Why is it unacceptable for guys to have standards?

Question

I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she was getting fat. I am a monster right? My family and some of my lost friends seem to think so. Even though I go to gym and keep myself in shape it's unacceptable to expect her to do the same. Why? I have seen some of my friends getting rejected for being short and another said he was laughed at for his 5.5 inch penis (which is average by the way). Why is it only acceptable for women to have standards and not men? This really makes me think that the mgtow crowd has a point. End of rant I guess, still extremely frustrating

StarsInTheEyes · Accepted Answer

I think that even though you should love a person for the way they are, it is okay to let them know that they need to change if they're jeopardizing their health. I think that you could express your concern that you don't want her to keep gaining weight because it'll be harmful to her cardiovascular health. However, I don't know what your definition of "fat" is, so I can't comment on your requirement, although it is okay to let her know that she needs to manage her health, but do assure her that she still looks good in your eyes, so that it does not bring her confidence down.

My boyfriend is 5'6" and I used to think that I "needed" a tall guy to feel secure, but when I started building good connection with him and started dating him, I learned that height has nothing to do with sense of security. However, I love working out, I need a significant other who has the same interest as I do, because I don't want to be the only person excited about my gains, or not being able to discuss fitness with my SO. I do *need* someone who knows as much as I do, and better, who knows more than I do. Someone who can pick on my forms (not that I have bad forms!), tell me about creatine and BCAAs, plan my workout to see different results than what I've done.

I think the examples you've given, the height and penis size, they're all fine... I wouldn't break up with my boyfriend though even if he was unemployed; rather, I'd help him search for jobs as if I was the one needing a job, which I've done... Read the job requirements, etc. and forward him the links. Success isn't a given. It requires hard work, so we build it together.

Men and women both have preferences so it's okay, as long as it's not too unreasonable.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

you're young and while its not exactly the formula for the forever kind of relationship (obviously) its relatively valid.
I guess the one problem I have with it as opposed to examples you've stated against your friends is that the discrimination is about something they can't change. Like it sucks to be discriminated against for arbitrary criteria but the beauty of it is that you can't change it. The thing about weight, is that weight is so easily internalized because it is something that you can change about yourself (within reason). I think its hard because there's this added expectation that you aren't enough, and you HAVE to try to be better vs. you aren't enough and you can't do anything so that person is a piece of shit for expecting something "logically inconclusive." The "logical conclusion to gaining weight it to change" but i think it's much harder to "change a lifestyle that gradually made you heavier" at the expense of your self esteem. your friends can walk away knowing they were logically in the right and this girl may or may not walk away with lower body issues because she had an arbitrary condition on love that she didn't measure up to.
Since you broke up its not your problem anymore but i guess thats just how the two instances of discrimination are internalized differently.

silvermoon84 · Accepted Answer

Yes you definitely are an absolute monster lol! I’m kidding😊

In all seriousness, it depends really. If you just dumped her out of the blue without talking to her then yeah that was kinda douchey but if you talked to her and tried to motivate her and work out with her and she made it clear that she didn’t care, it’s on her.

I’m an overweight woman. I’ve lost forty pounds since last year and still have more to lose, but I’ve been hit on and approached from all angles since I’ve lost the weight, so I know my weight was a deterrent for most men and that’s okay. You like what you like. I would date an overweight man. I would not date a morbidly obese man

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I told my boyfriend to let me go if I let myself go. It’s pretty fair I believe

Dause · Accepted Answer

If you did so the instant you noticed it, yeah that's pretty awful dude. There is a reason why they say to stick by people in hard times. All is fair in love and war, you can dump someone without any particular reason and that's your business. Just how the world is today.

It is totally normal to hold someone you date up to the same standards as yourself. It is idiotic to think anyone is capable of holding themselves to their own standards 100% of the time though. If you pointed it out a few times in a softer way (albeit maybe there is no soft way to do so) and she refused to compromise or try to meet those standards, then it would be more acceptable.

If she just has an unhealthy lifestyle, it is pretty unlikely to work, especially if she can't motivate herself. If the girl is making earnest efforts though, those are bound to show results. If you actually liked her, your a complete fool for not trying first as it could have been resolved more easily like that. I kinda doubt you did like her much if you weren't even stressed enough over it to think about something that obvious though.

