Why do people hate incels?

[Anonymous]

Incels (or involuntary celibrates) are hated on mainly by girls, but they don't get that maybe these incels are depressed and lonely and need their help (not necessarily by dating them, but helping them get dates) . I'm a 19 year old "incel". I don't go on rampages about girls ignoring me, but I do get depressed about it. I haven't lost my virginity and have only kissed one girl, who doesn't even remember it happening. Instead of hating incels, we should feel bad for them. If you think about it, it is somewhat selfish to hate and judge incels (not the ones that spew hatred all the time) for their lack of attracting women. Why do we do it? Why is our society centered around hating instead of helping?

[Anonymous]

Because the term implies misogyny; 'incels' as a community of people tend to blame women for their unhappiness. Also it seems like in general they put way too much importance on sex and see women as sex objects rather than people.

Of course I feel bad for people who feel lonely and are sexually frustrated but I think calling oneself an 'incel' isn't a good thing because it alligns you with this group of people who think and act the way I've described above

[Grotty]

Bollocks just because someone is too ugly to attract the opposite sex it doesn't imply missogyny it just means we live in a shallow society that places looks as more important than personality!

[snowangle]

Why do boys feel the need to make a big dramatic show about not getting laid? Why put a label on it and demand everyone's pity? Do you see girls do this kind of crap when they're 30 and unmarried?

Just seems unnecessary and very self pitying. You could instead put your energy into getting physically fit, meeting new people, or picking up a hobby.

[Asker]

With me, it isn't about getting laid. I couldn't care less. I want that feeling of being with a girl, having fun with her. i can't though, and I don't know why. It isn't unnecessary if you're born ugly, which a lot of incels are. You're blaming people who have no control over how they look.

[Asker]

Having fun as in going on adventures

[MlleCake]

No one hates guys who haven't gotten laid.

What we don't like is the "Incel Movement" which is about men feeling entitled to sex but not willing to look at themselves and why they aren't attractive to women, and why they aren't having success at dating.

[Asker]

Interesting. Didn't know that. But what if the reason they aren't getting women is because of the very genetics they were born with?

[MlleCake]

I know men who look all different kinds of ways who still manage to have girlfriends.

Mostly what I see in this community is guys with very poor social skills and a lot of anger, and that is not a turn on to women. When you deal with it you find it a lot easier to get into relationships.

[Asker]

Shouldn't we as a community try to help these people instead of hating them and publicly humiliating them?

[MlleCake]

No one hates them.

[Ghost141414]

Don't talk shit. They are hated by a big subreddit called inceltears

[MlleCake]

Hated or lampooned?

[djmzes]

Simple

You can have sex easily... it is simple as that...
I am virgin and I have never been in relationship... but if I want sex, I could... but I choose not...

I do not live to please society and stupid mentality... I live based on my values and responsible for my action and consequences.

Immature women gonna say you are entitled for sex... I agree and likewise you are not entitled for love and have a good relationship too..

[outside_Toronto]

This is bullshit.

Get your shit together and then girls may find you attractive. It's not about hating; it's about men not taking responsibility for their own actions or lack there of.

[snowangle]

Love it.

[Asker]

I have my shit together, I have had girls say I was attractive before, attractive ones too, but they don't date me. It's out of my control at this point, but also what about guys who aren't physically attractive? They can enhance their looks, but it boils down to genetics, something you can't control.

[outside_Toronto]

Harvey Weinstein is ugly AF... have you seen his wife?
If he can get a hot girl, anybody can. So, I don't buy this unattractive crap.

Out of your control... it's all your control. Take charge, ask her out!!!

To say it's out of your control... is BULLSHIT! Women can smell your lack of confidence before you even say a word. You're dead in the water before you even approach them.
Get some confidence... and get your shit together... because it's not. You think it is... but it's not.

Other guys are getting chicks... because they have their shit together.

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

@outside_Toronto Well said.

OP: you don't *sound* like you have your shit together. The chances your lack of partnership is due to genetics is very, very slim.

[Asker]

First of all, using Harvey Weinstein is a terrible example considering what he did to all of the women he sexually assaulted. Secondly, he was rich. That isn't true love. She liked him for his money, not for him.

Spare me the confidence speech because although women like a confident guy, the like an attractive AND fit guy. It's in their DNA

[Asker]

Other guys are getting chicks because they break the rules. Laws included. And are already attractive (or have money)

[Asker]

@HungLikeAHorsefly Its not due to my genetics, its because I don't break the law. I don't drink or smoke because I would go to prison for it. I don't want to ruin my future, thats why I don't get any girls, or so I believe. I have no definite answer.

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

So... you think every man who gets women breaks the law, smokes/drinks, ruins their future?

[Asker]

@HungLikeAHorsefly Not necessarily in the context that you put it, but yes. Especially younger girls around my age. It's seen as "adventurous".

[snowangle]

You're kinda proving Toronto's point here, OP. Blaming your lack of success in everything except you. Not taking responsibility for anything. You're gonna have a real hard time finding dating success until that changes.

[Asker]

@snowangle And what if I told you that I am everything a girl "supposedly" wants? I'm confident, I go out, I workout, I'm attractive (according to a handful of girls), but the two things that I don't do are drink and smoke? And the girls I talk to have either drank or smoked before, but don't do it often enough to care. That is when things get confusing and your only option is to blame. Maybe its cause I'm black, who knows.

[Asker]

@snowangle That would mean that I am, in fact, a true incel. Not one that blames everyone for their problems. What would I take responsibility for?

