Why do girls have to act like they are not interested when they are?

Question

I feel like a lot of the time, when I’m trying to make conversation with a girl most of the time they can’t carry on a the conversation so I take that as a hint there not interested, but a lot of the time I will find out threw a friend they thought I was very cute and they were interested.. like why do we always have to play mind games about this stuff?

kxera · Accepted Answer

Women can act disinterested for many reasons.

Common Reasons Include:
- Afraid of rejection
- Wants to focus on her career/education
- Want's to weight out sincerity
- Don't want to get hurt / led on
- They enjoy "the chase"

If I act disinterested in a guy I like, it's may be because I am nervous or unsure if he likes me and don't want to make the situation awkward if it's not mutual. However, in almost every situation that I have acted uninterested in is when I was trying to focus on life outside of dating and didn't want to get hurt or caught up in a guy.

Regarding your question:
You stated "when I’m trying to make conversation with a girl most of the time they can’t carry on a the conversation so I take that as a hint there not interested." I don't think this is a women pretending to be disinterested all the time. With technology, most people literally just don't know how to hold a conversation. We are so used to be being "connected" online, that we forget to disconnect and have an actual human interact. This has led to increased anxiety and nervousness. The girl (s) could just be really nervous and trying not to say something stupid.

Ellie-V · Accepted Answer

It’s not a mind game (most of the time). Girls can be just as clueless and dumb as boys. You’re not the only ones with social problems 😂
Also, a lot of times girls will choose to keep their excitement to themselves for the sake of not overdoing it.
People in general just lack balance, that’s all.

Blightly · Accepted Answer

You brought up asking girls a million questions and it feels like an interview - I feel the same way. I don't ever understand it, 1 word responses, no ability to flip the question and ask me the same exact question, no ability to respond to my questions in any level of detail. Very confusing, very frustrating, I don't wanna be negative about it but a simple conversation can be irritating even if I don't like the girl. Basic conversation skills for some of them are nonexistent. When girls do this, on top of possibly ignoring me, I assume they hate me for some unbeknownst reason to me. I've asked others about it, some think its a respect thing, some think its a "girls are just shy" thing, some think they're in the belief I'm hitting on them when I'm not, i can't tell. Certainly not a problem I have with dudes.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Girls sneer at guys for being afraid to approach them and take a shot but they themselves are terrified of rejection. Therefore girls opt for "plausible deniability". That way they can deny they were ever interested if he isn't or is only interested for quick sex/one night stand. Therefore the signals they send are really vague. Also you can blame Rom-Coms which they seem to think are documentaries. Most Rom-Coms have women rejecting men until he wins them over. They internalize this and think they have to be aloof and hard to get. They are wrong of course-bitchy is bitchy and not attractive

ChronicThinker · Answer

Those girls are just fucking immature. I don't do that shit.

AlienParasite · Answer

Maybe they are not good at having a conversation. There are many people who can't hold a conversation properly, I know people who can't hold a conversation with anyone even if they are interested to meet that person. It's like a curse. Poor people.

I don't know, if I like a lot a person I try not to answer immidiately just to avoid looking desperate but I would always answer back or start conversation. I just can think those girls are either bad at social skills or either afraid of starting a relationship/hookup/whatever.

Resevoir315 · Answer

All girls are different, I am speaking from experience. I knew 2 girls that liked me who had very similar personalities.

Girl #1 could hold eye contact with me until I looked away, but would have trouble keeping the conversation going if nobody else was there or if I didn't take charge.

Girl #2 is able to keep a conversation going for hours on end without and trouble at all. If you see where I'm going with this, she would get nervous and look away if I made hard eye contact with her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's my point... Some girls can't keep a conversation going, but it doesn't mean they're not interested. I don't know your situation, but there may be other ways that she is showing she is interested. That or she just actually isn't interested.

And some girls will stray from eye contact if they're interested, but at the same time some won't. For me to be able to tell you if a girl was interested in you, I'd need to know the girl on a personal level

psm357 · Answer

I think some girls do act like they are not interested, but that is only during the very beginning, when she does not know whether the guy likes her or not. It is a kind of defence mechanism, because if girl goes around and tell all the guys she like that she likes him, then it is ultimately going to attract unwanted attention. So she acts uninterested, and let the guys who are interested to approach her, and from these guys who approach her, she selects the guy that she is most interested.

However, by the time the guy has shown interest, the girl will generally show back sign of interests to the guy if she is genuinely interested in him.

