Why do girls seek male validation in all the wrong ways and places?

[Puppystarfish23]

I know im no one but i really want to help girls on here from my own past mistakes. I see so many young girls on this site sexulising themselves on here and posting selfies desperate for mens validation purely based on their looks.

Im gonna speak from my own personal experience from when i was abit younger on here on my old account. Please don't judge me im only talking about this so other girls can relate and see why what they are doing is so bad for their mental health and self worth.

Long story short when i was 19, i fell madly in love for the first time with a who broke my heart lots of times and made me feel like i was nothing. Before i met him, i was very shy, modest and insecure. For a while he made me feel good about myself and my confidence sky rocketed but as soon as I'd finished with him it my confidence levels were at zero.

I needed to feel validated again. I told my story about this boy on here on my old account and quickly a guy appeared in my dms. He started off as a friend but then he'd say stuff like this guy who rejected me was "stupid, blind, crazy" etc.

He started telling me i was beautiful and made me feel good again. Soon he started trying to sext with me. I didn't want to do it but in the end he convinced me. I only really did it for him because he'd make me feel good so i thought i should return the favour.

Time went by and things got a lot more romantic between us. He started pushing me into doing cam stuff after me saying no and that i felt uncomfortable many times but he said if he didn't he'd stop speaking to me so i did it because i didn't want him to leave as i was so lonely and i actually thought this was the only kind of relationships i could have with men. Soon i just became his sex object with no feelings to him. We'd fall out all the time and go months without speaking because deep down i knew what i was doing was wrong.

Updates

+1 y

Other boys came along and i started doing similar with them. Id do whatever they told me to do even if I'd said no a couple times before. I just wanted to feel good about myself. But afterwards i just felt dirty and disappointed im myself leading me to hate myself more. Eventually it all got too much and a good friend saved me and he doesn't even know about it. He made me feel good in different ways. He'd tell me i was funny and was a kind person and but i needed to move on from the boy

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+1 y

who broke my heart and find someone new who made me happy. Eventually i did and two years on i couldn't be more happier with my boyfriend. He respects me and tells me he likes my attitude and that i always make him smile as well as making me feel beautiful without taking my clothes off

[Lliam]

I'd call this a MyTake, Puppystarfish23. It's excellent and I hope it helps other girls to understand manipulative behavior.

Guys who do what you described display classic narcissistic behavior. They build a girl up, make her feel cared for and special. Then they begin to manipulate and use her for their own selfish reasons. If she starts balking at their demands or questioning their motives, they become abusive and make her feel like it is she who is at fault.
I think more younger guys do that. Young guys' brains haven't yet developed empathy. They are still self centered.

I am so glad that you found a boyfriend who appreciates the real you and doesn't just play you for his own sexual gratification. You've learned that not all guys are jerks.

Best of luck with your relationship and your continuing life's journey.

[TonyMetal___86]

Well you weren't a smart girl, maybe because you were just a teenager...

Don't you know that a real man will love you and take care of you without asking you to get naked and be his slave!

The only way for a man to see a girl naked and makes sex with him and to become his love forever is by marrying her in the right way and getting the blessing of god to make them one!

I have never used a girl in my life!

We laugh, we joke, we do everything but sex and nudity comes after marriage...

A girl is a lot more than a sex doll, she is made of emotions and feelings, her body is weak so that a man protects her and takes care of her, her heart is big and forgiving so she can out her man inside and always be forgiving, when a man marry a woman she becomes his responsibility, her health and met mental status ans everything else...

[Puppystarfish23]

I actually agree with some of what you said a real man doesn't have to pressure and manipulate young girls to get what he wants and would know better than to do that with a girl much younger than him.

[TonyMetal___86]

Good that you agree with me on something 😏

[Amanda2]

When I did it it was due to my ego. I had an emotionally abusive , emotionally unavailable dad and I tried to get men that were emotionally unavailable to love me to prove to myself that I broke the cycle. It’s trauma bonding, it’s ego trying to prove otherwise, it’s self sabotaging and abusive to yourself. I am no longer attached or attracted to men like this. Why? Because I’ve healed my inner child, I’m no longer addicted to that pattern and the familiarity of it

[AmandaYVR]

Good for you, girl. I'm glad you had this awakening.
You could make this into a mytake and add a bit more to it. As a question it might get a bit buried and lost, but you're saying something important here.
Young women should read this.

[Puppystarfish23]

Thanks im abit shy about talking about it all. I used to have account on here but deleted it at the start of the year because i was going through stuff and this place was getting toxic. I shared my story and tried really hard to expose the men on this site who like to take advantage of mentally ill young women and all i got was hate and in consent trouble with amins. So thank you so much you don't know how much i appreciate your kind words

[AmandaYVR]

You stay strong. I'm happy you have a wiser perspective now.
Yeah, you can't publicly call out anything like that here. Admins called it a 'Member post' and it breaks the rules. YIt's best to warn girls via pm if you see them interacting at all.

Here, read @Lliam response on this q. It's very, very good.
Do You Think "Lack Of Respect" Or "Double Standards" Is The Bigger Issue With Gender Issues These Days? ↗

[Puppystarfish23]

Thanks i did i May take like you suggested

[Puppystarfish23]

My take *

[Knighted2170]

This kind of stuff really makes me upset because for those of us who really want to get to know a girl, we are pushed aside as one of those creepers and not even given a chance.

My advice, don't do anything you don't want to do. Really get to know the person. Ask difficult questions and have those conversations. Watch for inconsistency. If they are honest there won't be any. The message should never change and they won't push you to something you don't want to do.

[LastQueenOfScotland]

You make a lot of really good points and its definitely something that varies from person to person.
It's something I'm worryingly seeing in much younger girls for a multitude of reasons

[IAMNathanael]

Sorry you had to learn that lesson the hard way. Hopefully other girls will take your advice and see to recognize and avoid those problems.