DavidVertex · Accepted Answer

If a man lost his job through no fault of his own nobody would blame a woman for leaving because he can't provide the same lifestyle. A man is accustomed to fucking an attractive body but then the girl knowingly let's herself go and you leave because she's not providing the hot body anymore and now you're an asshole.

englisc · Answer

Because people often don't like to be held to any standards. The people who get most angry at any of these standards are people who either don't fit them, or maybe think that one day they won't fit them.

The women who get the most angry over guys leaving overweight girlfriends are women who think that one day they might get overweight and they won't have the willpower to fix their diets and exercise to fix it. They'd rather tell you that you're an asshole for leaving such a person and discourage that behaviour.

It's best to make it clear in the first place. I've left an ex before for exactly the same reason. It's one thing if the girl has some kind of medical problem that makes her gain weight/unable to lose weight, and when you get older you gain weight anyway. Leaving such a woman would make you an asshole because that's not her fault. But a young girl who is overweight because she can't be bothered to eat right and exercise is only overweight because she's lazy? Fuck that.

You should want to stay attractive to your partner, but these kinds of women are so entitled because they've been taught that a guy who really loves them will stay no matter what. I've always been clear about this with my girlfriend and I asked her if she'd leave if I blew up in weight to which she said no, but I'd never get that way in the first place. I don't know how people (without a medical condition) can be so lazy to allow that to happen.

Anonymous · Answer

The fat thing gets to a lot of people because on average most people gain weight as they age and hearing some random dude talking about dumping a girl for weight gain is the biggest confirmation of their fear that there partner would leave them as they get older and naturally have a more difficult time getting the weight off. Men are definitely allowed to have standards but seeing as women tend to have a harder time managing weight gain as they age rejecting a women over this is a huge trigger for a lot of women. A lot of people (especially women) like to see physical attraction as a doorway to a deeper connection that would keep things together even if physical attraction was lost. It’s a dream for unshakable relationship security. But you’ve pretty much taken that dream and said if you start looking fat, old, disabled, or just slightly unappealing to me everything you’ve placed your hopes on is meaningless to me. Women aren’t terrified by men having standards. Women are terrified about men having standards that may be realistically impossible for for them to meet and maintain. It’s difficult to see anything wrong with this fear. You’re not a monster in my book but you’re definitely not the type of person who’d make a person feel appreciated and secure.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think it's so much about having standards but more so how much you support you SO. I mean wasn't fat when you started dating her but she got fat when you were dating her. If you are willing to walk away from your SO because they gained wait it just shows it wouldn't take much for you to walk away from them if it was something more serious. What if they got seriously sick? It's not that you have standards, it's that you are shallow. If you are willing to leave someone who you are supposed to care about because of their appearance then it just shows that you never actually cared about them as a person. Just liked them for their looks. That being said there could be more to it. You could try to get them to put more an effort in. It could be because you feel they aren't trying to put an effort into themselves or their own health. It could be because hour sex life is struggling because of sexual attraction due to appearance. But to dump your girlfriend solely because she gained weight, and that is the reason you gave, it just shows that you are shallow.

Salsacumbia · Answer

Hey, you got your standards, but also i hope you consider the fact why she got fatter, like was she on medication, just got lazy and just who cares about herself and such... but if just lazy doesn't want to do what you do as being fit, then i could see the reason and thats you being a human being... but if it had to do for good reason she suddenly got fat, then thats being very shallow in your part. But its up to you to be happy and who you are with bc a person isn't happy with his partner if there's no attraction or have things in common.

yucychan · Answer

I think everyone has their own standards when it comes to relationships and it would be unfair and hypocritical of me if I were to judge you on your standards. I guess her being fat and not wanting to do anything about it really gets to you, which is why you felt this relationship is pointless. Especially, when neither of you are willing to compromise.

I sincerely hope that in your next relationship, your girlfriend and you can share the same values, with both parties willing to work things out.

