Guys always have to lower their standards to the girl?

Question

I feel like the guys always have to lower their standards to the girl.

I am an attractive 25 year old. 6 foot 2 and Hispanic. I can dance, am a professional musician and a Doctoral Student. I have plenty of confidence and girls always tell me that I am very funny.

So, this is basically how it goes for me. I get numbers from beautiful woman, they like me..and eventually it goes nowhere. So lets say for numbers sake that I am an 8. When I use 1-10 I am speaking only of attractiveness. This is all that girls/boys get at first glance when they make first judgement. I hit on 9s and they really like me, and it goes nowhere. I hit on 8s, and they really-really like me and it slowly fizzles into nothing. I hit on 7s and they are in love with me..but guess what...it goes nowhere eventually. Then I hit on 6s. They stalk me, are in love with me, and push themselves on me the minute I give them any attention. It will eventually end up that I am with one of the 6s. I treat the 6s and the 9s all the same way. I am a pleasant guy to be around. Guys like hanging with me, and girls love hanging with me. GIrls also REALLY LOVE making love to me.

So why must I ALWAYS BE THE ONE WHO LOWERS MY STANDARDS?

Why do the pretty girls never lower their standards for the guy? It seems that girls only want someone they KNOW THEY ARE REALLY F-ING LUCKY TO HAVE A CHANCE WITH. Anyone else who is at their level...they blow off.

SOMETIME girls lower their standards for a boy, this does happen...dont get me wrong. But I feel that MOST OF THE TIME the guys have to lower their standards to get a decent girl.

A beautiful ex girlfriend billboard model of mine once said., " A beautiful person cannot get with another beautiful person. Only one person can bet he hot one in a relationship"

Is that true?

Does someone have to lower their standards? If so, does it HAVE TO BE THE GUY?

I will add a poll but PLEASE weigh in and comment!

Surfinforlife · Accepted Answer

I'm going to state this again since you have no clue and completely misread my whole answer.

You said, "So do you think that I should only go for a girl who is an 11? lol

This way, me being a measly 8ish would desire her fully and completely and never have eyes for anyone else? Whereas a 10 will think I might wander and check out other 10s.?

soooo ridiculous!"

Answer:

NO, you need to get a clue and and RE-READ my answer moron. "I don't know how you made it into med school man. You're funny."

Anyway, Any girl will tell you that when she see's a hot guy, yes she admires his looks...but ya know what? She looks at him as (HE ALREADY HAS GIRLS AT HIS FEET BECAUSE OF HIS LOOKS)

Girls are scared that just because you are good looking other pretty girls will be throwing them selves at your feet and you might change them for a better looking one. So the girl thinks she might end up with a broken heart if she goes for a good looking guy

That being said, girls might go for the other not so great looking guys because they know that they will only have eyes for them and they don't have to get worried that he will want a better looking girl. THAT IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SEE THAT THE GIRL IS THE BETTER LOOKING ONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

Dude if you haven't gotten my clues I've been sending you maybe you'll get this...IT'S A SECURITY THING. Girls look at YOUR CHARACTER. Looks ARE NOT the only thing that would attract girls.

Look man, A lot of really good looking guys use their looks for the wrong reasons (to get girls) GIRLS KNOW THIS, IT'S NOT HARD MAN. YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT. A lot of good looking men play girls because they have an abundance of choices. It's easy for them to get girls attention. They have one night stands with girls and then leave em', they lie to a girl and say they really like her but don't, they only get a girl(s) for sex most of the time, and they only care about themselves and their looks..they don't care about what the girl wants. ONCE AGAIN, GIRLS KNOW THIS. So they protect themselves from it. Girls don't want to give themselves up to a good looking guy because they're afraid he'd use them and then leave em'. Like I said, a lot of guys use their looks for the wrong reasons and are players.

YOU NEED TO SHOW A GIRL YOU ARE INTERESTED AND THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HER. SHOW HER A GOOD CHARACTER...SOMEONE SHE CAN TRUST, BUT DON'T GIVE YOURSELF UP TO HER SO EASY. And one other thing man...don't get all pissed off just because you can't get a hot girlfriend. I don't blame them for securing themselves form hot guys.

Read this...it's from a girl, "I have learned that the majority of hot guys are pricks. They are so wrapped up in themselves it's not even funny. I know that girls always seem to get hurt by the 'hotties'. The hot guys are usually the egotistical, cocky, jerks that always hurt you, or put you down. Girls are mostly afraid of being hurt, especially by that type of guy."

