10 months no contact and she reaches out to me, now what?

[Anonymous]

Long story short. I had a crush on this girl we had an emotional connection and things became to complicated between us. She had a boyfriend and I'm a nice guy. I didn't want to be the other guy. We'd talk when we had to sometimes our jobs lined up where we may run into each other BUT very RARELY.

Anyway I defriended her on Facebook 10 months ago and had absolutely zero contact. I honestly thought she forgot about me.but anyway I defreinded her because I just needed to be away from her, didn't want to see her having fun with her boyfriend. it hurt. Now she contacts me on Facebook after al this time. At first friending me and after I accepted it, she asked "how are you" I gave a her brief response because I didn't want my laundry out for the FB community wall to see but we spoke through IM's. any way she asked the usual stuff and after a few correspondences she re gave me her number :) - the smile face was in her response and her number to me was unsolicited. Its been a week and still don't know if I should travel down this rabbit hole. I think she still likes me but she wants her cake and eat it to. she won't leave her boyfriend. I need opinions from both sexes. Forget her, leave it alone... Truth is I still have feeling for her.

[Boogaloo]

i think it's quite simple. if she's just contacting you out of nostalgia or curiousity i.e. she has no intention of leaving her boyfriend - then leave it alone. when feelings have existed and can no longer exist they are better left alone.

Only keep it up if it is CLEAR she is now single or is very unhappy with her boyfriend and seeks an out.

You need to find this out - and you have every right to ask.

Be adult and straight up about it. Don't play her game.

[Asker]

u made some real valid points. I feel like she did it to put some feelers out there. they;ve been together for a long time and I wasn't gonna be "that guy" although it sounds like that's what she wants. I just can't figure out her motivation. 10 month out of the blue... seems fishy but maybe I', looking into it to much. although I know I've rarely tracked down relationships and friended them.

[Anonymous]

well I guess the question is, does she know you have feelings for her? you've already made the painful decision to move on and she needs to respect that. if she's still hooked up with her boyfriend then she's made her decision too. I wunder how her boyfriend feels about her wanting you to phone her? not cool man

[Asker]

thats my dilemma. She knows I cut her off after 10 months and then reconnecting. she wouldn't want the drama if she didn't feed off of it. Now that I think about it maybe she did it to get her boyfriend closer and i;m just a pawn- Unintentionally of course. Just not sure when or if I should contact her or just leave it on Facebook.

[AdsToll]

If she knows how you feel and why you stopped contact and she won't leave her boyfriend then I would say NO. You will most likely open yourself up to more hurt.

[Asker]

You're totally right, as much as I've changed and moved on . seeing her.. I think opens up a few old wounds and maybe that was her intention. she wants "attention" whether it positive or negative. I've done nothing and over a week and think I may reserve my right not to keep it up unless she makes contact. Easier said then done I guess.

[ImALuvrNotAFighter]

If she's still with her boyfriend, she's not available. I personally wouldn't date a woman who was willing to cheat on her boyfriend like that.

[Asker]

I agree ith you 100% why contact me.. why open up an old wound unless she's not fulfilled by her boyfriend. she needs to grow up maje some hard decisons and leave her boyfriend, maybe not for me for her self. we can go out after this next guy you date and he can be the rebound. Like I commented earlier I think imay step back and just wait it out like a storm. She reached out to me so I take that as point in my book. She wants to further the relationship it has to be on her. So confusing... Ugh!