She just wants to be friends but talks to me everyday?

[Anonymous]

We went on a date 2 weeks ago, and we finally discussed it and she put me in the friendzone. Thursday and yesterday and she said she still wanted to be friends. Even as of today, she is still sending me texts and Snapchats, although it's a lot fewer since we went out. What do I do? Delete her? I've been down this road too many times, less and less communication until it completely drops off and it becomes awkward. I don't know how I feel about being "just friends" after talking to her all day everyday for almost 2 months.

[btbc92]

The reason why you keep end up in this position is because you are trying to date women for all the wrong reasons. You have to learn to be a friend to a woman first before you even make an attempt to actually be involved with them romantically. Because you don't want to be involved with the wrong kind of people. This is why I always advocate for people to be honest from The Deco, and be willing to actually invest in people. She is willing to be invested in you, but she doesn't see you as somebody that is compatible as a lover. There is nothing wrong with that. Problem is with you guys you constantly trying to force these things onto a woman who may not even really see if it's beneficial. She wants to get to know you, but your the one that is lonely and no partner. But at the same time if she said that she just wants to be friends and that means she wants to take things slow and see if you're compatible then maybe then you can try again. And if not you can still move on to other girls but at least you still got a friend. You have problems developing relationships with women because you don't take the opportunity to do so. Only when it benefits you. I believe in the same thing as she and I get the same nonsense from you men. Why be a lover when you can't even be a friend? Your not going always get what you want. If you want sex and everything so badly, just cut her off and say your only there to date her. Not be a friend. But remember, you'll be either bitter and happy, but you will emotionally an psychologically damage her. And may not trust men again. Until you learn to drop the pride and the selfishness you're going to continue to have these problems. Because if she was so bad why would you bother trying to date her in first place? Think long and hard about that before you decide to get yourself involved with another woman again.

[Asker]

Perhaps I didn't go into enough details. I've been told in the past that the reason I get friendzoned is because I present myself as a friend. After the date, we hugged. I didn't go for a kiss or any extreme measure beyond that. I'm good with taking it slow and being friends but for her to label it as being friendzoned, it's like hey, I like you but you'll never have a chance at a relationship with me. And after we had an honest and respectful conversation, she has all but dropped communication with me other than to keep our snap streak going. We've gone from 100 snaps a day to 2. I'm not going to beg for someone to like me, I have higher standards than that.

[btbc92]

B. S.! either your friends or not. That is toxic and there is nothing wrong with being friends. We so called friendzone you if we don't like you in that way or see compatibility that's it. No amount of timing would have changed that. We can often tell of we want more or not. We are always thinking. Hence why many say we overthonk because it's true.

It's a good thing you never kissed and go beyond boundaries. But it just wasn't meant to be. It's okay. But you have to communicate the issues you have to address, and how you also want to be treated. You people say nothing and always assume. Then when you end up with problems you end up blaming others.

Talk to her. And ask her why she does what she does. Why do you like her and you don't even really know her? Think about it. You people keep going after people like lusting after a new car, video game, etc. We are people, not items.

[btbc92]

Your expecting way to much unrealistically from people. I owe NO man my feelings, body, etc. I need to trust him, his intent, etc. That's the point of being friends. Of your selfish as a person you will only attract selfish people. Girls get hurt becaus eyou guys are here for sexual relationships, but you don't want friendship. Then if you date or get married to us for those same reasons you want to know why some end up disappointed, hate sex and cheat or divorce? Dating is just dating. But you need to tell us what you want. You don't. You send hints and all of that silly mixed message nonsense. Not everybody wants what you want. If she is texting you, and speak to every day that obviously means that she likes you. But you guys keep on thinking it's all the time schedule all this other stuff and that's not true. Keep things innocent. Love blossoms in innocence not lust.

[Asker]

I'm sorry if I've upset you. I don't know of many relationships that have to go through a "test drive" period before one can make a decision on whether they want to be friends or not. I'm not saying to go 100 mph into the relationship, but how slow are we talking? I've known her for almost 2 months and we've been on one date. Do I have to wait another 2 months to see her again?

[Asker]

We talked about doing all sorts of things. Going on small vacations, going four wheeling, going hiking, and she even made the reservations for the dinner we had. But apparently we're moving too fast. Talk about mixed signals.

[btbc92]

The problem is that you're being very selfish for even thinking about how slow is anything or how fast. The point is again you build a relationship. If you're not interested in building a relationship then you're wasting not only your time here wasting hers. What you're talkin about is nothing but pipe dreams. Are you on small vacations no. Are you going 4-wheeling on a drive? No. Did you do any hiking, that I don't personally know but if you have it then I think you already know the answer. It ain't about you moving too fast, the point is is that you're just entertaining each other. That's the problem. If you don't want to entertain each other, then stop with the entertainment and be serious. That's why you be friends first before you even date. Because now you making it about the entertainment. And then when the entertainment is over, you people are angry. I'm not saying it's only just for myself because I'm celibate and I have no interest in dating. I'm saying it for yourself because you people complain about the most basic simple things you should be doing, and then you complain about the things that you do or allow. You only known her for 2 months and you're expecting things to be serious? That is way too soon. You don't even know this girl. There's no such thing as a test drive. You people decide if you want to text and drive in full round or not. But if you don't want to fool around then you can't be playing games.

[btbc92]

No, many relationships do not even do that that's why a lot of relationships and marriages fail damn it because you married one kind of people, you date the wrong kind of people because you had sex and you screw up with the wrong kind of people, that when you get married to the wrong kind of people could you done all the wrong kind of thing, then you're mad about things being what it maybe when it ends up in divorce. That's why I always tell people to think about what kind of life you want to live. Because what you choose to do now is what will affect you in the future and those that you get involved with.

Today is no real mixed signal. You people, meeting you and her and this situation, or just fooling around and playing games. Why in the world would even be talking about a future you are uncertain of? It's just emotions and hormones. It's not real, and you're creating a fantasy. That's how people end up seriously hurt. Until your actually doing something with that person if not even just for yourself, you not getting anywhere in life. Dating is about processing in elimination. It's not about keeping a person. It's weeding out people who are not suitable for you. If you don't want to get weeded out unreasonably, then I highly suggest you think about and re-evaluate how you choose a date people and who you pick for that. That is a point that I am making to you. Choose how you wish to be treated and what your really asking for.

[Asker]

But if she says she wants to be friends and has no intentions of ever seeing me in person again, what's the point in staying friends on Facebook and Snapchat?

[btbc92]

More and likely it's to set boundaries. If she is alone with you, it would get your hopes up. If she was around others, it's creates a sense of safety for her. If she is not really investing in you as a friend, then unless she has a good reasons why, it's not worth investing. You be careful who you invest in.

[KingdomForAKiss]

"We discussed it and she put me in the friendzone." Tell her you have plenty of friends and would like to focus your time on finding a relationship. You don't owe her all of your time and she seems like she's trying to still take it.