Girls, I ask this as respectfully as possible. Do you change what we say or do you actually hear it the way you want to?

[Anonymous]

I'm in a relationship and when my girlfriend repeats things to her friend that I said, it's not repeated correctly. Like at all. Example, I said we need a bigger place for 2 dogs. And she told her friend I said I don't want a dog. Like did you change what I said intentionally? Or did you actually hear that from what I said?

Also, I've brought a couple things up to her and we've had conversations about it -- not something I said quick and she brushed off. And she said "You never said that." But we had 2 entire conversations about it. Did she really convince herself that we didn't talk about it or does she not remember?

[Explorer91]

No I think you don’t understand. The issue here is that your interpretation of reality and hers is not the same. So it’s causing misunderstandings.
for example, you said we need a bigger place if we were to get two dogs. So your interpretation of reality is that this place is not big enough that we currently live in for two dogs.
however, she clearly thinks that the place is big enough for two dogs. So she thinks you are just using the place as not being big enough for two dogs as an excuse or a way to reject getting another dog, so she tells her friend “he doesn’t want amother dog” because she thinks your making excuses as clearly the home is bigger enough for two dogs.

so as you can see you both don’t see reality the same way.

[Asker]

Thank you! Really. This is probably the most insightful answer I've gotten to this. Thank you for that. Can you maybe explain why she is convinced we never talked about something when we have a couple times? I asked her and she in convinced we didn't talk about it at all