Girls, what do you really think about shy, quiet guys?

[Anonymous]

I'm a twenty-year-old guy, and I feel like I'm invisible to girls. I'm pretty shy, and I rarely talk, but I'm not timid by any means. I just don't feel the "need" to constantly open my mouth. I believe that girls just ignore shy guys, at least in the United States. I've lived in four states (Massachusetts, New Jersey, Nebraska, Virginia), and I've notice the same thing in each state: girls don't like shy guys. I've separated Americans and Non-Americans in the poll, because I want to see if the whole ignoring-shy-guys thing is an American phenomenon, or if more countries have the same trend. If you could post where you're from, and what you think of shy guys, I'd highly appreciate it. Thanks!

I'm American and like shy guys

I'm American and don't like shy guys

I'm not American and like shy guys

I'm not American and don't like shy guys

I'm American: Other (please explain)

I'm not American: Other (please explain)

[SmartButBroke]

I'm from the US, I voted "other" in that category.

It's not that I don't like shy/quiet guys. But, for me, I'm quiet, as well, and we're not going to fit together, more than likely, unless you can talk a lot once we get over the initial hump.

The thing is plenty of girls like shy/quiet guys, but they're not going to approach you. Girls still think guys are supposed to approach, and very few girls do it themselves. I know I'm not about to approach. If you don't make a move, oh well.

I had a job once where one of my aggressive female co-workers seemed to love quiet people. I was quiet, and she really just started following me around. I could not get a moment to myself. There was a quiet guy there, and she LOVED him, even though she was married. Being aggressive and talkative, she was all over him, flirting, being suggestive. She told me she liked that he was quiet, she likes the opposite of how she is.

So, those are the two things: 1) your chances with quieter girls are low because neither of you are likely to make a move, whereas girls who are aggressive and/or outgoing will come to you if they like you... but not many girls are that aggressive with guys; and 2) a lot of times, it's opposites attract when you're quiet.

[Asker]

I see your points, but like I said, I'm not timid. If I see a girl I like, I'll go up and talk to her. As a matter of fact, most of my friends are female, but I can never seem to attract girls who see me as more than just a friend. I have two hypotheses for this:

1) I'm ugly.

2) Girls like quiet guys as friends, but not as possible boyfriend material.

The results of this poll have been interesting. At least for right now, a higher percentage of American girls say they don't like shy guys (25%), when compared to non-American girls (10.5%), so I might be onto something. Lol.

[PrincessPie]

I don't really like shy guys unless they're just shy at first and open up i'm shy myself so i guess its slightly hypocritical i just personally prefer people who are confident not loud and brash just people who can hold a conversation and seem interested and ask... i just tend to struggle when i meet a guy and he barely talks...

[mmmbdison]

You aren't going to get the attention of anyone if you're quiet, that's why you're being ignored. You're not being rejected, but you're not being approached because you're quiet. Totally different things. Frankly, quiet people cannot expect people to approach them because people don't like being rejected. And if someone doesn't seem like they want to be talked to, no one will talk to you. You're being ignored because your presence isn't being made, it's not that you're being rejected because of it. You have to come off approachable and friendly. But I mean, I'd reject a rowdy rude guy any day. So the purpose isn't to be as loud as you can be, but to be sociable and friendly with the people you're around. Whether that's laughing at others jokes or helping someone with things. You don't have to talk all of the time to get attention of people. But if you're applying that mentality of "I don't feel the need to constantly..." to a lot of things, that's probably the problem getting you on your tracks.

[Asker]

This is practically a copy-and-paste response I wrote to someone else:

I'm not timid. If I see a girl I like, I'll go up and talk to her. As a matter of fact, most of my friends are female, but I can never seem to attract girls who see me as more than just a friend. I have two hypotheses for this:

1) I'm ugly.

2) Girls like quiet guys as friends, but not as possible boyfriend material.

The results of this poll have been interesting. Though I'm shocked that most girls seem to be okay with shy guys, there is one interesting bit. At least for right now, a higher percentage of American girls say they don't like shy guys (25%), when compared to non-American girls (10.5%), so I might be onto something. Lol.

[mmmbdison]

Another hypothesis: 3) You're not dateable or someone that people want to invest their time and feelings into. 4) You're not interesting. 5) You're not pleasant to be around. 6) People don't feel emotionally attatched because you don't or may not emotionally attach yourself/open up to people.

People don't want to gamble with their time and hope you're a decent person behind the shyness. Those have to be present with your actions too, including how you are with other people. I personally wouldn't find a person who tries to come up with hypotheses on why girls aren't into his quietness someone who is reasonable. It's so much more than that. People aren't formulated or equations. There's just so much that goes into a person.

[Asker]

For someone who doesn't like guys who comes up with hypotheses, you sure named off quite a few of them. Haha.

Anyways, thanks for your honesty. I appreciate people who are blunt.

[wingattebaby16]

Shy guys usually make great listeners... girls love a guy that listens!

Most shy guys I know are also nerds. Talk to the about something they like, and they will not shut up.

Girls like to "unwrap" a shy guy... every skinny shy nerd I dated in high school was a major surprise.. esp when I could get them to make out, most of them had a nice "big surprise" in their pants waiting for attention...

You just need to make girls notice you... listen to them, AND ask probing questions, even if you only say a few words... Girls love it when a guy asks them questions about themselves.. too many guy talk endlessly about themselves... boring...

[Bananaqueen1]

I wouldn't really call you shy then. Cuz I'm exactly like you but I'm not shy. i just don't like to open my mouth sometimes lol so I don't know but it all depends on personality. if someone is shy but has an amazing personality I'll talk to em. but if they're so shy that they won't even make conversation it kinda just kills it for me. cuz it should be a 50/50 effort for both so im not gonna meet all the way you know lol

[Katsuki]

I think I've always liked the opposite of what I am, because I am shy myself lol
I find myself being attracted to more guys who are outgoing and extroverted with slight introverted traits--but nothing less that that probably.

[Anonymous]

I like shy guys, it's just sometimes easier to talk to the outgoing guys. Like an outgoing guy usually comes up to a girl and starts talking pretty easily so the girl of course engages in the convo (if she is interested) whereas there could be a shy guy who I like who hasn't approached me but wished he did.

[Afaron]

I'm not American but i did have a crush on a shy guy numerous times though i never realy know if i would date them since i'm shy and quiet as well so i'm always afraid that none of us would talk to the other if we got in a relationship.

[toteslol]

Honestly it depends on the guy. If the guy starts to talk to me, I will notice them, but if they dont make a sound, i'm sorry how should I know you were there?

[tinkerfail]

I like shy guys, as they will likely want to stay home with me rather than force me out on some crazy date. However, considering we're both shy, it's hard to get that ball rollin yknow? xD

[Mekara]

Personally, I think there is nothing wrong with a shy guy. There's just more of you to get to know, which would make dating you exciting in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

If a shy guys talks to me like in class or something then I really get to know him and like him. But I have to get to know him first and that makes it hard for me to like them quicker because I may never even talk to him