrase" the idea in more PG-13 terms (i. e., I just want to feel pretty).

What does this have to do with whether women will approach men first? It has EVERYTHING to do with whether women will approach men first!

[pnl86]

Take a step back and imagine a girl approaching you. You're just standing there in a continuing professional education seminar during a break, and a girl finds some kind of forced reason to approach you and actively try to make conversation with you. Then, she asks if you have a girlfriend, and then asks for your number.. and starts touching you. How do you feel? (the question that's the bane of men's existence, but really fucking important to consider).

Maybe you feel "accepted" by "a person," maybe you conclude that you're sexually wanted, desired, etc. But then you have to reason.. "What did I do to get this reaction?" Nothing! So, then you have to ask, "Well, then why am I getting this reaction?" You might conclude, "Because of how I look externally.. that means she finds me physically and aesthetically attractive."

For guys, that's "nice" ... for girls, "that's at the CORE of their sexual identity!"

[pnl86]

If you had to make a "constructivist" rule on how people "should" behave or allocate resources in society, the economist in you would say, "Allocate and distribute based on least cost and highest utility.. with the goal of maximizing utility and minimizing costs for society."

Well, because men have "testosterone" (the "war" hormone), chemically, their skin is less sensitive (almost numb compared to a woman's), and that same "numbness" they experience externally is also experienced "internally" as well emotionally. Men are "hard," and women are "soft." 10,000+ years have hardened men through war, and made women "soft" through caring for children. One of the features of sexual dichotomy is that men are better equipped to deal with the "stress" and "anxiety" of approaching a "high risk" situation.

As far as the "utility" goes, as "nice" as it may be for men to feel "desired and wanted" (I'm not saying it's not important), it's at the CORE of a woman's sexual identity!

[pnl86]

In fact, what guys don't realize is that they can have the same exact results as women, they just have to approach substantially below average women. Believe me, if you're okay with doing that, and you keep doing that, you're not really going to encounter much rejection (and if you do, it'll have nothing to do with YOU).

Similarly, just because you visually see a woman getting approached X# of times doesn't mean she's feeling satisfied (the same way you aren't feeling satisfied if you have 30+ girls who gave you their number.. but they're all 1s and 2s).

In fact, it's kind of depressing to be on that boat. You may often hear a girl say, "It's so depressing, only the guys I don't want ever approach me." They're not just stroking their ego's clit when they say this - it's true. It is depressing. It's depressing when you want validation that you're an attractive stimulus to the man you actually want, but don't actually receive any validation of that.

[pnl86]

There may also be some disconnect here based on what your own interpretation of certain ambiguous words are. "Abuse" is an ambiguous word. A woman runs to a police station crying and yelling hysterically telling the officers her husband has severely "abused" her. When the officers ask, "What did he do to you mam?" She replied, "He's just ABUSIVE! He YELLED at me!" "Yell," another one of those words? How many decibels are we talking about here?

Anyway, "approach" is one of those words that holds different meaning for men and women. You don't have to make some kind of grand spectacle of approaching a girl to give her validation that she's an attractive stimulus.. and therefore, comfort and feed her CORE female sexual identity. It doesn't have to be grand, or bold, or over the top or ridiculous. It just has to be you in the driver's seat, and her in the passenger's seat with her feet out the window, enjoying the breeze and the ride.

[pnl86]

This is what all these girls don't want to openly admit, and hopefully it puts their reactions and responses (or lack thereof) into some context.

You're not playing a game of poker. You're not "giving up the game" by showing your "current" hand. So this fear or anxiety of "disclosing" your initial interest in a girl is totally unwarranted. Things can change once you start talking to her, in fact, they always do. Your initial disclosure is just that, an initial disclosure.

"I find you attractive. You meet my minimum thresholds (don't ever say that to a girl). I could tolerate having sex with you (don't say that either). So, I want to see who the person behind the pretty face is."