ShoeGirl24 · Answer

For me it’s about rejection. Many times in the past I have shown interest in a guy & he’s made me think he feels the same but then he rejects me. I’ve had guys tell me that me showing interest too soon put them off me. So now I feel like I can’t show that I’m too keen because I worry it’s going to make a guy not like me so much! Some guys like to have a bit of a chase & some girls like to be chased a bit I guess.

goodgirlsarebadgirls · Answer

I mean if they’re making it hard to have a conversation that sucks move on. But as a girl I will say I tend to air on the side of cautious when dating. Its all from insecurity. When dating I have had more success when a guy chases me than when I try to go for a guy. Cause of that I like to analyze and have an idea that the guy likes me before I start coming out of my shell and going for it. It’s usually not on purpose. I’ve also had guys do it to me.

Texas_born · Answer

Some women like to play games. Others may do it just for the thrill of being "chased"
As for myself, I just avoid the guy I like all together. I've never been good at flirting or expressing to a guy my feelings for him. It's easier for me to just shut him out.

naijagurl · Answer

For me it’s the fear of rejection. For quite a while I had a feeling the guy I like didn’t like me back (even though I had proof that he most likely did) so I made sure not to make it obvious that I like him. Eventually we just talked about it and we’re together now so I guess it all worked out in the end. There are many other reasons though. She could be shy or she genuinely may not be able to hold conversations well.

LMNOP123 · Answer

What? If I'm interested in a guy I'm very obvious about it. If I'm not, well, I'm sure you get the idea. I have no idea where you'd get this from.

The closest thing I could think of that I used to do similar to this is ignore the guy completely. This was like back when I was in my teens and tweens. I was extremely ridiculously shy and afraid to let him know at all. I was afraid to let anyone know. I just totally hid it away.

rosesarepink_ · Answer

I know he likes me and I like him too but I act like I’m not interested... why? Because I’m shy... also, if a girl likes you she won’t be as playful around you as she is around other guys because she doesn’t really care what the other guys think about her but she cares about your opinion on her

FreshOutaIdeas · Answer

Childish immaturity and entitled insolence, pushed by hundreds of years of Christian chivalry and modern feminist dogma, have created chicks that are simultaneously afraid of opening up to guys they're attracted to, and yet want the guys to "prove" themselves to them.

Gross.

Salsacumbia · Answer

Its a shy thing and crush, and me i like to be extremely sure and very sure that he is really into me than me making a fool of myself and saying the wrong thing to the guy who is showing some interest in me. Nothing personal really, just testing the guy to see if there's a connection between us or not or just friendship only or nothing at all. My own opinion, no one needs to agree with me.

BeMuse · Answer

Because they don't want to act over eager... A lot of times the more attractive you are also, the more they hold back because they don't want to feed your ego. There's nothing worse than a girl who wants to explode in laughter that is trying her hardest to hold it in just to not give in...

PastelPinkCherry · Answer

When I like someone I always try and look at him as much as I can but if he catches me staring i get really nervous because he just like spotted me staring so I’m really careful and try not to make him notice. What if he thinks I’m weird? I guess maybe that is what happens

smilebrightly · Answer

I don’t make eye contact if he is going to strong by literally staring at my face for a long period of time. I wouldn’t make eye contact because I would think that’s Creepy and if he was serious I would let him talk to me. People tell me I’m kinda intimidating and have a strong presence so I get why people are scared to approach

JjBb91 · Answer

Girls willing to admit it or not are much more fragile than a man and they don't want to show any sign of weakness so that would be why they act that way how guys if you're smart he'll pick up on that and you'll maneuver it to your benefit you'll make her feel comfortable she will open up she will tell you remember everything with tact and respect

Purple_Babe14 · Answer

Some girls like to play hard to get because sometimes when you show a guy you're interested everytime you are, they might take you either for desperate or think you're easy. Its not always playing mind games.

leMadPotterHattress · Answer

I think that's because they don't know if you like them back, so they don't want to risk the embarrassment of rejection. Then there are some of us who are introverts / avoidant social / just completely blind to signals lol

Browneye57 · Answer

It's a test. They're trying to get you to pursue them. If can't or won't, then you're not worthy of their interest.
Google this: shit-tests, shit testing, shit test

A lot of all these dynamics are explained here: www.therationalmale.com

Lolli2 · Answer

I certainly don't try to come off disinterested, but I may come across that way because I am shy and also because I don't want to appear clingy or get my feelings hurt, so I am probably a bit cautious around guys that I am interested in. But I never feign disinterest, and I do take initiative when I think there's a good chance he is interested too.

