Why do married men seek single mothers?

[Anonymous]

a few of my friends and I are single mothers (for many different reasons, either recently single, divorced, never married and been single for years). It seems we have more married men ask us out and give us the impression or tell us they are single/divorced. But about 3dates in or when we are weeks into the start of something. They drop the M bomb on us or their friends drop it M bomb, when we meet their friends for the first time.

Why are the married men seeking single mothers? Why are the single men (fathers or not) not interested in asking us out?

Updates

+1 y

Single men go for the single free to date whom ever anytime anywhere attitude cause its the fun of the hunt. That single mothers must be a drag to have all that dependability, responsibility, no time for drama or games and know more about passion and the need for alone time. ... hmmm just thinking out loud... :-)

[rachiee]

I think its because they're use to being with a women who's more serious about things. Yea they can go out with the girl who isn't married, never has been, and has no kids but those girls are looking for fun and the perfect guy, which isn't a married one to them. They see single mothers as another version of their wives in a way because of the commitment/seriousness in their life. Honestly I see a lot of guys go for other married women as well. They could also go for single mothers because they think that they're easier to catch and lie to/will be okay with their situation because a lot of guys tend to look at their situation and walk away from it rather than try. I hope that you and your girlfriends tell these guys no, which I'm sure you guys are doing, because its definitely not a good idea to jump into unless you're just looking for something non serious which I doubt because 99% of the time a guy will not leave his wife.

[Asker]

I see the another version of wife as a reason... and I also see the ability that it could be easier to manipulate a single mother if she has low confidence, to get her to be accepting of their situation. We aren't looking for the fun package...and we aren't looking for marriage. We are just wanting a healthy relationship...I think men have lost what that means.

[rachiee]

I agree but that's also because a lot more women are willing to drop the demand for a healthy relationship just to please a guy which is sad. I'm sure you guys will find someone worth it who wants a healthy relationship as well.

[Asker]

Yep some of us single mothers have been in Domestic Violence relationships or just horrible marriages where the men didn't want us to finish college or have jobs. SO yes we are not about to drop what we have been working for the last few years just to please the first man that says "I like you" its going to take a bit more than that and a balance between both life's.

[dx021]

well for married men they just assume she'll be easy, no matter how much she proclaims she isn't.

and as far as single guys, ESPECIALLY those w/o kids... why in the world would I want to get into anything serious with a girl who's raising another man's child? there are plenty of cute girls out there w/o that kind of baggage

[Asker]

I get where you are coming from on the perception of both. Here's the thing tho, I was once that single no baggage woman when my ex'fiance wanted to start trying for kids. And after I had my one and only child I found out he slept with my bbf and knocked her up too. I left him, because I can do better with my life. So just a question, everyone has 'baggage' as they grow up and experience life, is it how we deal with baggage that makes us losers or winners?

[dx021]

absolutely, I think how we deal with it shows a lot about us

however, with many people, I feel like given our values, life goals and the futures we are working towards... certain types of baggage in others (no matter how unfairly they may have gotten it) is just incompatible.

for instance, how you ended up a single mother says Nothing negative about you at all!, but I don't couldn't be in a LTR or take anything seriously if the woman is raising/pregnant with another man's child

[Asker]

So as a single man out of a sea of millions that's your stance. OK

The question I want to know is why are Married men going after single mothers? Step into my shoes for a bit. You're a single mom college, work, raising a child, no real time to play games not seeking a relationship. Just living life and securing a future. A man approaches you for a date,he lies, sugar coats aspects of his life. Than when you start let down your guard and like him_boom_ he's married. What would you think?

[dx021]

hmm... okay, I understand the dilemma.

I would have to say he is looking at things entirely from his POV and what he wants, with no regard for you, to be honest. in his mind, he wants to have fun, and you're an easy target in his eyes... emotionally if not morally, ya know?

yea, it sounds pretty sociopathic, but people don't surprise me much. if I was you I would take the time to really feel out someones situation and understand why he's into you.

[Asker]

Oh I didn't continue dating, because I am very truthful about it being a moral issue. I don't want to be the other woman, no matter what a man says about their status. As for my friends who are dealing w/the same issue, I just think it shows that men can be cowards, cruel and that many think women are objects to bend at their will. Its disappointing when men say they seek confident, independent & financially secure women but in actuality they want one willing to compromise herself for them.

[dx021]

everyone's looking out for their own. such is life

[Asker]

haha isn't that the truth... well I know my potential! Losers only see the superficial model cover of the ideals, they will never know what last the longest (which is the beauty on the inside).

[Shaun]

I've not heard of this. But I would guess that a single mom would be busy most of the time and not a pest.

[Asker]

I have to agree with being busy with life's responsibilities that we don't have a lot of time to chase other men or ask questions right off the bat. But to have a wife and possibly kids at home and date single mother is kinda a low blow to all they hurt...

[Shaun]

I'm not condoning their behavior, I'm just thinking out loud.

[Shaun]

Nah, I'm a single man who doesn't want to date another single mother, I married one and it wasn't worth the trouble. At this stage in my life I would like a partner and to travel and explore together, not raise a family.

[Asker]

true some men and women don't want children, that's perfectly with in their rights. I would rather have a man that loves my son just as much as I do, but I personally don't want more children. I want to start traveling, and doing things I wasn't able to when I was toting a diaper-bag. I get it, but why should a single mother be left behind in the same endeavors because she is labeled a single mom? That the only ones good enough to ask her out are married men? My school/work make it hard too

[Shaun]

I guess you're going to have to actually go out and find the men you want instead of waiting for them to come to you. : P

[Shaun]

And you'll never find anybody who loves your son as much as you do. You're his mother.

[Asker]

actually...my stepfather has proven that theory wrong...anyone is capable of loving a child as much as their own if they so choose to open their heart unconditionally. As for looking for a man I have been, but I'm not one that likes to hunt...cause they normally get crushed when I get a closer look, don't like what I see and run faster than the wind...LOL

[Shaun]

You seem nice, I'm sure it'll work out for you soon.

[Asker]

Thank you...that's what everyone says and after they see me followed by "WHY are you Single Still"... So the Soon comment, can I take that to the bank? lol

[Shaun]

In this economy, maybe you better stuff it under your mattress.

[Asker]

awesome... LOL I needed that laugh...

[Anonymous]

never heard of this.