AlienParasite · Answer

I can't say I have an exact standard. I'm sexually attracted or not. And if I don't feel the attraction I won't feel like having sex and will lose interest in that person. So I would tell the person what is happening, and if I can't feel attracted again then I said this was happening so wouldn't be a surprise... And I'm not going to have sex with someone I don't want to fuck.

I feel that nobody guy or girl should be forced to stay with someone they liked in the past if they don't like that parson anymore for whatever reason.

However we should be careful about how we express ourselves, I mean you don't really reject a person because that person is fat, but because that person doesn't attracts you.

johanmdsn · Answer

In short, yes you are a dickhead BUT then again it depends. Did you break up with her purely because she was getting fat and hence becoming less attractive physically? Or did you break up with her because of her character which has something to do with her getting fat? For example, the reason why she is getting fatter is because of her poor habits, eating unhealthy food not taking care of her body and being extremely lazy/careless which are unattractive in a person to sit around eat and not take care of herself. If thats the case then no you are not an ass but you should help her improve herself rather than break it off if you truly love her. Either way fat or not if you love the girl you wouldn't break it up because of her fatness unless there were serious underlying unattractive habits/or her character that is making her fat which has put you off.

NatashaJ · Answer

Um here the problem with men like you, you are too rude about it. It's completely different if you said it in the polite way like "I am just being honest I don't want to hurt your feelings I already know I sound horrible but I lost attraction to you because you gain weight" and the way you talk in this question makes me think you said it in an offensive way which is why even your family is giving you shit for it. Maybe reflect and own up if you been an asshole about your ex if really the only reason you left for was her weight you should at least have some respect for her she didn't cheat on you, stole money, abuse you.

Jaydine20 · Answer

No. Only fat people will say you are a monster. It is completely reasonable to have standards. As human beings, we have to first be attracted to someone before other feelings and emotions come into play. If you loose that attraction, the relationship will suffer as a result. Anyone who says personality is all that matters is bullshit, and doesn’t have standards themselves. Those are people with low self esteem. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but attraction always matters. Your girlfriend should have taken better care of herself. Maybe you should have suggested that you two go to the gym together, as that is something my boyfriend and I do. If she was completely against any type of change and just let herself go, then all power to you.

BarbieSoFetch · Answer

I think it has to do with the harsh reality girls live when it comes to beauty standards and pressures, because realistically they are WAY harder on women. It's just a muggy thing in general to breakup with someone because of their changing physical appearance. The truth is, looks don't last forever and you're clearly not in it for her as a person.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

These are all equally shallow, shortsighted, and immoral reasons to abandon someone - especially a spouse!

I don't condone what you did, but her reason for not going along, the way you worded it, makes it sound like she is more concerned about power structure than anything else. Which makes her a dangerous catch for any man. Any woman that antagonistic due to needing to have all the power in a relationship is toxic.

That's your real issue: caring each only about self interest, and being unwilling to compromise for any sort of greater good. Both too proud.

As for women who abandon a man over his job: they're even worse.

I tell women: if you cannot love me when I have nothing, you don't love me when I'm rich either.

This makes them sneer and walk away. Good riddance. They'll either find another sucker, or be caught shoplifting in a month, knowing my history with women. Either way, they're someone else's problem now.

coralee · Answer

I believe in having standards as long as they are standards that you maintain yourself and they are reasonable but that is during the early dating process. I find it hard to process someone falling out of love with someone over something as inconsequential as weight gain. I wanted a fit boyfriend when I was single if my current boyfriend gained weight I wouldn’t care I’m in love with who he is as a person. I’d also be curious to know if she’s actually letting herself go or if your turned off by the aging process. I was a size 0 when I was 19 but come 25 the lowest my body would go healthily was a size 4.

Shezadi · Answer

how would you feel if your father broke with your mom for getting fat, what if a guy breaks your sister's heart for gaining weight, what if your son-in-law breaks your daughter's heart just for gaining weight? This means you never loved her for her beautiful soul, heart, mind and personality. She is still the same person. Women become fat after giving birth to children also. Why are turning this into a gender debate just to make yourself feel better? There is a difference between girls and boys, and between every individual. Having standards before getting in a relationship is one thing but breaking up is completely different.

