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Why is it unacceptable for guys to have standards? (Page 3)
Anonymous
(25-29) 
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If you tried to motivate and help her and she refused and continued to gain weight, then no you are not a "monster." People don't realize that the weight thing is not just a physical attraction... it demonstrates laziness (unless a medical problem) and who wants to date a lazy partner? Later in life you will have to deal with way more medical issues and could become deep in debt because of it. However, if you just said screw it and dumped her without trying to help her or whatever... then I can understand some of those peoples reactions.
I used to have a nice body. I lost 60 pounds. I gained a lot of weight from stress and problems in my life. My boyfriend has been supportive. I've been working out everyday for three months, no progress but I'm not determined to stop.
I feel it isn't your fault if you left her because she gained weight. She wasn't willing to workout with you or for her own health which is her decicison but a very unhealthy choice.
My boyfriend told me he is glad that I've been working out to be healthy and feel better about myself. He feels if I became obesed or really large and refuse to lose weight then he would be very sad because it's like I stopped caring about myself and he would leave. So I understand whetr you're coming from.
Sure, it's her body and you can't force her to workout if she doesn't want to. You have different standards and that's fine too which is better if you left than stayed with someone who you're not attracted to.
I don’t see the problem at all. You have standards, that’s extremely acceptable and anyone who thinks otherwise is closed-minded and too sensitive. I have been in the exact same situation and I will not apologize for it, ever. I want to surround myself in positivity, and people who want to take care of themselves and their health. I don’t see the issue with it.
That is bad tbh but you’re probably too young for relationships. Sometimes it takes time.
The relationship is based on love, and if you love someone they can gain weight or lose some, you’ll still love them! So chances are you didn’t really love her.
I don’t really agree. Sure, the emotional part is really important in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean that we should completely dismiss the physical appearance of our partners.
And if you love a person you will maintain your physical appearance for them. 😎
When you love someone you see them more beautiful than they are and you accept them for who they are. If you are with them because of how they look like, it’s not love, it’s lust/crush. I mean if you don’t feel the love for her it’s obvious more fair for you to leave her as it most likely won’t work out. Relationship is based on love, trust and understanding. You can convince her into working out to be healthy but for the looks man... that ain’t love it’s attraction. I am not saying I would date someone I don’t find attractive but if I’ve been with someone for a long time and they gained weight. I’ve been loving them all this time, it’s not going to stop... but that’s me
Hasn’t it ever happened to you that you were so in love with someone and after you fell out of it you asked yourself what was the reason for you liking her in the first place.
I don't think it's so much standards but more what you like in the opposite sex. I've rejected women who were objectively attractive because for some reason I like short, pale, pasty brunettes with smaller boobs. But most people don't like rejection so I get the whole ""What? Are you gay?"
But at the same time a lot of people are prone to letting themselves go once in a relationship, it's kinda normal but a lot of people realise what they're doing and sort it. It's when they don't sort it that you have grounds to leave them if you so wish because it's more than likely a behaviour pattern that they're repeating over and over. I had a friend that did this, when he ended up single he'd hit the gym cut off all the fat and sort himself out and as soon as he was in a committed relationship again he'd stop. Every time.
I think what you did is fine, as long as you gave her the chance to change. If she didn't change even tho you told her about it, its more then okay. Id do the same.
I mean if you didn’t give her a chance to work out and lose weight and just decided to leave her then that’s kinda fucked loool. But if you told her and she didn’t wanna change then oh well🤷🏾♀️ you tried, on to the next 🤣
I think its fine that you broke up with her because she gained weight.
I agree that if you stay in shape and try to be healthy, that you should be able to date someone who has the same values as you!
Also, no one wants to date someone that they're not attracted to!
And if someone lets themselves go, that means that they haven't got very much self respect & don't care about their health. But on the other hand, she could have been going through some emotional issues at the time.
I'd never break up with my boyfriend just because he put on a few pounds. Wtf? How does him getting fat change anything about how much I love him?
I don't think that you breaking up with her had anything to do with having standards. Like honestly, if physical appearance is such a big deal you could just talked to her and explain your feelings instead of just breaking up
i myself do think you should at least take care of yourself.