Girls just want to feel wanted and sexually desirable by a guy they want. Think of it like you giving their ego and sense of sexual identity and self-esteem a blowjob. Think of her emotional world like sex. "Insecurity" is her "horniness," and you have to be comfortable satisfying her.

[pnl86]

The initial approach is like flirty foreplay. Doesn't start out too strong, piques her interest, but leaves her wanting more. I don't think that's a bad place to start. From there, just bring her up and down, back and forth.. give her emotional clit some gentle attention.. get it aroused.. and then just leave it hanging.. tease her a bit.. it shows that you have confidence in her being a big girl and able to handle it.

The whole point of this is that she'll want you to fill that aching void with validation that you consider her to be (and that she "is") a sexually desirable stimulus.. to you.

And on that note:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4XT-l-_3y0

[HandsomeRaj]

Various reasons I'd say

1. Natural instinct of it's the man that should woo and show interest - nothing to do with conscious thinking, just that nature created it that way in humans (with exceptions) cause the man loses interest post acquisition while it's the opposite way generally with women and also that it's the woman that gets pregnant not the man
2. No matter how hot the girl is she always manages to find some fault in herself hence feels she may not be good enough unlike men that are generally the opposite
static.boredpanda.com/.../...ight-side-23__700.jpg

https://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/a5dm39E_700b.jpg
3. Fear of rejection
etc

[HandsomeRaj]

Thank you for the MHO young friend :) <3

[BluesBoy]

the 2. is completely false, a man will never look buff enough when he look himself in a mirror, when you get 16 inches arm you want 17 then 18 then 20 same with deadlift when you get the 5 plates dead, you want 6 plates then 7 and better traps, and broader shoulders, and more define Christmas tree on your lower back and a better separation on inner and outer quadrices, and veins and striations.

I'm personnaly never satisfied with my body and probably never will be unless I go on roids : tren test winstrol is a winning combo for a golden physique.

[Shorty1991]

Hahaha boom boom! You've just contradicted yourself, women do approach and that's why the success rate is higher than when men approach.
These kind of questions normally come from a shy guy because he's incapable of approaching women of his interest. So he just stands there like and idiot gawping at her and occasionally standing next to her in the hope that she'll know he's serious about her and take him by the hand. Its about time people with crushes did less dithering about and had the initiative to get off of their sorry asses and do something about it themselves. So stop making excuses, shifting your responsibility onto your crushes and deflecting your own problems onto them as well. It's cliché, but man up/ woman up.

[soul1112]

It's very easy to say that as a woman, you know? It's also annoyingly ignorant. Women have absolutely nothing to lose. At worst, they get dubbed as 'easy' by a few peeps. But, yeah. Why would you do anything? You can literally sit there, comfterbly, and just wait for shit to happen. That's what you do. You're free to be picky, call the shots and be able to tell who isn't "good enough".

Yeah, I'm sure you have it real hard. " Man up", you say. Be a male, first. Try it.

[Shorty1991]

@soul1112 oh I beg your pardon, yes we do. I've been there done that and got the T-shirt and been rejected before, due to men playing stupid mind games while already been paired off. I don't need to try being a guy first because it can work both ways, as I've just said. I've already been through rejection. So I don't fear it anymore. But you lot are always so hard done by. If the tables were turned, more and more women would be getting rejected. Or just used by guys that never had any luck with women in the past so they patch onto who ever takes them by the hand first. Even if they aren't really attracted to them and then someone gets hurt sooner or later because of that guy or girl being so sad and desperate. I think you'll also find that men can also be just as picky, if they don't find us attractive, do you even think that they would give us half a chance? Nah. . . So think again. Esp with some of their unrealistic expectations of what women should look like.

