Today she finally dropped the L bomb. We're not dating nor have we ever been in a relationship but off and on as friends for 10 years. Meaning?

[Anonymous]

[Siren777]

I tell my friends I love them all the time without it being awkward and they tell me they love me too. I don't see the issue? She may have loved you for 10 years... 10 Years... wow that's a long time to wait for someone. You need to explain to her your expectations about your friendship or if it made you feel awkward. She needs to know, as this will continue for another wasted 10 years.

[Asker]

I've known her that long but only been hanging out with her about 2 or 3 of those years

[Mofunfour20]

You make her feel validated as a woman. When women use the term Love its a shit test to see where she stands with you. Its best to ask her about what love means to her because everyone has a slightly different definition. "Love" doesn't mean anything if her actions dont show it. Usually the actions dont because most women dont know what it means just that its good and they recklessly use it to manipulate, especially when they dont say what love means

[Asker]

So howshould I bring this up to her without being weird and potentially upsetting her and making it worse

[Mofunfour20]

Tell her what your conditions are for you to protect and provide. If she gets upset then she was being vague and most likely fishing for a reaction of approval

[Asker]

I'm confused by protecting and provide. How do I do this

[Mofunfour20]

Thats what men biologically do. We protect the defenseless and provide for those that support us. You should grow as a person and find your purpose if you want to have the upper hand in relationships. Anyone can get sex but can she keep you around afterwards by adding value to your purpose.

[Asker]

So this Monday when we go to the beach how should I handle her company andoving foreward with her

[Mofunfour20]

Ask her what she expects from a relationship then tell her what you expect. If she doesn't fall along the lines of your expectations, why waste your time. Women can sense when you're afraid to loose them, be confident that you can get a prettier girl if she isn't the one. She needs to prove herself to you and thats how i would structure my questions.

[jaybee281]

Meaning you should have ran away from the 2nd time it happened tops - 10 years what the hell man - You wasted all that time on some chick who clearly ain't all that you're just delusional about it

[warrenstone]

Wasted time? Lmao what the fuck are you talking about. He clearly said they were just friends during that 10 years

[Asker]

Yes just friends. At the beginning of that 10 years we worked together qnd hangout for 2 but she never showed interest. We recent connected after all these years. She told me she loves me and appreciates me, told me I'm a great person and she would stay for me and not move. She's asked if I want children, she's asked about if im single and my experiences and has hinted she wants to live in same type of setting I have. How do I bring it up to her. Is she waiting for me to ask her officially. Or should I wait it out and hopefully she dont leave or comes back at least soon and keep in contact. she's already invited me to her families place in another state oncomllete opposite side of u. s. a. please give me your honest opinion and what I should do. Thanks

[Alyssa11]

10 years. My girl wasted 10 years on a guy who doesn’t know if he loves her or not!!! Oh man.

[Floppy2112]

Now it’s on you. They do that shit, they do it all the time.

[Alyssa11]

Could never be me lol I’m too inpatient

[Floppy2112]

You have decisions to make. Make them judiciously but quickly. Don't lead her on. Be with her or don't. You don't want the hell that comes next if you just blow it off.

[Asker]

So what should I do. she's planning on leaving soon to stay with her family in the south on the 29th and I live in Washington state. She commented she wants to make me breakfast but I don't know if that going to happen. What should I tell her, I really don't want her to leave. Ofcourse we'll stay in contact. Should I let her initiate a relationship or how should I find out or what not if she wants one.

[Asker]

Yes just friends. At the beginning of that 10 years we worked together qnd hangout for 2 but she never showed interest. We recently connected after all these years. She told me she loves me and appreciates me, did she mean that as a friend or what. Probably was scared to tell me cause she knows I have interest but probably was unsure howd i react. told me I'm a great person and she would stay for me and not move. I also said i can not ask her to stay cause that would be selfish. Said she mainly doing this to see her family and work on herself a bit and get established better.. She's asked if I want children, she's asked about if im single and my experiences and has hinted she wants to live in same type of setting I have. How do I bring it up to her. Is she waiting for me to ask her officially. Or should I wait it out and hopefully she dont leave or comes back at least soon and keep in contact. she's already invited me to her families place in another state on complete opposite side of u. s. a. please give me your honest opinion and what I should do. Thanks

[Floppy2112]

Do you love this girl or not? You’re at a crossroads. Either make this official or set her free. You didn’t ask for this but you got it. Your timeline is accelerated. If you love her commit. If you don’t then it’s time to tell her you don’t feel the same. Just don’t lead her on. She already brought it up, she’s clearly open to it. Make a move, or lose her.
I know it’s not that easy, but these things never are. If you love her, take charge and she will be yours.

[Asker]

Yea i do. Your really that confident ahe is ready to have a relationship together

[Floppy2112]

She said it first. As sure as I can be from here, go for it man. Or you will regret it for the rest of your life.

