Is a guy with low self-esteem a turn off?

[Anonymous]

[TrustMe1993]

Yes, but in my mind, insecurity and low self esteem are two different things. Insecurities are about specific things you aren't confident about, and that's okay. Everyone has things they're insecure about, but it doesn't cripple them to the point of low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is more about who you are as a whole, spiritually. If a guy I liked had low self esteem, then he'd carry negative energy with him, and that's not something I'd like to be around.

Hopefully that makes sense!

[NyomiMcClinton]

Yes, because men with low self esteem are always concerned with how others see them and they can't do anything without focusing on what everyone else is doing. Its annoying. I do not want to date a man like that. It will be draining for me, and I do not want that negativity in my life.

[ekc8295]

Most definitely. It's exhausting to have to constantly try to help someone realize their worth or to have to walk on eggshells for fear of making them feel so insecure about themselves.

[TomBradysJersey]

Okay true but let's not pretend that society says it's not okay for a guy to feel insecure but it's okay for a girl to feel insecure.

[ekc8295]

@TomBradysJersey Yeah, society needs to cut the shit. It's not healthy for anyone, male or female, to internalize and push down their feelings. It absolutely should be normal and accepted for men to talk about their feelings and open up to their partners and even their friends. Luckily my boyfriend has worked on opening up and talking to me about his insecurities and issues. Now I'm able to help him work through them the same way he's helped me work through mine. We both feel like it's strengthened our bond and that we are becoming better people for it.

[TomBradysJersey]

Yeah I haven't opened up to anyone, not even my friends.

[TomBradysJersey]

I'm insecure all the time

[ekc8295]

@TomBradysJersey You're still very young and have plenty of time to change and work on yourself. Even when you're old you can change if you keep working on it. At your age I had a lot of issues. Jealousy, insecurity, low self esteem, social anxiety, controlling/manipulative behavior, emotionally closed off, terrible communication. I'm not going to pretend that I've fixed everything and I'm 100% perfect all the time. That's ridiculous and unattainable. What I can say, is that I'm better than I was before and that's worth something. It's takes a lot of work and practice though. There is no magical book or platitude that just makes life better or easier. You have to practice pushing your boundaries and getting used to failing and making mistakes. Eventually you start to grow and be better though. That's when you start to realize that all that work is actually worth it. If you want some suggestions on learning how to push yourself, just let me know.

[TomBradysJersey]

I need those suggestions

[ekc8295]

@TomBradysJersey For me trying to do Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) practices by myself have helped a lot. It's basically trying to recognize your negative thought patterns and work on reprogramming them. This website explains it a lot better than can.
psychcentral.com/.../
Trying to do this has really helped me a lot. I can't change thoughts from popping into my head, like "oh friend A hasn't texted me back they probably hate me", but I have changed how I react to that thought. Instead of spiraling into thoughts about why people hate me and I'm a total loser, I tell myself things like "they're probably just busy and forgot" or "hey maybe they meant to respond but it slipped their mind" as well as acknowledge that I've done stuff like forget to text someone back and there was no malice there so they probably aren't being either.

[ekc8295]

@TomBradysJersey I'm currently helping my boyfriend try to incorporate CBT too and one of the things I told him was that at first it's going to feel ridiculous. You'll feel fake and dumb for having to stop and force yourself to think these things that are so different from what you're used to. But you keep doing it. As you keep doing it over and over again it becomes normal and not fake. Just like I was in the habit of thinking negative things about myself over and over, I trained my brain to think different, more rational and healthy thoughts and it's become the new normal. That's what the whole point of the process is. So you do kind of have to deal with the feeling of faking it til you make it.

[TomBradysJersey]

Got it, bookmarked it. I definitely know what my negative thought patterns are (they usually occur on the weekends).

[crazy_wicked12]

Yes confidence is one of the most attractive traits.

[lord_chilled]

yeah. work on your confidence man

[Rachel_is_gay]

people with low self esteem is a huge turn off

[Anonymous]

Only if it's too much

[Logical_Idolist]

No..

[Anonymous]

Maybe. It depends