HorrorFan · Answer

I'm sure it sucks for people to be rejected in the way that your friends did, but at least it's generally a barrier for immediate entry and doesn't usually lead to actual hurt feelings and emotions, so it's easy to move on from.

You dated this girl, though. Beyond that, weight is a changeable thing. If you truly cared about this girl, I hope that you did all you could to bring up your issues through proper communication and actually encouraged her properly to lose the weight before you did what you did.

Neckcheek · Answer

I would think that is a tad hurtful, but it depends entirely on the nature of your relationship. If you were very serious and you both really loved each other, it is bad. However, if it was mainly physical and sexual, it is alright, as that purpose will not be fulfilled if you are not attracted to her anymore.

Alice2398 · Answer

Depends in your situation. If she was extremely over weight to the point of it being a risk to her health and she wasn't willing to change, I can see why. I've had family members who are over weight and who are constantly in hospital because of it and my grandmother died due to having a unhealthy lifestyle. I understand how difficult and painful it is when you love someone and their putting their life at risk in that way and don't care to change their ways. But it's just purely she's put on a bit of weight and now I don't find her attractive, I see why people would see that as cruel.

In general I don't think there's anything wrong for men to have standards as long as there reasonble. Wish more men did to be honest most I know would shag anything with a pulse

TayTay21 · Answer

There isn't anything wrong with having standards. I am a fitness nut who gets upset if my weight goes above 127, so I get it. I would dump my boyfriend if I was ever able to squat or bench press more than him lol. But what seems cheap about what you described is that if you love someone, you don't just dump them off for gaining some weight. Now, it's okay to encourage them to get in shape and even prod them strongly. But you clearly weren't that emotionally invested in her if some extra weight ended it.

stardust96420 · Answer

I don't think you love her if your that focused on looks to be honest. My man could loose everything, his looks, his job, everything and I would still love him with every part of me. Would you feel the same if she was pregnant with your child? Because that makes women gain weight. Or chemo? That can cause you loose weight, I'm assuming you would be uncomfortable with someone "too skinny" also. Life is too short to be worrying about stuff like that, the right girl will teach that love is not about appearances.

MittenstheGlove · Answer

I don’t knock you at all for your decision. Your happiness comes before anyone else.

I’m 5’7”. Whenever a girl says I want a man 6’+ it hurts. I’m talking to a woman who’s 6’.

She makes me happy. I’ve dated short women and enjoyed their company all the same.

I’ve dated plump women too, but don’t you think that weight is distributed the same in everyone.

Weight though, a lot of people can change weight. If you CHOOSE not to, you’ll get no sympathy from me.

To be honest, my ex put on nearly 70 pounds. Met her at 140 she and I went to work out and I told her that my regimen is pretty difficulty. So for the last 30 minutes I had to slow down for her. I suggested maybe she should find something easier and got offended. The weight started the downward spiral.

Now the difference between my mother and father is children. Babies can cause irreparable damage to the female body, if you leave a woman because she had your kid and is suffering from that, then we have a problem.

Anonymous · Answer

No one said it was unacceptable, although, surely you didn’t love her in the first place because if you got to know her when she was thinner and you loved who she was why would you dump her due to her physical state changing a bit, why didn’t you just motivate her and go to the gym with her. Men have plenty more standards than just the ones you stated as well, for example: long hair, long legs, nice eyes, lips, they need to be slim, but also thick with bum and boobs, their boobs have to be perky but not tiny, their bum has to be bouncy and tense but not muscley, they must look natural but not ugly so have to try get their make up to match these ideas, they must be shaved everywhere from the neck down, also tanned, they gotta have a tight vagina but not too tight you can’t fit a dick in it, they gotta constantly smell good and have a vagina that does so too. So before you start with the men can’t have standards stfu and look at society for a second

MLGbreezy · Answer

Bro don't worry about it you are not in the wrong by any means people always take women's aide for everything but im sick and tired of that shit. She put on weight and you tried to help her to maintain a healthier lifestyle which she refused. On top of that your living a different lifestyle from her now. You don't have the same goals anymore even if you did before its not the sane now and you have every right to leave her fior that women always love to push there absurd standards on guys in or out a relationship regardless so why are we met with hate and ridicule when we do the same it just nonsense. find someone who can meet your standards and ill tell you my older brother who is a professional body builder had almost the same exact experience with his ex girlfriend so. And he ended up cheating in the end cause of how she changed dont cheat by the way but women need to get off there high horses and put in some effort.