[Asker]

Okay I will. Confidence is pretty good. Going to see how our beach trip goes and if she's still the same after her telling me that she loves me

[Floppy2112]

She's likely to be a little more reserved or shy until you reciprocate some feelings towards her. Like, maybe bring up what she said and tell her how it made you feel. Have that deep conversation and build the tension. And if you honestly feel the same way, tell her, in the context of the deep connection. Don't pretend it didn't happen. She said it, you didn't and she may be a bit guarded because you didn't repeat it back. Maybe this is your one. If so, don't let the opportunity pass you by. Regret is far worse than rejection.

[GirlyGal20]

what do you mean.. we can develop feelings for someone even as friends

[Asker]

Yes true. But she has never said that in 10 years I've known her and other things like if I want kids. She's moving i. 2 weeks said she'd stay for me and that I'm making it hard for her to leave and stuff like that

[GirlyGal20]

well she might have been holding it in. Not easy telling a friend you love them

[Asker]

True. But now she's moving away across the USA to families place and still is gonna keep in touch but why am I making hard for her to leave. What is the best thing to do. We both admitted our love for another

[GirlyGal20]

"making it hard for her to leave" = attached to you/wants to stay for you
You could try long distance? or move for a bit near her?

[Asker]

Well just bought a house here 6 months before we reconnected. she's probably will leave but will see what happens. What should I do from here. Just conflicted.

[GirlyGal20]

long distance? keep in contact with her at least.

[Asker]

Okay. Contact easy but limits us. She already invited me to come see her and vice versa

[GirlyGal20]

good, that way you can see if you like being romantically involved with her

[Asker]

Yeah we haven't explored that. She's still in town but sad to see her go. Makes me wonder if she's rethinking moving already

[Asker]

Just bought a house where I'm at so thats not going to work. Probably long distance. Do you think she may miss me from what it sounds and come back?

[Asker]

Yeah I think she was scared and didn't want to tell me. Do you think she meant it like love as in relationship or friendship

[Asker]

Yes we both said I love you and when I told her I did. She sent ☺☺

[Asker]

Yeah we're going to the beach Monday but she requested separate beds. Do you think she was just playing it safe. Do you think she may end up deciding otherwise and how should I go about that.

[GirlyGal20]

Yeah she has feelings for you for sure. she may move back to be with you

[GirlyGal20]

she may change her mind, just let her lead. You can flirt though ;)

[Asker]

So just play it cool. If she does end up going should I lay back on contacting her to make her miss me or what? So just let her feel comfortable and let her decide when and if she wants to get closer. You think there's a good possibility in all this. You also think from all she's said she's looking for more. How likely? Just trying to figure this out cause I'm really wanting it to work. I've had a crush on her for last 10 years. And as of recently discovered just how much I care for her. Why do you think she finally said I love you.

[GirlyGal20]

not a mind reader.. but i'd contact her but not so much that you'd think it's needy if a girl did that to you

[Asker]

Well intexted her last 3 days in the morning. Should I text her today or wait it out till Monday. Also she was open last time and said she was having discomfort on her period so I got her what she needed, fed her and made sure she was feeling better. Was that a good thing she opened up about that?

[GirlyGal20]

I think so, she feels comfortable around you to share that

[Asker]

Is this something girls just do with people their comfortable with or is that an indication she views me differently

[Asker]

Read some of the other messages. You'll see why I'm not sure why she's leaving exactly. And she even commented that she wish she would have reconnected with me sooner. I'm really torn up about her leaving. Should I tell her, I believe she understands I want more than friends

[Asker]

What you think?

[GirlyGal20]

I would tell her, you never know until you try!

[Asker]

How should I ask her do she dont get weird or upset

[GirlyGal20]

I can't predict her reaction, but maybe just tell her calmly.

[Asker]

Okay

[snackthatsmilesback]

Is it really "the L bomb" if it's platonic love? People generally don't freak out much about the landmarks of developing deep friendships.

[Anonymous]

It's completely okay to say "I love you" to a friend. It doesn't mean anything.

[Anonymous]

Damn after 10 years the man does not like the sound of love ouch.

[Asker]

Well we haven't seen another for like 8 years. Worked with her for 2 years didn't work out. Then went our separate ways and recently reconnected

[Anonymous]

Make love to her bro

[Asker]

Were going to beach Monday she requested separate beds why? Kinda does make sense? Yes just friends. At the beginning of that 10 years we worked together qnd hangout for 2 but she never showed interest. We recently connected after all these years. She told me she loves me and appreciates me, did she mean that as a friend or what. Probably was scared to tell me cause she knows I have interest but probably was unsure howd i react. told me I'm a great person and she would stay for me and not move. I also said i can not ask her to stay cause that would be selfish. Said she mainly doing this to see her family and work on herself a bit and get established better.. She's asked if I want children, she's asked about if im single and my experiences and has hinted she wants to live in same type of setting I have. How do I bring it up to her. Is she waiting for me to ask her officially. Or should I wait it out and hopefully she dont leave or comes back at least soon and keep in contact. she's already invited me to her families place in another state on complete opposite side of u. s. a. please give me your honest opinion and what I should do. Thanks

[Asker]

So what should I do. she's planning on leaving soon to stay with her family in the south on the 29th and I live in Washington state. She commented she wants to make me breakfast but I don't know if that going to happen. What should I tell her, I really don't want her to leave. Ofcourse we'll stay in… [+]