Why would a sane man want a submissive girl? Is it not controlling behaviour to want your woman to obey you? How do you define submissiveness?

[hi_it_is_me123]

I mean this is like to me consensual slavery. Maybe i dont understand the definition of a submissive woman? If you want a submissive woman, what you mean by that? If you mean traditional, traditional women dont have to be submissive at all. My mum is a housewife but she ain't a slave to my dad. I dont understand why a man in 2021 want a submissive woman. How is a man who wants you to obey him ain't controlling?
Definition of controlling behaviour according to google source: "Controlling behaviour is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour"
So wanting submissive housewife is just controlling behaviour then. How can this toxic behaviour a dating preference then? I dont want to be rude at all. I just dont understand what guys mean when they want a submissive traditional women since traditional women were beaten up and it was a common thing to hit your wife if she ain't obey you. Do you want to hit your woman since you want to be traditional or what exactly means traditional to you?

Updates

+1 y

I really try not judge anyone for wanting a submissive/dominant person. It is your body and decision. Do wtf you want. It just sounds so weird to me.

[Not_Average]

Slavery? Sounds a bit, melodramatic lol. Submission is something that women naturally want to give within a relationship as it’s in their biological makeup. I think it’s such a bad word in society because we imagine a bunch of abusive men barking orders at women all day.

My girl is submissive to me in the sense that she yields to me. I always put her needs before my own, and I always consider her in every major decision. Even when she’s not acting right, I still put her needs ahead of my own. A good leader doesn’t just bark orders at everyone. I fully understand my girl is much better at particular things than I am. For that reason, I let her know to do those things. I’m never authoritative. She naturally wants to submit to me. It’s offered voluntarily and willingly, never forceful. I love my girl so much. I could never hurt her.

The biology we possess makes this difference. For example, men have a different endocrine system and produce 7x more testosterone than women which impacts a huge part of our personality. Women bear children produce much more estradiol which gives them their more submissive nature.

Men and women are substantially different biologically, and men and women complement each other in a beautiful way if you learn to recognize how well the dynamic works together.

I had the same thoughts when I was your age, but you’ll eventually realize that these thoughts you have about men are toxic and you won’t partake in a healthy relationship. This is what modern culture tells us, and this is why divorce is so high.

[hi_it_is_me123]

I said consensual slavery which is ok but weird

[Not_Average]

Slavery? Lol

[hi_it_is_me123]

But it is consensual. So who cares lol nobody force them.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Lol.

[hi_it_is_me123]

I use the word slavery to exagerate a liitle bit to make a point lol.

[hi_it_is_me123]

By the your definition of submissiveness sounds healthy

[hi_it_is_me123]

If that is what you mean with submissiveness then it is ok

[hi_it_is_me123]

I mean for it is ok aka normal.

[hi_it_is_me123]

I really thought submissive means to obey and do every order a guy says even it it toxic and unhealthy

[Not_Average]

That’s fair lol. That was a quick blast of 7 notifications 😂

[ChrisMaster69]

Picking up from what @hugothe2nd said below, which covers pretty much all of it.

an example from my life with a submissive girlfriend.

she was very confident, independent person, a senior manager on major multinational, she is pretty much an Exec now i Australia with same organisation. Oh and she was a WUMA Instructor and fought in competitions.

She was however my collard submissive.

She gave me the honour of asking to be collard, she agreed I was suitable to be her Dom.

the entire thing about Dominant and submissive, is not bedroom bollox (that’s porn and movies), it’s about lifestyle, it’s a very emotional connection.

the entire thing is down to trust and respect.

a Dom likely has far more respect and emotional connection with their sub, than a normal vanilla couple will. They are trusting you with their physical and emotional welfare and safety.

it’s not all about spanking and bondage, it’s deeper than that, it is to satisfy the need of the submissive, not the Dom. That is a very important dynamic, this is all about the sub and their needs.

It’s wrong to have someone as use them for your own needs.

My submissive girlfriend took out a 6ft guy causing trouble in seconds.

being submissive is a very much wrongly used word at times.

Unfortunate a lot of guys watch porn and just think it’s someone to use how they want.

[ilikefrogsalot]

I'm a submissive woman, but I don't understand why I like being submissive. I don't know, I just like serving and obeying a man. I'll cook and clean for him, and he'll make sure we're financially stable. I'm really attracted to the lifestyle of spoiling a man with food and affection/intimacy after he gets home from work.

[Anonymous]

Just his preference I don't know about u but i want an alpha dominant man who would choke me, fuck me hard and call me his little slut. It turns me on😂🤷‍♀️ Everyone is different.

[ChrisMaster69]

@ pretty pink Anon.

So you come here often, free at the weekend 🌹

Lol sorry too tempting.

You are 100% correct.
Me I would have you in kitten ears n a collar

[HugoThe2nd]

Dominance isn't about wanting to control or take advantage of someone, it's more about the sense of trust your partner puts in you by allowing you to do that.

Submissive people aren't genuinely subservient in any way- nothing happens without their consent.
They are granting a privilege to their dominant partner, they trust that their partner has their best interest in mind- that is why they feel comfortable giving up control.

For some, giving up control can even feel psychologically beneficial, because it lifts the burden of responsibility for one's own choices.

Of course, that is what dominance and submission SHOULD be about, if the aspects of consent and trust are absent, then of course that is simply just abuse.