Surfinforlife · Accepted Answer

I'm in your same exact situation man. From what I understand is girls don't truly go for the hansom model type guy. I mean, have you truly ever seen a guy that looks like a model with a girl that is model type also? I really only see that in movies or magazines. If you do see them, it;s probably because the guy has a lot of money "That's hollywood baby".

Do you ever notice a gorgeous girl? Of course! we all do, but do you ever notice one with a not so good looking boyfriend? Yes all the time. I myself am a very hansom guy and have no trouble with getting girls attention (not to be cocky). I get eyed a lot by them, but it goes nowhere. 6's will love us as their boyfriend because they may never had such a hansom guy before and it boosts their ego. Who knows.

Honestly I think gorgeous model type girls date the average/not so good looking guys for a security thing. Because they know that their boyfriend will only have eyes for them and not any other girl. Other girls won't be wanting that guy because he's not as good looking as they look for. But the gorgeous girl thinks her boyfriend is everything to her because of his personality. Get the picture? Beautiful girls don't really get in relationships with beautiful looking men because they know that there will always be other girls looking at him all the time and wanting him...Girls can't trust him.

Look at it this way. When you go out with a group of girls and they start eying a good looking guy, they normally start saying "oh he's so hot!". But truthfully they aren't looking for a relationship with him, because they know he gets plenty of attention from a ton of other girls. They wouldn't want to deal with that if they wound up in a relationship with him. The girls just think it's nice to look at the hansom male and maybe get some of his attention. They want to go for a average guy that will only have a heart for them. If you ever get a hot girlfriend, wouldn't you want to keep her? Yes, same thing goes for average guys. They will do all they can to keep their beautiful girlfriend ( GIRLS KNOW THIS! ESPECIALLY FOR THE AVERAGE GUYS). So you and me are in the same boat buddy. Yes beautiful girls fix their eyes on us often, but they see us as (we already get a ton of girls because of our looks) Girls don't want to compete with that. They think they would just wind up with a broken heart if they tried going for the hot male with washboard abs. Honestly, as sad as it seems, it looks like we're only good for one night stands my friend.

Ultimately if we keep going for the 10's we will keep winding up with nothing. It sucks, I've been single for longer than I want to be because I shoot for the gorgeous girls with good personalities. Hope you got some understanding man. And I feel ya bubba. I got the same problem going on.

Great question by the way..i had the same one a few months back.

Bella561 · Accepted Answer

I know this que has been answered but I want to say most of the girls that answered this que missed the point completely I don't think he was trying to explain how cute he is I think he was trying to explain how shallow some people are that instead of giving someone the time of day they go for the guy out of there league whether that be a 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,or 10. Secondly I can see what your saying but I also think maybe the river moves both ways it all depends on the side your standing and the rock standing on the left isn't going to say the river is moving in the direction the rock on the right will for right now I think you should keep holding on cause the river no matter what way its flowing its flowing. To answer you que I think its an ego boost when you get a guy that's way ahead of you on the scale some people don't really care. Where some people get your number they do feel proud like yeah I just got this kids number they talk to you for a week or more then they show their friends yeah I got this dudes number the friend will then be the reason whether they continue to talk to you or not.

sorry if I confused you with the whole river thing basically what it means is when your on either sides of the situation you'll see it differently so all those chicks who were riding you were just I don't know seeing it in a different light

good luck with your situation or your friends situation sooner or latter you will find you equal

phil2 · Accepted Answer

don't base it all on attraction. I mean take my advice with a grain of salt but hey, I would say that a relationship should not totally be based on looks, and that's what you are saying mostly. Are you sure the 9s are turning you down just because of your looks?

as for me, I would say both me and my guy are 7s. We are neither more better or less better looking than each other. We both get each other, both have similar personalities. That's why we fit together so well. It really doesn't have that much to do with the fact that he is or I am better looking. He didn't come up to me because he thought I was beautiful and I didn't go up to him because I thought he was great looking. It was something like, hey I know that kid from elementary school... he is in my town lets see if he wants to hang out? Then we learn about each others hobbies and interest and see if we have a match.

I mean, like you said... yeah not all girls and guys are conceited and have "good looks" standards...

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

In life we don' t always get what we want, and what we feel we deserve. I'm gonna say from personal experience, it hurts to have a guy think he is at a higher level then you. And I have been told by many people that I am beautiful. Sure everyone is different, but in the dating world it takes work.