Buckzor · Answer

I don't have any issue. In the end it's JUST a relationship, if it was a marriage, then it's totally unacceptable.

People need to realise every human wants their own wants, needs & desires. It's like if two people who date don't have aligning ideas about life, or if just doesn't work out, that's the same concept of not continuing to be physically or emotionally connected to them before.

If you aren't happy, talk to them, if they don't do anything, then don't waste EITHER of your time & end it.

People need to realise it won't always end happily, it may end ugly, that's life. If you two both don't connect in the ways you need to, it needs to end.

LesterJester · Answer

When you think about it, those girls who turn guys away for being to short come off as bitches. Those who turn guys down because their penis size isn't what they want are jerks... You breaking up with a girl because she doesn't take care of her body as you would have hope makes you come off as bit of a dick.

Not to me, I mean everybody has their justified preferences and it's their life... But honestly, how often when someone is rejected, do they praise the other who rejected them and say, "Cudos for having standards?"

And of course their friends are going to support them.

As far double standards towards standards... I can't say for sure there is a double standard, but they are viewed in different ways by the opposite gender being rejected.

ChurchOfIron · Answer

It's not.

But Red Pill is the way to go, not MGTOW. You can have good relationships with women. You just have to understand them.

And, women actually get off on men having standards. They like it when a guy is seemingly picky, and she has something *special* and *unique* that he can't get from any other women. Naturally, it makes her feel like she was chosen for who she is, rather than simply being the nearest available vagina. I fully encourage you to state your standards very loudly. "I won't date this, this, this kind of chick." Just make sure the chick you're interested in doesn't have any of those traits, or awwwwwwwwkward turrrrrrtle. Even then, you could just say she was an exception to the rule, because she's special in --------- -ways.

Bitches love being special. And, in my experience, they like the chase more than men do. They wanna know that the guy developed attachment to her due to her special characteristics, rather than just "HEY A LADY! I LOVE YOU!"

infp_libra_78 · Answer

Wow. I agree a couples health goals should be compatible. But using superficial examples to justify your choice... makes you superficial. You didn't lay out any non superficial reason that you were with her or not with her. If things were that superficial with you, then you will ultimately get dumped just like those other guys you mention, your living on that same plane!

Long term relationships have to be more than "what other people do/judge/say, " they are something you build entirely separate from all the bullshit out there. Once you live in that world, breakups are born out of different stuff

CharlieUnicorn · Answer

I don't know what you told your detractors but this is the real clincher:

"I did try to invite her to go to gym with me. Several times. I tried to be polite about it. It all ended when she said I'm not entitled to manage her body"

Those that berate you, do they know this is how it happened? Maybe they think you just one day said "lol, get out of here fatso". Not that there's even any of their business.
Furthermore, is it she that's spreading a smear campaign on you to the people you both know? That's also another story. In that case, it's her spreading misinformation about how the breakup actually happened.

I'm sorry about your situation but a bit depending on which, I'm not sure this really exemplifies "A guy's not allowed to have standards".

alicat2358 · Answer

I don't think it's wrong to have standards at all, male or female. Especially since you're actively going to the gym and paying attention to your health while she's not making any effort, even though you invited her to go along with you. It just seems lazy. We all want our partners to improve our life, not bring us down and her not going to the gym isn't very motivating for you. If you stayed with her, she would just weigh you down and your life wouldn't improve at all

WhitePanther88 · Answer

It's only unacceptable to fatties. I personally don't mind too much if my partner puts on a little bit of weight espicially after a baby but there's nothing worse than a partner who eats themselves overweight or obese.
I did the same a few years ago when I was with a woman who started out thin and sexy but within 18 months had gotten as big as a buffalo. Two years later she made a point of filling herself up when she had gotten thin again " to show me what I was missing" but I didn't need to be shown what I was missing as i had dumped her fat ass because i was missing it.

Why is it unacceptable for guys to have standards?

