[RANT] Why do most women choose toxic men?

[Blerdsmith19]

I'm not "the nice guy," but I do consider myself to be a focused person. Focused as in someone who's studios, knows what they want to do in the future, and have occasional moments of immaturity/inappropriacy to still be somewhat tease-like to people. And they reciprocate that "teasey" side of me very well. So, basically, I'm not a boring and bland person, nor am I not willing to stand up for myself when times call for it, as some might believe me to be when a question like this is asked. Despite all that, how come women treat me badly and end up with toxic men?

My first girlfriend stopped communicating with me because she was too busy cheating. My second girlfriend broke up with me through text and quickly moved on. (Note, they initiated the relationship by asking me out.) I asked out one of my friends, who rejected me and gave me the silent treatment lasting to this day. One pattern I notice with all these women is that they moved on to toxic relationships. My first girlfriend was abused by her new boyfriend. My second girlfriend went back to her ex and was cheated on, again, twice in fact. And the girl who rejected me ended up with an older guy who cheated on her numerous times with older women, and argued a lot.

I'm not "perfect boyfriend" nor do I laugh at these people's expense, but I do consider myself to be a better candidate than what most women have to put themselves through. Especially women who I know to have pure, good personalities and morals and should receive the opposite of the attention they get now. My friends even approach me and ask for my advice about their toxic boyfriends. One who feels neglected, the other who is abused as well, and one who's been cheated on by two exes. They say "all men are bad," but how about men like me? Am I just meant to be used by women as a "one time fling" and "peacemaker" with no experience of having an actual, healthy and long-lasting relationship for myself?

Updates

+1 y

This question/rant is not meant to blame the women for being in toxic and abusive situations. And, I'm sorry if it does come off like that. Admittedly, I do need to change my perspective on the matter , since manipulation is involved in situations like this. The intent of asking this question is based on my experience/curiosity as to why so many good girls I know end up with toxic men like this?

[Anonymous]

Most men have experienced what you're experiencing in their teens. Women will swear blind that these kinds of women are in the minority but you see it happen over and over and over and over and over and over again with different girls all the time.

Women are just strange creatures. They don't know themselves, or why they do what they do.

They're driven by emotions, not by logic. That's all you need to know. Logically they should want the nice guy, and many times they try to like the nice guy. But they don't have strong feelings for him. They have stronger feelings for these other guys, who logically they should just leave. But they can't seem to bring themselves to do that because somehow he creates more emotion in her than the perfect nice guy does. In fact they find the perfect guy boring for that reason. The worst thing you can do when it comes to attraction is bore the girl.

All women love drama. All of them. Every single one. The ones who make an effort to tell you how much they hate drama are the ones who love it the most. If you're a perfect nice guy, everything you do is nice, you don't create any drama at all, you're "safe" but boring to them. Older women want "safe" and soft, younger women think they want safe and soft, but they actually want a roller-coaster ride.

You are a nice guy, even if you reject the label. You might be confident and funny, able to stand up for yourself when it counts, but you're still very "nice". Women read you that way whether you like it or not. The only way you're ever going to break out of this is by becoming a little more like those other guys.

I don't mean be a complete dick, but stop being so nice. In today's world if you want to succeed at all you have to be a least a little bit of a player, otherwise you're completely screwed until you're in your mid-30s and the sluts are ready to settle down after riding the cock carousel.

You're too risk-averse, I can tell. Two women asked you out, and you asked one friend out. That's three women, and you asked only one of them out. That's a warm up for me at the beginning of night out. That's nothing. Take more risks. Say offensive shit. Hit on more women. Make moves. Be unapologetic.

[Blerdsmith19]

I have asked out more than one woman before I asked out this woman in particular. Hell, I even asked out my friends I mention later in the rant, only to be rejected in favor of those toxic dudes. The thing is, aside from my friends, the women I previously asked out haven't moved on to toxic relationships as far as I know aside from a few rumors. So, including them here would take away from the "main theme" of this rant. I may be familiar with taking risks like asking out women and facing the possibility of rejection, but I do agree with you in that I need to stop being nice.

Call it being hardwired in me, I guess. I never grew up with a father-figure, so I was never taught how to act around a woman from a man's perspective but rather a woman's. And women lie about what they want, so it's now obvious that my mother was raising me based on the IDEA of what a woman should want rather than what a woman really wants.

The thing is, I've always end up saying something offensive, intentional or not. And I don't see myself being apologetic about it. But, like you said, I am a "nice" guy despite what I may say and do at times. I just need to figure out how to not be nice without becoming a dick like one of those toxic guys.

[Blerdsmith19]

This was definitely a hard pill to swallow, everything you said. ^

[Opinion Owner]

It get it, I used to be like yourself. Once I made changes to my mindset and behaviour getting laid and getting gfs became easy. I became one of those other guys.

The big mistake you're still making is listening to women at all. Your problem comes from listening to a woman/women. Stop. Ignore them. They really are completely clueless, even when they're being honest.