If I quit after every guy who shot me down, I would get no where. You just have to keep faith and keep trying to get a girl you like. If it truly is about personality, then maybe its a good thing that you didn't get those girls who shot you down. They don't see the potential in you and are missing out. I also seek equality, but its hard. Not everyone who you see as your equal sees you as their's. So you need to keep trying.

confused415 · Answer

I think as we get older, we begin to realize that looks really aren't what's important anymore. Sure that girl in High school was beautiful, but she was dumb as a pile of bricks.

I think we eventually realize that when we were younger we went for the hotter, more outgoing guy/girl but found out that even that only lasts for so long and eventually that girl that we otherwise didn't really notice who was OK looking but was smart as hell is actually a LOT more interesting!

It sounds like you have a LOT going for you, why not find a girl with similar interests and values? You don't have to "lower" your standards. It seems like your cutting yourself short and focusing on the numbering system of what I'm guessing, is based on looks and partially personality. But what really makes a 10 or a 6? Why not go for a girl who has just as much education and smarts and stop worrying about what eye color she has and what victoria secret lotion she wears. I promise a smart girl is just as beautiful, if not more beautiful, than a victoria secret model.

Anonymous · Answer

first off you sound pretty insecure because of how hard you're trying to convince us how good looking you are.

but yeah that quote about beautiful people in a relationship is right. there will typically be a better looking one in a relationship. the "standards" though depend not only on the guy but the girl too...

usually its the girl looking better than the guy. guys work hard to get power and money and that's more important to girls than looks (because of the security they get from it). so the "looks" role is placed on the girl. that's why the stereotype is a rich powerful average to ugly looking guy with a hot trophy wife.

also as far as the scale thing, get used to it buddy. whether or not you're really an 8, girls who are 7-10's are still going to be hit on a lot every day by all sorts of guys. they don't chase you because you just haven't proven it to them that you're their best choice. what if there's a 6'4 PhD hispanic guy who's a 10 to them? wouldn't they choose him over you?

also I too can relate with girls who are like 6's or below stalking me. again its because they see you the same way you see the 10s.

basically what I'm saying is no one lowers their standards, everyone just has a different view. so if you think you're not getting the girls you deserve, then work for them by making more money and/or working out harder to increase your value. don't complain if they reject you when you reject girls who you know aren't good enough for you

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry we can't be perfect for you.  I know all men want perfection, but human beings aren't perfect.  We make mistakes, but all women try to please their man.  Have some compassion & realize you make mistakes too.  It is not about lowering your standards, it's about accepting that no one is perfect.  You will not be happy with anyone until you realizae this.  How would you feel if you met the perfect girl but she didn't want to be with you because you weren't good enough?  It would really hurt your feelings, that is how women feel when they heard the things you wrote in this question.  I've accepted that men have unrealistic expections & don't take offense to things like this.  But you have to remember, that most women are not like me.  They do take offense because they care what men think about them.  I learned a long time ago to stop caring what men think, & worry about how I feel about myself.  So, please remember this before you say hurtful things about how women are good enough.

Anonymous · Answer

I know this question is over and done with but I wanted to reiterrate what one girl said, it's actually a fact that men tend to think of themselves as MORE attractive than they really are and when tend to think themselves as less attractive than they really are. I doubt you're as "good-looking" as you claim to be or you wouldn't be having the trouble that you're having. If you're an 8, why aren't similar "8" girls looking your way when I see gorgeous girls going out with ugly dogs ALL THE TIME. PAHLEASE dude.

btw rating people is unattractive in itself, and if personality mattered to you so much than a girl's looks wouldn't bother you as much as it apparently does. Maybe the 6's and 7's like you because you're similar. There's a study that found that people tend to stay with people of similar attractiveness, if one person is less or more attractive problems arise, like jealousy, etc.

Guess I'm trying to say don't go chasing waterfalls, stick to the rivers and the lakes like you used to pal.

paul110878 · Answer

Does man or woman have to lower their standards to get someone. Yes. If you are desperate to have someone. I think the most important thing is to LOVE yourself and be HAPPY by your self before ALLOWING or EXPECTING someone else to. WHY? Because we tend to hurt each other as men and women. You always take a chance of getting rejected, getting, hurt, getting cheated on whenever you get into a relationship. Standards are very important to an individual because you prefer a person that will stick by you and can have some things to relate to and in common.