[Shorty1991]

Plus, when I mentioned about people developing romantic interests on others. I wasn't just getting at men. It applied to both genders, because its not the crushes fault that the person with the interest is incapable of ever acting on it. All this being taken by the hand malarkey is pathetic. Its different for us who figured it all out by ourselves without being helped by other people. there's nothing arrogant about it. Its a fact, and if people never learn to act on their impulses when the time is right. With each and every crush they form, they are going to expect to be taken by the hand constantly and risk being left on the shelf because of it. I know that developing confidence is not just something that happens over night. But it is important to be able to communicate with others. The lack of communication is the biggest problem here. You have much to learn. At that, I'm older than you and more experienced when it comes to reading body language and developing crushes or knowing

[Shorty1991]

When a guy likes me. So its the cold hard truth, its better to try and fail than to never try at all.

[Anonymous]

You're fighting against a long established cultural order. One can't simply erase the hundred's of years of culture which basically made it so a woman had to be asked out, in just a few years. Before you say, but, but, but, the cultural order for example, still insists that men can't be stay at home fathers even though just about all women also work. It takes time to change the social order and that's even if people actively want it to change... meaning women in this case because it would effect them here the most. Asking for sex is easy, or at least, easier, but I wouldn't be out there asking some guy for sex. I think a lot of women at least want to date someone or are looking for a relationship that isn't just about sex.

[whyisitso]

The answer is simple: we don't want the guy to think we are "an easy target".
Also both girls and guys get rejected, being a girl doesn't mean you get a yes from every guy. AND if you get a yes; how do you know they are honestly interested or just wanna get I'm your pants?

[sedrftvgyhujik]

No it doesn't but you get more shy guys who aren't good at asking and don't get asked much because other girls take that view.
Less so as you get older but still some.
Thats probly the main difference is and the guys where your chances are highest.

[whyisitso]

@sedrftvgyhujik well, I do not agree with you. I have asked a shy guy to go out with me, and guess what? well he said yes, but after that he sent me an apology that he had met someone else. I think he just came up with her, or maybe that girl really had happened to ask him after me, but why the he'll did he dump me right away? other times when I have asked shy guys they have been too shy to even understand that was a date. I have decided to never ever approach a guy like that again.

[Kaazsz]

It's complicated. Cuz women don't go based solely on looks. They go by your status as a man, and they aren't attracted to a guy until they know his status and they can't find that out unless he approaches her. Low status guys can't approach women worth shit, like me. High status can. That doesn't mean you're rich, you could in reality be the lowest status scum, but if you can talk to women it's like makeup for men, you're a piece of shit but you talk well so boom, you get girls.

I don't know but the woman in that video is fuckin' hot.

[Lostcauselobotomy]

U said it 100%

[Kaazsz]

@Lostcauselobotomy Guess I'm not so dumb after all ^_^

[levantine99]

yeah cause you know all women. oh and nice confidence you got there. dont comment on my comment. i didn't come here to pet your beoken ego and feed you with negative attention (you seem to be at a level of confidence that even n. a. will suffice to you). you have the potential to change your so called status by changing your mindset adn life choices. also stop being a sexist prick and thinking of us like robots with standard buttons you can push to make it work... .

[Kaazsz]

@levantine99 im a little confused? Are you mad at me? Please dont be, I dont claim to understand women and I dont think you are robots... and im not mad at women. Want to talk?

[GraveTruth]

BECAUSE THEY ARE EVIL!!! haha, kidding.

No, it's because woman have very different neurological traits than men. The majority of women in the world are submissive and therefore are attracted to dominant men. People who are submissive have what I call a filtering system.

It acts almost like an elimination game of men who are not good enough to date. Most women are so good at it that automatically from one look they determine if a guy is date worth or has the value of a livingroom lamp. Even sub-concious things like how someone walks is enough to trigger a womans brain to eliminate attraction. Anyway, women do not approach because of submissive trait.
That is why it's very weird to watch this girl approach guys, however if she came up in a harley wearing leather and a mohawk it would seem natural that she approaches.

