Low self worth, being known as the slow girl?

[Anonymous]

My whole life I’ve been considered slow. I was always called slow by my peers and other people (my mom) but I was never put in a special ed class.

I made average grades and I’m bad at math..

I just feel horrible and I don’t know what to do.

I am in college but I can’t help but feel insecure and depressed.
Words hurt and they stick with you forever.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you all ❤️

[ChrisMaster69]

I had a fairly shit childhood, spent loads of time in counselling.

my grades at school were a roller coaster.

I went through a shit load of self harm of various types.

in the end I sat myself down and had a long talk about acceptance, how I could not change the past, nor really do much with the present, but I could influence the future.

There is zero wrong with being slow, one of my team at work is slow, but I trust him more with important things than a lot of the others.

for some of us it takes a bit longer to absorb things, it’s just how it is.

the first thing to target is your low self esteem, yes words hurt but trust me physical shit is worse than words. Draw a line in the sand and simply cut off that old you, the new you does not give a shit what people in your past said, fuck them.

Start simply getting out and chatting to people working in shops to give yourself a level of self confidence, try joining a club that plays to your strengths.

if you have latitude and not extra work, take an extra maths class at local adult learning or similar, just revisit the basics.

I pretty much resat all my subjects when I was 22, then progressed from there.

But please but that old you in the past and decide what the new you needs to achieve, look at creating 5 year plans, where you want or need to be in 5 years, do this throughout your life.

good luck

[Asker]

Aw man, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this. This made me feel more hopeful honestly.

It’s hard joining groups because of my anxiety. I don’t want people to call me slow now..

My anxiety only makes me appear so much more slower. I get flashbacks from my past and I just melt. I remember the times teachers humiliated me in front of the whole class and the rejection that followed me all my life.

I got into an argument with my cousin and she said that “nobody wants to hang with you because you’re slow”

That hurt. I’ve always struggled with suicidal thoughts... I don't know how much more I can take.

And I’m unattractive 😣

[ChrisMaster69]

People are shit and callous to each other, it totally sucks, however you really need to think about creating a harder exterior, yes you will feel shit inside for a while.

You will not be unattractive, your whole feedback loop reinforces the bad shit and beats down the good.

Have you ever had counselling?

If not I really really advise having a chat with a decent counsellor and a counselling centre for Young Adults.

Just talking about this stuff is the path to sorting your shit out and beating the fuckers, then telling. The world to go fuck it’s self as you are on a mission to improve and be a positive person in this world of toxicity.

[Asker]

I’m so sorry for the late response! I was not able to reply in time.

I do agree with you. People are shit and they intentionally do and say things out of spite.

I have gone to counseling for depression, severe anxiety and mommy issues lol. I never opened up about my insecurity of possibly being incompetent. I feel like I can sometimes feel some therapist subtle judgment. I probably should give it another try.

It’s the loneliness that makes healing harder. I can accept myself and be confident in my other abilities but I’m constantly reminded that I’m different. I look different, act different... never having friends, a boyfriend.. it’s so sad and pathetic. I can’t live a normal life. I’m a nobody and I’m treated as such.

I’m strong about it sometimes because I understand that humans are shallow but being lonely is painful. The sense of belonging is even a basic need to survive. :(

[Asker]

I guess it really is about mental strength... but it is incredibly hard.

[ChrisMaster69]

@ pretty pink Anon.

Please don’t think yourself down, you are still a person, even Anon it takes strength of character to admit certain things to yourself.
Knowing what things are really fucking you over, can help you look at improving them, even just little small movements here and there can help.

You are never a nobody, you are always a person and as such to be treat as such.

It’s really easy to listen to the bollox toxic people come out with, but basically say fuck them, find out who the real you is, then develop that person.

Look at what you can do to make small initial changes, look at how you can make yourself smile.

Learn to be happy, the world at times sucks big time, but just stand up to it.

This thread gives you a sense of belonging, as you now need to reply to it lol.

[ChrisMaster69]

Yes mental strength takes practice to build up, to protect ourselves from others, to put on the brave face when feel utterly shit.

But as you build it up, your confidence grows with it,

It becomes your first level of defence, your protection your stepping stone to help boost your confidence

[Asker]

I really appreciate you 🙏 thank you for taking the time out of your day to uplift a total stranger. Thank you for not making fun of me ❤️

[AlexanderAnttila]

I'm pathetic at maths :) Really I hated it, it was the bane of my school days. Problem was I had potential to be good, but my best friend who also happened to be a genius (genuine identified genius) was given all the attention at math because the teacher was proud to have him. Thus those less gifted in the subject dragged behind to no fault of our own. I can imagine you've just not been taught properly, because everyone can reach a good standard if properly instructed. But I wasn't properly instructed. I was lazily and half heartedly instructed. Thing is, the very same deal always went on in English and History where I am particularly gifted; my teacher nurtured my abilities especially to make sure I reached my potential and others less apt in language and the studies of past events were left behind.