RhythmAndHues · Answer

Who says it's mind games? Maybe he or she is shy or bashful or something. You also can't expect to just have things told to you. Courtship is exploration homie. Ask questions be involved Don't just go places and spend money. There's no harm in "I'm curious, how do you feel about me?" Wish you the best!

Anonymous · Answer

It may not be mine games it may just be they are shy or insecure in themselves then when you start to back away they notice and mention it to there friends.

Unless you are straight out with them and tell them what you want it may be as I said above if not then they just like to be chased

demonics · Answer

1. Ambiguity and plausible deniability. If she doesn't know you enough yet she can say you're ugly and terrible in front of her friends when news comes out that dude has super AIDS and eats babies.
2. Lowers their sexual marketplace value to be 'aggressive' and forthright.
3. They get off on being pursued and worshipped.

loveslongnails · Answer

They want you to chase them, pursue them, fight for their interest. Of course, there's no guarantee that just because they act not interested it means they really ARE interested either. You never know, so you can either pursue and find out, or act not interested yourself and make them pursue YOU !! Or not... just cut through the bullshit and ask a girl out if you like her.

Pejtu · Answer

Playing hard to get is a bad idea , its not about chasing and mind games and excitement any more
If she / he plays hard to get its just manipulation that does not work any more because the chaser will see that as "not interrested" so he find quickly look for somebody else , so dont do that

_destiny14 · Answer

A lot of girls don't realize they are looking to be "not interested" when they are, and we try to play it cool and make it seem like we are not as nervous as we are. Not all girls are like this though. Just keep it cool and don't get defensive if she doesn't like you.

aaronbw · Answer

I am not 100 percent on this thought, but perhaps it could be they want you to chase after them to really see if you do want them. Also it could be they dont really know how to talk to a guy or you personally. I've heard women say it's hard to talk to a guy, but it's also hard to talk to a woman, it's hard all around lol.

Myk13 · Answer

You make it sound more like they are nervous or shy. Which means that she is interested to some level. If she is not interested. She would probably be more likely to ignore you or be short with you in a, for lack of a better term, slightly mean kinda way.

Lorna71 · Answer

We just as in the dark as men when it comes to"knowing" if someone likes us, it is a survival mechanism protecting the heart, so best to be cool right 😁

nojokecarmichael · Answer

Those aren't mind games, maybe they're shy or nervous. Have you ever thought of that? Also a lot of guys are trash, so I'd do it to make sure I don't look like a fool and to make sure they're genuinely interested.

Anonymous · Answer

Girls act uninterested when they really are interested because they're fucking retarded and they think that playing hard to get is cute.

May I suggest that you shift your focus to women instead of girls?

Age doesn't make her a woman. I knew chicks in high school who were women as teenagers. I now know chicks in their fucking 40s who are still girls and haven't become women.

Anonymous · Answer

it's not immature and it's not uncommon. some people do it because they are shy or embarrassed of showing interest. just because someone thinks you are hot doesn't mean they want you. they might be too awkward to make a move or maybe they didn't think it would work out for whatever reason.

butcherscoconutoil · Answer

Its not always a mind game. Some girls are just shy or dont act themselves when around someone they like. For example sometimes when I am talking to a crush I will either start blabing uncontrollably or my head will be comepleetly empty and I won't know what to say because I'm nervous.

vannefftor · Answer

Sometimes girls are too indecisive to be bothered in any realistic sense, but additionally, examine your own character and see how security you re with yourself. Sometimes a woman's kindness/ courtesy is misunderstood as flirting bc the guy is too insecure to differentiate flirting from a hospitable woman. You'll know the difference when a girl is actually into you - especially if you've ever taken a relationship serious before

BatmansWife · Answer

The fear of rejection, shy, anxiety, no knowing if he likes her too. Not many people can read body language or signs. For me, I'd rather a guy be straight up but I understand that it's the same for him; shy, etc.

morimeme1 · Answer

Hate to break it to you but there are a lot of people incapable of actually holding up a conversation, both guys and girls, for me that in itself is a deal-breaker.

evm987 · Answer

If I'm interested, I'm also very nervous and terrified of embarrassing myself, so I often end up acting very awkward and stand-offish. This isn't necessarily the case for all girls, but for me, it's completely unintentional

Anonymous · Answer

Most time if I act disinterested it is because I am! If I am interesting I will smile, eye contact, etc. But I will not push it even if I am interested, I will still try to let the guy follow the lead and not give more than what he is giving me in terms of interaction.