[BaileyisDarcy]

It's basically that most women, even if they believe the contrary, still expect men to do the approaching. A woman can claim she thinks women sheould do the approaching until she's blue in the face, but the fact is, unless she was raised away from society with parents who always told her that women do the approachign or simply did not tell her that men should, then really, we all expect men to do the approaching, even if we don't believe that should be so.

[Izumiblu]

Its because we don't need to. Most of the time, standing in the corner fiddling with our hands is more than enough to get the attention we want without ever having to take any risk at all... and then there's still a good chance we'll still reject you.

[dontknow12]

While I have to admit what you said makes sense, wouldn't it be easier to just approach the guy you want? I mean, a lot of women complain guys that aren't their type approach them. I'm just saying, if you don't pursue the guys you want, you'll be stuck with other guys approaching you.

[Izumiblu]

@dontknow12 Because usually i can deselect guys im not interested in by the way i behave without wasting much time or effort or having to reject them outright.

[Izumiblu]

And it's not like i need to see a bunch of guys. I only need one. After that it's just avoidance.

[dontknow12]

Well how do you behave towards a guy you're not interested in?

[Izumiblu]

@dontknow12 Zero eye contact, i'll usually move away from them

[Hopefuldreamer8]

It really depends on the girl. I am really ugly, so I won't do it because I feel that it's setting myself up for failure. I also don't wait around for guys to ask me out because I don't expect them to. I just assume most men aren't interested since I am unattractive. I do think if a girl is pretty, she should because chances are she won't be rejected. Anyone who is attractive likely will have a success rate.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

If thats true a lot of rejection first may be inevitable.
There are actually ugly dating sights though i think a lot of us guys over estimate our looks for some reason.
Other than that there is speed dating and possibly bars if your ok with it more than likely just being sex and not knowing the guys first so more risky.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

There are guys saying they want a girlfriend but can't get a girlfriend and girls like you saying they can't find a guy so i think it's partly a case of matching pepole together.
It may help if your frends know your single especially if there couples. For 90% of pepole Dating isn't easy but couples sometimes like to match make so that can help potentially.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

Dating sites are actually harder for me believe it or not. I did sign up for an ugly site years ago, but there was no one in my area signed up. They were all in the States or other provinces. It was called Ugly Ball or something like that. I'm not into just going to a bar to have sex with a guy that I don't know. I don't want just sex, I want a relationship. With guys too, they are just really drunk and looking for the first girl to hook up with. They might flip out the next morning when they realize who they took home/went home with. My friends used to try and set me up, but none of the guys they set me up with wanted me. Co-workers have been offering though, so I might take them up on the offer only on the condition that they show the guy my picture first.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Id say take your coworkers up on their offer then there's no guarantees but mabey?
Also if your just after companionship you could possibly just get flatmates. I dont know if that would help or not?

[Venusss]

Have you heard the song from Fifth Harmony titled WORTH IT?

In this new era of women empowerment, we expect most men to do the courting. jkjk.

Anyways, if anyone gender approaches first, has a higher chance of showcasing their confidence. If I see someone worth my time, yes I will approach him/her. The first step is easy to execute, but keeping your new found partner for whatever reasons, is another story.

It's either you have it or you don't, confidence doesn't have genders.

[Anonymous]

The chances are only way higher amongst desperate men who'll just say yes because somebody asked. Pretty similar to desperate women who'll just say yes because somebody asked.
Not every guy is super grateful over every little bit of attention because he usually gets none and/or can't find a decent woman. Some guys have standards and will reject girls, some guys get attention and aren't desperate for it, some guys just don't like a girl asking full stop.

[skeptic002]

stop comparing yourself to men

[Opinion Owner]

@skeptic002 it's true. Most men I know aren't that desperate actually. And they do have women hitting on them. Just because you're desperate, doesn't mean all are. Not everybody is like you or anybody else.