The point of this long winded account is that you aren't slow, or stupid or whatever you've allowed yourself to think. You were indoctrinated as slow, and that has far more power than people think on performance for many students, you say it yourself words stick with you. Before I graduated High School I was tutored privately by a friend of my mother's, an ex math teacher who was kind, gentle and patient with my bad experience in math. An lo and behold my staggering self raised a crumbling E to a C in math. You need to start adopting the Obama slogan; Yes you can!

[Asker]

I’m so sorry for the late response! I was not able to reply in time.

I can TOTALLY relate to this! I went to high school with my female cousin who did not want to go to high school with her lol. She was incredibly good at math and she was honestly a genius too. She’s in school to be a pilot. She did flight training in high school. My math teacher adored her. All the teachers loved how smart she was and I was in her shadow. I was the sweet , quiet and dumb one. I cheated off my cousins assignments and she would sometimes do it for me if I asked her. I’d buy her pizza in exchange.

You’re words were very inspirational and encouraging. I’m glad we could relate in some way! It’s hard trying to be positive but like you said I should adopt the Obama slogan.. because maybe I can still be who I wish to be if I can kick out the negative thoughts and outside opinions.

[taeh_ie2]

@alexanderanttila yess! Math is a pain in the ass😩

[nevernevernever]

It sounds like you're a normal person that was bullied. I'm sorry. A lot of colleges provide free therapy and mental health services. You could look into that if you wanted to. It might help you to get an objective professional to talk through your trauma/insecurities/depression with

[OrdinaryDaniel]

Been there, done that.

I am going to tell you what has helped me. I was in a deep hole of self-hate, but now I am a totally normal person and love myself.

Some points for you to think about:

1. You have to stop thinking about yourself so much. Accept the fact that you are not special! You are like everybody else in the world. Get over yourself.

2. If a person has low self-confidence, it’s because he has acted in the past in a way that made him feel stupid, clumsy, weird and now he believes that he must act the same way in the future. The good news is that it’s possible to train yourself to be more outgoing and confident. It’s your own choice.

3. Accept the fact that the only person holding you back is you. You might have a feeling that people hate and judge you if you speak up, but that is not true. You must take responsibility for your own thoughts, feeling, and actions. Nobody can have power over you! You own them!

4. You are actually not shy. You may have a very powerful mind that creates an image of yourself as an extremely shy person, but it’s not real. The truth is that you are your actions and when you really want to, you can act confident. This means that you must take action. Start that conversation. Say hi to that nice guy. Smile at that stranger. There is no magic pill that you can take and now BOOM you’re confident. It just comes down to your actions.

In conclusion:

If you want to become confident, you must do things that you normally wouldn’t do. You will be surprised by how outgoing you can be!
With this mindset, I went to talk to the most beautiful girls and they all loved me. I actually made them laugh! You just have to realize, that nobody else is thinking about you as you do about yourself. Relax and go talk to anybody you want to. Trust yourself. You can do it.

This has helped me on my journey. I hope this will help you as well.

Good luck.

[Ironic_Method]

I promise you it doesn't matter how good or bad or whatever you are at something, people will always find a way to hurt you. I was the "smart" kid and I got made fun of for that often, as well as my clothes and my name, etc.

In the end, as long as you're a nice person that tries, you'll find genuinely awesome people that love you for you.

... people are still going to try to bring you down, though. Ignore them.

[Asker]

I can’t agree more! People will find anything to pick on you about. If people mocked Jesus they will for sure mock me.

I feel like I’m easy prey because I’m so quiet and shy. I never got a chance to show people that I am great and I’m good at other things. Maybe I can still succeed in some way.

[Ironic_Method]

I'm sure you will. You just have to find something that resonates with you.

[Pete671]

Sorry you've had this experience, have you been screened or assessed for autism at all?,

[Asker]

My mom has me tested but the resource teacher who test students said that there was nothing wrong. I just needed a little extra help in math.

My first grade teacher said that I wasn’t really focused and I didn’t pay attention.

[Asker]

*had

[Pete671]

Resource teachers are not qualified to assess, perhaps there is some ADHD thing going on?,,,

[Asker]

Well then I wasn’t properly assessed. I’m too afraid to find out if I have a learning disability now as an adult. I would quit school if I found out I have special needs.