Why is it unacceptable for guys to have standards? (Page 2)
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Bro don't worry about it you are not in the wrong by any means people always take women's aide for everything but im sick and tired of that shit. She put on weight and you tried to help her to maintain a healthier lifestyle which she refused. On top of that your living a different lifestyle from her now. You don't have the same goals anymore even if you did before its not the sane now and you have every right to leave her fior that women always love to push there absurd standards on guys in or out a relationship regardless so why are we met with hate and ridicule when we do the same it just nonsense. find someone who can meet your standards and ill tell you my older brother who is a professional body builder had almost the same exact experience with his ex girlfriend so. And he ended up cheating in the end cause of how she changed dont cheat by the way but women need to get off there high horses and put in some effort.
And this is not all women but the ones im talking about know who they are
I don't have any issue. In the end it's JUST a relationship, if it was a marriage, then it's totally unacceptable.
People need to realise every human wants their own wants, needs & desires. It's like if two people who date don't have aligning ideas about life, or if just doesn't work out, that's the same concept of not continuing to be physically or emotionally connected to them before.
If you aren't happy, talk to them, if they don't do anything, then don't waste EITHER of your time & end it.
People need to realise it won't always end happily, it may end ugly, that's life. If you two both don't connect in the ways you need to, it needs to end.
When you think about it, those girls who turn guys away for being to short come off as bitches. Those who turn guys down because their penis size isn't what they want are jerks... You breaking up with a girl because she doesn't take care of her body as you would have hope makes you come off as bit of a dick.
Not to me, I mean everybody has their justified preferences and it's their life... But honestly, how often when someone is rejected, do they praise the other who rejected them and say, "Cudos for having standards?"
And of course their friends are going to support them.
As far double standards towards standards... I can't say for sure there is a double standard, but they are viewed in different ways by the opposite gender being rejected.
In either case, both men and women are being rejected based on physical traits and is a dash to their self esteem. Nobody is going to feel good about that.
Society accepts when you break up due to differences, personality issues and otherwise being incompatible... But when physical traits are the reason, I see society frowning upon that towards both genders.
Though I do admit there is a double standard where some groups, such as Feminists, will praise and support a women being equally shallow, but will attack men for doing the same while not accepting them for "who they are."
It's not.
But Red Pill is the way to go, not MGTOW. You can have good relationships with women. You just have to understand them.
And, women actually get off on men having standards. They like it when a guy is seemingly picky, and she has something *special* and *unique* that he can't get from any other women. Naturally, it makes her feel like she was chosen for who she is, rather than simply being the nearest available vagina. I fully encourage you to state your standards very loudly. "I won't date this, this, this kind of chick." Just make sure the chick you're interested in doesn't have any of those traits, or awwwwwwwwkward turrrrrrtle. Even then, you could just say she was an exception to the rule, because she's special in --------- -ways.
Bitches love being special. And, in my experience, they like the chase more than men do. They wanna know that the guy developed attachment to her due to her special characteristics, rather than just "HEY A LADY! I LOVE YOU!"
Wow. I agree a couples health goals should be compatible. But using superficial examples to justify your choice... makes you superficial. You didn't lay out any non superficial reason that you were with her or not with her. If things were that superficial with you, then you will ultimately get dumped just like those other guys you mention, your living on that same plane!
Long term relationships have to be more than "what other people do/judge/say, " they are something you build entirely separate from all the bullshit out there. Once you live in that world, breakups are born out of different stuff
I don't know what you told your detractors but this is the real clincher:
"I did try to invite her to go to gym with me. Several times. I tried to be polite about it. It all ended when she said I'm not entitled to manage her body"
Those that berate you, do they know this is how it happened? Maybe they think you just one day said "lol, get out of here fatso". Not that there's even any of their business.
Furthermore, is it she that's spreading a smear campaign on you to the people you both know? That's also another story. In that case, it's her spreading misinformation about how the breakup actually happened.
I'm sorry about your situation but a bit depending on which, I'm not sure this really exemplifies "A guy's not allowed to have standards".
I don't think it's wrong to have standards at all, male or female. Especially since you're actively going to the gym and paying attention to your health while she's not making any effort, even though you invited her to go along with you. It just seems lazy. We all want our partners to improve our life, not bring us down and her not going to the gym isn't very motivating for you. If you stayed with her, she would just weigh you down and your life wouldn't improve at all
It's only unacceptable to fatties. I personally don't mind too much if my partner puts on a little bit of weight espicially after a baby but there's nothing worse than a partner who eats themselves overweight or obese.
I did the same a few years ago when I was with a woman who started out thin and sexy but within 18 months had gotten as big as a buffalo. Two years later she made a point of filling herself up when she had gotten thin again " to show me what I was missing" but I didn't need to be shown what I was missing as i had dumped her fat ass because i was missing it.
It's one think to reject someone you don't know yet for physical reasons. But once you have fallen in love with someone and you can just easily throw them away because they put on a few pounds makes you seem heartless. I don't think you could have loved her.
If people want to break up
They can break up
Period
Well if a person in a relationship let's themselves go, it shows they don't care about their partner as much as they use to. Why should anyone stay in that type of relationship. You can't blame they guy for ending a relationship that was to some extent already over, because she stopped caring. Additionally, physical attractiveness is a big part of any relationship, and if you don't feel it you can't really be happy in the relationship.
you are correct pink michae, very true and a beautiful comment, you stole words from my mouth, I have been trying to convey this, a lot of people who are supporting this guy are heartless
You could say the same for most divorces. People fall out of love for all sorts of reasons. I have a friend who divorced her husband of 17 years because he wasn't paying down the debt as fast as she'd like and she felt like she'd go farther in life on her own. What I'm getting at is that love is fleeting. People fall out of love all the time.