[skeptic002]

When was I desperate lolzzz you are jumping to assumptions most men I know aren't desperate either I have like 1 the rest get girls normally but even my very attractive guy friends wish they would get complimented more girls are just dumb some times so please stop comparing us to women

[Opinion Owner]

@skeptic002 like I said, the guys I know that I'm talking about get that. It's no big deal to them. Women hit on them, some even throw themselves at them and it's embarrassing just to look at, and like I said, they're not desperate and don't want that.
One I know said women make him sick because they'll even hit on him with his kid there.
Another I know is very handsome, has a great career and a fiancé and he doesn't even look twice as others, women literally lay themselves on a plate for him and he's just disgusted.
My older brothers, since I was a little kid I've watched women hit on them and they don't give their numbers out, one gets embarrassed and slightly flattered I guess, the others don't.
I've grown up with 6 brothers, none of my cousins are female, and I didn't have a female friend til well into my teen years, I see this day to day. Only my desperate or slack guys that I know are flattered and love the attention. Others have standards and aren't.

[skeptic002]

what do your brothers and friends believe in
I know it sounds dumb but that's the most important question

[Opinion Owner]

@skeptic002 what do you mean by believe in? When it comes to girls, my brothers and cousins are generally pretty similar- treat a hoe like a hoe treat a lady like a lady, bare one or two of them. My friends are a very mixed bunch. Some worship women, some are thirsty, some disrespect most women, some treat women well.

[skeptic002]

that's enough information to go off of
there beliefs are screwed so of course
they get women cause most women's beliefs are screwed not hard a matching pair
if i say certain things that the world believes girls will love me hands down
I've done it before i can do it again

[Opinion Owner]

@skeptic002 why are those opinions screwed? Some treat women well, some treat women according to how they are, some treat them bad... the only screwed up ones are the ones who treat good women like shit for no reason. If she's a hoe why treat her like wifey? That would be screwed.

[skeptic002]

based of what I can tell they have no standard rule that never changes what they do is based off situation to get them the best result
and the women do the same so it's a matching pair so it's easy
and part of it has to do cause they have no truth and even if they where told the truth they wouldn't follow it

[Opinion Owner]

@skeptic002 having no rule and adjusting according to the situation is normal and what people do generally in society though. It's just reading people and reacting accordingly.

[skeptic002]

NOPE (It's just reading people and reacting accordingly)
the truth is best whether we like it or not

just by what im saying you could imagine how small my pool of women are that I would choose from

[Opinion Owner]

@skeptic002 what truth? Sorry...

[skeptic002]

now where going into something different what is the truth
well this is the truth

Genesis 6:4
There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them

ekladata.com/ewh9cWj9SX20kl_kShhR-SH6PAA.jpg

so because this book is telling the truth what anyone else says is irrelevant
even me

so based off what I can tell from your writing not a single one of you has the truth
so you go based off lies, and do relationships based off lies, and so many other things
like I said there a pair based off screwed beliefs no wonder they like each other

that simple

[Opinion Owner]

@skeptic002 what pair are you even talking about? Just a random couple you imagine? And sorry, but Bible is nothing to do with this either.

[skeptic002]

I said the truth you said bible
and your the one who asked what the truth was
well im telling you

now when i say pair
I mean what is the difference between a person with rules that never change

and a person with rules in the moment to benefit there situation or
(It's just reading people and reacting accordingly)

what's the difference

[Mrwoo99]

Once sex robots get released very soon and become more realistic. Women will have no choice but to do the approaching because it will be the day women become obsolete and men will hold all dating power in west.

Don't believe me... read this:

https://therationalmale.com/tag/sex-robots/

[Anonymous]

Because she is looked at as easy or desperate. Guys figure they can just use her for sex.

I rather be rejected then used. If rejection is all I had to worry abut then fine, I like that because then I know upfront he's not interested... I get too many partners and I am written off as a slut so I need to be picky, so success rate doesn't matter much and may just hurt me if I am too successful.

