I chase her, she ignores me. I ignore her, she chases me. Make sense of this?

Question

So I met this girl at a party a few weeks ago. My gut feeling was that we instantly liked each other. A few days later she managed to get my number and texts me to say how much she enjoyed my company. At that point I wanted to ask her out, but the quarantine just got started and a date was out of the question. So I begun texting her.

At first it seems we had a connection and nice conversation, but shortly after she appeared to lose interest. She's very polite and always responds my messages, but often conversations don't last as she says she's busy with X or Y activity (from what she told me, aside from work she's got LOTS of hobbies).

So I figured she's not really into me and moved on. But every time I spend a few days without texting her, she's the one who gets in touch with me, often with a short message to ask how am I doing, etc. The weird thing is, if when this happens I try to engage in conversation she will often become evasive again (sometimes immediately, or maybe after 1 day or so) . This cycle repeated like 3 or 4 times already.

Honestly I don't know what to make of this. It feels to me like a roller-coaster. Any advice? What would you suggest doing?

Dongtai · Accepted Answer

Maintaining a connection with someone like that is hard to do purely through text. Not everyone likes to text. I personally don’t like to text girls I just met too often. If I text them it’s usually to invite them out on a date. It saves a lot of time.

If you’ve never asked her out or told her you want to take her out, she might be trying to drop hints without actually saying it. A lot of girls will do this for some reason. They’ll show signs of interest without explicitly saying they’re interested.

From what I hear this has been going on for a week or so if you’ve had time to stop texting her for a few days at a time and gauge her responses. That’s a lot of time for someone to wait to see if a guy will ask her out or come out and say he likes her.

So it is possible she’s “losing” interest or patience but not for reasons you might think. She might think you’re not interested in her. You have to remember why she went through the trouble of
A.) Getting your number
B.) Reaching out to you
C.) Telling you why
D.) Reaching out multiple times after you stopped texting her

Are your text conversations friendly or flirty by nature? If you had to pick one, which are the conversations more like? Because if they’re mostly friendly then she might get the impression you aren’t interested

MrNameless · Accepted Answer

I don't know honestly. I don't think the quarantine situation would make her less likely to be talking to you, especially with the added free time (unless she is an essential worker).
She could be talking to someone else, who knows.
With texting early on (when the connection hasn't been established) its very easy and convenient to stop conversations and make excuses, and you are more likely to lose interest faster as well.

I'd say, give her a call and see whats up. It's a lot more intimate and she's less likely to be rude

greengoddess666 · Accepted Answer

Could be a number of things she could be hurt from a past relationship and she's scared because she likes you I don't know how old you are but I just picked up a hobby of painting and trying to find myself after a narcissistic relationship. Push people away because I'm scared to get hurt again if your gut feeling is telling you that she's into you she probably is. I'd say just take it slow and keep messaging her so you can show her that you really are serious about her do nice gestures don't hit on her don't try and kiss her just hang out with her talk to her get to know her. They don't know why she's so distant. and the term with the roller coaster you should be careful with that because if anyone puts you on a roller coaster ride it will get you addicted to them. And do what you're doing now by posting about her she's already got you hooked. You should look up narcissistic relationships I don't think many people know about them. and there's different types of narcissists the covert and invert so this isn't the kind of person that's so into themselves and things are so beautiful it's so much more. I wish you luck

PeacefulRainDrop · Accepted Answer

I think she's interested but at the same time nervous.. not sure what to think or say due to self isolating so tells you she's going to do this or that so the pressure is off for the conversation on what to talk about and she's interested in you so she keeps checking in but might be afraid with all thats going on you might say hey wanna go to this or that? So she's appearing busy so she doesn't have to reject you cause she sees potential with you.. but wants to go slow cause of the virus

btbc92 · Answer

She wants to be a friend, not more. She is not chasing you, she wants answers about why you ghosted her. Just because a person is polite and sweet that doesn't mean they want what you want. The same with attraction.

_gigi18 · Answer

Just tell her straight up. Call her out and own up to your own game you played. Don't waste your time with this does she like me is she interested? It's all very high school and you're past that. I'm 15 and I don't have time for people who play games whether their platonic friends or interested. If you like me or you want a date just tell me directly so I can turn you down faster.