Like I said before, women make decisions emotionally. They don't know why they do it - any explanation they give you is based on logical thinking. If their decisions are emotional, and their explanation is logical, there's a disconnect and their explanation is wrong. I could tear apart their claims that abusers keep women by being nice, but that would take too long. If it was the niceness you'd have no problems would you?

In truth, women find those "toxic" behaviours attractive regardless of what they say. They find "toxic masculinity" attractive. I've known some absolute scumbags - drug dealers, loan sharks, gangsters. Nasty, violent motherfuckers. Many of them have done time in prison. Not one of them is ever at a loss for female attention. They're not just "damaged" women either, one of them in particular I know was banging doctors, lawyers, educated good looking women. Plenty of good, well-behaved, law-abiding guy struggle. There's a dark side to female nature we're not supposed to know about, in almost all women, and dangerous men appeal to that side.

That's what they respond to on an emotional level. What they really want is a dangerous man who treats them right if that makes sense. You come across as harmless even if you're funny and whatnot. Too straight-laced. Still too polite. It's a side effect of your conditioning. You have to find a way to seem less soft, less perfect. Don't worry too much about not being a dick when your problem is that you're too nice, you'll never go too far that way anyway. If you try to be a dick you'll land somewhere in the middle rather than at either extreme.

[winterfox10]

The smoothest ladies' man I've ever met was also one of the most toxic people I've ever met. This guy's big thing was that he knew how to get people invested in his little cause. He understood how to make people, women especially, feel like they had some part to play in the great things he was working towards. Now, because this person was thoroughly unimpressive; the great things never came and he always had a great excuse for why. But he always managed to convince women that they could play a part in some big adventure. I think the women liked idea that he aspiring to be something that was always just barely out of his grasp and maybe, just maybe she could be the influence he needed to achieve greatness.

It was really quite depressing the longer you knew him, because it became apparent with time that he was such a joke. He could sell the hell out of himself to women though.

[Paolaa988]

Im very sorry and devasted for all the awful experiences and bad relationships you've had. I've went through similar. Well i feel like it has to do with them settling for less or maybe their with the guy because of one or two very few good things and blindsided by what is love and simply in the relationship out of convenience not love! I've settled for less before and i feel horrible that i did but it was because I faced a lot of bullying and heartbreak thinking I wasn't cute or smart enough for a good guy so I really stopped caring for awhile which was bad and I ended up with toxic men and i didn't realize it till a year later. For some women it is because they dont care or have any compassion when their breaking a good guys heart and some its because they believe their not worthy of a good guy and other girls just wanna mess around. I really stopped trying to figure out a long time ago as into more detail why people do the things they do that emotionally and mentally hurts a person but i can just say their rude, cruel people. Its sad more and more relationships and people are like this in this generation, i take it as a challenge when I feel depressed and remember my worth and what I deserve. There is that special person for you hun and other sweet guys like you, you just have to be patient and dont let them break you.

[Anonymous]

The reasons are very complicated usually. It might not even have anything to do with you. Some people just subconsciously fall into certain relationship patterns over and over again. The most likely reason for this has to do with their relationships with their parents growing up. Or it might have to do with their parents' relationship to each other.

For example, if a girl grows up seeing her father being controlling/abusive to her mother. She might subconscious have a very strong desire to rescue/change the situation but be unable to do so, for years and years of her childhood. Once she grows up and has the ability to control her own relationship, she might subconsciously look for a controlling/abusive boyfriend so she can finally accomplish the "rescue" that she couldn't accomplish for her mom when she was a child. She herself probably isn't aware that she's doing this.

Above is just one example. There are numerous reasons for these things. It's impossible to tell what the reason is unless you know the parties involved very well.

[GeekyChick]

The question puts a bad connotation on the victims rather the abusers. Men who are like that are very skilled in keeping their women. They know what to do after a fight what to say. They are advanced in manipulation and some people won’t see it when it happens to them it’s like “he really loves me he’s always crying and begging me not to leave after he cheats“ change your pattern of thinking now how fair is ot to someone being abused to blame them fir the abuse. That sounds abusing to me. What I think you should do is take some time to look into yourself and really think about what it is these women said you lacked on. Is it your point of view on things? that can really be a turn off for women and many dont object in order protect the egos of the men they care about.

[Blerdsmith19]

It was never my intention to put a bad connotation on the victims, nor blame them for the abuse they get. The intent of having this rant is solely based on my curiosity as to why most girls end up with guys like them. Admittedly, I do need to change my way of thinking considering that manipulation is involved. I was just genuinely curious as to why so many of the nice girls that I know get caught into situations like this, not that I'm blaming them for it may I add.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Because they are toxic themselves in most cases if the dude is good enough to hide his bad side long enough to avoid detection.

People usually attract people most likely to themselves. It's like big magnets.

[Ultimate_Gohan]

Bruh women don't know what they want until they're out of options. That is all u need to know

[MountAverage]

By "most women" I assume you mean most women YOU met?

[killerboots]

Because those women are toxic themselves.

[KrakenAttackin]

Short answer:. Women love drama.