Nah you'll lose interest in him. Its okay to criticize, because that's how people make themselves better
@SpinachMan yeah. Then criticize. Talk to your partner instead of just breaking up. If it only takes your partner to gain a few pounds for you to lose interest in them, it wasn't a real relationship to begin with. Trust me, if you actually love a person then it'll take a lot more than minor physical changes to make you break up
Good that you broke up with her because she doesn't deserve someone as shallow as you.
1. Not because everyone is doing it, it's right.
2. Changes especially physical changes, is guaranteed in life. You too may get fat and will surely look older in the future (i only hope your future girl won't ditch you for it)
3. She can lose those pounds, be more attractive than ever and may find a more decent guy who would take her for everything she is.. not just for how much she weighs.
exactly!!!
It is acceptable for guys to have standards, but I don't think it's acceptable for anyone to have this kind of standards, I mean, everyone can do what ever they want to, but I don't think that it's a reason to break up with someone. your girlfriend shouldn't be afraid that if she gain pounds you'll break up with her. And in my opinion, if you do, it means you didn't love her enough in the first place
Getting rejected for something before any relationship exists is different from getting rejected in an existing relationship. In the first instance you are owed no particular kindness. In the second instance you are.
That said, you are free to keep or dismiss a relationship for any reason you like. It's nobody else's business. If you don't want a fatty it's your choice.
Of course everyone is entitled to and expected to have standards, but why didn't you try to help her lose weight? Even if she didn't want to or couldn't, that wasn't a fair reason for breaking up with her, and the examples of your friends getting turned down are also ones where I think they were treated unfairly.
People are not obligated to stay in a relationship
@AlbanianYoungLady: That's correct, but what does it say about your character to a future partner if you got out for frivolous reasons. If I met a girl who told me that she recently broke up with her boyfriend because he gained weight, I probably would not pursue her any further even though that wouldn't be applicable to me because I would infer that she is not someone who would fight through adversity and also that she is a shallow person.
I think you have the right to break up with her. You are no longer happy with her because she is fat. You are in shape so it’s only right if she was in shape too. She could of put the effort and go workout with you !!! Now move on and find a girl
Because only girls can have standards haven’t you figured that out by now?
Almost all the girls here saying you suck one way or another yet they’ll justify the fuck out of their standards like he better make more money than her. The equivalent of this is if a guy lost his job or he’s broke and statistically that happens more.
“I don’t date broke guys”. “He lost his job? Why are you still with him?
*girls high fiving in the background*. You do you man if she stopped caring for herself then YOU should stop caring for her
I just read the part where they got rejected for height or penis size
double standards at its finest. society also only cares for girls feelings more too
You started dating her when she was slimmer I’m assuming so it makes sense why you’re not attracted anymore otherwise you would’ve dated her the size that she is today. It sounds like you did try to help her out. She could be going through something but if she’s not helping herself then you shouldn’t have to stay with her. If you were older and had a marriage and family it would be a different scenario but you’re young and not obligated to be tied down.
Anyone can have standards. They just need to make sense. If you take your fitness seriously then it’s fine for you to expect someone else to. It’s unrealistic standards that bother me... fat men who expect skinny women and ugly broads who expect a gorgeous man.
There are "must haves" and "I'm ok" with's and everyone is different. One of your must haves is the other person takes care of themselves physically. Nothing wrong with that and wrong of other people to project onto you their value system. Good of you to draw the line quickly.
you may discover more must haves or they change over time as you experience other people and tradeoffs, but that's part of life discovery.
Oh... I actually think it is attractive when a man has some standards and doesn't just go for whatever girl out there.
Just bare looks isn't probably the best standard though... But I guess not wanting to take care of your body counts as another story. It's not about being superficial, it's much more.
Nah man, you're okay to have standards, some are just more lenient with others, such as myself. I get a pump at least 4 times a week, I have a whole schedule to go through. My girlfriend doesn't go to the gym at all either. She has put on a few pounds since last year, but she is older than me, and I just don't care that much about it. I tease her from time to time, but it's playful, and she teases me about having muscle but no brain, which is also playful too. The one thing though is that her friends have asked her the same spiel on if I care about her weight, and she does get offended a little, but that's her friends. Besides, no one can resist the THICC.