Babilicious · Answer

I was in same situation 3.5 years back and trust mei after 3 years i got to know the real reason was He already had someone he liked but he was not sure about that pr you can say he knew he will be rejected so he kept me as an option for almost 1.5 year and this shit is not normal... it hurt

Paris13 · Answer

"D" For DAMMIITT!!! The Virus is Getting in the Way of a Yah or Nah!!! 
 Things in Society Here, Dear, Wil be getting even Crazier, So expect Anything Now Somehow. Keep the Texting Going, Even try to Call and All, And hope for the Best from the Rest. xx

ikEVERYTHING · Answer

Well if she also chases you... big chance she likes you... she could just be trying to not seem clingy or seem hard to get. So just be happy she chases you, and if you really see this is annoying you then ask her.. which honestly has worked for me before, although it seems very risky it's always best to just say how you feel and see what she says.

Angel_33 · Answer

Look when some want be you find way, when dont like find way as punished you. People can be lost in she play feelimgs game about manipulating. Things are simple, not make big science from this. Just be yourself myself, not trade yourself as fish at market for best prices. When want be hunt from you use your brain is this way not good for me. In past im see to eays and know when some lie, im say this empathic shine. When woman run away is okey, let she run where want. And live yours life in calm becouse she walk back when be feel is good time for she. Maybe this all is one exam for you. Have smile not be at your face. Smile in your inner. This mine advice to you from mine life.

BlackViking357 · Answer

When I had this issue with some women, it is usually either one of the following things: she requires attention, she is testing you to see how far you get with her, and last but not least... she is conversing with other men and trying to pick who she wants the most. At this point, it is best to just ghost her. A woman that requires that much work to get further is usually not the one you should go after. But, if you wish, continue to keep trying.

sensogal · Answer

When you were texting and had nice conversations, did you clearly show your interest in taking her out on a date if it wasn't for the quarantine? Had she flirted with you or just been friendly? In any case, it looks like she's losing interest for some reason or she's just being friendly.

iVibex · Answer

She is having you as a option for a relationship maybe, and she might be trying to have more options or having more knowledge on her available options, I'd suggest to ask about her personal life as she in a polite manner, and maybe her future plans regarding relationships.

JimmyQ · Answer

Do you have any hobbies in common? Why not try a video chat with her around bedtime. All women, old and young, rich or poor like to be told bedtime stories.

Maybe you are the lucky guy that she'll let tuck her in at night. That's how these things get started. Next it's birthdays and ice cream. Show her that you are not just a casual f.

Dizazzter · Answer

Sorry man, this has nothing to do with the virus. I have run across at least 4 girls like this in my life. For them, it's the chase and attention. You don't give them attention, they want it. You give it, they lose interest. Like I've said, 4 times... not once did it ever go well. I'd move on.

Shubhamgupta · Answer

She is not able to decide whether the to keep talking to or not because when she talks to you she becomes very unsecure about feeling for you may be give her time to choose you by just light messaging her

Honestyyy · Answer

Its no surprise that girls do it. If they know they got you theyll loose intrest and be like oh he was to easy. Then you stop giving them that attention and show them you dont care about them then they start chasing you just so she can get that feeling back of being valued

Juliannaxoxoxo · Answer

I did this with a guy when I wasn’t sure if his feelings for me. It’s a protective mechanism. Just let her know you like her, and WORST case scenario she doesn’t like you back, but wouldn’t you rather have the satisfaction that you tried and it’s not on your hands anymore.

HerLucidNightt · Answer

to me, it's very hard to keep flirting and keep interest during this virus. It's essentially long distance and you don't know if it'll be months until things go back to normal. I hope things work out for you two.

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like but t play hard to get.

You might be not the only one candidate on her list.

She might be bad with texting back.

Corona makes it even worse to decipher.

In case you decide to push her, she might drop you all together...

Just some thoughts, that I decided to share

ecfresh · Answer

Let her know that you are busy and would like to talk on the phone in a few days. Stop trying to have conversations via text.

0rb0nz · Answer

bunch of amateurs. Back off for a few days and when she reaches out, make plans to meet up. If she makes excuses just say ok well i would love to see you and meet up so let me know when your schedule is clear and DO NOT send another message. If a week goes by and she sends a message repeat that line, if she still bruishes you off, put her on ice again. Rinse recycle repeat. after 3 times just say good to hear from you, im busy gotta run, keep in touch.

arabgoddess · Answer

It's hard to tell since she's acting so polite.. Maybe she's hoping you'd tell her that you're interested in her, seems that she's waiting for you to make the move. It Suck of the time we're in!

Finchie40 · Answer

She likes to play hard to get , most girls like that hard to get shit , when you don’t give into them they come crawling to you , why girls are like cats lol

I chase her, she ignores me. I ignore her, she chases me. Make sense of this?

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