[outside_Toronto]

You're jaded. If you were everything women wanted, we wouldn't even be having this discussion.
Take a good hard, honest look at yourself... because there's something missing.

Here's a hint: it's not a label like Incel that's missing. Look again

[snowangle]

I'm confused. In other comments, you claimed that your poor genetics were to blame. Now you say you're verifiably attractive. What is the truth?

And no, there's no way you're doing all those things with confidence and still having no luck. Unless you have zero social skills. I call bs.

[Asker]

Are you saying that it isn't possible that I am everything women wanted and yet still can't get a girl to date me? You're right, I'm not. I follow the law, I don't underage drink or smoke. I don't know what it could be, but that is what I am. I could be cursed or something.

[Asker]

@snowangle I'm saying that it could be my poor genetics. It's a possibility, but there have been multiple girls that said that I was attractive. They wouldn't date me, but they said that I'm physically attractive. You can call it bs if you wish, but I just described myself. It's possible to be every girl's dream and not get a single date. Could be genetics, could be that I follow the rules, could be that I'm black. Who knows. That is the true definition of an incel. I have no responsibility to claim.

[outside_Toronto]

We could go on like this for hours... but we're not.
You are your problem. Change your attitude, accept responsibility and stop blaming the world around you for your failures. If you want something... go get it. Whatever you're doing right now, isn't working. Labelling yourself isn't helping.

Get your shit together

[Asker]

But I'm doing everything that girls want... And still no date... Nothing is missing.

[snowangle]

This will be my last comment here, since I have a feeling we're just going to go in circles. I'll just say that every "possible reason" you listed - no underage drinking, poor genetics, doesn't break the rules - totally deflects the blame from you. You'll blame anything even if it makes no sense. Try actually using your head and think logically, and you might get somewhere. Or, I don't know, listen to the advice that people are giving you?

[Asker]

@snowangle I understand it’s your last comment, but THERE IS NOTHING TO BLAME. Women are simply not attracted to me.

[Ste7en787]

Dude the fact that you’re talking about doing things that women want guys to do as if that should solve your problem is pathetic, you need someone to be brutally honest with you. Do what you wanna do and do it without caring what anyone thinks. Do things for yourself and maybe you’ll find yourself in better social situations where you could meet girls and when you do, you’ll see just how ridiculous it is that you thought you had to smoke, drink and break the law to get girls. This stuff is not that difficult

[Asker]

@Ste7en787 It is difficult if you only go after attractive women like I do.

[Ste7en787]

You’re looking at it all wrong if you say “women just aren’t attracted to me” and then when I say it’s not that difficult you tell me you only go after attractive girls. Maybe lower your standards a bit if you’re trying to lose your virginity. It’s not always gonna be some great love story where you’re crazy about each other. A lot of people’s first time is awkward and embarrassing, if you’re so picky that you want it to be so perfect your first time then you shouldn’t be complaining about not getting girls. Lower your standards a bit and go bang a random, if nothing else you’ll get your first time out of the way and build some confidence

[lilaqua]

Because they dig themselves into the whole themselves. You’re also way too hard on yourself. We’re the same age, and my friendship group has girls that have never kissed anyone, 75% have never slept with anyone either. It’s not a tragedy like you’ve been led to believe. You can try to help but most are too far radicalised.

[Asker]

Are you sure that I am not an incel? By definition I am. I would want to help those that can't get women, because I know what its like to be called ugly and not have any women be interested in you. It sucks.

[lilaqua]

I also think this is a lot of you’re issue. Stop making girls your top priority in life. No one cares if you’re a virgin or not. When I was single, it didn’t bother me that guys had no interest. I went on with my life. You’re 19 as well, most people don’t want a relationship anyway.

[Asker]

It's not a matter of me being a virgin, but a matter of not having a girl want to date me. More girls are attracted to me than before, but still no date. All I get is ghosted after i tell them that I basically play by the rules. Girls aren't the top priority, but it's always fun to hang around the opposite sex. Also, guys talk about the girls they like and the girls that like them all the time. Same way girls talk about guys. I'll be seen as the boring kid if I have no one to talk to.

[lilaqua]

Find some platonic friends. it's all a learning game. You're not abnormal. Who care's everyone gets ghosted, i've gotten ghosted.

[MrEiffel]

I agree with the finding platonic friends.

[BlackDawn]

Help them get laid? Why should we help them when so many of them promote, openly mind you, rape and violence against women. If a guy comes up to me and tells me that he really wants a girl to love and cherish, I will help. If he wants just sex, I'll give him advice. But if a guy acts entitled to it, or tries to hurt someone or does, fuck you.

[alexd745]

Many people may be 'involuntarily celibate' but 'incel' has a particularly negative connotation. If somebody is 'hating on incels', they probably mean the bad ones and not you.

[CurlyHairGuy]

There is no such thing as an Incel if you really want to get laid there is always an option now if someone is shy or has social anxiety it doesn't make them involuntarily celibate it just means they aren't trying

[Lance1965]

Nobody hates them as far as I know but it is every man for themselves when it comes to finding dates. I am sure every single guy would like some help but it doesn't work that way.

[Ghost141414]

Women hate incels because they are ugly. Beta Males hate incels in order to White Knight for women and because incels are threatening their world

[TsubasaCorrupted]

We hate the entitlement, the volatility, the arrogance, the sexism and their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Women just get pissy that these guys won't worship them