I think that many women who know that they are beautiful want someone that will challenge them. They want the guy who is not calling the beautiful all the time and knows the right things to say and do to meet their needs. They know that they like them but want to pull-it out of them of how they feel. It does not matter how they look but does matter how tall they are and whether they can love them the way they want to be loved. When a man hits that right spot and continues to please her then she will stick with him. The greatest thing that a woman can give a man is her love and her heart. Read the Bible... and a woman does not have to do that and that makes her very powerful and that man that does get that from her he is very blessed - hopefully he knows how to take care of it and don't mess it up.

BerryCherry · Answer

I'm sorry, I just think it is so sad that men feel this way.  Women do not feel like they have to settle if they don't get a super hot boyfriend, & think their guy is best on the market, no questions ask.  They are blindly faithful & loyal, & the fact that men are so different really upsets me.  Men are so hung up on looks, & looks is one thing a person cannot change about themselves (without plastic surgery).  I know this is nothing men can help, as this is all a result of biology, but I just feel sorry for my gender.  People always wonder why women are so insecure, it is because men expectations that unrealistic that no one can meet.  In the end, the man is upset because he doesn't get a supermodel girlfriend & the girl is depressed because she is not enough.  Basically, if your not a 9 or 10, you should just become a nun because no man will value you, so sad.

RipnRawhide · Answer

Everyone seems to think they have to lower their standards, but physical attraction is only a tiny bit of the puzzle. You have to be interested in personality as well...girls who are super "hot" have a tendency to not be so nice cause hey they are hot and know it, so they strut their stuff everywhere, cause they are just that...

They annoy everyone. You need to find someone who attracts you on an emotional level as well.

You'll know when you find her.

aster · Answer

it's not that guys have to lower their standards they just have to realize that a girl who is an 8 or 9 also has high standards and even if you have "everything going for you" you are going to have to work A LOT harder to get their attention and keep it.

for one thing, they are going to have more options and for another, and for another, they work hard to get their "grade" and so why would they thus, lower themselves? Better off to be single for a little bit than be with a guy who doesn't suit them.

it's not enough to just be pleasant or be cool with everyone, 8's and 9's (generally) don't get that number JUST because they are hot - chances are they are pretty smart too. Don't flirt with other girls, make yourself stand out from all the other level 8 guys flirting with her, but mostly...

LOOK AT HER AS AN INDIVIDUAL AND NOT A NUMBER NEEDING TO BE CONQUERED.

8's and 9's are used to "the game" and can smell bullsh*t a mile away so better to be sincere than fake.

971789 · Answer

Guys tend to think they are better looking than they are...Did it ever occur to you that you might actually not be an 8 in the eyes of women...? Maybe to the girls you think of as 9's you are a 4...ALSO, you sound really arrogant especially if view yourself as better than most of the girls you try to date they probably pick up on your arrogance. Since girls value things like personality they're not going to tolerate that. Girls actually tend to end up with less attractive men than men ending up with less attractive women because of the fact that we value personality.

expert28 · Answer

sounds like you have your answer man. you hit on nines, they are initially attracted, and then it doesn't work out? start workin on that personality. sounds like you're a little into yourself in a way that isn't that attractive (i'm only going off the above text here).

However, if you can snag a 9's attention, and you're looking to keep her, you have to keep her guessing until you find that you have a real connection. In the beginning, its games. I KNOW, everyone HATES games, but the truth is, until you know that you actually like the person, everyone is trying to protect themselves. Watch yourself if you start getting too needy/6-like. They won't feel special anymore, consider you conquered, and move on. You would do the same.

fatalcharm · Answer

There is a difference between good-looking and attractiveness. I am a woman who considers herself between an 8 and a 10 (depending on what day you catch me) and I see amazingly good-looking guys all the time. The thing is, I am usually more attracted to their less good-looking, slightly balding, slightly chubby/stocky friends. It has nothing to do with personality, some guys just have this thing about them and some don't, no matter how good-looking they are. I think it has a lot to do with testosterone. Guys with lots of testosterone aren't really "pretty boys" and although they may be good-looking, they are usually a little ruggard. The better looking guys with "pretty boy" looks usually have less testosterone, and although I like to look at them, they don't really attract me beyond that.

Draco_Spitfire · Answer

I'm going to go ahead and say, that I'm pretty sure that for most of the 6's and 7's they're trying to find a hot guy to boost their low self esteem. That's my guess. Haha. But yea, likewise I know what you mean, happens to me too. Minus the chicks hitting on me par- never mind I've had a few. xD I've noticed the settling too. :/ Pisses me the hell off. It goes "ooo attractive man, damn he's taken." I think that guys should not 'settle' because doing that a) leads to problems further down the road. And b) the guy's not happy in it. I think there's someone for everyone, and you just keep looking, cause when the right one comes along, you're with some chick who let herself go from a 6 to a 3 cause she married a hot guy.