PinkMichae · Answer

It's one think to reject someone you don't know yet for physical reasons. But once you have fallen in love with someone and you can just easily throw them away because they put on a few pounds makes you seem heartless. I don't think you could have loved her.

rjroy3 · Answer

Personally, I don't care you broke up with your girl for getting fat. Obviously that's not the whole story. For all we know you tried to workout the situation and it didn't improve. Blah blah doenst matter. Ultimately you lost attraction for her and the relationship fell through.
I'm just curious what made you think it was a good idea to vocalize that was the reason to everyone around you lol.

If that was a breaking point for a relationship for me I would just say I'm not feeling it anymore, I don't feel the same way, I feel like the attraction is gone in the relationship. Something else that is true, but would'nt eviscerate her lol. But just a straight up, "you're fat. Hoof it bitch" is obviously just hurtful lol.

unomilkis1 · Answer

Its not as cut clean and as extreme as you make it out to be. What you did was wrong in a sense that you were engaged in a romantic relationship which at least socially, is deemed as a connection between more than whats on the skin. If you broke up because she was getting fat, it also has implications that her looks were bigger factor to you than what her as a person, so the reaction you got is "understandable." As far as the standard thing goes, you are allowed have one and I believe in having standards but there's not too many details where I can support your action here. Maybe you've warned her? had a talk with her that you'd like to see some sort of discipline in her as person? cleared out what you're expecting in the relationship?

prettynormal · Answer

I think the “monstrosity” in it is that you were already with her. Loving the inside of a person is somehow the “universal standard”. However, it’s better for her not to be with you if you don’t feel attracted to her anymore... you would have ended up cheating on her sooner than later.
I would like to think that you broke up with her after trying different (loving) ways to motivate her to lose the weight she gained.

jessiie06 · Answer

It’s ok to not start to date someone because of the things you listed. So if you don’t think she’s tall enough for your liking let’s say then move on and find someone else. (Still rude but your choice)

BUT. Leaving her because of it is unacceptable. You do know that as people get older they get wrinkles, gain weight, don’t look as good. So no matter what your girlfriend will end up doing that. Did you ever think that maybe you made her feel so bad about her body that she was over eating/ eating junk food because of her low self esteem. If you really loved her then gaining even 50 pounds shouldn’t change how you feel about her. When you get a beer belly, start balding, get grey hair and start to get wrinkles, I hope a woman leaves you.

Chaz269 · Answer

A man is supposed to settle for any loser who likes him because he's lucky any woman would have him. We don't get to be selective lest we be labeled "shallow," "arrogant," "afraid of commitment," or any of the other bogus charges going around. Why is it that nobody is addressing that she clearly didn't respect or care about herself, let alone you. If she did, she'd have plenty of excellent reasons for staying in shape. But she didn't, so now she's gotta get in shape, or hunt down a chubby chaser. Look at the bright side. Good luck finding a woman with self respect who also genuinely respects and appreciates men.

AbdKilani · Answer

I will be honest here... Get ready
First of all, you sound very strict and extreme in what you have done, if I have a girlfriend that was getting out of shape I would support her and accept it because our bodies will eventually change anyway.
Second of all, yes most women would have one shallow standard that will end up making them look completely bad.
Third, men do have standards, but we are more accepting and we don't bother as much as women do when it comes to that.
Fourth, I hope you didn't end up hurting the girl, because if you only dumped her for that reason only, it will make you shallow as the women you are talking about.
Fith, you ex might have been having issues or health problems that have led to that wieght gain, haven't you thought of that? If she is really your girlfriend you should have stood by her instead of making it worse.
Anyway you are free to do what you want, just don't hurt others at least.

KevinSmiley13 · Answer

It's okay to have standards, I'm definitely not going to go up to a girl who is overweight, or uses drugs, or has mental health issues and ask her out. That being said though, it seems that your relationship wasn't very deep. Because love is not about accepting someone for who there are, it's about caring for them. Even if it means getting angry at them. If I found out my sister was selling herself, or my dad had a drinking problem. I'd be livid with them. I'd tell them that they are idiots, and that they are wasting the life they've been given.
Loving someone means that you want them to be the best version of themselves, no matter the odds.