LNight01 · Answer

I start feeling shy and can't keep eye contact with their faces. I will keep talking to them and try to keep eye contact cause I know it's rude (and probably send the wrong signal that I'm not interested) but... I guess it depends on the girl if they're playing hard to get or not.

emmily2396 · Answer

Because I am afraid of rejection and showing too much interest when I am not sure about yours puts me in a vulnerable position. You can just be friendly. Just because you strike a conversation with woman, it doesn't mean she will assume you like her.

CerealLovingGirl · Answer

AH OK i have had a crush twice the first was the lorax and the second was this one really tall black haired guy in 6th grade which left the school. I couldn't talk to him normally. I couldn't look him in the eye. ITS TERRIBLE.

Anonymous · Answer

Because girls and women never have to develop good communication skills in dating, it’s all on the dude to be confident and a smooth talker, a women can be awkward and can’t carry a conversation and it doesn’t matter men will date them nonetheless but if a guy is awkward and unable to carry on a conversation they can’t date, so men are forced to learn these skill women are not

Lish89 · Answer

Not me... if the guy gets the courage to come up to you then he deserves five minutes of your attention. I always engage in a conversation and be straight with them after I've had a chance to at least speak with them.

ChloeInABun · Answer

Girls who get attention have to be careful with who they give attention to sometimes so they don't accidentally lead someone on and end up hurting them. They don't know you and there are many obsessive guys out there.

courtney06 · Answer

If he persistently shows interest and I am also interested, then I don’t play games. If I have shown interest and he doesn’t reciprocate, then I tone it down and make myself look less interested to protect my feelings.

ManicHearts · Answer

I have ASD, so even when I'm interested in someone I still avoid eye contact. I love my boyfriend but still struggle maintaining eye contact with him. Some people can't hold eye contact. As for pretending your not interested, it could be because A). They just aren't, they might not want anyone atm. B). They might just like to tease and see how far they can push you. Each girl is different.

Rissa95 · Answer

I've found you have to somewhat act disinterested or else you're not a challenge to him anymore, he wants to earn you by chasing you and that works best if you don't act too sold on him, it kills the attention for him.

Itssssonlyyymeee · Answer

It really depends on the person. I for one am very shy so I am like this with everyone BUT more obvious when I think the guy is cute. It’s jot trying to hide interest. It’s more like trying to hide shyness. If that makes any sense.

candycanehearts · Answer

I think like if im embarrased or im not sure if they like me or theyre cute but im not sure if i like them i would do that which is probably rlly annoying

ychiu · Answer

Honestly, I have done the same. I actually pretend that I am not interested in my crush in front of him because I am insecure about whether or not he likes me. Right now we are friends. But I think they just like to play hard to get too, meaning if you are pursing them that is.

Babsie1984 · Answer

I’ve foolishly done it before but not on purpose. It was nerves! I liked the guy so much that the only think I could competently do was ask disinterested 🤷🏼‍♀️

lindazilbert23 · Answer

depends on their age, I'd say it's more typical for younger girls to do that. with age and experience, you don't want to waste your time on playing games

azzntittiz · Answer

I don't actually do that if I don't respond it is because I am not interested, tired or have a lot on my mind. I now wish I had played more games with men because men are the biggest gamers in dating.

anonymous0000 · Answer

I come off as not being interested a lot because I literally cannot pull off small talk + I have social anxiety so i'm very quiet until we know each other so well that I start opening up more. But if I am interested in someone I try to make an effort to stay in contact everyday, if i'm not interested I won't do that though.

Zannika02 · Answer

Some people suck at convo but i feel like self esteem plays into it too. But i opposite of this i will show my interest, life is too short let's flirt lol

dsgaboy · Answer

They wanna be chased in order to see how interested you are in them. I know men don't do this and see women doing this as she isn't interested. WOMEN ARE CRAZY AND THEY ALL HAVE SNAKES IN THEIR HAIRS

BoomerK · Answer

To a degree women want to know if the man is serious about his intentions. Its apart of proving himself because not every man can be with that woman.

I. e. try harder./hunt more

1 no means maybe
1 maybe means yes
1 yes means she's easy
3 hard no's mean's fucking stop and move on

tony_baloney · Answer

Sounds like you're either reading body language inaccurately or maybe these particular women were shy

mags23 · Answer

We are honestly scared of rejection, and we are oblivious sometimes. If we don't know for sure that you like us we will most likely pretend we don't have feelings.

ncityygirlc · Answer

I guess it has to also do with self-esteem issues or uncertainty to if the other person might be interested back.

Why do girls have to act like they are not interested when they are?

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