[hi_it_is_me123]

This sounds healthy to me.

[HugoThe2nd]

Of course, a power dynamic should always feel healthy.
A "dominant" man should not want to take the freedom of choice away from their partner, they simply enjoy carrying the burden of responsibility because it is a compliment for them to do so (as both a testament of trust and their capability from their partner).

And, of course, the submissive partner always exercises their own freedom of choice by granting that to their partner, and they should always feel like they have the freedom to also take that away any time they want.

[Aassem]

Well submissive doesn't necessarily mean BDSM, I mean a guy doesn't have to be sadistic to want a submissive woman, I believe it could only simply mean that he would want her to just lie there in bed and he would be doing all the work and dominating her sexually please her without humiliation or sadism, like just eating her while she's giving up total control to him.. A submissive girl is opposite to a dominant girl not a dominatrix. A dominant girl is one that likes to take control in sex that's all without also further humiliation to her partner or anything kinky.

On the other hand some guys do want BDSM, it's some sort of a fetish that has been promoted in movies and books making it seem cool, but I believe it's sick.

[kkirk4442]

I don't understand wanting a submissive woman. I want a woman who has her own mind, and knows what she wants, and knows what she is about, and can make her own decisions. I want an equal, intelligent, adult partner, not someone who is subordinate, like an employee or a child.

[Chiaram2003]

Submissive is to trust him and like with my boyfriend I do. I like knowing what he likes. He likes to know what I like to.
I also luv making him happy n just putting my trust in his opinions etc. it’s also super hot sometimes. And he shows me what he likes me to wear …I know he’s into my outfit. Sometimes it’s jus easier

[ceraunophile]

It's not a consensual slavery. This sounds like a master/slave bdsm relationship.

[SmolSlav]

I think there is definitely a healthy way to have those power dynamics, it all comes down to healthy communication and the dominant side (whether it is a man or a woman is irrelevant) respecting limits and boundaries set by both sides.

[SmolSlav]

Here is the full version of what I wanted to say:

Remember, you are never alone. Being a Control Freak is bad no matter how your relationship's power dynamic works. At that point, it might be an abusive relationship and you should learn to recognize signs of abuse and familiarize yourself with resources & services to report abuse and get help for abuse victims even if you are presently single so that you can stay safe and so you can help your friends.

Being Submissive doesn't mean giving up your humanity, freedom, or autonomy. Being Dominant doesn't mean you get to violate your partner's boundaries or totally control them, they are people with wants and needs.

In a healthy relationship, there is Mutual Respect, clear Communication from both sides, an understanding of limits, a separation of sexual matters and social matters and a focus on Consent (Respecting limits and consent are the most important things in a relationship and Doms don't get a free pass to ignore/violate these).

If you are dominant, that means you prefer to initiate interactions (sexual or non-sexual) and you like to make decisions. Your partner needs to be able to trust that your decisions are good decisions.

Being submissive means that you prefer someone else to initiate interactions, and you would much rather someone else make decisions. In a healthy relationship you should be able trust your partner completely and should you have an issue, you should be confident that you will be heard and not retaliated against.

[karaspara]

It's usually an agreed thing sexually between both parties not in all aspects of life

[DaveToo]

Nope. There's just too much of this submissive shit floating around.

[Anonymous]

You could use similar logic to say if a white guy wants a white girl then he must be racist. Which we know isn't sufficient evidence of racism. Yeah, he could be racist, but most likely not.

[hi_it_is_me123]

I am just asking it. Just wanna und what guys exactly mean with wanting submissive women. I just mention the definition of the controlling behaviour and dont understand much the difference between it. So that is why i ask for definition for submissiveness for invidual person since i dont think anyone seriously wanna abuse her girl

[Anonymous]

How is it toxic to want a girl who does as she is told? I'm not going to beat a girl but I would prefer a girl who always says what I want to hear and does what I want her to

[kkirk4442]

That sounds like you have a very high need to control people, or at least to control someone. That does sound toxic to me.

[Opinion Owner]

@kkirk4442 No, I just have a need for a good girlfriend. I would prefer her to do things without being told, but I like being told what I want to hear.

[hi_it_is_me123]

This is why i am asking the question. It is just weird to me but each their own

[Opinion Owner]

Fyi, I'm not a controlling person. And I can't bring myself to harm others unless selfdefense. Also I'm really frail. So I would prefer to do what I want out of her own will. Why would I want a girl who says no unless there is a really good reason

[kkirk4442]

What you are describing, is wanting control, and is controlling behavior. Each to their own, but call it what it is.

[Opinion Owner]

@kkirk4442 How is it controlling to want her to do it out of her own will

[hi_it_is_me123]

Fyi?

[hi_it_is_me123]

What does Fyi mean? Sorry for asking

[Opinion Owner]

For your information

[kkirk4442]

The very fact that you seek out someone who must meet your standards of submissiveness, reeks of needing control.

[egykimo]

Submissiveness should be only in bed (if it should exist anyway).. other than that the two persons should treat each other respectively and with honor

[Tstrbrainer]

Submission and dominance is more than that.
It's also about mutual respect

[sixtyeightplusone]

I want a submissive woman as you describe, and I will provide for her and she will obey me

[Anonymous]

This is pretty weird, yes.