Saville_Row · Answer

I think you saved both the trouble. You're free to pursue your fitness expectations and her... whatever she likes.

If the reason for the break up was as simple as that, there weren't probably real feelings on your part. Or hers. You guys were losing your time.

sagevalentine · Answer

I don't think it's unacceptable at all. I personally think it's important to take care of yourself. My boyfriend is 21, and from quite a wealthy, archaic family, and they have very high standards. I'm quite a bit younger, but in his family including him, they want me to look a certain way, and go to an Oxbridge university like he is. I am okay with that. The same way that I want to be with someone who is successful and attractive. Do what you believe is right.

Anonymous · Answer

No. If you dated her and then dumped because of something that she can’t control like mental or physical illinesse to reject her after that then yes you’re an asshole. But what bothered you more wasn’t just her being overweighted but the fact that she doesn’t put efforts to stay attractive for you and it’s your right to be mad about that, if you workout. If she want to stay fat and lazy then she just have to date another fatso like her.

constantine15 · Answer

If you tried to motivate and help her and she refused and continued to gain weight, then no you are not a "monster." People don't realize that the weight thing is not just a physical attraction... it demonstrates laziness (unless a medical problem) and who wants to date a lazy partner? Later in life you will have to deal with way more medical issues and could become deep in debt because of it. However, if you just said screw it and dumped her without trying to help her or whatever... then I can understand some of those peoples reactions.

Anonymous · Answer

I used to have a nice body. I lost 60 pounds. I gained a lot of weight from stress and problems in my life. My boyfriend has been supportive. I've been working out everyday for three months, no progress but I'm not determined to stop.

I feel it isn't your fault if you left her because she gained weight. She wasn't willing to workout with you or for her own health which is her decicison but a very unhealthy choice.

My boyfriend told me he is glad that I've been working out to be healthy and feel better about myself. He feels if I became obesed or really large and refuse to lose weight then he would be very sad because it's like I stopped caring about myself and he would leave. So I understand whetr you're coming from.

Sure, it's her body and you can't force her to workout if she doesn't want to. You have different standards and that's fine too which is better if you left than stayed with someone who you're not attracted to.

MarilynMansonsSlvt · Answer

Breaking up w someone for gaining weight doesn't equate to having standards. If you actually loved her, you would just talk to her about it kindly. xx ~ Mrs Manson

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t see the problem at all. You have standards, that’s extremely acceptable and anyone who thinks otherwise is closed-minded and too sensitive. I have been in the exact same situation and I will not apologize for it, ever. I want to surround myself in positivity, and people who want to take care of themselves and their health. I don’t see the issue with it.

Gottabsavagee · Answer

That is bad tbh but you’re probably too young for relationships. Sometimes it takes time.

The relationship is based on love, and if you love someone they can gain weight or lose some, you’ll still love them! So chances are you didn’t really love her.

Silver158 · Answer

I don't think it's so much standards but more what you like in the opposite sex. I've rejected women who were objectively attractive because for some reason I like short, pale, pasty brunettes with smaller boobs. But most people don't like rejection so I get the whole ""What? Are you gay?"

But at the same time a lot of people are prone to letting themselves go once in a relationship, it's kinda normal but a lot of people realise what they're doing and sort it. It's when they don't sort it that you have grounds to leave them if you so wish because it's more than likely a behaviour pattern that they're repeating over and over. I had a friend that did this, when he ended up single he'd hit the gym cut off all the fat and sort himself out and as soon as he was in a committed relationship again he'd stop. Every time.

AmyLuv · Answer

I think what you did is fine, as long as you gave her the chance to change. If she didn't change even tho you told her about it, its more then okay. Id do the same.

burntgold · Answer

I mean if you didn’t give her a chance to work out and lose weight and just decided to leave her then that’s kinda fucked loool. But if you told her and she didn’t wanna change then oh well🤷🏾‍♀️ you tried, on to the next 🤣

KezHarris · Answer

I think its fine that you broke up with her because she gained weight.
I agree that if you stay in shape and try to be healthy, that you should be able to date someone who has the same values as you!

Also, no one wants to date someone that they're not attracted to!