DishLady · Answer

D*mn, what happened here? This question ran amuck!

You're a smart guy -- go find Ms. Doctoral Program. Take her dancing, crack some jokes. Just step away from this question... Too many people are misreading at this point. (A smart guy would know that random opinions don't matter anyhow, lol.)

Will she look like the Catherine Zeta-Jones to your apparent Antonio Banderas? Probably not all the time -- but then again, I'd bet my boots that neither will you. You're a nice-looking AND smart sort of fellow (despite the apparent miscommunication here on GAG, lol); she should be within that range of looks and intelligence. If you keep fighting just for the looks, you're going to remain unhappy and unfulfilled.

SO, don't set your sights too high or too low, but most importantly, step away from this question, kid!

GleeLover · Answer

Women lower their standards all the time, they just don't complain about it because they accept it. Once they lower their standards, they find their current bf/husband to be the most wonderful man in the world, & don't feel like they had to settle.

Men should really learn something from us. Sometimes you have to lower your standards, but you need to accept it. You could be missing out on a lot of happiness by not seeing how lucky you are to be with this girl, who you for some reason think is below you.

Reiki_Z · Answer

well id say you can't treat a 6 like you treat a nine

if anything you have to treat a nine worse then a 6 cause she gets good treatment all the time

so with that in mind you have to be cold and distant with the 9s cause the way they have been brought up by there experiences make them feel like if they find a great guy they might lose them so they stop before the start

so what you have to do is make her feel like she lost before she started

start as a disinterested friends and talk to her about things she likes

you have to give her what she's looking for every where in her self

if that doesn't make since just go read the art of seduction haha

lorahayes · Answer

wow, don't be so shallow! I'm sure there are plenty of really nice girls out there that are anything between 6 and 10 its not all about looks.

maybe you are overjudging yourself here? maybe you're not an 8. it doesn't even matter that much I swear...its probably not the reason your relationships 'fizzle out' its most definitely something else, girls aren't that shallow.

oh and look at the majority of couples out there...i think you will find the girl is usually more attractive than the guy. all my friends say my boyfriend isn't as attractive as me lol.

GO FOR PERSONALITY looks isn't everything..

ecologist · Answer

Im Australian and we have a heap of 30-35 year old women who are single as they have very high standards, not standards of physical attractiveness but instead of guys requiring lots of wealth and security. They have gone to university and now earn USD100000+ per year and want a guy who earns at least that or more. They complain that there is a man drought, but its in fact just a drought of rich, reasonably attractive guys who have some personality. Most guys who are a good catch are caught before they are 30.

acka72 · Answer

With pretty women, you have to up your game.  These women are used to getting bombarded with attention and compliments.  Your looks will not impress her as much cause looks is not the most important thing for them, neighther your success intelligence and bla bla bla.  What you simply have to do with pretty women is ignore them and talk to their less atractive friend or acquaintance which in and of itself is a blow to their selfesteem.  I understand your position cause I am an attractive smart person as well and with guys that get all sorts od female attention, I have to figure out how to stand out cause there will always be people who are smarter and prettier.  Which means you have to actively figure out how to add some spice to your whole persona.  You are not a CV you are a human being who can be a jerk once in while.  Make the girls earn your affection and nice treatment.

alexajade30 · Answer

Girls lower their standards all the time. Quit being a baby about how attractive your date is and get to know them. Maybe you loose the prettiest because they can tell you only have a boner for them and you are running game to get with them (keep in mind the prettier the woman the more experience in players she has)... and the "lower" girls might not have as much experience with the player.

Of course, since I cannot see your face there is the chance that you are not as cute as you think you are and the 10, 9, 8 and 7's are all lowering their standards to be with you. They give you a chance and they you don't deliver.

kmarieseaver · Answer

Lowering your standards, well we have to lower our standards to find a guy that we want to be with. It can go both ways, and that is very inane thinking on both a female/guys part. We should choose a partner that we find mentally stimulating, and we should also consider someone who is a best match to be our partner. Choosing attributes that are significant, such as does the person have the ability to make us laugh. I think you know where I am going, a relationship that is started for beneficial reasons is bound to end as quickly as it started.

Guys always have to lower their standards to the girl?

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