[Anonymous]

cause we are too prideful to face rejection. we want to handle the whole relationship dynamics thing. also he could be a psycho for all we know. women do much more calculated approaches than men. we think a lot of parameters and usually have an agenda when we approach... .

[Opinion Owner]

also we care too much about social opinion over us, and dont want to be slutshamed... .

[hangingfire]

It's usually either pride (like most), they're shy, or (like many) still believe that boys should take the intitiative and ask first. It's different for each girl

[lucky1988]

I actually had to give my number to my guy... I did the initiation. I don't get many guys approaching me so I figured they weren't interested. Maybe from television I used to think if a guy is interested he will approach me.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

No everyone is nervous approaching and no one wants to be rejected.

[Tanairy328]

I won't approach a guy because i'm just too sensitive to take rejection, i envy those people who can face multiple rejections and still keep doing it, they're brave :P

[Anna96]

Because we don't want to fail. What if he won't be interested back? I have this currently with my gym instructor. If he doesn't like me back, how can I go to the HIT courses he is doing?

[rjroy3]

1. If a girl wants a guy who is a "go-getter" if she doesn't already know he is one. He has to show her. Unless she's one of the few.

2. Expectations

3. Too worried about how they might look.

[LittleSally]

Because women usually don't look for sex, but relationships.

[Asker]

Men approaching women isn't about sex all the time (or even most of the time). This is sexist.

[LittleSally]

I was refering to the video you posted entitled: Asking 100 guys for sex.
I'm thinking you're the sexist one here... Or just not that bright, right?

[Asker]

The video i posted was to demonstrate that woman shouldn't fear rejection because there is higher rate of success. This whole bogey man thing woman have going on like guys act/or behave 1/2 as bad as women do to men is ridiculous. Men are very chill and you have better chance than the average guy for getting that relationship.

In my opening statement i listed sex and relationship are higher for woman yet your statement for why woman don't approach was because they don't want sex but relationship. This therefore implies a sexist view that you believe the only reason men approach is to get sex for woman most of the time.

[Lostcauselobotomy]

I think a lot of us women don't think the guys we go for will reciprocate so in order to avoid rejection we just don't approach... some do though, kudos to those girls and their confidence

[k_slay]

as much as I agree and understand your answer , I believe this should be talked about more. Women have this idea that all men are to macho to let a girl ask him out bc guys like to feel like the one in control but in this era where some of the best fighters are women, and stay at home dads are a thing. We need to educate and debunk stuff like what we see in movies and what is real life.

[Lostcauselobotomy]

@k_slay u got it I'll start the revolution and make it a topic of conversation ;) I sometimes approach, but if it's a superrrrr handsome guy that's acting a little overconfident, I'd just rather not... I don't know isn't it the same for guy when approaching females?

[k_slay]

@lostcauselobtomy yes it works both ways if a girl is stuck up and is to narcissistic it can actually be a turn off and guys react in two ways either they will label her a slut or they feel crush to have high expectations. unfortunately the high expectations part becomes sub consciously in graved in our brains and results in over generalizing pretty women assuming all pretty women are stuck up

[Lostcauselobotomy]

@k_slay same goes with guys... douches being the male term or dicks lol

[k_slay]

truth is if you want answers than ask and accept the answer even if its not what you want to hear. if they are interested its based on your effort in presenting yourself if not than dont take it personal and move on and try again. regulate your reaction of rejection with practice it gets easier. thats a guys secret

[Lostcauselobotomy]

@k_slay thanks for the advice! You're right though, everything is more tolerable with practice.

[k_slay]

glad I could help 😎

[TruthOrDeath]

I personally think that might be a misconception. I was rejected right off the bat by the first and only two guys I ever approached about being interested.. so I guess I'm saying I've experienced different

[Nuala]

Yeah... only if you're hot...
I don't ask because I don't want to have sex with people.

[bloodmountain1990]

I've had women approach me and I don't think any less of them for it or see them as easy. I mean if they are easy then they were most likely that way to begin with. But it's not a black and white thing.