And if someone lets themselves go, that means that they haven't got very much self respect & don't care about their health. But on the other hand, she could have been going through some emotional issues at the time.

MeganTheButterfly · Answer

I'd never break up with my boyfriend just because he put on a few pounds. Wtf? How does him getting fat change anything about how much I love him?
I don't think that you breaking up with her had anything to do with having standards. Like honestly, if physical appearance is such a big deal you could just talked to her and explain your feelings instead of just breaking up

QuiteACoolUsername · Answer

Good that you broke up with her because she doesn't deserve someone as shallow as you.
1. Not because everyone is doing it, it's right.
2. Changes especially physical changes, is guaranteed in life. You too may get fat and will surely look older in the future (i only hope your future girl won't ditch you for it)
3. She can lose those pounds, be more attractive than ever and may find a more decent guy who would take her for everything she is.. not just for how much she weighs.

evendiscotaken · Answer

It is acceptable for guys to have standards, but I don't think it's acceptable for anyone to have this kind of standards, I mean, everyone can do what ever they want to, but I don't think that it's a reason to break up with someone. your girlfriend shouldn't be afraid that if she gain pounds you'll break up with her. And in my opinion, if you do, it means you didn't love her enough in the first place

WindowLicker · Answer

Getting rejected for something before any relationship exists is different from getting rejected in an existing relationship. In the first instance you are owed no particular kindness. In the second instance you are.

That said, you are free to keep or dismiss a relationship for any reason you like. It's nobody else's business. If you don't want a fatty it's your choice.

Logorithim · Answer

Of course everyone is entitled to and expected to have standards, but why didn't you try to help her lose weight? Even if she didn't want to or couldn't, that wasn't a fair reason for breaking up with her, and the examples of your friends getting turned down are also ones where I think they were treated unfairly.

AmazyingOnlyMe · Answer

I think you have the right to break up with her. You are no longer happy with her because she is fat. You are in shape so it’s only right if she was in shape too. She could of put the effort and go workout with you !!! Now move on and find a girl

Anonymous · Answer

Because only girls can have standards haven’t you figured that out by now?
Almost all the girls here saying you suck one way or another yet they’ll justify the fuck out of their standards like he better make more money than her. The equivalent of this is if a guy lost his job or he’s broke and statistically that happens more.

“I don’t date broke guys”. “He lost his job? Why are you still with him?
*girls high fiving in the background*. You do you man if she stopped caring for herself then YOU should stop caring for her

Tazgal · Answer

You started dating her when she was slimmer I’m assuming so it makes sense why you’re not attracted anymore otherwise you would’ve dated her the size that she is today. It sounds like you did try to help her out. She could be going through something but if she’s not helping herself then you shouldn’t have to stay with her. If you were older and had a marriage and family it would be a different scenario but you’re young and not obligated to be tied down.

Factshurt90 · Answer

Anyone can have standards. They just need to make sense. If you take your fitness seriously then it’s fine for you to expect someone else to. It’s unrealistic standards that bother me... fat men who expect skinny women and ugly broads who expect a gorgeous man.

lightbulb27 · Answer

There are "must haves" and "I'm ok" with's and everyone is different. One of your must haves is the other person takes care of themselves physically. Nothing wrong with that and wrong of other people to project onto you their value system. Good of you to draw the line quickly.

you may discover more must haves or they change over time as you experience other people and tradeoffs, but that's part of life discovery.

whyisitso · Answer

Oh... I actually think it is attractive when a man has some standards and doesn't just go for whatever girl out there.
Just bare looks isn't probably the best standard though... But I guess not wanting to take care of your body counts as another story. It's not about being superficial, it's much more.

SpinachMan · Answer

Nah man, you're okay to have standards, some are just more lenient with others, such as myself. I get a pump at least 4 times a week, I have a whole schedule to go through. My girlfriend doesn't go to the gym at all either. She has put on a few pounds since last year, but she is older than me, and I just don't care that much about it. I tease her from time to time, but it's playful, and she teases me about having muscle but no brain, which is also playful too. The one thing though is that her friends have asked her the same spiel on if I care about her weight, and she does get offended a little, but that's her friends. Besides, no one can resist the THICC.

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