People give up to easy now. What if she was going threw something like a depression or even just stress causing her to not focus as much on her appearance? Plus we aren't perfect. Just because we let ourselves go a little one way doesn't mean we don't care about our partner if we show in many other ways we do. Actually I think he did her a favor by leaving because he sounds like one of those people that can't adapt to change and needs a woman that will be perfect for him. Which doesn't exist which is why people like that end up in a revolving door of relationships.
@AlbanianYoungLady. No one said he couldn't break up. He did her a favor.
@Shezadi. Thank you😊
Personally, I don't care you broke up with your girl for getting fat. Obviously that's not the whole story. For all we know you tried to workout the situation and it didn't improve. Blah blah doenst matter. Ultimately you lost attraction for her and the relationship fell through.
I'm just curious what made you think it was a good idea to vocalize that was the reason to everyone around you lol.
If that was a breaking point for a relationship for me I would just say I'm not feeling it anymore, I don't feel the same way, I feel like the attraction is gone in the relationship. Something else that is true, but would'nt eviscerate her lol. But just a straight up, "you're fat. Hoof it bitch" is obviously just hurtful lol.
I mean isn't it better to say what's wrong so that the person knows what's the reason and what to change/improve?
@immortaldolphin
That's part of what I prefaced my answer with. That I'm sure there's more to the story that we don't know. Like him trying to help her get in better shape and so on. That's just assumed.
Its not as cut clean and as extreme as you make it out to be. What you did was wrong in a sense that you were engaged in a romantic relationship which at least socially, is deemed as a connection between more than whats on the skin. If you broke up because she was getting fat, it also has implications that her looks were bigger factor to you than what her as a person, so the reaction you got is "understandable." As far as the standard thing goes, you are allowed have one and I believe in having standards but there's not too many details where I can support your action here. Maybe you've warned her? had a talk with her that you'd like to see some sort of discipline in her as person? cleared out what you're expecting in the relationship?
I think the “monstrosity” in it is that you were already with her. Loving the inside of a person is somehow the “universal standard”. However, it’s better for her not to be with you if you don’t feel attracted to her anymore... you would have ended up cheating on her sooner than later.
I would like to think that you broke up with her after trying different (loving) ways to motivate her to lose the weight she gained.
It’s ok to not start to date someone because of the things you listed. So if you don’t think she’s tall enough for your liking let’s say then move on and find someone else. (Still rude but your choice)
BUT. Leaving her because of it is unacceptable. You do know that as people get older they get wrinkles, gain weight, don’t look as good. So no matter what your girlfriend will end up doing that. Did you ever think that maybe you made her feel so bad about her body that she was over eating/ eating junk food because of her low self esteem. If you really loved her then gaining even 50 pounds shouldn’t change how you feel about her. When you get a beer belly, start balding, get grey hair and start to get wrinkles, I hope a woman leaves you.
A man is supposed to settle for any loser who likes him because he's lucky any woman would have him. We don't get to be selective lest we be labeled "shallow," "arrogant," "afraid of commitment," or any of the other bogus charges going around. Why is it that nobody is addressing that she clearly didn't respect or care about herself, let alone you. If she did, she'd have plenty of excellent reasons for staying in shape. But she didn't, so now she's gotta get in shape, or hunt down a chubby chaser. Look at the bright side. Good luck finding a woman with self respect who also genuinely respects and appreciates men.
I will be honest here... Get ready
First of all, you sound very strict and extreme in what you have done, if I have a girlfriend that was getting out of shape I would support her and accept it because our bodies will eventually change anyway.
Second of all, yes most women would have one shallow standard that will end up making them look completely bad.
Third, men do have standards, but we are more accepting and we don't bother as much as women do when it comes to that.
Fourth, I hope you didn't end up hurting the girl, because if you only dumped her for that reason only, it will make you shallow as the women you are talking about.
Fith, you ex might have been having issues or health problems that have led to that wieght gain, haven't you thought of that? If she is really your girlfriend you should have stood by her instead of making it worse.
Anyway you are free to do what you want, just don't hurt others at least.
Yes that's the way
@Q-tip-boy thanks bro
It's okay to have standards, I'm definitely not going to go up to a girl who is overweight, or uses drugs, or has mental health issues and ask her out. That being said though, it seems that your relationship wasn't very deep. Because love is not about accepting someone for who there are, it's about caring for them. Even if it means getting angry at them. If I found out my sister was selling herself, or my dad had a drinking problem. I'd be livid with them. I'd tell them that they are idiots, and that they are wasting the life they've been given.
Loving someone means that you want them to be the best version of themselves, no matter the odds.
I think you saved both the trouble. You're free to pursue your fitness expectations and her... whatever she likes.
If the reason for the break up was as simple as that, there weren't probably real feelings on your part. Or hers. You guys were losing your time.
I don't think it's unacceptable at all. I personally think it's important to take care of yourself. My boyfriend is 21, and from quite a wealthy, archaic family, and they have very high standards. I'm quite a bit younger, but in his family including him, they want me to look a certain way, and go to an Oxbridge university like he is. I am okay with that. The same way that I want to be with someone who is successful and attractive. Do what you believe is right.
Your boyfriend is 21 and your 16? That ain't right
^Happens all the time.
No. If you dated her and then dumped because of something that she can’t control like mental or physical illinesse to reject her after that then yes you’re an asshole. But what bothered you more wasn’t just her being overweighted but the fact that she doesn’t put efforts to stay attractive for you and it’s your right to be mad about that, if you workout. If she want to stay fat and lazy then she just have to date another fatso like her.
Breaking up w someone for gaining weight doesn't equate to having standards. If you actually loved her, you would just talk to her about it kindly.
xx
~ Mrs Manson